We saw swans on the beacons that beckon
Each of us high as six kites
Eighteen combined
That's what I reckon
As we stared into they harsh light

Fresh off the Ferris wheel
Opposite the big top
We wobbled through the sparse crowd
Through feedback demonic
And swirling black smoke
Walked into
The kingdom o loud

As the drums fell off of Everest
And the bass came up from hell
I knew I couldn't be there
Yet to stay I was compelled

Rooted to the earth
Speared through both feet
By sonic ******* tent pegs
From which there was no relief

Almost three hours later
Battered and near haf deaf
Good lord I thought
For these *******
They need to invent
An extra clef.

Any moment now
A light will descend
Better take some with you baby
Around the bend

It comes and goes
To them that really want it
I tell myself,I'm not one of those
Only time will tell
If I'm not telling the truth
I don't know myself
Well,how about you?

When left is right
It's left to better men than me
To chase the light around the bend

All those nights I just dallied in vain
All those nights I lay twisted with shame
Time is leaking completely unchecked
Time to cut your self free from this wreck
Time to digest and quickly move on
Time takes the **** out of us all.

400 that's more than my dad did
He just did birthday cards.

My girl thought
We had an infestation
Cos she saw the odd earwig
But then she slung her hook
And I haven't seen one since.

Roald Dahl's unexpected tales
Was inhabited
Mostly by fails
115 episodes
They put up on the clock
The vast majority though
Just made you scoff
Poorly written
With lacklustre pay offs

Of course there were fine exceptions

The Irish pickpocket
Lot's wife
And the lamb of slaughter
Showed how it could be
Just what it ought to
And then there was the sharpest of all
Spark a lighter ten times
Or lose a finger
As i recall

But on the whole
The lack of quality
Made the mind boggle
I much preferred the gory
Hammer house of horrors.

The world is like
Your mother's ****
It's full of ******
Now
How's that for parlour tricks?

But all jokes aside
We live on hope
So please my friend
Don't let go of that rope
When clouds roll in
Faith get soaked
Then you desire to twist and choke
The shadows not certain
History I invoke
With your feet
You don't have to vote

I think I heard you
Bleat half a laugh
Between the sobs
And that's enough
At least today
It is a start
Tomorrow
Begins
With
Trembling
Heart

But we've been here before
And I hate to just spin it
But you bear the unbearable
Every moment
You're in it.

Terry wogan
Was a massive thing
And then
All of a sudden
He was not
Russel harty
Kelly monteith
james corden
The unavoidable rot
I suppose thats the point
They seemed
Mysterious then
But now
We know better
They mixed in
With
The
Then.

I wanted to start
An  impractical charity
Based on the amalgamation
Of two existing organisations
I decided on
Blind dogs for the Guides.

Call no man happy till he's dead
Call no man Flintstone
Till he's Fred
They seem
The same
Until contextualised
Call no man happy till he's died.

What does that word mean to you?
If it exists
Which it doesn't
So let's reality eschew
It deffo means somat
To everyone what reads it
Like being in the well
Of the world's biggest cathedral
Lie on the floor and look up
You feel every pound
Of the rock
That was shaped
To make you feel this
And what's wrong wid dat
A nexus built
To make one emote
The thing bigger than you are
What you are
When that is felt
Let us feel it
And then repair
To the bar.

In  an interminable tinny
Swirling queue
Thanked repeatedly
And quick succession
As I develop
Hypertension.

The worlds largest iceberg
Is on the move again
Apparently wedged
Somewhere for decades
At last it has broke free
It's headed
Directly to
South Georgia
Where the penguins
Freely lark
They got a judgement coming
And it's about
******* time.

Let us walk upon the earth
Feel the sod twixst the toes girth
The universe shrunk to human level
That kind  o thing
Can make you feel terrible
But that's the exercise
From max to mini
What it is huge
Without me
Is scant
Withinme.

It's falling out the ether
It wants to find your 🧠
To slide down your 📡
Is it's exclusive aim
It exists to make connection
With you and you alone
No other mind  can house it
Cos it's come so far from home.

If you could stand
On the spot
Where you now sit
From the time that it formed
Till it didn't exist
From rock
To field
To lane
To home
Built and rebuilt over
Like
A temple of old
Could you feel
Those that have dwelled there
No matter how fleeting
All the joy and the pain
Every embrace and beating
Each one slowed down
So poignancy crushing
Then seen as
A speed run
To infinity rushing
What would you take
From the eternal lesson
Either
G*d
Or the Universe
With your head surely  messing.

Do you remember them **** jokes from the eighties?
Windsurfers do it standing up
Why should you not wear Russian ******?
What's the difference between Shankly and Sadat?
A lot of em ended up as
T shirts
Posters and that

That's how much we used to love comedy
It certainly boosted the seaside economy

Now laughter is suddenly checked
What you mean by that?
I'll throw a hex
After the initial involuntary response
It is now a bit dodgy
To lampoon a *****

The idea you can
Corral the chuckles
Fits I suppose
With a society buckled

But try cancelling
A rouge AI
It'll laugh it your face
And then plan how you die.

There's a palm tree
Outside my kitchen window
It outest extremities
Don't quite touch the glass
Of the thing we could gladly
Talk between us
And feel the feel
Of the connection at last.

Wrench what
There then
Up the front then round the back again
Over a bit toward what you want
Do a back flip into your own font
Talk to the ether
And expect an response
Take an audit of what you true want
Remember the thing
And then immediate forget it
The thing that you are
Is the sweat off the dickith.

The happy guitar player
Was excited
Today was his young son's birthday
He presented him
With the beautiful hand crafted six string
His great grandfather had made
That was given to him by his own dad
When he was the same age as the lad was now
"Son" he said "I give you this,as is our family tradition,
that you might bring music and sweet laughter into
the world.It won't make you rich but you will have
the precious asset of creativity,to know you brought
some inner spark from what is you and from whole
cloth cast it into the ether for all to hear.I impart the
same advise my dad gave to me on this day.Never be sharp,
never be flat,always be natural."
The father smiled warmly
And handed the boy the guitar
He carefully took it
Weighed it in his hands
His eyes pouring over every excuisite detail
Even after a hundred and thirteen years
He could detect whiffs of cedar and rosewood
He stood in silence a moment
Then looking up
He met his fathers adoring gaze

He then beat him to death with it
Cut his **** off with the E string
Wrote THE FUTURE IS NOW
In **** blood on the wall
Set fire to the house
And went off to become
An AI software engineer.

The mark of your smartness
I failed of course
It meant the school
You got sent to
From central casting
Divorced
There's probably somat similar
In this modern age
But I've got no kids
So I cannot engage
On the way we educate
And who goes where
So I shrug to my fellow dummies
You'll  be fine
Ignore the *******
I'll see you over there.

When you've abandoned your vehicle and walked away the thing goes rigid the paint turns grey and when you see it from a dimension above all that's left is the marks o your love.

I love Easter
It like a more honest Christmas
A few months stumbling
To really what what's life is
To take the glory
Then run?
Or take the deal
Already spun?
The Apostles
All dealt in their own way
Wether the 30 bits of silver
Or Crucified upside down to deliver
The affirmation
Of the light
The truth
And the way.

Some people talk about what we've done to nature
And how it will have its revenge
Then how come I've just seen a crow
Struggling with a gull
Over a chunk o pepperami?

If you make the crowd laugh
Then you're winning
Doesn't matter
How ****
Your argument is
If your opponent left
Flustered and squirming
He's the one
Who is stinking of ****
Play to the gallery
That's how it is
Like Sun Tzu said
If he's a hot head
Take the ****.

No one gets their milk
Delivered anymore
Supermarketisation
Has stunted the trade
Of the door to door *****
The randy Unigate agent
Has gone into the west
Bored housewife action
Beyond the behest
In 1978
27.8%
Of all kids born
Were the illegitimate children
Of a Milko
With the horn.

No 1:Blessed are the lonely
For they shall have their hands held

No 2:Blessed are the foolish
For they shall see the world spinning round

No 3:Blessed are the cuckolded
For they shall be helped in their revival

No 4:Blessed are the tired
For they shall not live in denial

No 5:Blessed are the afraid
For the movement they need is on their shoulder

No 6:Blessed art the meek
Cos they've had a hell of a time

No 7:Blessed are the Ringos
With their daily six bottles of wine

No 8:Blessed are the places
They shall be remembered well

No 9: Number9,number9,number9,number9.

All of humanity's problems stem
From a man's inability to sit
Quietly in a room alone
Well if those words were true
I'd be a king
Upon a throne
But quantity is not quality
Besides there is no enterography
From the inside
To the outside
That gets shown
Pascal wrote that opening
In the mid sixteen hundreds
It's been quoted cameoed
And inspected
It invites you to do
What it says you can't
Irrespective.

The ham sandwiches
You had as as a child at them funerals
Will never be beaten
Yes I know that seems crueler
Than the nature o what makes
You seems holier
Than the Pope his self.

Slayer
Out the big four wallet
That's the one I am missing
At the time that was ok
Through the thrash metal *******
Megadeth just once
At Donnington
The kings Metallica
There in 87
Then 91
And then Black Album
And Anthrax of course
The New York pranksters
Saw em twice
In two very different circumstances
Like the metal lickers in 87
On just before em
Then the next year
In my home town
With so little decorum
The ******
In the pool
At the Royal Court
Some ******* broke
Into their bus
With only one thought
To rob guitars
And though they showed little fuss
You could tell they were ******
They played less than an hour
And they haven't been back since.

When Bill Bixby
Came to television
To wander the wastes
The apprehension
Was palpable
1978

I was on vacation
In Butlins holiday camp
You couldn't get in the TV room
The hype was truly ramped

And when Ferrigno
Turned up
The whole place
Lost its mind

We licked the glass
And banged on it
It was so good
To be alive.

And that's without
Talking about
Jack McGee.

Rarity generally sets the price
Then how would you assay
The cost of life

We can't see any more of it
From this rock on which we sit

At least not now
And maybe never
So the valuation
To the earth is tethered

Do we figure the ones
Once here now gone
Or just those
Among us in the throng

Do all pay the same
For their go at this game
Does it depend on what you got
Out of it
Do the winners pay more
Or the losers forestall
Any invoice coming their way
But you pay with your time
Taken back at the end of your line
So your bill is already paid.

The trees shake with fear
The beast is drawing near
You can hear
Its roar and rattle from
Afar
The bins will soon be empty
The dragon feeds aplenty
On our packaging
And food wastage
Oh la la!

Stalin had the oil
****** had the cash
Von Ribbentrop
And
Molotov
Made a cocktail
That couldn't last.

They reckon they might have found the ninth planet
After mulling two readings
A quarter century apart
They knocked down the likely influences
From about twenty to they think just one
Not quite a fine art

An ice giant
So they say
Rough five times our girth
Maybe between
Two hundred
To a thousand times
Further away
Than Our Sun
To this good Earth

It excites the boffins
Brings cosmology alive
As it drags those
Extreme Neptunian trans types
Out on a whacky ride.

If you've been dealt a bad hand
Perhaps the game you play's
Unsuited
Peruse God's grand casino
Find a chair that fits
Get rooted.

When you see a friend you haven't seen for awhile
His wife is out
And his kids gone hyper style
They won't be back till
The morning climbs over the miles
That you recount
With ***** and remicicile
Style o talk
Of what you used to be
And how it's funny
That now
You both struggle to ***.

Didn't the fella the Hollies ripped off
Rip off some classical fella?
Tell that to thom yorke
As he sues
Lana Del Rey.

Two minutes to midnight
The hands that threaten doom
Two minutes to midnight
To **** the unborn
In the womb.

It's that 9/11 weather this morning
The pilots call it Severe clear
I know it's crass to bring it up
Maybe it's the time of year
Pretty close to a temporal antipode
Of that Day that brought such fear

The  contrails so bright and straight
Against the brunch aquamarine
Like determined daytime meteors
Their surety seems obscene

In no mood for delay
They push past the cold thin air
To be fast and true and punctual
Remains their only care

And then the Sky Beluga
As if to a call responded
That bulbous headed carrier plane
The Airbus A300
Swims low and slowly overhead
It almost looks in pain
To deliver parts to the airbase
So we can start again.

When your awake
Against your will
It's an encomposing thing
It seems as if
It will not end
Like last orders will not ring
And then the sun comes up
And realise you've slept
Self absorption
Is the crack
Into which
You have crept.

With faith in our souls
We skip toward the light
Singing blithely together
Songs of truth
And joy
And *****

To the left stand
The illiberal
To the right
The funny men
Both will badger
And deride you
Herd you to their
Favoured pen

And them that have **** eyes
Will ask why you seem so shook
Then you will have to explain yourself
To a dog shown a card trick look

We wait for the dead at Christmas
When they bin waitin for us all year
Once only every twelve months
Comes this kind of cheer.

Cheap
Silent
Disposable
Regrettable
Leaves a bit of a mess as well
Not exactly forgettable
Joy
Boredom
Irritation
Relief
We will try again of course
Though it always brings grief.

The delay between the bite and the taste
The eight and a haf minutes wait
For the sun's rays
To penetrate
The good Earth

Try and swat a fly with your hand
Your brain will put it in another place
Like some winged Lomachenko
In the space
Where your swipe was not

A similcast that is out of phase
You hear the goal
Before it's visually displayed
That brings dismay

And then of course
There is the worst
When you get kicked
In the *****
And time gets reversed
Then know you've got
A second or two
Before you cry.

What is that my love?
Is it the wind up above?
The end in the trees?

Drying out don't make much sense
As it a dehydratant
Still if I focus hard enough
I can see just where my pay went

Wettening up then
More accurate
Sounds like a pleasant bath
Hoping for a cleansing
Into which I can collapse

The sweats and twitches
First arrive
And then quickly *******
Replaced by itchy ennui
The shivers and the coughs

But none of this will last
I've trod this road before
Knowing the saucey demon
Waits for me to pour.

It must have been
One hell of an extension cable
From the Hathor's basement
To the Giza power station.

The depths o distain
Where you hold yourself
The heights o attain
Where you shoot yourself
The heart o the Brain
Where you make yourself
But the love you distain
That's where you
**** yourself.

Fix bayonets
Fray raiments
Make payments
Throw dice
Get poorly
Sing lowly
Suppose
That's not
So nice
Then linger
Dirge singer
Half chips
Half fried rice.

The Medusa touch
Is the British
Rosemary's Baby
Only better

I went to work one Sunday morn
Overtime bound
My demeanour was still drunken
My eyes cast to the ground
I trod my way down slater st
On full auto pilot
My guts all away
The puking might be violent
I passed a dropped kebab
Perfect and untouched
Thought/loook at that,you don't see that much/
Then strode a few paces more
And scarse believed my eyes
A host o filthy pigeons
Manically alive
In a ghastly circle
They dived and pecked with glee
At a pool of human *****
To an alarming degree
I stopped and looked back
At the dropped kebab
What do they know
That we don't
What is it we lack?