Lawrence Hall
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Dispatches for the Colonial Office

                                     Late January is a Time of Grey

I read a little in Billy Collins just now
Because Tolkien is in the other room
Along with the laundry and an unmade bed
Late January is a time of grey

I just want to sit with my coffee awhile
And then I’ll stow the laundry and make the bed
The dishwasher can remain silent until tomorrow
Late January is a time of grey

I was nibbled to death by ducks today
Because
Late January is a time of grey

Up through the ground,
kissed by the frost,
a tender bloom seeks
a light long lost,
with some gentle force
and quiet power,
hope emerges on the green
as a snowdrop flower.

But, if such a small
and fragile thing
can pierce the frost
to greet early spring,
then why can't we,
like a snowdrop stay,
to wake and rise
on a cold January day?

Our strength must lay
dormant within,
beneath the cold joints
that make us wince,
so, we must try to learn
to trust and be seen,
like the gentle snowdrops
growing on the green.

©️Lizzie Bevis

I've got to go do everything now

I'll See you all

Later

I saw myself die
In the way that you want her.
When I thought that I had you,
I was suffocating.
If I stayed and waited
And gave and pretended,
I made believe you would come to me.
But I want to be wanted.
All I was
Was used.
A tool, for now.
But nothing mattered.
She gets your heartache
And she gets your longing,
Your reverence, and sweetness.
I didn't know what I was missing.
I didn't know what was possible
Until I saw you in her arms.
I want to be wanted.
I fell for my own illusions
And let myself think
That right now was enough,
When what I wanted was forever.
What I wanted was a partner.
I want to be wanted,
But you don't want me.