i don't want this
choking down *****
why do you make me feel like this
i don't want to part
i don't want to say goodbye
but you don't want
to be apart of my life

you write of the gods
but i am here, on earth
my mind not in the clouds
with thoughts of saintly and good things
rather more comparable to the gutter
which isn't to say they do not linger
drifting through my mind
to see them brought to life although,
i should like to
and with you
it just isn't possible
not now

What fresh invention,
Breaking with convention;
To press down with anger,
And drive firm with depression.
Comfort in the arms, of a
Thorny ex. Bathed in attention.
A hopeless obsession- the silenced
Tongue wags,
In this quiet procession.

Conflagration,
Conflict & confusion.
Consternation,
What comes, and has been.
Condemnation,
Of fact, and of fiction.
Comatose.
One world, many nations

Slowly,
I passed by the treeline.
The weeds growing over the path,
The bricks weathered & chipped.
The breeze was chap.

Silently,
I walked down the path.
The reeds by the pond shooting up,
The shoreline lapping & beckoning.
The bees buzzed, the birds chirped.

Compassion walked beside,
Curiosity wandered nearby.

The branches drooped low,
The forests creaked with life.
Further along, a river flowed.
Delicate in its trace upon the landscape,
Yet sharp as a knife.

Lilypads adorn with lotus
Floated idly atop the pond surface.
Frog leaped, dragonfly darted by;
The fish jumped up from the water
And rested at my feet on the shore.

"Let's help this fellow out!"
"How peculiar! Out or back in?"

Slowly, silently;
Delicate in its trace upon the landscape.
Nearby, beside;
The bees buzzed, the birds chirped.
Passed by the treeline;
The breeze was chap, yet sharp as a knife.
Down the path;
The branches drooped, the forests creaked.
Darted, leaped;
The shoreline lapping & beckoning.
Wandered, walked;
The bricks weathered & chipped.
Darted, leaped;
Rested at my feet, the shore.
Walked, wandered;
Floated idly atop the pond surface.

Further along, a river flowed.

i let my mind wander
and now it's gone
my spirit carried me on
till the dawn
indomitable

as i had become
the slightest of slights
i'm alight
burning through the night
to greet dawn

it's me and my dignity
it isn't a picture pretty
alone
you never phone
only talk in times of need
or when you're bored
am i the bad seed
a black sheep
another figure in the horde

play it cool
sweat down your temple
like condensation from shirley
surely it's too early
to be so broken and weary
it should be simple
instead your head's got involved
but ask yourself, is there a direction it steers me
or am i careening through life
rudderless, out of control
with an aching back and chest tight
the only stress is what you're creating
and it's hard to not notice it taking it's toll

Betting on plays
And whether teams could pull it through;
Factoring rates given to the risks
Versus stats, records, and rankings,
Of losses, successes, et cetera.
Whether physical or digital,
These playful monetary mediums
Like domestic feline & bengal tiger.
Like dog as like cat,
It's a different reaction to them
And connection with them
Having grown up around them.
These paper jaguars & plush lions,
So much for the fear of adversity
When you're trying to crunch everything.
If you're always in the middle
Of working through or thinking about something,
Punching an equation,
Then how can anyone hope
To knock you off kilter?
It's just another component-
Another addition & subtraction,
Division & multiplication,
To calculate & sum.

You've gotta be in it to win it,
And you're always just one bet away
From winning it big.
Making it good
Sometimes takes all it can take,
And even then you might not
Break even.

I sense disturbance,
See some malign figure,
In your line of reason.
Yet, through our conversations,
No appeal can be made to logic.
The calculations offer a grime visage.

Play with your heart, play with your gut,
As your head will steer you wrong.
If you're thinking about it,
You're thinking too much.
Just lay it on the line,
Bet it all,
But don't bet too much.
Listen, it'll be fine.
Tomorrow we can
Recoup your loss.

The contradictions are lost,
The irony was over
And you took the under.
The spread accomplished
Chose the given
And you were taking.
If something flew
You were beneath it.

For there have been many holocausts.

They steal our work and use us still
As a tool in our media.

Tomorrow, is already better.
Always know, where you live in the moment
With an eye still, foward-
There, is hope.
To not be stuck to the past but
Embrace change, welcoming progress;
Setting out onto new beginnings.

These are the frontiers, today.
Ideas, beautiful just ideals;
Respect for the planet you're on,
Fair honest treatment
Of every being


Of choosing love, and forgetting hate.
Opting for logic & sound reasoning

when aborted day
is given chance to rise
sun being blood red
life giving way for dead
with seas boiling over
and the artic becoming
a lush verdant green
your senses don't betray
leaving would be keen

i am having the worst day
and my friends don't speak to me
they are the worst that way
fairweather folks
who turn to run
in the direction of the weathervane

is war inevitable?
peace never lasts long
they're singing their country's songs
the people in ukraine
as the bombs go off
and russians advance
they will be fought
and though the fight
might be right
it goes ******,
into the night

you can't fix me
i wouldn't want you to anyway
being with you
spending time together
that's what i want
i wonder
about all the things you do
and how you fill your time
god i'm pathetic

beauty is in the heart
freedom is within the mind
and peace is found
when we unbind

from our earthly attachments

reconciling, that sparse is our time
there will come a day
where youth will pass away
convictions, less in the sense of values but crime
you'll have wished you spent your earlier years
with a nose fixed to the grind
wouldn't that have been grand
in the latter part of your life
to have no worries on the mind
no cares, but for
time time time

I see her in smiles of the living room fens,
When sunlight hits wet on the mire.
Between the waves that lick the bights,
On the steeps of the fjords as sound.
In the vibrations of breezes on stamens,
Like a gentle resonance of pollen on pistils.
In the currents of a universe as a celestial,
Through these fluctuations as mysteries.
Deep out like some starry cosmos,
Far out like some alien culture.
On proverbial outskirts as hypothetical fringes,
As like waterfalls after rains have swelled.
By the puddles stirred together as unison,
In the droplets as ink splatters join paper.
Moon sets as like blues jazz records end,
On mornings mist full as classical pieces.
Like indescribable ideas as beautiful emotions,
When pebbles fall as sand by the ocean.
As worlds collide like harp concertos,
Through chords of movement as cell division.
For like den to hare as ribs to hearts,
Like mind to matter as sight for hawk.

Music of life,
How I long to sing with you
Into eternity & for perpetuity.
What is the song,
For but us as one?

To stand alone, together.
To be separate, nevermore.
To sit with ourselves, apart.
To be whole, hereinbefore.

Quiet attrition.
Unavoidable, sadness and contrition.
But for the end of the numb,
Who does not feel the same.
Where we go under, and succumb.
When at wit's end, and we are done.
The game grown stale, the race run.
One last fling, before we finish;
I hope this was fun.

You couldn't tell if I was crazy
If you were even any sane!
And you're not.
You couldn't tell if I was sane
If you weren't any crazier!
But you are!

Does it hurt your head to think?
Why, let it stop!
Does it hurt your chest to breathe?
Why, just quit it!

Soemone else can do that for you,
You can just take the credit!
For if the heart should ache
You're better off without it!

But serious-
The cloud tells the rain
What is & is not water.
Do the falling droplets care?
"What are these foreign definitions?"

The destination is the same,
Their own priorities remain,
And perspective is unchanged.

These strange properties,
Words themselves as elements
When strung together by sentence.
Is repentance within a reflection?
Redemption by sight through a drop of liquid?

What grippings within these pensions,
What potential within these tensions,
What whippings within these conventions.

By the accounts of every party attended,
What stern material has been cobbled.
Yet, poverty is worn stronger.
That which itself is as the weather,
I think it closer to trinkles
Than shine & twinkle.

What do the poor pour?
What do the bums toast?
What do the homeless shower?

A buddy of mine
Left really only notes.
Another was a rotten cheater.
I knew one that liked to play with guys,
Knew one that liked masks & needles.
Comes what? What goes? Who knows.

It can't be worse than before,
But that's not something you remember.
Of course, I mean, not someone you know.

Meal's on you, ace.
Meals of you, ace.
As just but a deck of cards
Among tables of strung-out gamblers;
What's blackjack to a game of craps?
Suppose it's a matter
Of the rules of the sitting chaps,
Though I've never seen drunks wetter.
It's innumerable cards of the same face,
For each is but another portrait of indifference.
It's innumerable dealers of the same things,
For each is closer in similarity than farther in dissension.

To love to play
Is not the same as a play of love.

Yet, to make life a game
Is not the same as the "game" of life itself.

once
in the evening
the moon could shine
and it would never match
the bright light you cast

twice
we came close
and i could, almost
feel your warm embrace
at last

thrice
i fooled myself into the belief
there would be relief
to this feeling i expressed
whenever i saw you next

but i won't see you again, will i?

i think talk is cheap
and what we've done
thus far
paltry
which is my fault, partly
but the responsibility
falls to us
all together

it's not the individual
rather the system
massive corporations
treated as people
that pollute the waterways
air, soil
the whole of the earth
in every country
running unchecked
the greed keeps us comfy
like electric torture
a knife in the neck

Hold me,
In an embrace of thorns.
Hold me with a metallic feel,
Masticated love,
Votives made up of us
Rejected in full stead
To what appeal?
Wealth?
Life paid at the expense of ***,
******* yourself.

the first days of spring are upon us
and the rebirth is apparent in things all around us
from the leaves slowly growing back
to the grass, in need of mowing from growing fast
squirrels nibbling on juniper berries
the scent in air, sappy tar carried
with pollen intermixed
your allergies amiss
though still fortunate for the spring

you are my soft light
on the other end of the axis
you trip me up
like a dose of acid
but the colors
and shades you show
are lasting
so you stain my brain
with a handprint and an asscheek
kiss me
watch me go out blasting
when my mind recedes
into what's ever coming after

i might be small
i can't tell
one sensitive *******
with nerves shot to hell
stature means a **** thing
when you're up to bat
and can't hit
or even worse
choke and don't;
no swing, but still missed

we will take anything
anyone
we'll give you a gun
food, and boots
and a flight there
conditions will be rough
the front is tough
and the fight
isn't fair
we need every hand
no combat training
not in the best shape
we don't care
put on a flak vest
do your best
and make the Russians run red

what if i were the deciding factor
between someone being helped or passed over
my conscience wouldn't allow it
i don't think it's my pride
cause i sure could use some help
i just won't be the one to take it from another

It's humbling to look
Up at the stars, the
Gorgeous night sky.
Humbling to think,
Someone revoling one of those stars
Is staring back at me.

you have an impressive physical physique
but what of your consciousness
can you say the same
your capacity for tenacity is unparalleled
though your vain attempts at kindness,
feats to astound
a charismatic prowess
a star reacher
rested on the ground
your head's in the clouds
at your own allowance
and there's no coming down

you think stoicism stupid
yet you subscribe to it
and love men who are
hypocrite
among many other names

In between the lines
There's the hint at some opinion
And not just pictures you hang crooked
On flimsy nails you drive.
I'd rather keep the vocabulary
Short & simple,
If there's more from it
Who might be reached
Or that might be derived.

I know you think you're something
Just as much as I,
I know I think you're something
Just as much as I.

If you can't see, you can have mine;
I've already given up on one eye.
If you can't sense it,
I can go on deprived.
To me it makes no difference,
I'm only trying to help.
Come what may, I'll survive.

who am i kiddin'
it's me that's cowardly
keeping my love hidden
i regret my decision
but i can't write revisions
i just know
i don't want to lose you
but i understand
taking all for granted you've given
it hasn't been easy livin'
but it seems that way
for us both

never more obvious than now
people don't think
no way, no how
about others and what's goin on
the solutions to render everyone
happy, full, clothed, and sheltered
too busy chasing dollars
or some other contrive
imaginary numbers
old world heads
that have theirs
stuck up their *****

god
i know why my mind
is so warped
but christ
climb back on the cross
and before you do
a favor of you,
heal another sick man?

Dull ruts and periodic lulls, cast
Iron wrought.
A life of sea salt;
Choking on ocean foam, walking
On rusty bones
Sifting through ashes.
It's all growing old

Remember the years, before the wars.
I know it's difficult,
We have been involved in conflicts
For so long. Recall the shortest of
Moments, peace, throughout history
And marvel that people ever
Compromise and set aside their differences.
What is it that we've lost -
Choosing not to war?
We all know it's cost,
But what about what's fought for?

we trickle
like rains through the rock
transfigured
by that which we endured
every hardship, every mis-staked claim
all those still to come
hooks and lures
the allure almost too much
not to succumb to;
run the gambit
stay the grind,
stand your ground,
and keep your nose clean

I lost myself
On an isle of nymphs
And found myself
Only when I rejected,
Every libation offered.
Blinded by decadence,
Focused on filling coffers;
I broke for the ship
Calling to my officers.
Men, your senses are being dulled-
Drunk and high, doing as you're told.
Lucidity take hold! Freedom is close,
We need only embark
Loose the sails & start
The journey out among the stars

i know there's something wrong with me
whatever
there's something amiss with everyone
but everyone leaves
so maybe
i'm just unlovable
voice it, to scrutiny
i get none of you say how you really feel
but i do
doesn't that count for something

trickling down cheeks
the beads of sweat gather on chins
jaw lines glisten
chalk on asphalt
contenders equidistant, soon to be unison
two of them
racing
each reach for the first to get
to the line
a place for few of them
bronze rusts, and silver runs
but nothing like us
off that starting gun
all at a chance
to watch the refs
wave the flags
and decide a winner
go for gold
outside the champion's circle
are shoulders cold
if you don't give it all
you're no pro
you're an amateur
a beginner, 1st in show

Things unraveling, with no reason.
Hurt people, Hurt people;
Should I let this heart atrophy?
Or let misanthropy and apathy consume it?
Any naive notion disabused
Like love
Advantage, to you
All used

clarity is costly
and people seem to pay
tending to their mind
they lose it!

more drivel
like autonomic
pouring from these flapping lips
am I comfortable with silence
or can't I stand my thoughts

ripples darted parallel
wading the stream, as she did
and like a revelation
you dawned on me
you said
"my eyes are open, i know. i just can't see."
*** ran from your sockets
"as far as i can opine, you see just fine"
and she coughed maroon tar
crumbling back to the riverbed

Vanity, take your measurements -
Tailor me a suit to cover all character.
Take all discretion, only
As to whether I'm dressed pleasant
And wear a guise that's hygienic.
It's all very copacetic,
A couple of sweet words
More akin to syrup than cane;
Unnatural and fake.

I wrote a draft
I'll circle back
when thoughts coalesce
instead of collapse
when I have
a better grasp
of what exactly I intend to mean

Setting snow on fire
The suffering, that is desire.
Burning, never needing starter
Only growing larger,
Not even wavered
By the laps of water

i don't care about your man
or blowing me off
just need you
can't you understand