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so scared of losing you
but i just want you to leave
would never walk away
but it runs through my head
everyday
cause boyfriends say
how terrible she is
and she can't help but believe
and feed into
all the little lies
******* spun
the twine is pain
the loom is avoidance
and you wear each article with a smile
it hurts to see
64 · Feb 2022
Soon To Be A Titanic
play it cool
sweat down your temple
like condensation from shirley
surely it's too early
to be so broken and weary
it should be simple
instead your head's got involved
but ask yourself, is there a direction it steers me
or am i careening through life
rudderless, out of control
with an aching back and chest tight
the only stress is what you're creating
and it's hard to not notice it taking it's toll
64 · Feb 2022
It's Okay To Move On
life is already a lot for you
i know
i'm supposed to offer relief
but i just upset you
maybe it's best
you give me a rest
and get on
to living better
63 · Feb 2022
Lenny
what governs your soul
what gives weight
your actions
as of late
mine is confusion and self protection
before thinking, submitting to reaction
i am lost
in my head
but no clarity
only a fog
and a blank face staring back at me
63 · Mar 2022
FAZZA
the crown prince
what will his son's country look like
his grandson's
a barren dessert?
like his predecessors have predicted
have made some attempts aimed at shifting
like a genocide and slave labor
will these old world tactics
prove worthwhile behavior?
63 · Feb 2022
Feeding The Soil
i hope you're okay
yearning for the day
you wake up
and walk away
walk away from me
and him
yours, the only whims
bending in the breeze
the stress nearly breaking you
it's time to make like the leaves
before your wither
drying at the root
dying
falling limbs
63 · Feb 2022
Now I'm Poisoned Inside
it's limbs
grew out, over shallow water
dims the forest floor
with the sunshine it gathers
leaving ferns to wither
like winter
but only cause you've gone
does this blood
boil hot enough
or do you need to do more
to see it warm
before you'll let me fill your loving cup
and you feel like the *****, smh
63 · Nov 2021
Some Unholy War
i let my mind wander
and now it's gone
my spirit carried me on
till the dawn
indomitable

as i had become
the slightest of slights
i'm alight
burning through the night
to greet dawn

it's me and my dignity
it isn't a picture pretty
alone
you never phone
only talk in times of need
or when you're bored
am i the bad seed
a black sheep
another figure in the horde
63 · Feb 2022
Up In Smoke
So I guess you meant what you had said
which is fine
it just replays in my head
non-stop, several times a day
i'm just blind
obviously, to the writing right in front of me
or maybe like everyone else
i just choose not to see
or i guess chose
whatever we had
is at a close
i want something more
or something less
it just needs to differ i suppose
i have a feeling i'm talking into the wind though
and you've already moved on
i said i was here
but watch me disappear
be the last to know
once i'm gone
i am sick
you don't need to tell me
i get the hints
i'll quit
barking up your tree
cause you hate me
naturally
i'll try
to wipe clean
any trace
of existing
62 · Feb 2022
Sleeping Waltz
i am a camel
humps swollen
drinking down
so much pain
this distraught face
once happy
now looks like a disgrace
out breaks
of acne
stress induced
you think you're the only one
you've read what i've written
what's the use
62 · Feb 2022
Rubber Johnny
i know i said i'd wait
but what am i waiting for
and am i just enabling
pain for you
do you need more
of course
no one asks this ****
or it's something they ignore
when it dawns on you
i'll be the bad actor
and a used up, discarded *****
I'm so glad you could make it
to think
it never happened if you had hesitated
you better watch out
it's not life on a cloud
if you choose to live loud

and it's not pride
cause I'm not proud
it's just a visage I wear
a mirage, facade, a shroud

foaming at the mouth
can't let it come out
slowly stop the ache
and live
on the edge
if you can't be dramatic with me
then who can you be with
real and honest
to the point of pain
your knife, already driven in
were you to take it out
it would only hurt more
when you plunged it in again
it's funny
although this is stream of consciousness
outside of this
my thoughts are
very different
complexity, like me, is a mess you see
of course
confusing complexity with messes
is something if you probed, would garner innumerable confessions
once
in the evening
the moon could shine
and it would never match
the bright light you cast

twice
we came close
and i could, almost
feel your warm embrace
at last

thrice
i fooled myself into the belief
there would be relief
to this feeling i expressed
whenever i saw you next

but i won't see you again, will i?
61 · Dec 2021
I'm Just As Tired
you want people to be real with you
but you can't stomach the truth
you want to please everyone
but does it please you?
you say you're sad
and unfulfilled
then do something about it
you're just as afraid to live
as you are to ****
keep a dying love going
going on still
silhouette soul
living life without a will
61 · Jan 2022
Fry It
d.c.
there's a capitol riot
everything's burning
and yet the senate is quiet
no shots ringing out
now there's the riot
deep battered constitution
they grill it, bake it, fry it

flint
on a diet
water pipes busted
turn on the tap
try it
have a glass on stage
let it touch your lips
lest you digest
what's vile
61 · Mar 2022
Avalanches
if you read these
i don't know it
i need to talk
though i may not say it
may not show it
i need you
though you already know it

that's the worst
61 · Feb 2022
Ire Ferment
saccharin saturated smiles
faulty mass produced liars
with platitudes
that wish you well
and actions that say
go to hell
would that satisfy you?
an eternity
in a lake of fire
just to satisfy you
burn me, but of torture I'd tired
like here
mad hags and ranting shrews
angry freaks and cowardly dudes
taking all the abuse
and i can see the hate on their face
but i can't help but smile
Gaia, of the Order(s) - Time;
Her companion & spouse.
Kronos, of the Order(s) - Nature;
His companion & spouse.

Collaborating in leadership,
Hand-in-hand, shoulder-to-shoulder.

Equal, sharing, their distribution(s).

Of Nature, Energy; the culmination
Of Experience.

Of Time, Wisdom; the distillation
Of Knowledge.

Wisdom - an expression of nature.
Energy - an expression of time.
Can't ride a wolf & you can't ride electric.
The most you can ask of them is to be companions.
even if you had,
had had my heart
treated it bad
regarded as a fad
moved on at interest's death
not that there was care
anymore, i know it wasn't
a false start
i ruin it all
i sabotage
60 · Jun 26
Experience, Existence
From meditations to communications;
From mediations to resolutions -
It is,
Therefore, I am.
60 · Mar 2022
Haha, Okay
jade
a stone
hard to crack
especially when
it just lies
or hides
misleads and omits
things convenient
you must actually
think me an idiot
60 · Mar 2022
Hundred Grand
if whispers
could siphon off
even an ounce
of the love
you made me felt
i'd ramble
into the night

till first light
graced my face
and the sky
was lit up
want the people who care
to know how i'm feeling
can't express the words
so i lead them here and
i end up reeling
when they take
every passage and stanza
for fact
instead of feeling
60 · Mar 2022
Bubbles
intrusive thoughts
that won
always held out hope
you'd help me
like i you, with yours
let me flounder
rowed me out
and ditched the oars
like an anchor
i'm a downer
going under
still here, still going
despite not knowing
where
gonna get to where i should
be headed
once it's something that's connected
and clicked
cause my past
is something i can forget
you can be outspoken
but with no platform
it's a virtue signaling
it's a priceless token
with no power
the furnace yearns
only smoking
59 · Mar 2022
Confusion
i have a ****** up past
so do you
what do you want me to do
want from me
to hear me say,
let me know
these talks
stalling to reorganize
digging themselves in
time to strategize
lick wounds
recoup
wipe the tears
placing pennies on eyes
59 · Dec 2021
Innards Exhausted
some very sorry people
roam this earth
aimless, blind
theirs faces marked
with an ugly scowl
thoughtless, in binds
chained to their feelings
imprisoned by their mind
consumed with what's hidden inside
59 · Feb 2022
Definitely Messed Up
i have to laugh at times
though i say a lot with this medium
it is chiefly, for me
to work out my thoughts
my head is fraught
and only these rhymes
can say
what i cannot
59 · Feb 2022
Overdose Blues
you were so young
and full of life
no matter how hard you tried to detach
everytime, you snatched back
the wisps of light
you fostered inside
in spite of the dope
it kept going
your hope
till you up and died
and now i know you
as a tombstone
59 · Feb 2022
Choking
washing machine
twirly whirly whirring
mechanical purring
drown my eyes
watching the water pouring
we need to take
better care of one another
i have no brothers
just a sister and a father
but what about
those with neither
those with no one
who looks out for them
when they fall
never more graceful
than a feather
some get up
some never
59 · Feb 2022
Punji Sticks
i recall, you used to tell
i guess it was a fall, and man i fell
wish it hadn't just been reciprocity
love was what i felt
love gave birth to an atrocity
with how we let ourselves act
it's left it's welts
my ego and pride
cracked with a belt
the scarlet letter of your heart
was the wavering in your voice
i should've been better to you
regret abundant
in my most every choice
58 · Mar 2024
The Static Age
This is fascism, these are the nazis.
Who would cut out all support
For enforcing a border,
Or making progress on a wall.
Who don't extend the olive branch,
To repair the damage from history
And write new chapters.

This is fascism, these are the nazis.
Who play both sides just to profit,
Who will sell you out just for a couple of dollars.
It's the big money groups, the lobbyists.
Any who have them as donors,
Do not count you among them.

It is stagnation they want,
And inflation is sought
Because it leaves more power in the hands
Of those who control demand
And pits those who rely on supply
Against one another

We focus on fights amongst ourselves
While they tarnish our economy
And step on our rights
That are self-evident & constitutional
58 · Mar 2022
Stop Being Real
i know there's something wrong with me
whatever
there's something amiss with everyone
but everyone leaves
so maybe
i'm just unlovable
voice it, to scrutiny
i get none of you say how you really feel
but i do
doesn't that count for something
The say,
"Profess! Kneel in submission to YOUR Lord, the God!"
I say,
"Confess! What is the name of 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 "God?""

They say,
"Blasphemy!"

I say,
"Yes! Or, at least, close enough.
And close enough is good enough for your believers."
58 · Mar 2022
Seeing Your Ex
this clockwork device
pumping inside
waves invitation
at any soul
to spur
feeling

to morph me
into a wicked creature
a monstrous creation
nature abhors
this animation
58 · Feb 2022
Piano Keys
aw man
that's the only problem
when you actually ask
inside, i'm obliged
to answer honestly

i don't want to worry you
i will be okay
57 · Feb 2022
Changes
the same people
who denied the science for decades
now scramble to solve a problem,
at the very last moment,
they let propagate
profligates
false prophets of civility
who take and erase
any knowledge
of their wrongdoing
can't deny the world around you
changing
Bacchus was the title
Conferred to those responsible for ¹"gardening."
Zagreus, lineage of Zeus but son to ²Hades, bore another title.
The "Zageuri" lead in the night.
There were no feasts of raw flesh, but many dances and celebrations while they tended to "The Great Fire."
Of the Zageuri, Zagreus lead.
The title, rendered in Latin, is like Noctus Rex.
You see, on islands, humans have the capacity for an incomparable amount of exertable control over that of their environment.
Those of the lineage Zeus & ³chosen sons of the "God" had, along with the Baccuhi, relocated or slayed the majority of the island's predators.
All those who would not be or could not be companions, like Lupus & Lybica.
The few remaining were nocturnal.
The relocation or slaying of them, any & all nocturnal predators,
Fell to those responsible for when Darkness dawned & Night reigned.
Those "descendants"  of Hades, lineage of Zeus.
And in that, "The Great Hunt," we found among the elusive,
As we had found among the obvious,
Many other intelligent animals.
Many welcomed companions.
Wherein was birthed the Zageuri title,
Noctus.

The Nocti, the owls.

Gardeners in their own right,
Yet still hunters.
1 - Scale, methods, resources expended, et cetera are closer to what we would call terraforming. Proto-terraforming.

2 - Hades being in charge of the "night shift," within this context. Nyx of his lineage. Hades of the lineage of Kronos, but son to Khaos.

3 - As in, they themselves proved they were worthy enough to make their own decisions. They are "children" because they have chosen. Chosen that specific order/family.
57 · Mar 2022
Doo Wop
i guess i got a problem
being on
my own lately
hate me
None of you made us.
None of these brands or industries
Who do not pay their fair share
And move the country in negative directions, have
Bearing on who you are.
Who you say you are,
What you want to be or do.
None of these businesses
That keep you down on the totem pole
And do not hire their own
For higher up positions.
Who do not increase salary to match
Our cost of living.
Those that don't pay a fair share to you,
Because they in turn
Are robbed at the grocery store.
They are influencing you.
But you made you, influence
What you will try to.
Destiny is mine to write,
And I intend to
57 · Mar 2022
CZAR
prone to self righteousness
stubborn headed
and an indecisive *****

i wanna be a leader
hero complex
riding in lacking context

search through the catalogue
and scan the index
find the best and onto the next

keep the heart close
cause rest isn't for the wicked
no shut eye to begin with

i'm beginning
to believe i lost
who am i

when i began
i was sure i knew
but things never go to plan
56 · Feb 2022
Like All Of You
what do you hide
does it eat away at you while we talk
i guess, inside
it bubbles till it boils
and you explode
cause you treat us the same
every person from every walk,
held at a distance,
where you can safely gawk
so as not to fill you full of shrapnel
see wounds wrought
but it's really himself he protects
a child's son
the runt
55 · Mar 2022
Hello
if they're the right person
there are no missed moments
they make the moment
take it
and don't bemoan it;

what might've been
55 · Feb 2022
Pecking Order
your friends are pathetic
like my friends are pathetic
and petty
like you and i
are
we going to lie to ourselves
trick each other into believing
either one is at fault
us together doesn't work
like that
you humiliate me and make me feel less than
tear into me and get your fill
you always have
hungrier still
again, more
finish me off
dive in for the ****
i didn't mean to take up all your sweet time
give it back to you one of these days
in the meantime, you can find mine
while you wait
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