trying to break out
of this **** class
these tiny pigeon holes
I keep getting stuck in
I can get ****** in
to things I shouldn't
and when I look at my life
I ask myself
what to do with it

Better men have fallen before,
By word alone. Take these
Phrases in utter that matter not
To action, what man can judge
He who does, when he does nothing?
Mark the words of youth still young.
Tell me, when I have aged,
Have my thoughts & views really changed?
Have I any measurable way, what would the depth gauge read?
On the core of my character - my values & beliefs?
Field the breadth of life, would there be anything left in me deep?
Will there only be cold hard surface,
With nothing underneath?

want to leave
let me breathe
but i don't
it's contradicting,
it just won't,
for sure
the cure
this flickering
spark, in my soul

Things unraveling, with no reason.
Hurt people, Hurt people;
Should I let this heart atrophy?
Or let misanthropy and apathy consume it?
Any naive notion disabused
Like love
Advantage, to you
All used

I think I may
Have, I
Can Believe, I see.
I can
Be like you, if I
Alter my thinking

Might have
Just have,
Ought
To had done;
If you
Choose to be,
You can be
Anyone.

By god people, be anyone just
Do something, be
Someone;
Do something.

does it come out wrong for you
it comes out wrong for me
but i try to take the time
to mend what i say
into what i mean
but you never did
so i stopped
and let it all jet
out long

Pixilated war,
And out in the real fields
Insurgents rally against
Tin men and robotic dogs.
Death from above,
Artillery & first-person drones.
I sip an energy drink
In 60° AC Fahrenheit weather,
I don't stop to think
As to if orders deserve questions
And whether I would be satisfied with answers.
They don't have drafts,
We have programs & apps
To pilot steel fellas.
Suppress, eliminate, rescue,
Some of them even punch up the graphics.
Last week, I traipsed through
The inhospitable Arabian Desert,
Many decades ago rendered entirely uninhabitable,
To help diplomats involved in a helicopter crash.
The day after that,
I was in the snowy north
Fighting red droids.
And soon after,
On an island in the Pacific
Defending from adversarial users.
I must have died 10,000 times.
And from what I hear on the news
We make advances only to be set back,
And vice versa,
But it's been seventeen good years
Going back & forth.
I don't know if I can recall what we're fighting over.

Tank all your profiles,
Cause they're tightening a snare.
𝘞𝘩𝘰 are you identifying?
Are these my views?
Is that my perspective?
Is it 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦?

Tank all your profiles,
Cause it's harder to get ******* physical than digital.
It's either a check or an x
To be marked onto your square.
A few fascists' dream
Is a legislative nightmare.

i am sorry
i'm not mature enough
to appreciate your situation
and you are too immature
to get out of it
both still kids,
who feel too strongly,
with longing

i am so lonely

when the sun dwindles
I'm left with a hollow feeling
what's in healing
when I still hurt

Every word spoken
I can treasure like a token
But what price do you put to it
Are they Benjamins
Or do you toss me only Lincolns?

Vanity, take your measurements -
Tailor me a suit to cover all character.
Take all discretion, only
As to whether I'm dressed pleasant
And wear a guise that's hygienic.
It's all very copacetic,
A couple of sweet words
More akin to syrup than cane;
Unnatural and fake.

moments from tonight
will be burned into my mind
hot iron brands on skin
and I don't know
how to feel alright
water filling the lungs in
what good would talking do
and walking is no use
stuck like a pin
I just want everyone to be alright
to be happy and have enough
battles you can't win

what if i were the deciding factor
between someone being helped or passed over
my conscience wouldn't allow it
i don't think it's my pride
cause i sure could use some help
i just won't be the one to take it from another

Words!
They're something we nearly
All can say,
They're something we share!

Thoughts!
They're something we can all say,
At least nearly;
Every living thing has them!

I think?

I think.

greased up
the batteries ready to loose
the bullets waiting to shoot
the jet plane fueled up
awaiting for use
the good men and women
in command
assured of their success
owed to the cunning of their plan
devious as they are
it's all worked so far
from europe, to asia, and sedan
is their nature insidious
or are funds more important than any one man?

you may not be
but i am giving up
cashing in
it's all been so much
i can't breathe
enough is enough
heavy
like scent of
rot

But it's all just perspective! Isn't it?
Someone stood on their head
Has a different perception
Of up & down.

That's why there's things like gravity.
To remind you,
Even in an avalanche,
Direction is not subjective -
Orientation is.

That's why there's different states of matter.
To remind you,
Even in a vacuum,
Being is not subjective -
Change is.

Cannot speak as to what the future holds
yet still untold
but today, my fingers freeze
hands shake from the cold
and my back aches
begging to break
under each new load
good god they weren't lying
when they said
life is like
a long and winding road

you're troubled
and i feel for you
and it pains to me to no end
there's no hope here to mend
so i'll just detach myself again
i'm merely something to keep your interest
in your boredom
is your life dull.
what sickness tooks this relationship, deformed from contortion
deprived of any soul

You couldn't tell if I was crazy
If you were even any sane!
And you're not.
You couldn't tell if I was sane
If you weren't any crazier!
But you are!

Does it hurt your head to think?
Why, let it stop!
Does it hurt your chest to breathe?
Why, just quit it!

Soemone else can do that for you,
You can just take the credit!
For if the heart should ache
You're better off without it!

But serious-
The cloud tells the rain
What is & is not water.
Do the falling droplets care?
"What are these foreign definitions?"

The destination is the same,
Their own priorities remain,
And perspective is unchanged.

These strange properties,
Words themselves as elements
When strung together by sentence.
Is repentance within a reflection?
Redemption by sight through a drop of liquid?

What grippings within these pensions,
What potential within these tensions,
What whippings within these conventions.

By the accounts of every party attended,
What stern material has been cobbled.
Yet, poverty is worn stronger.
That which itself is as the weather,
I think it closer to trinkles
Than shine & twinkle.

What do the poor pour?
What do the bums toast?
What do the homeless shower?

A buddy of mine
Left really only notes.
Another was a rotten cheater.
I knew one that liked to play with guys,
Knew one that liked masks & needles.
Comes what? What goes? Who knows.

It can't be worse than before,
But that's not something you remember.
Of course, I mean, not someone you know.

its funny, how little love there is there
despite their protesting
you're a source of a amusement;
its a pleasurable kind of pain
that leaves you wanting and drained
but pleasure and pain
all the same

tell me how
the thought alone
ain't killin' me right now
I guess I'm just glad I know
that life, up or down
is twenty times better
above ground

Eyes wide, shut
Carnal knowledge of my fatal attraction.
The thoughts, graphic.
American beauty, in the mood for love,
Match point,
Jig, all up.

When thoughts coalesce with feeling,
Do not let intensity take you. Though,
Don't let the thought and feeling fleet-
Sit and temper it, in
The furnace of the heart &
The forge of the mind.
Until hardened resolve springs,
With method & motive derived.

you've nowhere to run
the thing you so hungrily sought
those lofty ideals that lead to this outcome
will be stabbed at
reverse engineered and understood
till they are gone

how does your judgement supercede your predecessors
do you profess to understand the pulleys
the intricate inner-workings
the mechanist and puller of the levers
better?

do you understand the precedent this sets
do you care
if it fractures the nation
and opens the door
to absolving older legislation
so short-sighted
it is thunder
singing lightning
a storm brewing
to shadow progress
and bring on devastation

elsewhere
serenity rules me
and joy, like the tides of the sea
wash over me
continuously, rolling
into magnificent crescendos
of bright beautiful light,
colors endowed to me,
elsewhere

you can't fix me
i wouldn't want you to anyway
being with you
spending time together
that's what i want
i wonder
about all the things you do
and how you fill your time
god i'm pathetic

all is fair
is the quote shared
in love, and in war
but I ask
when they don the mask
how do you tell
heaven from hell
martyrs from a *****

Snow ablaze:
What, that is desire.
No fairer sight, than to gaze
Through rosey red shades-
But risk being burned alight,
By arrogance and ignorance,
These frictionless fires.
Like night calls to day,
Egress, say my name.
Empty, hollow flame;
Bleeding quagmire.
As if a game to play,
The one to laugh last takes all;
Omission recusing the liar.

scrolling
past things that mean nothing
and do nothing
in the ways and means
of entertainment or pleasure
or even interest
and all food is gruel
tasteless, mealy gruel
i have meaning
i know myself
i know what i'm working toward
but what good does that do
for bills
for positions still out of my reach
simply by merit, or connection
competent, and true to a fault
smart?
i can't figure anyone else out though

An irrational person, in my position
Put through the things I have been,
Might harbor hate or resentment
For the fairer ***.
Thankfully,  I have a better mindset,
And only hate you all

A wave is a wave,
Like a particle is a particle.
A ripple,
A droplet.

Language is not important,
For all concepts are constants.

That is,
The truly objective
And not what is perspective.
That's science!
It's fun,
You'll love it.
You live it!

What I'm saying is
That language & languages change,
The nature of any one given
And those which are still spoken.

Other such things?
They fall apart,
They collapse into dust.
Returning from whence they came.

Paper degrades, wood burns,
Clay crumbles, stone erodes -
What is it? That always which continues?
Such things as the voice of truth & of logic.

As long as there are those who speak it,
As long as there are those
Who are both willing & capable.
All of which any may choose to learn.

History shows,
Only fools don't learn it.
Wisdom knows,
Only the wise really keep it.

So many ways to reduce it!
So many ways to expand upon it!
It's all about knowing!
It's all about sharing!

exactly
just like that
spot on

it was a spark
awaiting ignition
to blaze a flame

it was all out rebellion
strikes of interdiction
streaked across the nation

kesey, el chapo, canucks
a veritable shark tank
this northern continent
land of social deterioration

Photonic resonance?
Is this the most material description
Of the mental processes of the mind
By that of the *****, the brain?
Thought & the like?

i already know the answer
but not the why
just to know
i'll survive
or guilt
built up inside
something to hide
back when i wrote disguised
and omitted, comparably to have lied
outside, my mind
dark thoughts that linger behind
lying just a skip away in the subconscious
the past haunts
the trauma that binds
the things i have still yet to find

i love the hard women
and soft men
who've let themselves fill rolls
supposedly not intended for them

he was much
like those before him
precarious of the future
loatheful of the present
and closing his eyes off to the past
but disconnection renders naught
and one might need to prime the mind
for deep and tender thought

The type to go
To die, "before his time."
If there is such a thing.
Sunglasses inside,
Though I'm trailed in shade
And trapped within,
Nights that rule day.

Sleep like a pillow, no one there

In my heart, in my head

Easy to conceive,
The likes of thousands of souls
All as miserable as me.
In the likes of this world,
Like moss on a tree.
Stumped, but still living.

Meal's on you, ace.
Meals of you, ace.
As just but a deck of cards
Among tables of strung-out gamblers;
What's blackjack to a game of craps?
Suppose it's a matter
Of the rules of the sitting chaps,
Though I've never seen drunks wetter.
It's innumerable cards of the same face,
For each is but another portrait of indifference.
It's innumerable dealers of the same things,
For each is closer in similarity than farther in dissension.

To love to play
Is not the same as a play of love.

Yet, to make life a game
Is not the same as the "game" of life itself.

how cruel
that it can tear you in twine
two, for twice the heaven
love split between divines

coming inches from fighting
every nerve
fires like lightning
who do they serve
when it's conflict
they're igniting

Do bullys ever tire?
How is it
Some are men, but still just boys?
Truly, their fathers failed them
And mothers weened each too long.
Vice versa?
In the motive of their choices
It oftentimes reflects the outcome;
Failure they do not understand,
Sometimes mistaken for a resolution
And not just the consequences of their actions.

Rest your head,
and dream a different dream.
What can we do?

Get up to run,
but no legs.
So, just tread water

Filling your lungs,
renege.
On promises you offered

Cause we're all the same;
That's the magic
The absolute splendor, the wonder

It's all mud
Messy people
Obscured in dirt
To bring you down under