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Good days
Bad days
The line is thin
Emotions have dried
There eating
You within.

Let me back in
I’ve done
nothing wrong
Let me back in
It’s where I belong.

I’ll sit on the floor
Outside your door
A week
A month
Even a year
Your worth
The fight
I love you
My dear.

Why you are like this
I do not know
Your sunshine is there
Please let it glow.
Let me back in
I’ve done
nothing wrong
Let me back in
It’s where I belong.
Foam lines move outwards

From oars that pierce stillness

Spreading just to fade.
about impermanence
“I really like you” I say
Sheepish grin stealing away
On my face, only illuminated
By the streetlights and other passing cars
“Thank you” he says, grinning back
“I like you too”
a moment that felt like poetry
'Perspective betrays with its dichotomy:
train tracks always meet, not here, but only
    in the impossible mind's eye;
horizons beat a retreat as we embark
on sophist seas to overtake that mark
    where wave pretends to drench real sky.'

'Well then, if we agree, it is not odd
that one man's devil is another's god
    or that the solar spectrum is
a multitude of shaded grays; suspense
on the quicksands of ambivalence
    is our life's whole nemesis.

So we could rave on, darling, you and I,
until the stars tick out a lullaby
    about each cosmic pro and con;
nothing changes, for all the blazing of
our drastic jargon, but clock hands that move
    implacably from twelve to one.

We raise our arguments like sitting ducks
to knock them down with logic or with luck
    and contradict ourselves for fun;
the waitress holds our coats and we put on
the raw wind like a scarf; love is a faun
    who insists his playmates run.

Now you, my intellectual leprechaun,
would have me swallow the entire sun
    like an enormous oyster, down
the ocean in one gulp: you say a mark
of comet hara-kiri through the dark
    should inflame the sleeping town.

So kiss: the drunks upon the curb and dames
in dubious doorways forget their monday names,
    caper with candles in their heads;
the leaves applaud, and santa claus flies in
scattering candy from a zeppelin,
    playing his prodigal charades.

The moon leans down to took; the tilting fish
in the rare river wink and laugh; we lavish
    blessings right and left and cry
hello, and then hello again in deaf
churchyard ears until the starlit stiff
    graves all carol in reply.

Now kiss again: till our strict father leans
to call for curtain on our thousand scenes;
    brazen actors mock at him,
multiply pink harlequins and sing
in gay ventriloquy from wing to wing
    while footlights flare and houselights dim.

Tell now, we taunq where black or white begins
and separate the flutes from violins:
    the algebra of absolutes
explodes in a kaleidoscope of shapes
that jar, while each polemic jackanapes
    joins his enemies' recruits.

The paradox is that 'the play's the thing':
though prima donna pouts and critic stings,
    there burns throughout the line of words,
the cultivated act, a fierce brief fusion
which dreamers call real, and realists, illusion:
    an insight like the flight of birds:

Arrows that lacerate the sky, while knowing
the secret of their ecstasy's in going;
    some day, moving, one will drop,
and, dropping, die, to trace a wound that heals
only to reopen as flesh congeals:
    cycling phoenix never stops.

So we shall walk barefoot on walnut shells
of withered worlds, and stamp out puny hells
    and heavens till the spirits squeak
surrender: to build our bed as high as jack's
bold beanstalk; lie and love till sharp scythe hacks
    away our rationed days and weeks.

Then jet the blue tent topple, stars rain down,
and god or void appall us till we drown
    in our own tears: today we start
to pay the piper with each breath, yet love
knows not of death nor calculus above
    the simple sum of heart plus heart.
Better that every fiber crack
and fury make head,
blood drenching vivid
couch, carpet, floor
and the snake-figured almanac
vouching you are
a million green counties from here,

than to sit mute, twitching so
under prickling stars,
with stare, with curse
blackening the time
goodbyes were said, trains let go,
and I, great magnanimous fool, thus wrenched from
my one kingdom.
One more swell now motionless,
Realness from afar,
Drifting pointlessly,
Into a world of dubiety and falling stars.

The apprehension of letting go,
A fount of cognizance and angst,
With advents of dawn,
Seeing through the night, to no more be recast,

A future, said to reflect the age,
Alight, yet dimming anew,
Abaft the scud of clouds,
Burning itself out – the sun that never quite withdrew.
Begot with a paradox, to spawn distance from a state called 'life'.
You dreamed me in candlelight,
soft edges, no shadow, no spine;
a shape to fill the hollows
of your unfinished self.
Not a woman,
but a whisper of one.

You named me gentle before I spoke,
kind before I doubted,
yours before I breathed.

I stayed quiet while you wrote
the story you wanted me to live in;
a love with no clauses,
no agency, no weight.
A devotion with doll-joints,
pliant and smiling.

But I was never a mirror.
I cracked the glass
by simply being real.

You called it betrayal
when I stepped outside the frame.
You wept for the ruin
of your castle of mist
and blamed the wind.

But I was not the storm.
I was the truth.
The quiet, unbeautiful, necessary truth.
I never left you.
You just never saw me;
only your hope
wearing my skin.

© fey (24/05/25)
i open
a pandora’s box
of red and white
a blend of
virginia’s sweet
burley, and
sun dried oriental leaves
heat fuel and oxygen
over coffin nails, burying a
living, breathing me
In the middle of the dark,
there is always a light.
A small light,
but a light nonetheless.
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