I found parts of me
inside my poetry
I could never see
in strange reality.

I was Jesus Christ walking
  on the ocean out to dolphins
  playing on the sea to toss
  ***** to fetch like my dog
  used to do before he died
  and left me broke apart
  never could find my heart
  I don't know where to start

There was a time
we lit up a room.
Toast of the town,
roses' full bloom.
Now we watch it
from a dark tomb.

There we were sitting on bar stools
side by side and talking about women
and the way they smell. Some earthy and
some flowers and some like stale *****.
We told sick jokes and remembered good
old days when men were fierce and girls
were gentle and tamed their beasts.
We parted. He paid my tab. Yellow teeth.
I remember his laugh. It was sincere.
I stumbled out drunk but he walked sober.

This old poet poses with his worn out lines.
Tender poetry of youth and love's beginnings,
faltering steps beyond puberty's uncertainty.

I've pounded my love on typewriters, each letter
has a part to play in this drama with a weight
all its own. Smash a key and it opens old wounds.

I pound Kathy Cindy Betsy Karen Georgine Terry
Lynette and my final keys are JAYNE.
It spells my final breath named Tia.

The past like fog forgotten.
What will you do from now on?
The one eyed cat is Jesus Christ
the giant dog is God Almighty.
Easter is the great escape.
Your death is only for you.
I'll nail me to your cross.
I'll own my sins. You are free.
I try my best half measures.
Forget resurrection. Fly, Dove.

I keep my mistress
in my faded Levi's
in case of distress
guilt for all my lies
wedding vows broken
our kids are betrayed
silent them spoken
I leave as they played

As angels go Dorothy was my favorite!
She knew our talents. She believed.
She helped us believe in ourselves.
She laughed the hardest, she loved us all,
she led these lost souls into places of peace.
We miss you dearly. I miss you most of all.
The scarecrow, tin man and cowardly lion.
We'll meet at the end of the yellow brick road.

Our souls bright light
in sin's darkest night
expose our true delight
as death takes it flight.

There's a poem in there if
   I can strip away the debris
   and polish it like silver
   and read it at a posh affair.
   I'll use a singsong baritone
   to give it gravity like Dylan.

As the raven's shadow eclipsed the sun
   I trembled with doubt for my beliefs.
   I wished I knew hidden truths gods are
   privy to and I'll die in ignorance again.
   Once more I claw beneath dignity in
   search of a captain's beauty with wild
   hair and wild heart and a poet's blood
   to write this history upon bent knee.
   Maybe we'll discover we're pieces of the
   same puzzle and complete a masterpiece.

I finally forgot how to breathe
I've lived in a vacuum so long.
I drown in an ocean full of life,
surface days later in this song.
We confess our serial betrayals
acting like lovers forgiving
turn our black souls outward
continue to act out our living.

Come now, child, life is long.
Learn loves, hates and pains
as you hum your silly song
a cancer with cruel refrains,
never really actually a Fair.
Most of the herd won't care.
Some will always beware
of a bad luck death stare.

Our baby got tangled
up in tubes and died.
Buried our lust with
the forgotten bride.
Forgive my lost way
I want to want you
it just won't be today

I am kind.
  I am cruel.
  I am loved
  and a fool.
  I am guilty.
  I am free.
  You'll find me
  in Agony.

Death is the forever
no clocks or never.
No pesky calendar
no future or past
no appointments
no nagging or
disappointments
forever no more.

For the most part I was never sane.
I was drunken numb to everything.
Power lines fell into your rain.
You deadly siren, your wires sing.
I needed to touch your flesh.
We were so alive and young.
I needed to taste your ***.
You're always on my tongue.

A magic box where all of your
ugliness and cruelty are forgiven
when you recite the sin list to
your priest and perform penance.
Guilt  lives in shadows of the
heart always whispering madness.

I'm little people and work in a kitchen as a sous chef.
    Long hours and chop chop chop all ******* shift 'til it
    finally ends and we escape to our addictions of pleasure.
    We wake in different beds tangled with strangers we know.
    I'm a ******. I've slept with every braniac you can imagine.
    They come in minutes and spend hours trying to convince me
    their *ism is the one true god. I listen, I'm paid and I leave.
    There's no difference. We need love of any kind and any cost.

We were young and beautiful.
     We tasted each other and feasted
     on our banquet. I smell you still
     and I'm 73 and you're beside me in
     bed in dreams that are more alive
     than my daily crawl toward death.

The world is splendid. It's
     bright and loud and colorful.
     I could blow a fuse and bring
     my machine to a sudden halt.
     I keep my light low and noise
     whispers and never love fully.
     I walk among the tombstones of
     those who've gone before me as
     others will dance upon my grave
     and drink toasts to this madman.

I'm going to say goodnight
and say my prayers
and hope to God
there won't be bears!

My life is fading away
day by day going astray
I can't place you I forget
I love you but I regret
I forgot your name again
I know where we've been
I remember cans on cars
cheers in so many bars
laughter and pleasure
beyond any measure.

Pose with me. Smile.
   I'll be your friend
   in a picture frame
   'til the bitter end
   nailed to the cross
   of your destruction
   buried in shame
   and a resurrection.

Hanging on old bones
I'm parchment skin
my story tattooed
litanies of my sin.
I rattle when I breathe
and forget most things
except my lovers and
my wedding rings.

They tried to break me.
I kept spitting out the bit.
You can't tame the righteous  
Fire burned my spirit.
Wedding bands won't
shackle me like chains
I buck and snort and rebel
burn you with my flames.

I saw God's spark set us in motion.
     Hell broke loose and molten metals
     exploded into a universe too big to
     imagine. Light chased dark and light
     was born. Globes crashed into globes.
     Someone's soul began the human blight.

Kick the cat and beat the dog.
   Burn the children's presents.
   Leave them alone in the fog.
   Desert them with resentments
   chasing lust's false promises
   thinking love finds us again.
   Only more willing mistresses
   never love, just lusts' pain.

You pose for me from time to time
   I sketch you with my words.
   Perfect curves angles and shadows.  
   Sun frames hair in a halo;
   cheekbones of a movie queen;
   Cleopatra smile of yours
   brings me to my knees.
   You stop time.
   I see forever
   in your eyes.

When the mirror became a window
   I finally saw me as I've always been.
   I saw the storm of war blood that
   goes on forever through its martyrs
   veins both living and dead destroying
   happiness with wounds of memories.

The bullets in the water fly
like a flock in autumn's sky.
Blood paints the sea burnt red.
My lovers always wash up dead
on the white sand beach instead
of satisfied next to me in our bed.

Picasso Dali Escher Dylan,
     The force that through the
     green fuse drives the flower
     drives my green youth
     is my destroyer. Life Story.
     Black ink portraits of me
     begging for colors corpses
     whiter shades of pale.

I've finally come undone
   the whole crazy orchestra
   plays frenzied on the sun.
   I stare hard to see them
   in the blinding light of
   noon finally seeing truth.

Just dying to be grown up
forget my father I'm a man
I shave, drink beers in a cup
war is my first time woman
taste of Eve and ammunition
boys line up on walls to die
murmured Act of Contrition
chewed up in jaws of a lie.

Rockefeller was a villain
back in the olden times
until he gave away all of
his pockets full of dimes.
A gentle kind old man frail,
caring, generous to a fault
sold his soul on newsreels
to an adoring sheep like cult.

Absinthe at dawn
a night club
a dance hall
a bordello
the world swept up
in Bohemian revolution
bright colors explode
inside fuddled brains
full of acid and do me
next or I steal your
planet Earth for my
Butterfly collection.
Orbits in orbits in
more orbits brick on
brick make a church
with graves outside
fading light at vespers
when they pray forever.

Written by Phoebe Waller

    I would say ****** into liquidation.
    and I ****** up my family
    and I ****** my friend
    by ******* her boyfriend
    and sometimes I wish I didn't
    even know that ******* existed
    and that I know that my body
    as it is now really is the only
    thing I have left, and when that
    gets old and unfuckable,
    I may as well just **** it.
    And somehow there isn't
    anything worse than someone
    who doesn't want to **** me.
    I **** everything. Except for
    when I was in your office.
    I really wasn't trying to have ***.
    Either everyone feels like this
    a little bit, and they're just not
    talking about it, or I'm completely
    ******* alone. Which isn't ******* funny.

Can I cure the sick or raise the dead?
   Can I feed a crowd with fish and bread?
   Can I turn water into Chardonnay?
   Can I walk across your pool today?
   Can I count on a betrayal Judas kiss?
   Can I die and rise reborn in bliss?

I still hear her whispered pleas
in poetry she wrote in need.
Abuse, excuse, forgive and live.
"I know the beast loves my beauty.
I just need to keep it perfect!
He purrs so lovely when he's sated."

Welcome true Love.
I trust. Tread easy.
Don't become a ghost
haunt my memory.

My heart has become
fields of unmarked graves
calcified and numb
we're all Love's slaves.

Santa comes overnight and leaves stuff.
Sleep. Dream of toys and candy canes.
Tomorrow never seems to come.
We barely sleep and meet at 4 am.
We kids gather at the top of the stair to strategize.
5 am we send a soldier to wake mom and dad.
They are defeated and beg for 10 minutes.
In 20 minutes the living room has erupted
in Xmas. Wrapping paper and ribbons
have adorned this happy home.
It's as close to perfect we'll know.
Outside the window falls the snow.

I'm not equipped to be an easy love.
I don't know why. Women can be the
nectar I need and ease my aching heart.
Desire is always offered with an
enormous cost that I'm unable to pay.
I try to make a silk purse from a pig's ear.
I give her pearls and lipstick.
Party girls don't want to meet the parents.

I feel your shadow from above
  hunting me with your eager eyes.
  I always told you of my weakness
tear my love apart with  your lies.
  Keep your talons from my flesh.
  Spare my heart. Ignore my carrion.
  Share your heat on our wedding bed.
  Stay with me through the bitter end.

Dirtiest line on PG TV.
Ward, weren't you hard
on the ****** last night?

She hypnotized me.
She mesmerized me
staring in my eyes
telling me the lies
I never believed
her love deceived
I broke my own heart
just like I always do.

It's just me. I can't be you.
You are sunset. I'm morning dew.
I haunt you but you evict me.
You live in my bones for free.
Love is the harshest mistress
wearing the smallest dress.

We're all being swept to sea in a
riptide of madness in a sinister
world of mad science and trusted
aides with long knives and smiles.

75 and moving to last page
time to clear an empty nest
just accept the final stage
then  throw away the rest.

Dumpster in the driveway
collects my broken dreams
books bought never read
nothing as it ever seems.

Guitars and keyboards tossed
lyrics forgotten as stutters
all my words are dead lost
poems die in wet gutters.

People everywhere but I'm not here.
Loud. Noise. Laughter. Music.
I'm numb to it. I mingle and help them
laugh and toast my dear friends.
I'm outside in a tree house looking at stars.
I am crying for a terrible loss only I see.
A friend calls for me and says we're leaving.
My love demands she's going. The loss to be.

My dear, Savior
Erase my debts.
make me braver,
admit my regrets.
Anyway let me be
in a peaceful place
where I can see
better time space.