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i think i'm gonna be sick
i thought about it
and i realized something new
i've been doing that a lot recently

in the moment you can push on
but in hindsight every aspect can be magnified
individual actions scrupled upon
like never before

disssecting a microcosm of a major failure
who's i don't know
but i am realizing just how broken i am
and how much you never gave me
compared to how much you have to give

i wish i hadn't given it my all
not when you couldn't imagine what that's like
i'm having new realizations
but i keep asking who am i
i didn't have the chances to get so far
as to understand one singular thing about myself

hope you can appreciate all you have
and all you'll never feel
There was a susurrus upstairs…


It was the softest ghosts that drove me.
They carried me into town
so I could visit
the Funeral Home Gift Shop.

I weren’t bereaved,
They just have my favorite cokes and
a surprisingly liberal return policy.
The gentleman behind the counter never ends our interactions with, “see you again soon.”
Always just, “Bye… for now.”

It was an awkward ride home.
The softest ghosts still haunt me.
The earth moves around the sun at 67,000 mph.

Since you began reading this
we've travelled 36 miles
through the cold, black void of space

together.

Know then, fellow traveler
that this is why
I love you.

For the millions of miles gone and
the millions still to go
we were, are and will be bound
by this shared vessel.

The void holds tight to its secrets.
I will hold tight
to you.
100 miles travelled by the end.
god makes no mistakes, god circles your drain, god looks just like you.
god put his face in my hands, i dont want remember the questions i was asked.
i remember the heat of a church in august,
repeating scriptures as my knees ache against the **** carpet.
i learned that god doesnt pressure the sick ones, he only breaks beneath it. i am salvaging the consolation of knowing these things.
i cherish him with my fingernails,
and i shake like an exhausted child.
i am trying my best to shake this swirling from my mind.
hallowed be my breath my eyes my insides,
because i cant seem to stop believing in you so i am proving myself the only way i can.
flailing, wrecking, losing.
There is a
screaming
screeching pain
that is so raw.
It's like a
mouse caught in
a glue trap.
It must be locked
away for no one
to see or handle.

And sometimes
on moonless nights
when no one is
around, and the
owls have killed
their prey, and the
teardrops have been
bottled and sold on
the black market,
you may be tempted
to take that pain out,
like a slice of pie,
and taste it.
Be careful.
It may have
fermented and
developed a mind of
its own.
Check out my recently published, Limited Edition book, Rise Up Collected Poems and Short Stories.
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I wish I was made of bulletproof skin and a barbed wire mind
Heart was buried treasure impossible to find
In need of good luck if you've any to spare
Seems mine was carried away like a balloon into the air
I dream of following but I can't sprout a pair of wings
To the earth anchored by melancholy
Held by a thousand strings
Full of too much sorrow there's hardly any room to move
Grief sits on shoulders
An anchor weighing too much to remove
Mirrors at every turn mocking me with my own reflection
Tormenting reminders of each mistake and imperfection
I do not know how much longer I am able to stand on these two feet
Exhausted from daily performance mastered and am condemned to forever repeat
Don't believe my own worth though I try I can't love who I have become
Disappointment stings worse than bees so do all I can to stay numb
I'm waging war with myself and taking bets on which side will win
Back and forth tug of war constantly makes my head spin
Heaven? Hell?
Good? Evil?
Light? Dark?
I have no clue
I'm so lost in madness contained in my soul that it is tearing my heart in two
Feeling some type of way
my carnival heart rides
the Ferris wheel

got lost in the tunnel of love

(lost my love on the merry go round)

the minute hand of my watch, forever

back and forth
tap, tap, tapping on midnight, i'm

tossed and tumbled
like the rodeo clown
riding a bull
I'm holding aces and eights tucked tightly
against my chest so

play the long shot

I pray for the gypsy wind
wild and flowing

my heart is true.

precious love
my precious love
I had it yelled at me once, "you don't even know what love is!"
At first the accusation put me on the defensive
But the examples to me of laugh, love, live
Has always been top tier corrosive, a wildly destructive narrative

©2024
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