Why do I cry, turn myself in side out. Can u see the screams in my eyes no I doubt it, but life goes on when all this traffic in my brain serves to cease then sustain.  What's the root of my life is it to have children and find a wife, I've done that already and it caused me strife but I don't regret anything in my life. Mistakes i don't regret karma's abait, sometimes we have to leave it to fate.

As you lay in that cold dark morgue, like a antique vessel that can't be restored, I told you to leave that shank at home nothing came of it just a boys gravestone.  Nothing comes from it except pain and hurt and one young lad in a blood stained shirt. I don't blame the kids it's all they know the government thru them under the bus a long time ago.

Will i remembered when I am gone, will it be for the right reasons or the wrong.                         When my body is derelict and cold and you think to yourself he wasn't that old, but you've never seen life thru these eyes.                 All of the conspirators with their tricks and their lies pulling sheep's clothing over their eyes.    Will you remember me with love or hate I can't do much about it now it's all to late.                              Will i meet Jesus at the end of the tunnel or Will I get ****** down that dark fiery funnel.                       Promise me that you won't forget me and that i will always be here even though it may cause tears.          Maybe tears of joy or possibly resentment if the latter is true it wasn't my intention.

I pray for tomorrow, because all I have today is heart break and sorrow, because time on this earth is only borrowed. We are just vessels of skin and bones floating thru this realm. I know one day I will be with you at the helm, sailing up to another life no more pain, hate, or strife. I can feel the love washing over me, and one day will be with thee. A spiritual rapture waiting to come where I will see my lord, sister, mother and son. The hurt starts to subside when u my lord are by my side.when I stretch my arms out wide I know this love is deep inside, the father, the son, the holy ghost you've always been there when I needed you most

When I awake from drunken slumber upon my hand a unknown number, as I cast my memory back no it's no good it's all gone black. As I lift myself from my pit I glance  in the mirror two black eyes and smashed up lips did I get jumped or was I acting a ****. When I get drunk I can hardly see so you probably know more about last night than me. My brain cells are dying at a alarming rate but my body is saying it's not to late.  Now it's time the shakes take hold starting to sweat then going cold, the panic attack makes me stumble and start to fall smash my head against the wall. At times like this I feel really rough I tell u what I have had enough. Looking thru red red eyes all the heartaches and lies if I would have known from the start that alcohol eats away at your heart, clouds your brain and stops your start. Would I change it if I could yes yes yes I would.

In my dark days of pain every day was the same, every week I was drunk and messed up on skunk. In the dark days of my emotions drinking mad men's potions wracked with guilt and self pity thoughts of moving to another city, but better the devil my dad used to say, I wish he were sat here beside me today.       He gave me strength when I was weak and gave me memories and love to keep. Another thing he used to say was if I could put my head on your shoulders we'd go a long way. So when I get angry and try to control the rage I just remember my dad and turn the page.

Wrestling with my self respect things I could of done but chose to neglect all the hurt and self regrets. We've bin together now for many years you cloud my brain and cause me tears. She wrapped me up in a warm fuzzy glow, no matter how  hard I struggled she wouldn,t let me go. So **** I gotta wrestle free thru that doorway that was given to me. Every day that we're apart jus serves to ,strengthen my heart  my mind and my resolve.you ruled my soul and you ruled my life it's like I,ve bin married to an abusive wife, I can't take your ******* any more so I tell you what I,m posting these papers thru your door were no longer married any more.