Will this be my fairy tale?
I hold on tight to the slight hope that lingers.
When he says goodbye, I wonder if this time he means forever.
I wonder if this will be my fairy tale or the start of my never-ending heart break.
Will all his love give me enough trust not to be worried for the future?
It's not his fault that he picked a damaged heart to love.

I miss it all.
The hellos the goodbyes.
I miss
Him saying I will never leave you that turned into please don’t call me again.
I miss hearing his voice.
I wish this was a nightmare that I could wake up from.
I miss him.

I love you.
I often said the words, but I still got the same nervousness as the first time.
Wondering if one day the word will mean something, Different then, I see your life mixed in with mine.
If this were a book, I would read it every night until all the words were memorized front to back.
I hope this is my last beginning to a forever person.
I love you until I find a word only meant for us.

I'm falling more each day, wishing I would stop.
I know love comes with battles,
That leaves scars Instead of kisses.
I grow up dreading love knowing how it can break someone.
I never want to heart fall in love because that turns into hate.
Should I put back up my walls before it's too late?

I want to trust him,
I want to let my guard down.
He can't hurt me if I don't let him in.
I don't want to loose him due to my fear of the past.
I know I'm overthinking ,the first time I went in with hope is the time I got hurt the worse.
I told my self I would never give anyone trust again.

I wish I could control it.
Not wanting to cry over the little things hoping it will go away.
When will it stop telling me things on repeat.
I tried to listen to the good in life but it's hard when the darkness is screaming in your ears.
Not wanting to burden anyone with my issues but trying to tell the truth at the same time.
Everyone telling me it will be ok and we aren't leaving.
How can I believe all the words when my mind wants to say the opposite.
Do I believe them or my broken mind.
Maybe I don't want to believe it's broken.
Maybe one day my pills will stop this all.
Or maybe I can stop it all.

I wish I could be freed from this world.
That one day I won't be in pain with my own mind.
Maybe I will be able to find someone that loves me for me.
Not having to beg to be heard.
I wish I could be gone sometimes to make my mind shut up.
But it will be easier in the end.

It feels like a dream maybe too good to last.
Maybe too good to be true.
I sit back and relax not sure what is going to happen next.
I roll down my window and I finally understand what being peaceful means.
I thought it meant when im sitting next to you and you give me that look.
That says nothing bad is ever going to happen to you.
But I'm alone and I feel better than ever.
I hope this isn't a dream.
If this has to be I hope I never wake up unless you're next to me.

The words replay in my head.
Making me sick every time I hear your voice.
I wasted my time on her while she just pushed me down.
She laughed when I cried, thinking I wouldn’t find anyone better.
When I got stronger, she blamed it all on me.
I thought she was right for too long.

Her voice sounds like I'm finally home.
The way I feel myself is a gift I don't want to lose.
I'm falling for a girl that doesn't know my whole story.
I wish I could give her all my dreams.
The way I don't want to lose you is hurting my soul.
I wish I didn't want you like this.

I fall in love a little too fast.
My heart gets broken a little too much.
I will not regret those memories.
I fall too hard,
And smile too big about it.

I wish love wouldn’t fade; she would be next to me.
But now I see her in someone else arms.
Regretting every choice that got us here.
If only I cared a little more, Treated her better.
Maybe the love wouldn’t have faded after all.
Then this new man could have been erased from her story.

Wishing isn't the hard part,
Trying to believe this lousy day will only last a day.
It's easier to fall into old habits than fighting a war that's been going on for years.
I shut it out, but it's hard not to think that this is the start of the never-ending cycle of sadness that I fought so hard to get rid of.

This wasn't goodbye,
This was a constant reminder that it was in control.
That it can pull me back anytime, anywhere.
I asked to be set free but instead, I cry my mind blank.
Waiting to go numb.
This wasn't goodbye,
Only the reminder that the will always follow me.

He makes me believe in fairytales all over,
The sound of his voice reminds me of the calmness of rain falling.
I wish I could see myself the way he sees me.
He makes me believe in never-ending happiness; I used to think that wasn't possible.
I thought I wasn't worthy of all of this and should get prepared to get played until he taught me otherwise.
He makes talking about the future sound like forever.

My life became a mess.
I started to love darkness more than the light.
It made me feel safer knowing soon all the stress would be gone.
I know that living isn't just surviving.
It's wanting to wake up to do something new.
To wanting to see the future not run from it.
I don't know if I was running but I was so used to not living I didn't see the reason to keep going.
To want to be happy because I didn't see a point in it.
A point to go to the light vs deep deep dark.

Was she nothing to him?
Were all the memories are thrown out the second he found someone prettier?
I remember the way he to look at her like she was the only person who mattered.
She was his world,
Now it's almost as if she ever even existed.

I missed you.
Then all the memories came rushing through my head.
I realized I only missed the thought of you.
When you came back all the hate I forgot about was there again.
I missed you.
Then I remember how much pain you leave behind.
I realized I only wanted what I didn't have.

If only he understood how hard it is not to Relapse,
To Ignore the buzzing in my head that screams at night.
If only he could see the fear behind the smiles,
the Numbness after all Images go through my mind.
One day it won't affect me,
But today, I hope for a second chance.

If I was lost, would you be there to help me find my way?
Some days will be tough,
There are days that you'll need a second to breathe.
If I finished early would you give me other things to do?
Some times will be louder than can imagine,
Take a second to help the class get back to a softer tone.
If I was falling behind, would you stay longer to help me catch up?
Some students won't want to learn,
Put on your thinking cap and try to take the stress away.
If I didn't believe in myself, would you teach me how?

The walls look a little whiter than normal.
Why is the fan making such a loud noise?
Did my room always look this messy?
Maybe it's all in my head but this doesn't seem right.
Everyone is moving on I'm still stuck in the same moment.
The moment everyone forgot about.
I hid the blades but there always in the back of my mind.
Wondering when I will need them next to shut up my lonely mind.
The one that keeps trying to talk even thought I don't want to hear it.
The thing that makes me feel more hurt than anyone in my family.
I don't even have my family just my phone with random people to text that don't even want me.
So I sit here alone again for the tenth day in a row.

I look back to see her standing there. She was all alone, but her smile said something else.
I waited to make sure everything was ok, and Then it hit me.
The lost girl was hidden behind too many secrets,
She just wanted to be saved but had no one notice.
Finally, she left, but without a smile.
Instead, she wears a warning sign that says, don’t get attached; I won’t be here long.
I looked in the dark window to found out the lost girl took my thoughts.
Now I stand here with someone else smile.

She trusted him with everything,
He took it and destroyed it after a day.
She thought it was by mistake,
Gave him one more chance.
He did it once again.
Laughed at the look of her teary eyes.

What happens to forever?
I always saw you in my future, but that's what I get for dreaming too big.
I thought we would end up together in the end.
Now I'm watching on the sideline as you live out the moments without me next to you.
I know I'm the one that called us off,
Thinking you would fight for us.
If you showed me anything, I would have stayed.
My love didn't run out,
Only the patience I had begging for attention.
I would have stayed in your arms if you had given me something.
I would drop everything to be back with you.
That shows all I wanted was the bare minimum.
You couldn't even give me that.

If love was a book,
It would come in many forms.
Starting as the tales, we read at night to chapter books that take months to read.
If love was a book,
I would read it over and over, never wanting to stop hoping it would come true.
Dreaming of the day when I no longer have to read to figure out what it means.
If love was a book,
I would hope I was secretly reading about you.

The voice was sugar to my ears.
It taught me strength when he didn't want to.
It was there for me when she wouldn't be.
I learned hope from it,
When hopeless were all, I knew.

Battle
I was only 17 when my battle started.
Thoughts filled with horror,
Long nights of fear.
I tried pill after pill to fix my issue,
Finally, two and half years later, I was free.
The day I tried my ADHD meds,
It was the day I could finally breathe again.
I’m sorry for leaving,
It was finally time to move on.
I will miss the feel of comfort,
But not the misery that came with it.

Love has two sides,
The sweet, dreamy, and storytelling.
Or the evil that hides between every forced smile holding back treats, hoping no one around them notices their pain.
Growing up, I saw both sides.
Hoping one day I will find my long-lost prince.
Slightly feared the other type would find its way to me.
Love has two sides, one we all dream of or the nightmare we fear.

When his hands are on mine, I slowly melt in the arms around me.
My voice starts to fade, He holds me tighter to reassure me I'm safe.
When his hands are on mine, I feel the time has paused.
He brings out a part of me that I hid away afraid of getting hurt again.

The lost love,
Hidden between secret friend's ships.
Holding on to the memories before it turns into long-lost tales.
Before her heart is gone forever, Always remember my love will never fade.
In the end, my heart was made for you.

He's scared of letting go,
She helped him believe again.
She didn't have a family,
He became her missing piece.

I waited and waited for someone to notice me.
None cared until I gave more up everything .

Sometimes I can't breathe.
Somedays I feel myself getting dragged underwater.
The other part of me watches and laughs.
I try to make it back to the surface but I can't hold on to anything.
Sometimes I can't breathe under all these thoughts.
Some days I feel too heavy to fight.
At some point, I stopped caring.

Medicine,
I wish I didn't need it to survive.
Take a sip of water to swallow the pill keeping me alive.
Medicine,
I used to think it was a weakness to rely on something to make me feel "normal."
Medicine,
Either make me better or worse, but I wouldn't be here without it.

My life feels like a game,
Right now, I'm losing.
Wondering how many more tries I have.
Will this be my legacy?
The words all spilling out,
With no eyes to see it.
My life feels like a losing game
No matter how hard I try,
I can't leave this behind.
How do I get out of this alive?

Love me,
Hi, it's me again just checking in.
Wondering if you ever think of me or wish it ended differently.
Maybe it was never love but a fantasy that played in my head.
Did you ever think that we would end up together?
I thought the person in my mind was the one for me.
Missing all the red flags to stay with you.
When you made me feel unwanted I told myself you were just busy.
Oh, how wrong I was in the end.

This is my final goodbye
Keep all the messed up memories and the fake I love yous.
The pretending to know me only to leave me days later.
My heart had a lock on it that only opened for you.
Now it's locked up once more.
I thought I was too much,
I thought it was my fault.
I learned true love doesn't end like this.

I won't be mad that you left.
I knew this day would come even thought you told me it wouldn't.
I believed almost every word that came out of your mouth.
That I would be your number one.
That no one could take my place.
Look how wrong I was because I'm crying at my keyboard wonder where I went wrong.
In the back of my mind this is a nightmare that should have came sooner.
I'm afraid to open my eyes knowing this is real life.
Knowing that I lost my other half to someone else.
I'm not mad that you are leaving.
I'm mad that I Believed you would stay.

I found my old letters.
The ones are saying goodbye, and I'm sorry for everything.
I found my old letters.
The ones that hold the darkest of secrets that no one is meant to see until I disappear.
I found my old letters.
That wishes to leave instead of staying.
I found my old letters.
Now, they are old words that I don't need.

Around and around we go again.
Feeling too low to even breathe.
Begging for the day that forever will Finley end?
Hoping my pain won't be here tomorrow.
Around and around we go again.
I scream in my mind thinking someone will hear my cries.
No one comes because it's all in my head
Around and around we go again.

He thought she wanted it to happen.
The smile hid the real feelings because she is too afraid of telling him no.
She would cry it out, believing one day he would care for her,
Instead, he went for someone else.
He said he would stay only to take the first exit out.
If she ever spoke her truth, he would make her think she was crazy.
Now, this girl thinks it's love to be treated this way.
Her first love broke her,
the second made her trust again.

A flower is similar to dating,
Looks super sweet and will last for a long time.
Until the pedals start to slowly disappear, leaving an empty stem.
Then you look for a newer and prettier one,
Hoping this time, it will last longer than the last
Never understanding why it keeps getting old but never giving it attention.

My little heart flutters with butterflies.
It's the way he smiles at me and makes me feel special.
This time it will be different, or that's what I tell myself.
I'm not worried about falling, only for the after the mess of it all.
My little heart flutters with butterflies while my mind worries about how to prepare for the last goodbye.

I woke up wondering what happened to us.
Sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring,
Hours pass, and no text messages are sent.
I remember when we stayed up all night chatting until the sun came up.
Picturing what our futures hold,
Now all I see is empty memories of what could have been.

Don't get mad.
I say with a nervous giggle,
Never knowing how they respond.
Tip toeing around my own house,
Not wanting to spark a ticking time bomb.
The silence gets louder,
My mind starts to scream.
Please don't get mad.
The only phase I knew in the broken home.
Hoping one day someone will understand why I start to shake when they raise their voice.

Even with all the medicine, she still won't leave me alone.
Reminding me one day how the person you like will go any second.
Stop smiling; he doesn't even notice you.
I sit on my floor, trying to think of all the stuff he ever said to me.
The voice gets louder, and it won't turn off.
I sent another text,
She tells me you are driving him away.
I deleted it,
Only to regret it a second later.

I hope one day I can smile when thinking of her.
I know that day was darker than a sky with no stars.
I didn't want break your heart in to a thousand pieces,
only wanted to smile again.
The way to that was to leave you behind.
I kept the memories but that's all I can take.
A little part of me still loves you but not enough to fight for something that was already lost.
I hope one day I can smile again when thinking of you.

She was broken but hiding it.
Her smile was brighter than the sun,
But her thoughts were darker than the moon.
She was seconds away from going,
The thought of love made her stay.

What if this isn’t worth it.
I should just leave and not come back.
She doesn’t notice me anyway.
I’m just playing in her game.
The smile was fake.

Freeze.
I stand still, waiting for a single whisper.
If I move,
Will everything good disappear?
Holding onto the memories that help me stay quite
Wondering if this moment will ever pass.