Am I dead?

Dancing in the moonlight, I sang a soothing song. You laughed.

I live.

Clouds come in on puffy fluffs. You float away.

Until the morning tide.

Waters suffocate me. Your hand on my mouth, pressing down so my parents can't hear. Lights dance inside my eyes as I press my legs together.

It's  too late. You impress me. Your seed has penetrated my womb and the child is born.

There's blood on my white pillow case. Shards of brick in my hair. A brick, broken in half on the floor.

My head is pounding, aching, throbbing.

My heart. Oh, my heart! It is dying.

Fingers stiff
Back arches
Eyes blur

Pages yellow
Keys sour
Strings rust

Melodies fade
People leave
Heart breaks

The piano remains

This disease struck me
Like a brick on pavement
Hard

Everything was
Perfect
Then that brick came along
And with the slightest movement
Destroyed everything

“Count it
Perfect it
Measure it
Clean it”
The voices say

Why can’t I let them go?
They keep repeating:

“Count it
Perfect it
Measure it
Clean it”
Why won’t they stop

“Count it
Perfect it
Measure it
Clean it”
I don’t understand

“Count it
Perfect it
Measure it
Clean it”
Someone just HELP me understand

This disease is about
Perfection
But it's the biggest
Imperfection about me

I’m afraid that one day
That I'm just going to explode and
Everything I love will be
In ashes.
Everyone I love will be
Ashes.
And It'll all be my fault

So I’ll save you the trouble
And I’ll just
Keep this storm in for now
But I beg of you,
I tell you this now,

Don’t get too close.
Because the amount of energy and fire the
Storm is creating
Can’t be contained for much longer

Me at 5 years old-

I know that
We are all treated equal.
I don’t believe that
There is hate.
My mind knows that
Everyone loves one another.
Sometimes people lie to themselves and say
People hate each other for their differences.
I remind myself:
I am happy here.
And you can’t tell me
We live in a cruel world.

Me at 15 years old-

We live in a cruel world.
And you can’t tell me
I am happy here.
I remind myself:
People hate each other for their differences.
Sometimes people lie to themselves and say
Everyone loves one another.
My mind knows that
There is hate.
I don’t believe that
We are all treated equal.
I know that