i keep on getting caught up
in your all-knowing misery;
i don't want to be here,
i don't belong here,
and i can't make you happy
the way you imagined.
there's always someone else
to keep you entertained,
someone to compromise,
but i'm not that person,
not anymore,
not for a lifetime,
not even just for one night.
i keep on getting caught up
in your all-knowing misery;
i don't want a second chance,
i won't take a leap of faith.
and i can't make you love me
the way i deserve,
but you won't turn it against me,
not if i put myself first,
and we both know it's not my fault
that it's over.
there's no starting again,
no turning back the time,
not anymore,
not in this life,
not even just for one night.

in the early hours of dawn
everything is pure,
every day starts anew,
every person is born again,
everyone gets a clean slate
and the sins of our past
are all washed away.
i wish i could hold this moment,
make the sunrise last forever,
so that we never have to face
the pain again.
in the early hours of dawn
everything is pure,
everyone gets a clean slate
and the sins of our past
are all washed away.

i'm endlessly falling in love
with ideas and concepts,
so wonderfully impossible,
so delicately crafted
inside my mind.
i fall in love with strangers
who walk by,
with lonely phantoms
in the subway,
with shadows
in the streetlights,
with nonexistent stories,
with lives that aren't mine;
with every single thing
that i can't have,
because if i can't have it,
it won't hurt me,
and that's what really matters
down the line.
i'm endlessly falling in love
with dreams and delusions,
so perfectly impossible,
a collection
of parallel universes
inside my head;
and as long as it's not real
it should keep me safe
from falling apart,
as long as it's not real
it can't break my heart.

your laughter's still alive on tape,
your room's a shrine,
our home - a prison.
i keep on planning my escape,
but when i do, it feels like treason.
dust settles down inside my lungs,
can't bring myself to change a thing.
it always takes me by surprise
when i come back and you're not here.
your footsteps linger in the halls,
your touch is felt through every surface.
your life is spread across the walls,
your shadow waits behind the curtains.
your voice is still alive on tape,
your room's a shrine,
our home - a prison.
i keep on planning my escape,
but when i do, it feels like treason.

i don't want to be loud,
so instead
i dig another hole
inside myself
and bury everything.
every tear,
every word unsaid,
every mistake,
every departure
and every arrival,
every belated goodbye,
every unwrapped present,
every argument
and every silent gaze,
every smile,
every embrace,
every warm touch,
every cold night.
i bury it all
as deep as i can,
out of sight,
and then i move on.
my body is not a temple,
but a haunted graveyard,
where bitterness grows,
where regrets bloom
in the dark.

i'm sorry if my love is such a burden,
i'm sorry if it's such a waste of time.
i'm sorry if my mind,
can't work the way you want it,
i'm sorry that i didn't learn to lie.
i'm sorry you were never truly mine,
i'm sorry that my heart
can't work the way you want it.
i'm sorry it was such a waste of time,
i'm sorry that my love was such a burden.

i'm afraid i'll forget.
if i don't remind myself
who i am,
if i don't talk to people,
if i don't say my name,
i'm afraid i'll forget it.
i'm afraid i'll end up empty,
unknown,
lost in the ocean of faces
that i don't remember.
if i don't hear my name,
if i don't write it down
for a million times,
in a thousand of different ways,
i'm afraid i'll forget
who i am,
i'm afraid i'll end up all alone.

your gods are weak,
your gods are silent,
your gods don't speak to you
when all you need
is someone to confide in.
your gods are wrong,
your gods are violent,
your gods ignite the fire of war
and never tell you what to do
with all this rage inside your bones;
the fire seems so very holy
unless it's you they choose to burn.
your gods pretend,
your gods play games,
your gods don't walk around
among this land
of misery and death.
your gods know best,
your gods keep quiet,
your gods don't speak to you
when all you need
is someone to confide in.
and when you're on your own,
when all the hope is lost,
do they look down at you,
your everloving gods?

i can't breathe without you,
i can't think without you,
i can't feel without you,
stranded on my own.
breathing hurts my lungs,
thoughts in disarray,
every day is bleak,
knowing that you're gone.
i can't love again,
i can't hope again,
i can't dream again,
all i want is you.
with a heavy heart,
stripped of all my faith,
every wish i have
brings me back to you.
and i tried to pray,
and i tried to drink,
and i tried to wait,
but you don't return.
so i take the time,
it takes all my strength,
learning how to live.
god, it's been so long
since i slept without you,
since i talked without you,
since i saw without you,
stranded on my own.
breathing hurts my lungs,
thoughts in disarray,
but i'm still alive
even though you're gone.

in a world that's hellbent on division
you might just be my flavour of strange;
and if love is a war,
you can have my allegiance.
if we we burn, we burn bright;
if we die, then we die
holding hands at the edge.
like two planets on course for collision,
we trade endless stagnation for change;
and whatever the cost,
we're not bound by the limits.
if we live, we live now;
if we die, then we die
holding hands at the edge.

i don't believe we've met before,
it brings no pleasure to pretend.
i knew the person that you were,
but now i see there's nothing left
for you to say, for me to change,
like stitching holes inside a dream.
sometimes your home feels like a cage,
sometimes the silence sets you free.
i don't believe we've met before,
but every story has an end.
i loved the person that you were,
but now i know there's nothing left.

there are no compliments
without lies,
like there's no warmth
inside your eyes.
when every laughter's fake
and every smile is sad,
there is no joy in killing
what's already dead.
and if i tried too hard
to make you understand,
it's for a reason
that i can't explain.
and time adds up,
one day
upon another day,
an endless pile of misery
and discontinued hopes.
how i pretend
i've never truly felt alone,
how we erase the meaning
behind every word.
my mind is haunted,
there is no way out.
if you don't care that much
about what happens now,
there's nothing left to say,
there's no one else to call.
if you no longer want me,
could you let me go?

i will wait for a lifetime or more,
i will use every ounce of my strength,
i will pull you away from the edge
when you're no longer able to carry
the weight of the world in your hands;
i will stay for as long as it takes.
i will breathe for us both,
i'll keep faith for us both;
i will wait for a lifetime or more,
and i hope you remember my face.
i will sing you to sleep,
i will shelter your dreams,
i'll keep all of the sadness away.
i will be at your side every time
when you reach out to hold my hand;
i will pray for us both,
i'll keep faith for us both,
i will wait for a lifetime and more.

i've been slipping into your skin;
what can i do when you expect
so much of me?
when you are all i want to be?
when i don't feel myself
whenever you're around?
and every cell inside my body screams
that you're the only one
i'll ever need,
and, piece by piece,
i'm losing more and more of me
just to get close to you.
i've been slipping into your life,
your heart,
your world,
tasting your touch.
what would it like to be you
just for a moment?
just for once?
i wish i could be good enough
to play the part you wrote for us;
i can't be me, and yet
i can't be you.
what can i do when you don't like
the way i am
when i'm not trying to please you?
what can i do when you expect
so much of me?
and you are all i want to be,
but even if i lay my life
down at your feet,
all that you'll ever love is you,
all that i'll ever be is me.

whenever alone
i can't help but wonder
if i've ever been happy,
or maybe all of those moments
that vanished so easily,
sunken in the waters of time,
maybe they never existed.
because all i remember is sadness,
everything that aches,
every single mistake.
why is it only pain that lingers?
why won't the heartbreak
ever fade away?
i'm losing my grip on what's real,
can't tell truth from the lies
and right from wrong;
as soon as the moment is gone,
it feels like it never existed.
and i can't help but wonder,
whenever alone,
if i've ever been happy
or maybe none of it was real
to begin with,
just a trick of the mind.
maybe sadness is all there is,
all that has always been,
all that can ever be.

i dream of setting things on fire
and watching as they turn to ash;
like lovers, tempted by desire,
surrender to the call of flesh.

some flames can never be extinguished,
some marks pierce skin right to the bone.
some pyres are better left unfinished,
some prayers make you feel alone.

but when the blazes take you higher,
the sky grows crimson in a flash.
i dream of setting things on fire
and watching as they turn to ash.

when the fire is bright
it leaves burns on your hands,
it takes scars and paints over
in warm strokes of red;
and it keeps you alive
while you keep it alight.
it's a matter of time
before you run out
of things you could feed it;
as much as you need it,
all fires are meant to die.
it turns pain into heat
and makes you feel loved,
but it keeps you alive
only as long
as you keep it alight.
when it burns from the inside,
it's so easy to lose your mind
when the fire is bright.

i don't want to be seen,
feel my touch on your cheek;
i don't want to be seen at all,
but the razors are sharp
and the curtains are drawn.
i don't want to be seen
lying down on the floor.
if you hold me, i'll break,
if you kiss me, i'll know;
but the panic runs through,
spinning out of control.
i don't want to be seen,
but my thoughts drown in ink
and the pages are torn.
i don't want to be seen,
feel my touch on your cheek;
i don't want to be seen at all.

do you remember the person
that you were
five years ago?
ten years ago?
do you think they were better
at living your life?
would they hold your hand now
or push you off the edge
of your endless agony,
that all-consuming sadness
that's eating away at your mind?
would they take a picture
or just walk by?
do you still wish to go back,
catch up with all the lost time
and make things right?
you're the only version of yourself
that's available
right here and right now,
and did you ever consider
that it's for the best?
maybe past belongs in the past,
maybe you're happier without it.
everything looks more appealing
through the lens
of nostalgia,
but if you remember the person
that you were
five, ten years ago,
do you still think they were better
at living your life?
or are you finally ready
to make it yours?

can't you see this house is empty?
can't you see i've given up?
can you fill this void
with something else
'cause i'm all out of love?
and the walls are crumbling down,
and the ceiling is on fire,
and the only reason we're still here
is because you'd rather lie
than admit that we're unhappy,
but i think it's time to stop.
can't you see this house is empty?
can't you see i've given up?

it's not my heart
inside your hands,
it's not the sky
that bleeds with rain.
it's not the tears
that fill a glass,
it's not the wine
that leaves a stain.
it's not my love
that lay so still
when you came home
the other day.
it's not the gaps
between the words
you didn't hear,
i couldn't say.
it's not the end
that makes it stop,
it's not the time
that takes the pain.
it's not the tears
that fill a glass,
it's not the wine
that leaves a stain.

my sea is overflown,
my sea is empty.
the shores are made of ash,
where memories disappear,
where dreams decay and die.
my sea is what i am,
my sea is what you made me.
while every loss feels fresh
inside my mind,
i open up my wrists to start a flood,
i bleed the rivers dry to fill a tub,
i write a conversation for us both;
you're still alive,
i'll soon become a ghost.
my sea is set ablaze,
i'm running out of time.
although my heart is yours,
the sea is mine.

when you knock on my door,
i will welcome you with open arms;
my long lost friend,
my dearest enemy,
my unwritten play in three acts.
my forgotten peace of mind,
the one i never learned to hate,
the one i'll always yearn for;
my oldest regret,
my most recent mistake.
when you knock on my door,
i will let you in, but won't let you stay;
the one i never asked for,
the one who always walks away.

you only seem to love me
when you're down.
an open wound can shape
the way you feel;
just like you never want me
when i'm here,
just like you always need me
when i'm not around.

but if you think i'll run to you,
you're wrong.
a heart that's broken once
needs time to heal;
you never say you're sorry
when i'm here,
you only seem to love me
when i'm gone.

my love,
when the lights go out,
i know you get lonely
after midnight.
when your heart spins
round and round,
here comes the revelation,
here comes the kiss
of the one
you've always wanted.
they're all yours now,
but the magic is gone
and the spell is broken.
my love,
i hope you know
that you're still
my favourite person.
when the lights go out,
when your heart
hits the ground
and you fall backwards,
here comes the revelation,
here comes the kiss
of the one
you've always wanted.
they're all yours now,
but the spark is gone
and the spell is broken.
my love,
i know you're tired,
so am i.
when the lights go out,
do you still get lonely
after midnight?

do you still feel my touch
or can i only leave bruises now?
if i'm the one to choose our death,
then you're the one to keep the vow.
when this love becomes too much,
if we live on as ghosts
will our bond be stronger
than it was before?
if i'm the one who let us down,
then you're the one who closed the door.

i don't watch the dawn now,
i don't reach for the cusp
through which two become one,
where future turns into past.
and your love felt so heavy
when you placed it in my hands,
but i would carry it forever
if i could carry it forever.
i don't count the stars now,
i don't reach for the divide.
tell me, is it mine now,
the darkest hour before the light?
and your heart felt so heavy
when you put it in my hands,
but i would carry it forever;
i couldn't carry it forever.

you don't have to fight,
there's no justice to be found,
it's all been spent on wars
they couldn't win.
and if you tear down the sky,
is it divinity you seek?
when there's no god above,
the ground shifts beneath your feet;
you take a leap of faith,
but faith is on a leave.
you don't have to give up,
but there's a truce in the works.
be careful choosing the side,
the war they've lost
is now yours.

i wasn't meant to love you,
and it can't be changed
by altering ourselves,
it's something else entirely.
i don't think i was made
to fill the void inside you,
wasn't designed to become
your own personal saint.
whatever you seek,
there's no absolution
to be found on my lips,
no matter how much
you want it;
there's no peace in my arms,
no future and no past
to reminisce through.
i'm sorry, but it's true;
i'm not the one you need,
i wasn't meant to love you.

can you tell me
my love's worth?
is it as good as yours?
will it ever be enough
to keep you satisfied?
'cause i would break my wrists
and fold my bones,
and wrap my hopes
and dreams around them
with a little red bow
on top,
and fit it all in a box
with a wish and a promise
to always be by your side.
but can my love ever come close
to yours?
will it be enough
to keep you satisfied?

my sorrows will sleep
undisturbed
in your arms,
and it's more
than i ever deserved;
and if you can hold me,
you can be my whole world
for a day or a lifetime,
the choice is all yours,
as am i.

i would love to tell you
that it gets easier,
that we won't be here forever,
that i can fix
this broken world,
find all the pieces,
put them back together,
and make it work.
i can't make it work.

i don't sleep these days,
their faces haunt my thoughts.
i can't find a way out;
my heart is still,
my blood is cold.
but even if we're in hell,
at least we're trapped here
together.
how i would love to tell you
that it gets easier,
but you know it too well;
some nightmares can last
forever.

i'm embraced by the tides
as they crash
and spill out of my veins.
i don't think that you're kind
just because you don't ask me
to leave.
i've been following lines,
tracing back
to the dreams that we chased.
i don't think that you're mine
just because you have taught me
to grieve.

and the cruelty's patient,
and the future's all run out of hope.
and it's harder to choose
your own death
than to do what you're told.
i handpicked all my demons
and cut out all my personal space.
i'm embraced by the tides
as they crash
and spill out of my veins.

all of your insults
and all accusations
have one little fault;
it's reckless of you
to assume
that i'm still alive,
that i haven't bled out
years and years ago.
can't you see
there's a hole
where a heart
should've been?
none of your words
can hurt me
if i'm already
dead and gone;
dead and gone,
and you don't even notice.
go ahead, cut me open,
if it makes
any difference,
just to see
what i'm made of.
but all of your insults
and all accusations
have one little fault;
it's reckless of you
to assume
that i'm still alive.

i woke up this morning
nostalgic for something
that never was,
but you kissed me once in a dream
and i can't stop thinking about it.
if false comfort is all that i have now,
i'll trade it for just one more chance
to be yours.
don't want to wake up every morning
nostalgic for something
that never was.

the sun is only there
to keep us warm,
but should it die
we still can save each other.
and if the cord
that's holding us
is torn,
we'll find another.

the wreckage of our world,
it dreams of stars,
but as we bring them close,
they push us farther.
and if this sun
should die
before our eyes,
we'll find another.

if you want to go,
go out of the front door,
cause i'd rather be shot
in the chest
than bleed out with a knife
in my back.
there's a vacant space
between my ribs,
where my heart used to be,
but it's such an odd shape
that nothing fits in,
except for you,
but you've already found
a different place
to build a home.
so if you want to go,
go out of the front door,
cause i'd rather face
my demise
than be caught off guard.
and when i look at death,
she might have your eyes,
but at least this way
i will know for sure.

why don't you ever
say it as it is?
pull down the curtains,
let the light shine through.
why don't you close your eyes,
why don't you break the kiss,
why don't you read my lips,
why don't you?
call from a different life,
tell me how good it feels,
that you just realized
there wasn't much to miss
without me by your side,
not very hard at all.
it must be pretty great,
but what do i really know?
why don't you ever
say it as it is?
pull down the curtains,
let the light shine through.
why don't you wake me up,
why don't you make up your mind,
why don't you break my heart?
why don't you?

love,
stay a little longer,
don't run away
so fast.
love,
will you make me beg
for it?
down on my knees
i will fall,
i will fall for you
over and over
again.
and i will hold you
in my arms
before you fade away,
before you dispapear
forever.
and i will whisper
your name
all my life,
i will pray for you.
i will pray for you
to be safe.
please,
love,
stay a little longer,
don't go
where i can't find you,
don't run away,
so far away.
love,
will you make me beg
for it?
down on my knees
i will fall,
i will fall for you
over and over
again.

maybe our bodies
are just flesh and bones,
but they can see beauty
in chaos
and find heaven
on earth.
they can belong
to each other,
they can love
despite the pain.
nothing good
should last forever,
all the beauty
must decay.
and maybe our bodies
don't weigh as much
as our souls,
but they can hear music
in silence
and find heaven
on earth.

why don't you come home?
the bed is still warm,
it's waiting for you
like a sky before the storm.
as thunder breaks it in half
i hear you saying goodbye.
you disappeared in the night,
but still, i wish i knew why,
i can't stop thinking that today
you could be here.

i can't stand being alone,
the wind will sing us to sleep.
just know, wherever you are,
i'd put my life at your feet,
i'd give whatever you want,
feel free to take everything.
i won't survive through the night.
can't you come home one more time?
the rain feels cold in my hands,
i think it's saying goodbye.

there's defiance in youth,
but the world is too heavy to carry.
with exhaustion, binding your wrists,
disappointment, pinning you down;
that unmovable weight on your chest,
it only becomes harder the further you go.
the more you see, the less you believe.
faith is the most fragile currency of all,
and if you stay around long enough,
you can witness the untimely death
of every forgotten truth.
but even if our fight is over,
and all of our wars have been lost,
there's still hope for tomorrow,
there's still defiance in youth.

i made a mistake,
you showed me the way out
and cut the connection
by staying behind.
never was the one to cry,
never had a shoulder to cry on.
well, maybe that's why.
i made a mistake,
let you stay on the other side.
i'm sorry,
i'm sorry,
god, i'm so sorry.
should've said goodbye,
should've stopped you,
should've done something.
i don't know how to cry anymore,
no, not anymore.

i want to be moved by things,
even if they leave me empty
afterwards.
i want to be known
by someone who's brave enough
to dare and explore
the most profound depths
of my soul.
i want to always be seen as i am,
not as i was before;
that person is long gone.
i want to be loved like a sky on fire,
like a flood of devastation,
like a stolen kiss
before the end of the world.
i want to be moved by things,
even if there's nothing
but a lifeless desert
in their wake,
even if they leave me empty
afterwards.

maybe if i was funny
you'd like me more,
maybe if i was pretty
you'd finally want me.
should i be loud or quiet,
honest or lying,
laughing or crying;
what would you prefer?
maybe if i was
somebody else,
the worst or the best,
or nothing at all;
maybe if i was funny
you'd like me more.

it's a feeling that hits you
in the back
like the firmness
of a stranger's handshake.
it's you.
it was always going to be you.
cold fingers beg
for some warmth,
and knees melt
at the very thought
of letting this one go.
and the temples pulse
in unison,
synchronized heartbeat
of the drums.
it's a feeling that hides
around the corner,
like the drunken haziness
of your mind.
it's you.
it was always going to be you.

if he was so eager to get her,
he'd be there by now.
he'd run in the middle of streets,
throw himself under cars.
or maybe just hurry a bit;
not a casual stroll,
not a regular walk.
he certainly would've rushed there,
not to fight, but to talk.
he'd jump in a taxi
or catch the last train to her town.
if he was so eager to love her,
he'd already be there
by now.

do you know
when the party
begins to wear out,
when the laughters
don't burst as often,
and the fireworks
no longer ignite
in their eyes;
when the twilight
reminds of sunrise,
and their tongues
are too caught up
for talking?
when the clarity comes
with a bittersweet pill,
a prescription
from someone's pocket;
when the shatters of fun
are divided between,
when they lie
on the floor,
watch the couple
next door,
make some coffee
and make a scene;
when confetti
is covered in footprints
and balloons collect dust
in the corners,
and the fireworks
no longer explode
in their hearts;
do you know
when the party is over?

i'm running out of sugar
to sweeten this pill,
running out of breath
on this racetrack for two,
running so terribly late
for your love.
you've been hiding in mirrors,
and even if it was ordered by law
to forget you,
i'd still look for your ghost
on the passenger seats
of every car.
in good morning coffee
and sweet dreams wine,
you're in ripples,
flipping my boat
upside down.
i'm running out of time,
running out of breath
on this racetrack for two,
running so terribly late
to be loved
by you.

we got married in a small church
outside a big city,
a building that saw better times,
surely,
but got on the time's bad side.
we believed that love could save us,
that love would set us free;
and a few years later
woke up, like strangers,
on the separate sides
of one bed.
where did that love go?
when did it disappear?
one doesn't walk
into the same river twice,
but falls for the same flaws,
same vices.
we shared our vows in a small church
outside a big city,
naive,
wrote them with our hopes,
tied them with gold.
a few years later,
where did that love go?