Times flies...
I have been looking at the skies....
Hoping that it will slow down...
To my grounds
surface...

Rejections turn into drug injections...
You left me
empty....
I hope you happy about the decisions
and precision you took....
The cuts where accurate...
Deep in my heart
it bleeds...
Am not happy as you see me...
I try to smile....
My cheeks heavy....
Since the day you left me
I have been empty...
Am happy i have her and i know she
is happy
she have me....

My Elsie
you came when
i had no one else in my life
i felt pain
when my heart contracts
my eyes bleed as i cry....
But i wish...
I had you too mom...
I wish i had you to love me...
Mom

I need you but i will never admit it
I love you
that i always say it
Love is hell but yours is heaven
I wish to be in...
Before you i couldn't feel...
Now am catching feelings.....
your love my healing

Love is a drug
And am an addict...
Done with it...
I choose you my re-hab therapy sessions...
I never tell more cause you know more..
What is hidden in me...
Am happy and free...
When am with you
Don't go

i never pillow talk
cause you never know
who is listening behind the doors

i keep my secrets to my chest
cause they are worthy
i don't want another wealthy man
to trade them

selling people dreams
that you will never live
Them

Am me
not them
different cause i hate
my self

i dream dying
i wonder when

when
i will leave this
hell hole
am stuck

nightmares are dark
no light spark
i should have knew
that without money
life *****

No love
only hate and greed
i can't even trust my own seed
my generation smoke alot of ****
and proceed violence

my streets
these dayz lack silence
gunshots
another one down

mothers tears
fell down
his son layes
silent in the streets
kids *******
we all want to be rich
Light skin controls money
government promises
lies

Nightmares visit
every time
i close my eyes
her grave i didn't knew

Am 19
still a teen
i need a shoulder to lean
but non of the shoulders i trust
i live to make to make you proud
i listen to his word
but voices in my head are loud
dark cloud on my head
depression
on its mission...
nightmares my visions...

Obstacles coming stop signs
be aware....
envy and hate...
am on my way....
underground movin..
like a miner...
i dig for what is Precious
doors shut
they won't let us in...
self made...
they didn't make us....

Life i live...
its like a dream...
tired of breathing...
siblings fighting...
spirits colliding....another
dimension damaging...
at a miner age...
i saw the life of the person i love...
end...love inside of me died..
when people i care about left...
leave me empty...
i was alone.....
at home...

Life i live...
at age of 16...
i had suicidal thoughts....
depressed....praying...for...me to stop
breathing....a purpose of living...i searched...
surface i scratched...
nothing or something maked sense...
emotions...tense...
future....i live the past tense....
i see... i never talked about it again...
pain and anger built...
i wonder when it will
collapse...pieces...
so small can be a danger.....

Life i live...
friends...enemies...trust cost...
finacial ain't stable....
love is a drug...
damaged me alot...
i used every penny i had...
to have it...
but it never help....
am hooked...
re-hab....therapy sessions...
got me locked...
**** i have issues....
**** smells i cover it with tissues...
i see my wrongs...
i can't right them...
time waits no man...
ohh man...
i wish you knew this is a poetry...
through story telling....
reality...sticks to me
like gravity...
feet on surface...  

LIFE I LIVE

meditate and release the hate
...hiden in between the gate
... me and myself
...who shall educate
....future bright
...my fate
...they wonder why am relaxed
....blame my brain state
....those are facts
...no debate
...i know you won't admit
....that am great
...better not raise your opinion
...cause to me its a waste.

-kay🌹
#Beyond expectations🔥

I took a moment
I looked around...my surrounding shape shift...they was light now its dark...what was there...it is not there anymore...how far can i go....my feet tired...every move i make...it feels like time pause...body froze....my eyes close...
I see no more...forgive me...i can't right my wrongs.

-kay🌹
# i miss you

Pillar of my stones( mom)💕

I pray her soul to keep
All the way above they made a choice...
My voice cut...i won't speak....cause you can't question God...why?
I guess its my turn to carry the load....i pick
From now on...
My effort is to always make you proud...
I will take care....of me and them...and...
I will try to even the scale at home...
Even though life isn't fair.....

i feel alone..
You gone....
Until i see you again...
When its my time...
Pillar stone of my life...
Collapsed...
I love you mom🌹💔