I pick up a controller and play
Every single day
Till I can't feel my head
Till my eyes turn red
I get ******
Then I get owned
The same old games
Of renown fame
just like so many others
I forget my name
Through these cords
I live a fantasy
Without any consequences
or rewards
It made me happy
when I was a kid
who had an imagination
but deep down inside I wanted to get rid of it
A life I could have had
like mom and dad
Now the cobwebs are forming
And the world is turning
And my passion isn't there
And I'm starting to care

I need my time, I need my space
It took strength to escape that place
Where people were as cold as stone
I thought I'd be happy all alone
Then I got what I hoped for
Now the world is at my door
Yet nothing stops the pain and fear
I can feel a breakdown near
I go to the kitchen and reach the knife
What would happen if I ended my life?
I fill and drink and rinse my cup
Something calls me out, and I look up
I see a bright and shining star
I try to reach it, but it's so far
I look in awe, I stand still
But in my mind I fly at will
I soar above, rising steady
And am greeted by confetti
Scores of people welcome me
I've reached the place where I'm meant to be
Then I return to my life of grime
And know I will die when it's my time

The opposite of love, though equally strong
An emotion that kills, yet can still pass as song
You want your enemies to suffer for
how they hurt you to the core

Like the narcissist blessed with confidence
who abused your trust and manipulated you
By the time you wise up to their lies
they're too far gone to say a goodbye

Why must it be like this?
Why am I concerned when someone dies
yet want others to die so badly?
It's how I feel sadly

For I am jealous of their confidence
Though I know deep down it's just pride
They killed Jesus out of jealousy
for they couldn't stand before envy

And you shine like an angel of light
I want my revenge for you abusing my trust
But I won't act on my lust for revenge
I must put out the fire of hatred before it consumes me

Taught to surrender
Forced to submit
By a raised hand
Threatening to hit
I wait and I wait
For someone to come
Tell me what to do
And call me dumb
I may have escaped
Times may have changed
But the mentality stayed
I live life numb
And play dead
Waiting for someone to come
To ruin my day
I pray and I pray
Ah Lord why
Am I attacked in the night
By visions and fright
Is it because during the day
I forget to walk in the light?
I feel disarmed
Yet still forced to fight
Enduring the strife
With an aching mind
And a knife in my back
For the horrors of sight
Which I witnessed in plight
Do grind me down
Yet I ain't blind
I'll be all right
For I am kind
And compassionate to others...

I need time to unwind

Don’t ask what to buy to brighten a room
Just change your mindset to lighten the gloom.
It’s a choice to trust and lust
After things that will turn to dust.

An object fought for will be forsaken,
A thing sought after will be taken away.
Look how it goes to waste,
Losing its smell, losing its taste.

Search your soul;
Have you noticed those pinned to the floor?
The things they bought have come to life,
Cutting and slashing their hope like a knife.

Walls can shrink,
And ghosts dwell in places you wouldn’t think.
Remember those ghosts, which things couldn't save;
For what they loved most, has become their grave.

I saw you going down the wide path,
The path that leads to destruction and hell.
I tried to stop you, I tried to save you
But good deeds and evil mix like
Water and oil.

When I was young I used to see ghosts and take fright
I couldn't go into the basement by myself at night
They appeared as faces and bodies before my sight
But not like humans; some would fly at me and bite
Others, insane, would cry and lament their pain.
So I learned to fall asleep to music and TV to help my fear
To stop the voices and visions, to make them disappear.
This went on, year after year
But one day I grew up, and made it my mission
To face and defeat these apparitions.
Yet to my shock and surprise, they grew wise
Instead of frightening me with deformed grins,
They now accuse me of all my sins.

There once was a time
or rather, a sight
Somewhat of a rhyme
yet also a plight
before the first dawn
before the first night
before God declared
let there be light
Children were born
shining and bright
though some were torn
between wrong and right

Now war was on the horizon
and all had to fight
Many chose a side
The forces of darkness tried
to overthrow the law
and take the throne
force goodness to scrape low
but commanded by the sun
the ground opened wide
and down they fell
upon the sound
of the trumpet and bell
and descended to hell
though once mighty hounds
defeated they were
Over it was
before they could tell
forfeited lives
they rest behind bars
in cell - like hives
no longer stars

We are human
and we're slow
we have the power to think
before it becomes so
we don't just wish for something
and it becomes so
though what side are we on?
We just don't know

While truth suffocates under a mass of lies,
I struggle to breathe an honest word.
I envision a look
A mad stare which drives me off.

When the voice of greed calls
I remember my liberal ways
To be like the people
To share in their struggle.

I can say and do what I want
So I keep the damage to a minimum.
Is it a phase,
Will I ever snap out?

Who is backwards?
Is it enough to say "I had a share in life"
To have a share in a better world?
Yet we've all sinned.

Through inaction I have sinned,
But I am licking my wounds
Hoping for a healthier mind
Waiting for when I'm better.

The fire that would keep me warm has burned me
The people I wanted in my life have betrayed me
I depend on water that would drown me
I put my trust in someone that would strangle me
The walls I put up no longer protect me
They forced me into the light before I was ready
They bit off my finger when I reached out my hand
Put me into the ground, without trying to understand
We live in a world where anything goes
There's nothing I can do to help, too many blows
Yet throughout it all God knows
I will wait on him to make things right
And chase the wicked out of sight

They say trials and tribulations make for virtuous men,
and whatever doesn't **** you makes you stronger.
The more damage the world dealt, the more pain I felt,
the less I said, the closer I am to dead.

I'm restrained in speech. I'm not one to teach.
The pain I bear is not something I wear.
I wish it would cease, wish my mind would ease.
Wish I could openly speak about this disease.

I try to look up, but have no one to love.
Poetry is hard for one who rarely sees the sun.
I have nothing to say except good day.
And goodbye. I lie about being ok. I actually cry.

Am I forever alone? Sure. I don't desire a partner.
All my friends are dead or inside my head.
This life and this world make me want to hurl.
All the while my enemies dance and twirl.

But there's a glimmer of hope that is not lost.
I bet on it long ago, and haven't yet lost.
My hope is with the father, son and holy spirit;
I pray they can exorcize me of all these foul demons.

For there's a war on, that very few can see.
It's a fight for the souls of people like you and me.
And I sense evil in all people, it just takes time.
I prefer to be alone, what's mine is mine.

Some truths cannot be taught
They can only be experienced
Teachers trickle down knowledge
But to understand one must start from the bottom
You take pride in your education
Yet you will never learn the most basic thing
You just want a comfortable life
You sacrifice others on the altar of bettering yourself
You're hard as a stone
I'm malleable like gold
I listen to your problems and have compassion
But your true problem is that you refuse to change
Still, confetti falls on everything you do
So what reason do you have to change your ways?
The world rewards you
The same world that treats me like an anchor
You want progress and tech
I want a return to simplicity and nature
You do what you will
I go with you to the edge
You push me off
I fly up past you
I know what you're doing
You thought you could make me suffer
But I suffer willingly
Some day you will understand why

I feel so tired, I want to sleep so badly
Question is,
Will I be sleeping, or hiding?

Get away from me
Get out of my head
I'd rather the problem be before my eyes instead

I am sad and sick
Tears to my eyes it brings
No one will speak to me about important things

Surely somewhere out there
There are those who understand
How to live in peace and love, hand in hand

I had a dream
I was sitting on grass
Talking with old friends
About current events
That I haven't seen
In fifteen years
Then a giant walked by
Controlled by AI
We just looked at it
And continued to sit
We laughed and told jokes
I said for a smoke I would ****
Then saw a stall selling smokes
And paid with a hundred dollar bill
And as I was about to go on my way
They said not today!
The bill is fake
For heaven's sake!

Perchance destiny or wavering fate
Tore me from my child-like state
To work the land, the seeds to sow
Only to return home in dreadful woe

The high moon and sun, sky and earth
Cannot utter what man is worth
For once they set, go they let
Memory of man as to forget

Creator washed his hands of blame
By making a world fruitful and tame
To pluck out those unworthy of trust
In time to replace them with the just

Now what ghostly figures lurk
Against God and man, and of their work!
To withstand and conquer a fate unkind
Is key for those who bear these things in mind

Servitude and vexing, alluring purse
So man can rest despite his curse
A woman laid bare before his eyes
Never to forsake her, in peace he lies

Yet if she leaves him, he sleeps curled
He's left with hopes of a better world
Then he sits and ponder fate
Yet to change it's not too late

Wounds upon me
Wounds upon you
Wounds they can't see
Leaving us blue
It's hard to break free
From wounds that struck true
Wounds that follow you
Look what they make us do

The wounds you feel
They will take wings
And you will heal
The angel sings
Wounds will carve
Wounds will sting
Till we are
A better thing

I want to cheer up my mind
by thinking good thoughts
Being kind to myself
Seeing the good side of life
There's so much wonder
And miracles abound
I won't give up
There's treasure to be found

I feel the disease and curse of hate creeping in
I need a release from the pain and hurt
Hatred is but an outlet for helplessness I know
But there must be a reason why I feel this way

When I'm myself
I shock and appal the general populace
With words I move people, they physically push back
I may be slow to anger, but I ain't slack

The current norm is to be a deviant
And I've seen their sick behaviour and mindset
One day they're ******* up to you, flaunting ***
They dry you up, then move onto the next

We don't want violence, so STOP MILITARIZING WORDS
Y'all are a bunch of confused birds, looking for prey
Acting oppressed...
The only one oppressing you is the truth, cause you ain't blessed

Acting oppressed... Try being persecuted
Cause the only thing you're fighting for is yourself
Try fighting for a cause that's greater than your own
That which will scold you when you're doing wrong

Or keep biting the hand that feeds
Since you reject authority, it will now be blind to your needs
And when you're left with only people like you,
Your concrete paradise will truly be a filthy zoo

I lie in bed as the shadows creep
Across the wall, as I fall asleep
With closed eyes, I drift away
And let go of the memories of the day

Next thing I know, I'm in a new place
Where angels are happy to see my face
Where my wishes come true and I smile
If only for a little while.