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92 · Mar 27
The Dead are There
SleepEasy Mar 27
She treats love like a carrot
As soon as you think you're within reach
She pulls away

She treats *** like a weapon
Ensures the shame will be yours
And you'll come crawling back on all fours

You are her stepping stone
You can give the world to her on a silver platter
You can give your life for hers and it won't matter

She is a spoiled daughter
A warmonger
She is the devil's laughter

If you survive her
You will learn to despise her
She is the spider and you're the fly in her web
91 · Nov 2024
Three Questions
SleepEasy Nov 2024
No one can see
the intentions of the heart
except God
If this is the case
then  how does the Lord
not take action against evil
before it strikes?

Evil and heartache
What was the point
Why was I stricken
Why do I feel grief
for the death of another
when I don't even know them
and hate my own brother?

For now I am resting
The seed has been sowed
Who knows what will be sprung
I may have no leaves now
But someday I might bear fruit
If I shoot up to heaven
Will I remember my roots?
91 · Sep 2021
Speechless
SleepEasy Sep 2021
Battles waged with words
What does it achieve
I've caused pain and hurt
For this I now grieve
I am stricken by what I said
Vowed to never use my voice for hurt again
I've tossed truth to the dirt
Now I'm sideways and bent
All my luck is spent
And the heartache
The words start in my heart
And shift between my stomach
And my mouth, tearing me apart
Tearing me in two
What did I achieve
I cannot speak
The words are stuck between my teeth
Trapped under my tongue
Lost within my heart
Drowned within my blood
What am I supposed to say
91 · Jan 2024
Tell the truth
SleepEasy Jan 2024
No one cares
until you're dead
before that happens
you're all alone
So many things
we leave unsaid
lest we eat our words
to the bone
one complaint
To tell the truth
without restraint
is to say goodbye
to comfort and bread
Better lose those
than water and air
I'm gasping for truth
that's how I fare
91 · Dec 2024
Idolizing human beings
SleepEasy Dec 2024
Some people have been placed
in positions of authority
Looked up to by everyone
Treated like royalty
They're the it thing for a time
By general society
Then they get tiring
to look at or see
Then people get out their lighters
And spark the wick
For they sit on a powder keg
that they didn't choose
Didn't read the fine print
Didn't know fame is a ruse
One little spark
and all hell breaks loose
Trained from youth
To lead not to follow
But they have no real answers
Their words are hollow
Yet reflect what we're all thinking
However shallow
They are beacons of adversity
Lightning rods of controversy
The spirit of the times
Show love to your celebrity
but don't let them lead
They are just human beings
Don't bow at their feet
91 · Dec 2021
Suppress the Inner Evil
SleepEasy Dec 2021
They go where they want
They curse and they taunt
Yet words can't describe the way they haunt

Near and far
They look for a star
To put a lid on a heart like a bug in a jar

I think a lot
In haste
Trying to blot the thoughts that fill my heart full of hate

Life sometimes brings
Something that stings
I try to forget, remember only the good things

I hear the words of the wise
There is no disguise
And no one will share with us the desperate cries

Below or above
Raven or dove
Truth means war, yet only love...
SleepEasy Apr 2021
I try to understand
I try to wrap my head around
What happened when I fell face down
Into the ground.
You're supposed to trust in something
Don't wanna lose more sleep
If only I could trust in something
But my scars are fresh and deep
I tried to trust in something
I am but a sheep
I brought all the trust I could bring
And got ****** over an edge so steep.
Yet as much as I try, as much as I creep around,
I still can't understand why my face hit the ground.
Why are people so untrustworthy?
90 · Mar 2021
Taking the weight off
SleepEasy Mar 2021
The scientist thought he was smart and clever
Until he got a runny nose
He couldn’t even cure the common cold

****** got applause
Jesus got the cross

There are two wolves inside you
Only one is good
Feed the good wolf

Don’t try to save the whole world, that’s dumb
Just look after yourself and your loved ones, ***
90 · Aug 2024
Living With Pain
SleepEasy Aug 2024
For a while they stood from afar
observing from distance your rising star
It was only a matter of time before you fell
Got shot out the sky and straight into hell
They tell stories about you, about that sin
Though you merely dipped your feet,
when others were diving in
The fly ruined the ointment, and blotted the sun
A pitiful end to a story that's barely begun

So now you are cold, afraid and alone
But a heart is of flesh, and not of stone!
Life is so fragile, so easily lost
We tire so easily, at an unfortunate cost
Some things stick in the mind, but really are gone
You recite it over and over again like a song
It lives in the heart, and causes you pain
It tore down your home, and drove you insane
Like a perpetual rain, it falls and falls
and will till the end, when the trumpet sound calls
90 · Jan 2023
How I view my life
SleepEasy Jan 2023
At heart I'm an extrovert
Though I've always been shy
I think I am kind
They ask me why do I tolerate so much rudeness
Why do I waste my time
Thinking things will get better
It's because I am blind to their ways
Blind to their games

They have a sense of humour
But it's an unnerving kind
That keeps me silent
Don't know if I should laugh or cry
Jokes of mockery
Laughter at misery
They speak for pleasure
Rather than for the greater good

But I'm tired to fight
And so I retreat
Into my nest
Where I put up my feet
And try to forget
Try not to crack
Yet memories always seem to come back

I take comfort in knowing
I'm not the centre of the world
I don't need to make a huge difference
That might prove to be a hindrance
If you take kindness for weakness
There's something you're not seeing
It takes great strength
To be a worthwhile human being
90 · Mar 31
Don't Be A Bully
SleepEasy Mar 31
Bullies like to push people around
Their fantasy depends on it
And when it crumbles to the ground
they throw an awful fit
They try to mold their vision
To capture you and bind
Ignore it or show you don't care
and they appear out of nowhere to remind
They think they're kings and queens
who like to talk and scream
Intimidate and coerce the pawns
through dark, deceptive means
Yet morning always dawns
With the sun appears the rubble
I don't want to rip a fool
from their sleep or burst their bubble
Yet I refuse to let them feed on me
through my skin to my bone
So a warm corner to call my own
is really all I need
My wisdom and experience is for me
Not for someone who doesn't heed
So I will simply watch and learn
as the wicked bleed and burn
90 · May 2021
The New Era
SleepEasy May 2021
Some call themselves lions
Some call themselves wolves
Some are like rhinos
With long sturdy horns
I am a sheep
I am a deer
When danger tries to creep
I steer clear
I will wait patiently
For the prophecy to come true
When all animals will lie comfortably
Amidst the morning dew
The wolf will eat plants
The lion will eat sod
And all will understand
The glory of God
Then I as the deer
And I as the sheep
With laughter and cheer
Will no longer weep
There will be no fear
Cause with my hooves in the soil
I will gallop above the heap
Of the dead evil souls
90 · Feb 2023
Powerless
SleepEasy Feb 2023
In my youth I have followed
A heart of darkness
Over the edge
And into the water

In my youth I have rebelled
And followed my instinct
Into a grave
Of my own doing

Let me forget my youth
And feel something new
Don't want to relive again
A past full of pain

Even now I have no future
Can't make plans
Can't do anything alone
For I was brought up a slave

There's no use in remembering
If I went back
I could change nothing
Wish I could forgive

Yet even the darkest cloud
Can end with the rainbow
I'm hoping for something good
To come my way
89 · Aug 2022
Trapped in a safe place
SleepEasy Aug 2022
Slowed to a halt
The cringe is a knot
I try to untangle
the intrusive thought

My mind doesn't match
what I do with my hand
I'm due to snap
Like a tight rubber band

There are two sides to me
Many things come in twos
I am so stuck
I simply cannot choose

It's the war
that I wage within
It keeps me poor
And beggin'

Eternal fight
Always the same
Yet there's the door
New memories are calling my name
89 · Nov 2021
I'd rather be alone
SleepEasy Nov 2021
I wanted to feel you
I wanted to be brave
I tried to stay true
All your faults I forgave
But now I know we
Can't be together as one
I'm setting you free
The action is done
We'll no longer dance
Under the sun
A failed romance
An hour of fun
A mild heart attack
I go all numb
Now my heart has a crack
About you I was wrong
And like a hard smack
Poetic, like a song
I learned I can't help you
For I need something better
I can't live through you
I don't care if you read this letter
88 · May 2024
Games
SleepEasy May 2024
I have forsaken the life that could have been
in order to live virtually in a tv screen
It's got everything
Art is fascinating
But now I need to get out
And I don't know how to go about doing that
In the game world I'm always the hero
Here I'm nothing, zero
No shiny things to collect
No happy song at the end credits

What was I on?
Now all my time is gone
No social skills
Can't pay the bills
Patience is thin
Just know how to win
I wish I could put this on someone
It's all on me, just trying to have fun
I want to stop, but when?
And if I stop, what then?
87 · Mar 26
Addiction
SleepEasy Mar 26
It helped me get through lonely nights
and gave me courage for a bit
It wasn't until I tried to quit
That's when I learned it bites

The way it fights
Can't turn your back
Always staring
Ready to attack

It's my fault
I should have more sense
I shouldn't have done what I did
Under the influence

I wasn't myself
Now I'm facing the pain
But I will learn to live again
I quit today
86 · May 2021
What Lies In The Dark
SleepEasy May 2021
When I was young I used to see ghosts and take fright
I couldn't go into the basement by myself at night
They appeared as faces and bodies before my sight
But not like humans; some would fly at me and bite
Others, insane, would cry and lament their pain.
So I learned to fall asleep to music and TV to help my fear
To stop the voices and visions, to make them disappear.
This went on, year after year
But one day I grew up, and made it my mission
To face and defeat these apparitions.
Yet to my shock and surprise, they grew wise
Instead of frightening me with deformed grins,
They now accuse me of all my sins.
86 · Apr 2024
The Blues
SleepEasy Apr 2024
Rising slowly
after a night of turning
tears on my shirt
Learning how to live again
Loving the small things
Coming to terms with reality
Sipping coffee

I'm desperate
Trying to be at ease
but the thoughts keep coming
Robbing me of peace
I keep releasing them but they keep coming
I wanted to please you
I lived for you, and you despised me

I'm waking up slowly
to the fact that I don't belong
I go for a long walk
but the loneliness and emptiness
I drag along
I listen to a sad song
and sing along

Now I'm meditating
on where I went wrong
The people I tried to save
have pushed me to my grave
Endless rain of the soul is driving me insane
everything around me is alive with pain
while the walls of my heart echo your name
86 · May 2024
In the night
SleepEasy May 2024
My bones shake at the slightest noise
This flesh feel so rent, that houses my soul
And due to the numbness and pain inside,
my mind's stuck on the ground, lost my bird's eye

Lately I've been living on feeling
Trying to feel good, but I'm not healing
Only revenge, I want to see
the consequences of what they did to me

And I know it's none of my business
I need to focus on myself, but the stress!
I failed each test, though I tried my best
I lay all this at God's feet, and rest
85 · Nov 2022
Memories
SleepEasy Nov 2022
Holding the past in my hand
It slips through my fingers like sand
I grasp at the grains as they fall
They form on the ground as I crawl

In the present I'm blind and numb
I consume the past to the crumb
Flashbacks make me next to insane
I only ever remember the pain

I surrender to my fate
As I drift off to sleep when it's late
I surrender
I surrender

These days ain't what they used to be
And all that's left is tired old me
The wine and smokes don't help at all
Gotta face myself before I fall

I surrender
I surrender

I relive another memory
As I float on a raft out at sea
I hold the past in my hand
As it slips through my fingers like sand
85 · Dec 2024
Conundrum
SleepEasy Dec 2024
Hobbies become routine before long you're addicted
Entertainment requires more input you're distracted
The rich fear the poor so they feed the masses
Until they're too docile to get off their *****
The poor are so many to single one out why bother
The rich are so few they all know each other
They lie to you using words like climate change
While polluting the rivers and pointing a missile within your range
85 · Nov 2022
Untitled
SleepEasy Nov 2022
I never gave my future any thought
Someone else decided it for me, see
Now I'm free
Yet I find a wall where the sky should be

I never gave my future any thought
I just focused on my breath
And lived for the present
Before came what's inevitable

Now that I think about my future
I brace myself for the unknown
Yet not all is within my power
Some things just happen on their own

I want my roots to dig deep
I want my hands to reach out
Without relying on force
I can't do it alone
83 · Feb 2020
Untitled
SleepEasy Feb 2020
When I lie, I cover my head;
I lie face-down, and wish I was dead.
Curiosity killed the cat, it wasn't sought;
In my belly it went, without a thought.
You say I’m fat, I say I’m not.
Your interest in me, it makes me hot.
I say I am, you say I’m not.
You say I’m poor, what I have I bought.
If you think I’m bad, to single me out,
Consider this person who flouts about.

I cover my eyes when I walk the street;
I scribble notes, then toss the sheet.
My lustful heart, it can't be true;
If you take me in, I’ll nurture you.
I walk around, searching for warmth;
Please let me in, out of the storm.
My road leads to you, out here it’s cold;
I’m feeling blue; I’ll do as I’m told.
My liver’s battered, I’ve lost my soul.
My heart is shattered, my stomach’s a hole.
I’ll work for food, I’ll clean your clothes.
I’ll wash your dishes, I’ll clean your kitchen;
and If you hit me again, I’ll stop my *******.

You better stop *******, and get back in the kitchen.
Use your tongue, lickin you’ll clean my toilet bowl.
I own your soul; I own your life and all your holes
and all your curves; don’t get on my nerves.
When I spit, you’ll open your mouth;
get on my couch, let’s go for a joyride.
Open wide, and in it slides;
I’ll take you out, there’s nowhere to hide.
you are mine; get in line.
I’m going out, when I get back
I’d better see you at work, not in slack.
When I get back, we’ll go somewhere
Anywhere, there’s no one who dares to confront me.

You say there’s no one to confront you, I’ll take you out
I’ll slide it in, the cracks in the pavement will swallow your blood.
And then I’ll dance in a trance
I prance on fools like you, your blood makes me drool.
Your blood makes me wet, a warm sweat.
I’m always watching, you're sought out;
from your own ******, you won’t be bought out.
Your last breath, I’ll breathe it in;
You’ll pay with your death, for your heinous sin.
I don’t fear jail; I want to see you wail;
violence is my calling, I’ll watch you fall.
I’ll write you a song, then chill with my ****.
Cause when I'm gone, I'll know I’ve done no wrong!

No, you won’t do it!
I’ve taken your knife and threw it!
Can’t you see I’m alone,
that I have no one else, cool it!
I remember the story of how you were born;
The day I let you out of my sight I abhor.
I adore you; you will be mine.
I’ll whip you in shape if you fall out of line.
What a dumb thought of a crime, forget it;
I’ll make you some food and you’ll eat it.
I’ve made your bed, and turned on your tv
By tomorrow morning you will clearly see
that you are mine and were made for me.

He was made for you, but what about me?
Your youngest son? Hello? Look mommy!
I’m doing well in school, I make good grades
I watch you all day, so don’t forget about me!
My friends in school all love me,
Hey! Look! I made a drawing!
And dad let me borrow his playstation 3!
Wanna watch some TV? I like cooking
I’ll clean after I eat, are you looking?
****! When you tucked me in last night,
did you think about how much I fight?
I hate you, you’re no good to me
You are a *****, a no good ******
Now cook me some **** food, I’m hungry.

I pray all day, I’ve so much to say;
I close my eyes, to think of a way.
When I reflect, I'm with my sect
Then I go home, where I’m left unchecked.
The other day I tripped, and the crow cawed;
the tree shook, yet the daylight was broad.
I sleep face-down, or curled like a hook;
What I have I took, when no one looked.
Show me a sign god, don’t give me that look.
When I read a book, I see nothing; I’m blind!
I may be dying, but you're unkind!
I am fish bait, that's walked off the shelf;
For the end I'll wait no longer; I’ll do it myself!
83 · Nov 2024
The Visions
SleepEasy Nov 2024
...and it hits me like a ton of bricks
uncovered stones that long lay still
which never needed to be unturned
only insects dwell in this unseen
darkness that i bring to light
i want to bury it back to where it belongs
i'm trapped in emotion that comes in a bag
air tight and ready to be opened again
by a clumsy mind that knows no barriers
take a whiff and instantly remember
all the things that i have seen
all the places i have been
all the faces that i've known
and the town where i have grown
from a point of view that might not be true
or tainted by the passage of time
better to forget and live anew
each day is a chance to make it right
and i cannot give up the fight
83 · May 2022
Without You
SleepEasy May 2022
Perchance destiny or wavering fate
Tore me from my child-like state
To work the land, the seeds to sow
Only to return home in dreadful woe

The high moon and sun, sky and earth
Cannot utter what man is worth
For once they set, go they let
Memory of man as to forget

Creator washed his hands of blame
By making a world fruitful and tame
To pluck out those unworthy of trust
In time to replace them with the just

Now what ghostly figures lurk
Against God and man, and of their work!
To withstand and conquer a fate unkind
Is key for those who bear these things in mind

Servitude and vexing, alluring purse
So man can rest despite his curse
A woman laid bare before his eyes
Never to forsake her, in peace he lies

Yet if she leaves him, he sleeps curled
He's left with hopes of a better world
Then he sits and ponder fate
Yet to change it's not too late
82 · Apr 2022
Schizo Talk
SleepEasy Apr 2022
I consume spirits like I eat bread
Some make me choke a bit
These I can predict and dread
When they come I have to sit
No control over what pops in my head
Yet I can control how I react to it
Let it win and end up dead
Make it lose it throws a fit
Its true aim is left unsaid
To win me over to the pit
82 · Mar 2021
I want OUT
SleepEasy Mar 2021
Reflecting light, my body’s beaming
Too bad I talk with little meaning.
My testimony’s hard to bear
Say the truth I do not dare.
For inside my rotten core
Guilt and shame, forevermore.
I humble myself, get eaten up,
I pride myself, get beaten down.
I cannot smile, cannot frown,
Cannot swim, cannot drown.
Cannot live, cannot die
When I talk, I always sigh.
Luckily this world is temporary
I don’t belong, that’s plain to see
How I long to go home...
81 · Apr 22
Sins Of My Youth
SleepEasy Apr 22
Running amok, judging
Pointing out flaws as if I were helping
Building an empire by stepping on people
Choosing who to spare and who to cast down
I killed everyone and now I'm alone
Chased them all off, and proclaimed myself victor
It wasn't until the scene ended and I had a long rest
I closed my eyes and the horror sunk in
I saw all those people I redirected with words
They've all moved on while I stayed in place
The visions wouldn't stop, I heard my own voice
Being mocked and contradicted by my conscience
The people I hurt looked at me weird
I built my house on sand, but the foundation has shifted
The tables have turned and now I must suffer
To see those I tried to control ascending to greatness
Walking through doors that have long since shut for me
I can only peer through the window or climb a wall
Before being chased away like a thief
SleepEasy May 5
Where have I sinned, that this spirit of dread
has befallen my head, and made my bones shake?
I am robbed of peace, my eyes drip tears
yet no one will come to my aid
My foundation is bitter, my enemies all around
I am locked in my room, awaiting the end
For the evil that was done to me
has left a lasting impression
I cannot sleep at night, in the day I faint
for those who have shown me no mercy
are in a happy state
They plunder and take my blessing for themselves
My faith is a trophy upon their shelves
Hypocrisy reigns in the land
I am like a parentless child who rebelled against crime
People saw me as an obstacle to their schemes
They acted in wrath against me to further their dreams
No one shows kindness to one whose in peril
They tore me apart limb from limb
until there was nothing left for me to tell
Is this the inheritance of the one who longs for truth
Who chose love and kindness from youth?
Justice is on its knees praying for release
When will it arise to avenge my cries?
Vain! It's so vain how they move about
What do they hope to achieve
with endless vexation?
They destroy the meek in their goings
They steal and wreak havoc fully knowing
that what they do pins people to the ground
They destroy everyone who is not like them
To make war against such is to be sound
81 · Jan 2023
Of my own doing
SleepEasy Jan 2023
Where is the future
Don't trust it
I'm good with what happened
What good is it for

Where is the past
It's tangled by emotions
I see it again and again
At different angles

Can't sleep
I see the past
I live it once more
In my dreams

Can't sleep
The future is frightening
I see it once more
In my dreams

Can't trust the past
Can't trust the future
Only the present
I feel incomplete

Look at the power
Feed it once more
The sadness and sorrow
Like a black hole
81 · Feb 5
Heaven & hell
SleepEasy Feb 5
There’s nothing I can say
Or do to save you.
I’ve been fighting all my life
For what is true.
Now I’m beginning to feel
I’ve made a deal with the devil
Cause I think of your body
More than God.
You got me hooked
You yank the rod
I heave and resist
While you just nod.
You caught me
Release me
Like a bird
Terminate
The contract I signed
With a four letter word.
Hate.
Love.
I don’t know anymore.
Feelings unnatural
Deep in my core.
One day I’ll be free
And you’ll be in chains
I will be happy
And you’ll feel the rains
Of fire and hate
Yours to keep
Cause you celebrate
While others weep.
81 · May 1
In the shadows
SleepEasy May 1
This world is a testing place
It prepares us for the life to come
There are no tears in heaven
Those who don't cry now are cursed
These aren't death throes but growing pains
Every time they used me as a stepping stone
Every time they betrayed me
I chose to extend peace back to them
I did not fight back
I am a stumbling block to their pride
Going from place to place receiving blows,
only to have God elevate me to a point
Where my uptick makes them squeal
And squirm like spoiled toddlers
I take no pleasure in it
There is a pain on my conscience
I could have done more to serve my maker
Yet to my credit
I chose blindness and death over evil
All these memories I have of being used
They **** me off enough to stick to the straight path
I am being tried and tested
Yet the heat of the furnace does not hurt me
I do not fear my own destruction
But what I might do in haste
To the oppressor
I struggle to forgive the evildoer in my heart
Though outwardly I forgive them instantly
The pain they caused is undeniable
At night I reflect upon it
I cannot sleep without reliving the past
Replaying their words in my mind
I'm glad I never caused a huge ripple
But dwelled in the shade until I was ready
Going from dark place to dark place
After all, we still live in the shadows
81 · Jan 2024
Luck
SleepEasy Jan 2024
Do not be fooled
The highlights I show
are not who I am
I know nothing at all

They fell from the sky
and crowned for a while
my head with a smile
the blessings rained down

I laboured for them not
Do not think me wise
I dug in the ground
by chance found a prize

Sometimes you score
and sometimes you miss
The tables will turn
to remind me of this

That I am but a worm
Naked or dressed
blessed or degraded
I am but a worm
80 · Nov 2024
They're after me
SleepEasy Nov 2024
Silence and I still can't rest so I'll post this here and hope for the best.

I wanted to keep this to myself but I have no one to talk to and I need to get it off my chest.

After I burned my letter I prayed for an hour and though I felt better I saw no hope for a coward in fetters.

When I was little I learned that I can't have what I want and all I ever wanted was love in my heart.

I was denied and like stale bread I eat hatred for dinner in bed.

I despise my enemies they are free I want them to burn out of jealousy.

They have nothing to worry about while I'm scared to talk I can't leave my house and go for a walk.

You reap what you sow people know all my sins for I tell them so.

I need solutions fast or my dwindling life won't last.

I try to be a nice guy and people hate me for this I don't know why.

Before I knew God I was carefree once I found God the devil frightened me.

I trusted in God and still got burned I suppose it's just another lesson learned.

I wish I could live I try to forgive but I wanna die and I don't know why.

Sigh or cry no one cares people give off nasty stares.

Pride and malice rules the streets I hide in my room under the sheets.

And I dream more pleasant things I hope to some day have some friends.
80 · Apr 2021
Let Go
SleepEasy Apr 2021
My soul is fine, it's my flesh that hurts
Divided again, on the outskirts of pain
My poor flesh... Trying to save it in vain
The discomfort makes me insane
How long must I endure
This fear of dying, when death is the cure
People take advantage of my curse
They will transport me in a hearse,
Then lay out the urn, and set me aflame
But I want to let go of my body and name;
We all must let go; there's no one to blame.
80 · Aug 2022
Like oil & water
SleepEasy Aug 2022
You made no sound
When I crossed the line
When I put you down
You payed me no mind
When I gave you the frown
You didn't notice the sign
You gave me your time
I ******* around
I was doing my grind
You were drunk on wine
Now we are bound
You are mine
Now be a good boy and kiss the ground!
79 · Apr 2021
When I'm Better
SleepEasy Apr 2021
While truth suffocates under a mass of lies,
I struggle to breathe an honest word.
I envision a look
A mad stare which drives me off.

When the voice of greed calls
I remember my liberal ways
To be like the people
To share in their struggle.

I can say and do what I want
So I keep the damage to a minimum.
Is it a phase,
Will I ever snap out?

Who is backwards?
Is it enough to say "I had a share in life"
To have a share in a better world?
Yet we've all sinned.

Through inaction I have sinned,
But I am licking my wounds
Hoping for a healthier mind
Waiting for when I'm better.
79 · Sep 2022
Vision
SleepEasy Sep 2022
I need my time, I need my space
It took strength to escape that place
Where people were as cold as stone
I thought I'd be happy all alone
Then I got what I hoped for
Now the world is at my door
Yet nothing stops the pain and fear
I can feel a breakdown near
I go to the kitchen and reach the knife
What would happen if I ended my life?
I fill and drink and rinse my cup
Something calls me out, and I look up
I see a bright and shining star
I try to reach it, but it's so far
I look in awe, I stand still
But in my mind I fly at will
I soar above, rising steady
And am greeted by confetti
Scores of people welcome me
I've reached the place where I'm meant to be
Then I return to my life of grime
And know I will die when it's my time
79 · Nov 2022
Lost
SleepEasy Nov 2022
I remember times long ago
We'd watch the sun setting slow
We held hands and made wishes
As the day drew to a finish
The reddening star was our sign
And for a moment I felt benign

Life is never black or white
I see colours within my mind
Anger is hot, patience is blue
I'm grey, feel nothing without you
I'd love to have you in my sight
You were my favourite love, my light

The other day I walked the track
As the sun warmed my back
I walked past the place we met
And I felt no pain or regret
I remembered the times long ago
I moved on and let go
78 · Jun 2021
Someday
SleepEasy Jun 2021
Something's off, I don't know what
No one to trust with deeper thought
A wind of pain has passed me by
Evil rises, soaring high
I clench my fists, I get nervous
I try to find the cause of this

There are those who delight in the bad
They want to fight, with all they have
Some like to dance to the ever black
I faint from terror, I want light back
We must let them have their fun
And endure all that is done under the sun

When I lie in fear and I'm low in strength
I hope I'll persevere, and go the length
I'll find you and draw you near, without angst
We will put in work, not be put to waste
Someday when we're a bit more strong
Then we'll find a place where we belong
78 · Feb 2022
Just some haikus
SleepEasy Feb 2022
I like poetry
It's good to write down your thoughts
Retrospect your life

You might not have known
It's also a form of art
Poets are artists

But now I will sit
Until I find a purpose
Philosophizing

Do you think a lot?
Do you take matters to heart?
Are you a deep well?

Today I went out
Nothing interesting happened
I quickly went home

Nothings the matter
Yet nothing matters to me
Must find excitement

But Im too frightened
Don't need more bruises or stress
People sicken me

Intentionally
Make me want to **** myself
I'm better off here

In my comfort zone
Contemplating about life
Talking to myself
78 · Aug 2021
Through the Aeons
SleepEasy Aug 2021
It gave us tools, He gave us life
Science and religion need not strife.
He made us prosper, it was our output
Without science we'd be walking barefoot.
It gave us weapons, He taught us peace
One path makes life harder, one more at ease.
It's easy to know facts, but who can stand truth?
Facts do not know you, but God did from your youth.
One is eternal, the other changes over time;
both are a curious study and infinitely sublime.
Science is a mirror reflection of God,
for it is mans creation, which deserves applaud.
Yet through time, debates and experience I will say it:
Science has always, and will always give way to faith.
78 · Mar 2021
The tide
SleepEasy Mar 2021
I rode the waves, got caught up in the moment
In those days, I felt like I was flying through space
Without a care, I did things most wouldn’t dare
But then the waves receded, left me flopping  on the shore
And shaken to the core, when I realized I did things I abhor
I have nothing more to say
The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away
77 · Jan 2023
Reject
SleepEasy Jan 2023
You can see it in his eyes, his lips, face
When he leave a person, a place
He doesn't know how to mask it, he must be careful
who he lets into his space
Everywhere he goes, he leaves a trace
Emotions rub off on others
And he's a disgrace

Broken and dead
put him in a box
Bury him six feet deep
Cover him with rocks
Let him sleep
Among stopped clocks
Such is their wish, though death never knocks

He has been dropped from a height
He appears to have flopped
Yet in the Lords sight
He is mighty and bright
He will reap the crops
And the fruit of his work
When he outlives those that smirk
SleepEasy Jul 2021
I have seen the effects of my choices,
And it all just hurts my brain;
What once were friendly voices
Have grown silent in disdain.

For each flashback I must give an account
So I search for excuses in vain;
To what can this torture amount to
Besides an early grave?

I have seen the evil I have wrought,
So I took myself out of sight;
What once was, is now sought
But I'm too worn-out to fight.

My dreams are full of warnings,
And I shiver at the sight of visions;
I struggle every morning
To try to find a mission.

Yet I trust in God, though I cannot serve him
Because through all the pain I'm just a burden.
I can't rejoice, and though I feel I have no hope
I know it will get better as I learn to cope.
77 · Jul 2021
Friend
SleepEasy Jul 2021
I don't have many friends
I don't want you to be another
means to an end

I don't have many friends
I don't want to feel void and empty
because friendship is something one lends

To be a friend
Is to help someone grow
Not let someone fall and descend

To be a friend
Is to make someone feel special
To take them out of the crowd in which they blend

I need a friend
To force me to see
And help me to comprehend

I need a friend
With whom into the abyss of my mind
I can descend
76 · Mar 26
For the good
SleepEasy Mar 26
I am drawn to those who suffer
I try to pull people from the fire
Often I get burned
But I learn

Why am I drawn to those who suffer?
I ponder
It's because hardship is for the good
In a world where people are often

Misunderstood
76 · Jan 2023
Untitled
SleepEasy Jan 2023
I find myself grumbling
and gnashing my teeth
Another humbling
betrayal again
I saw myself leaning
trying to solve another's pain
Saw things too deep
and missed the meaning
What do I need
these memories for
I must take heed
and strengthen my core
Never to forget
these mistakes sore
Lest I forget
And repeat them once more
76 · Jul 2022
Suffering
SleepEasy Jul 2022
Good thoughts are hard to find
My thoughts are dark by design
Virtue is so bright a thing
I just want to end my suffering

I unwillingly take part in the fight
That has no end in sight
I need relief from the constant pain
That showers my heart with so much rain

I want to know something with my heart
I wish I could tell apart
The difference between good and bad
Discernment I wish I had

But most things are a shade of grey
And what hurt me last year still hurts today
I try to forget with all my might
At once suffocating my inner light

What's that I see, around the bend
Justice and love in the end
A reward that's true and personalized
Endure suffering to achieve the prize
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