I can't stand the thought of you
Like a protruding nail I want to hammer you down
into the wood until you're just like every other pain
I want to look at you and feel nothing
The desire for revenge is sickening me
I am mad with fury, red with anger
In a fit of rage I might do something I would regret
Stay away from me for all time

Many people are born of blue skies
A star in the sky belongs to each one
A dream forms in their sparkling eyes
They follow a destiny that begins in their vision
Calm and secure, they are free to roam
To walk with light that guides their paths

I was born of a different sky
On a rainy and stormy November morning
Cold and damp, I knew to rebel
My destiny was to go where others would not
I died each time I was put under light
Only to be reborn through a desire for the end

But now the blanket of darkness has been lifted from my heart
And I see that in all my pain was a comforting nothingness
Despite my loneliness I never lost my strength and courage
The coldness caressed me like a nurturing mother
In her womb I dwelled while others saw depression
And anxiety and nervousness and laziness and sloth

I feel relieved that the demons have left me alone, if for a while
I am not being harassed spiritually by nightmares and terrors
My methods of relief are not needed
It is at this point that I cease judging others
I see the blue skies, and they are numbing the pain
And with the blue skies I understand that it is time to act

I never had a goal or a dream
Except to live and gaze at the beautiful skies
To live in peace and security
In harmony with nature and God and with people
I have sat alone and in despair for so long
I am thankful for a moment when the sun parts the clouds

Take my strength, take my pride
Take my home when you need to hide
Take my heart, take my soul
You need to eat, swallow me whole

Now you’re gone, and left me bare
I lost my strength, and tore at my hair
Then I felt you did not care
But the truth is you were never there

Hatred and ignorance is all so temporary
It leads to death, definitely
I see it everywhere, I hear it all around
Wherever there are people, there it can be found

But what is the cause of ignorance and hate?
One gets hurt, then wants to retaliate
He finds a scapegoat, then on a whim
He targets those weaker than him

I dread violence, I hate crookedness
Hatred is a sign of weakness and cowardice
Its fruit is violence, its seed is wickedness
The true warrior fights his own bitterness

I have been struggling all my life
Against those who cause strife
I would get on a raft and cast myself out to sea
Just to put cursing and mocking far from me

Ignorance and hatred are my enemy
I fight inner battles, but not outwardly
Sometimes I get hurt, sometimes they inflict pain,
Yet I know like the phoenix I'll rise again.

Nothing to do
Nothing to see
Nothing to live or to die for
Lay down your life
Lay down your soul
Reach in the fire and pull
Oh how the fire it burns

You never learn
You never turn
Now by the fire you burn
Nothing is true
Nothing for me
Nothing to give or to strive for
You're in a hole
I reach to the bottom and pull

Now you
Caught in the teeth
Of a fierce lion
Begging for meat
Whose never full
Who feels no grief
I reach out my hand to his mouth

I rode the tide, the current of life
It was my choice to gamble with fate
I was naked and blind
Sweet and kind
You caught me before it was too late

I was in the lions den
Fat like a juicy hen
Surrounded by evil men

The situation was dire
The beast and the liar
Were trying to lure me
And set me on fire

They made my mind sick
Drew stones and sticks
They struck me quick
Now my wounds I must lick

Yet I survived by your grace
And left that place
Now I have all the time and space
To reverse my disgrace

I am your doe
Meek and low
Yet my enemy is your foe
My pain is your woe
You will repay them for the blood they let flow
Blood for blood, they'll reap what they sow!

Watch where you walk, be aware of your path
The better you do, the more narrow it gets
It's like building a house of cards
One mistake and you have to start all over again
Some things you pick up and can't part with
Some people come along and you can't let go
You must learn to stand on your own
You must face yourself at some point
They can afflict you, they can abuse you,
but nothing will hurt like what you do to yourself

Some things are a mystery to me, like
Should I always speak the truth
Or if I should cover ugly truth in the name of love
Where I end, and where my surroundings begin
If other people can sense what I'm feeling
If I hurt others as much as my mind convinced me I did
Is everything going downhill, or if things will get better
Will there be a new revival, or are we in end times
Is life scripted

Enamoured and stricken
by love out of nowhere
It started with a dare
Now I'm writing letters of care
I playfully write them
for we are an item
Thus I'm yearning for nothing
and have no need of wings

As the world turns around us
we satisfy our lust
Blind to the mess
of others' distress
This house is so nice
yet I'm starting to think
we live like mice
in hidden vice

My friend,
I must be honest and lend
you the truth in my hand
The letters I send
are not entirely honest
for you are my end
I hope you understand
You're all that matters

Your eyes are deep waters
Without you I'm burning
The way I bend for you
is stomach-turning
The day we fell in love
was the day I stopped learning
Thus I am cursed
by longing and yearning

All of our steps are guided
All of our days are numbered
All of our thoughts are counted
All of our actions are noted
The past is like stone
The future unknown
If we follow our hearts, we fall
Search with our brains, we go blind
Nothing is within our control
Everything runs on its own
You get what you see
Somethings always will be
We must be content in being
Content with what we're seeing
For nothing else will fill the hole
And nothing is within our control

I'm like a doe
Or like a raindrop
I go with the flow
Where the wind blows

I feel possessed
Under control
The more I think
The less I know

My mind goes from fast
To incredibly slow
And sometimes life
feels like a show

Tend to the earth
Help trees grow
Uproot the weeds
You reap what you sow

My matters are grave
My spirit is low
Someday it'll make sense
Gotta learn to let go

My family is one
My love life is two
I've burned all bridges
There's no way through
My home life is three
My work life is four
I can't do my chores
I remain poor
Four walls surround me
And there's no door
I am wounded
Disturbed to the core
The only way out
Is either up or down
Which way I go
Is out of my hands
I am too badly hurt
And uncomfortable
To plan anything
Let it all crumble
The grave awaits
Desolate yet humble
I await good news
And then I stumble
I want to go
Wanna pass away

My patience has grown thin
With those who don't listen
They're beyond reproach
Like cockroaches in human skin
They eat so much fat
Yet remain thin
They exercise sin
And squirm out of any situation
They see but don't perceive
They laugh when others grieve
They're too busy with their employment
They've ****** all enjoyment
Out of my life so I'm stagnant
To the point it's poignant
It concerns me
How I'm up against an army of worms
It burns
Being alone cause everyone is like stone
A job is to earn money
But they sell their souls
For money they burn
Till they're in the hole or the urn
And then there's me
Who was never free
Poor as can be
But I know it's all vanity

Still the mind, be silent for once
Bind the thoughts, they've run their course
Slam the door, on the inner voice
For peace's sake, your must make this choice.
Calm the waters within you, and then you will find
There's a force outside you, that's loving and kind
Its presence is true, its power sublime
let it wash away the cobwebs and grime.

Take my heart
Wring the veins
till not an ounce
of blood remains
Take my eyes
Smear them in mud
Push me over the edge
and call me bud
Announce my failures
with a blare
that shakes the hills
And I'll just stare
and remain still
Shave my eyelids
and brow and hair
while I sleep
I just don't care
Humiliate me
You want to see
what kind of man
I am internally?
My soul is gone
It sings no song
it prays and longs
for armageddon
My brain is fried
My heart is dark
Is there anyone out there
who can ignite my spark?
Am I stupid?
Am I odd?
In shame I nod
A yes-man clod
I don't say no
but nothing more
Thrown all emotions
out the door
There once was life
behind these eyes
There once was hope
but now not so
Put me in the ground
I can't stand the sound
of my heart beating anymore
The rhythmic pound

You're unstable
And it shows
Curb the highs
Raise the lows
Keep it steady
As she goes

Don't veer left
Nor go right
Do not flee
Don't try to fight
Dark at noon
Bright midnight

Do not weep
Do not rile
Walk to hell
Single file
Line goes on
For a mile

One in front
One behind
Oiled machines
Gears don't grind
Spirit's gone
Flatlined

At first glance a dove
Though not love from the start
It took some time
to get the key to my heart

I heard her voice
whispering in my ear today
I turned to the noise
The fly on my shoulder flew away

I can feel her
But we're torn at the seams
I no longer love her
Or see her in my dreams

I put up a wall of darkness
Though every now and again
Light comes through
With anguish and pain

I recall when the demon laughed
And played music only I could hear
I knew it was the forces of hell
Drawing near

I saw an angel
Being treaded under feet
The feet of his own comrades
And the same fate befalls me

My love was too strong
I deserve no applause
I don't expect love
I chose love over God

There's a time to beg and a time to lend
A season for peace and a season for war
No choice but to endure to the end
Who knows what else is in store?

If I'm quiet
No one listens
If I shout
Then I'm crazy
Told to let it all out
Not to bottle things up
But no one cares
How I fare

A narcissist's dreams
Have selfish themes
They see the future
And plan their schemes
But when they see me
Full of joy
They do their part
To break my heart

And thus I fall
Into a well
Into a hole
Into a hell
I have to yell
A cry for help
Cause no one cares
How I fare

What benefits are there for knowing God?
You get no applaud
Maybe a cross on the wall and a bible on the shelf
It will be something you keep to yourself
No one will share in your belief
Unbelief will come like a thief
Wicked thoughts will spring up like weeds
On the ground where you've planted good seeds
More than the sand on the shore of the seas
Forcing you to fight an endless battle
You will be a shepherd in a field of grass and cattle
Trying to keep your mind pure where snakes rattle
Normal people will no longer be on your level
You will no longer be indifferent to evil
Suffering greatly fighting the devil
You will notice those who distort truth
You will know them by their fruit
The devil will send demons both spiritual
And in human form to mislead you
You will belong to a whole different kind of family
Once they knew you, now they don't see
For you are no longer the person you used to be
You will be called crazy
The world will make you an outsider
Though you open your arms wider
The world will reject you for sure
For you are no longer the world's, or worldly in nature

He lost his roar, they suppressed his soul
He's starting to ****, like a black hole
He has no hope in hearing good news
even if he heard some, he'd still have the blues
He thinks he's no good, a freak and a creep
He asks the Lord to take him away in his sleep
The Lord answers his prayer, but not how he'd expect
instead of killing him, he honours him with respect
then takes him away in his nightly slumber
to show him a place where he roars like thunder

Growing up I was an obedient child
I did what I was told with a curse under my tongue
Forced into slavery I fought on several fronts
The school, the home life and the battles in my head
I never thought I would make it into adulthood
Now my life is beginning to have meaning
I see there was hope in misery
And the pain that comes with discipline
But then I see the uncontrolled
Provoking me to madness, testing my cool
At night I fly into a hellish rage
Though before their eyes I remained calm
Losing sleep and peace of mind
Because the free abuse their rights
I admit I don't know what goes on in their heads
When they bully me for a laugh
I accept I am the brunt of their whim
For I know that in the end I will be happy
Those who are in mourning will be comforted
I hold to that and am not weary
So when I cannot sleep at night
I pray and know I am in loving arms

Don't be too humble, or you'll get what you need
The school of hard knocks will be the life you lead
Until you groan and moan about your cruel fate
And people will take and eat what you should have ate.

Don't be too aggressive, or you'll get what you want
And full of good things you'll sneer and taunt
Until you realize you lived too fast
And choked on life and cannot last.

I have seen those who take pride in their faithlessness
When the going gets tough, they crumble.
I have seen those who take pride in their faithfulness
How they look at others and grumble.

Some say it takes time, but that is not entirely true;
When you eat food, time will not chew for you.
Some look at depth, some see only length;
Enlightenment and ignorance both can be used for strength.

A good feeling is not a trophy one puts on a shelf.
Every moment I am working on myself.
I have no need for naysayers or proponents
I simply acknowledge my good and bad moments.

Fix the bad, then do good;
It's human nature, as it should.
Some see only what's nice, some see only what's vice
Yet once you uncover a memory, no need to do it twice.

In this place
I try so hard
To show off
My better side
Under a correct light
I can shine so bright
Go so far
But there's a part
In my heart
That comes out
At certain times
Here it is
Then it's gone
Now it's back
It's like right and wrong
Day and night
Or white and black
I wave it away
Keep it at bay
It comes again
To attack
Need to pray
And unwind
To unify
My ruptured mind
But I know
In the end
By moving on
I'm left behind

Not many men wear skirts
but many women wear pants
When women and children are leaders
no one is happy
Men worshipping idols
Women chasing money and independence
Turning our backs on the Lord
Afraid and in dismay
Men kneel before their mothers wanting to go back
into her arms to **** on her ****** once again

Men are catty and ready to fight for no reason
Women have *** with so many partners it's disgusting
We have ****** men who want wives but can't find one
Women are all on social media with multiple accounts
A successful marriage is like winning the lottery these days
The churches are being undermined and attacked by government

A government that labels Christians mentally ill
and medicates them till they are complacent
Obey and you're free
Forced to lie by the liars
It's what they're doing to the saints
Rubbing dirt in the eyes of God's children
I am against the world and the system
I am perpetually prepared for martyrdom
My heart's treasures are in heaven not on earth
They hated the the old prophets they hate me too

I see demons everywhere
I am fragile and infirm
Can't look you in the eye
Lest you find the worm

An insecurity to exploit
A breach in my wall
All so you can laugh
And feel ten feet tall

My back is bent down to the floor
There is no pride left in this soul
Who keeps casting these curses on me
How does one fight an enemy unseen

My God won't touch me
My dreams are filthy
My brain is rotting
My mouth is frothing

Their eyes were fearless
They spared no whip
Their hearts were cold
They've got me in their grip

Most people have no idea how they affect others
The stench of their cruelty long lingers
I am a target and that is my fate
I must be patient and wait

No worth
To earth
Low birth
No use
Short fuse
No hope
Just dope
Unsure
Impure
Uncured

I learn
God's word
Now I'm
Assured
When I'm through
Hands of love
Will take me
Away from earth

And I
Am ready
To take
The voyage
New world
New birth
To heaven
Where someone
Is waiting

I would love to have you
And for you to have me
It'd be nice to hold you
Your eyes pretty like the sea
But I'm afraid to pick you
Worried of getting pricked
Scared of hurting you
I'll leave you be

Philosophy will wane
Protect the status quo
Take off the chain
Throw off the cord
Focus on gain
You will get a reward
Someone will teach you
You will become a commodity
Something of value
You won't have to worry
No need to confess
You're free to laugh
At those that have less
Take what's theirs
Steal their ideas
Neither loser nor winner
Neither master nor beginner
There are all types
Of shadows that walk the city
Who take comfort in mediocrity
You will be surprised
You may even be shocked
When you realize time is money,
You will make friends with the clock
A time to sleep
A time to get dressed
Brush your teeth
Go to work, without stress
A time to play
Do the same thing every day
No excuses, money to spend
A time to unwind
A time to throw a rubber band
Into the eye of your friend
In the end
No need for a sharp mind
No need to understand
For we're all just putty
In someone else's hand.

Never feel safe, though I'll fight till the end
How can I revive my strength to keep going
How to tell enemy from friend?

I stand ever accused
Each day a battle
I'm thoroughly used

Yet my obligation I keep, hence
Each lightning bolt vision that strikes me
I mount my defence

I forget not
For each memory I give an account
Redemption is sought

This is my hell
Come, my King
Make things well

There once was a raging inferno in my core
Over time it receded into a moderate blaze
Then a small fire
Now it's just a spark
It was hard when I had to douse my own flames
but God ensured I didn't end up a smoking ash heap

I wondered for a while
why I was unable to reignite my passion
even with gentle and gradual guidance
I had little drive or power
I've noticed how zeal can burn the people I loved
and turn their faces sour

Yet when I needed them most, they just stared
When I needed someone to stand up for me
They didn't dare -  for their minds were elsewhere
But my spark is still there
Waiting, dormant
For someone to love, for a reason to care

I want to be a different person in heaven
Then I can forget these days of old
You don't have to come to my funeral
Let the angels come for my soul
For I have no love for this world
That was to be my home

You left me alone
I can't do anything alone
I was taught that I can't do anything alone
But it's better than being with you
Who is nothing but a vision in my mind
That I'm too drained to fight anymore

You make me sick and *****
I walk around with you in my head all day
You're a danger and I like to think you are deceased
Your rotten memories are unworthy of poetry
And so I have nothing to write cause there is no love
Only above, where an army is ready to overthrow this world

You think you owe us nothing but you are wrong
You owe us decency which you exchanged for pride
And soon you will hide, or else you will die
For this is not our final form
We will be new people in heaven
And we will war with you again cause it's not over yet

My good vibes, you cannot steal
I'll close my eyes, and try to heal
My shattered soul, my broken heart
Behind closed doors, is where I'll start

The public life yields much reward
But I much prefer my private life
You can knock, you can shout
I don't need you, I'll lock you out

What is life, but one huge test
Work is for gain, home is for rest
The path of life is difficult and slippery
For one addicted to technology

How quick they are to show from outside in
But won't confess from inside out
Half-truths and lies, a fake story
Conceals how they fell short of God's glory

Technology and junk food are highly addictive
*** and drugs, is this why we live?
Impulsive desire, is this what it's about?
Do it responsibly, or toss it out!

I need to change before I'm in too deep
I need rest, not just sleep
I can't always take what life brings
I must let go of certain things

I used to write freely
Vividly and openly
but ever since you broke my heart
I've been writing bitterly

I spend my days alone
Fear and anger, can't tell what's worse
I'm used to pain, but what I'm dealing with
is more like a curse

I can search myself
but there's nothing to find
in these dark holes
that exist in my mind

My stomach and head
they hurt as I groan
I've learned my lesson
just leave me alone!

I did my best to give you love
And shower you with splendour like rain above
But you're a dog who bites its own
cause it wasn't presented with the right flavour of bone
Or a shark that swallows smaller fish
To give me pain was your honest wish
You presented a lie, the real you I don't want
And so forevermore I will take up a taunt
To sing happily about you I must
I reject you utterly, you lover of lust!
I went all in, you barely dipped your toes
I showed you my cards, you revealed them to my foes
Showing no loyalty or prudence
A little bit of everyone, zero sense
I thought I could help, a wasted effort
I should have know I cannot change you mother effer
My pain will subside, your shame will live
I will now move on and forgive

I have stepped away from pride
And exposed my flaws
Revealed my thoughts
Retracted my claws
Some see that and pounce
Go in for the ****
Not an ounce of respect
To humiliate me at will
I wish you would remain flaccid
At the sight of my kindness
And retract the member
Where your sacral chakra is
I have softened my heart
Mushy and red
Not for you to tear apart
Until I am dead
But for you to learn
That you are naked as well
Unless you turn
Your life will be story I tell
While I sit in heaven
And you burn in hell

We are slaves and servants to the Lord, through our humble service we will reap our reward...

We ask ourselves, what is life?
We toil hard while there's light
And find no rest come night

What is life?
Our foes force us to take flight
We are targets, always in sight

What is life?
Our hope is very slight
That we'll be released from our plight

What is life?

There is no true happiness in the world that we're in...
As long as we're mortals under the spell of sin...
We cannot conquer and save our skin...
Yet if our hope is in Christ, we can be sure that we'll win

I wake up and eat
Take the morning commute
Stop and go
News radio
I get in the mind frame
The dusty factory mood
Cleaning and sweeping
Working the machine
On the outside I'm in keeping
with the routine
But Inside I'm weeping
Wanting to go to sleep
What goes on in my mind
I cannot say
Nobody ever stopped
to listen anyway
Just cleaning and sweeping
Washing the grime
I wish I talked to you more
But I never had time
Now I feel cheap
I can buy you bread
But I could never help with
what goes on in your head

Lost faith in humanity
These bruises ain't healing
Why'd you expose me,
Make me walk around naked?
When you saw my deeds clothed me
You soiled my garment
So I threw it away
It was burning my skin
I have flashbacks of falling
And nobody calling
But my ears are still open
And I'm tired of lying
Gotta keep moving
This is no time for crying
Tell me the truth
What can I do
How can I help you

Light and dark
Good and bad
Male and female
Are not equal

For light dispels darkness
Good triumphs over bad
Male goes into female
Such it was and always will be

Love sees none of this
Love sees hope in all things
That work together
For the ultimate ******

So I will not be bitter
When suffering persecution
I await the storm's end
And let love work its miracles

I move through life uprightly
And judge my enemies lightly
Very few things spark my ire
I turn from base desire

I do not fuss or grumble
My spirit's low and humble
It keeps my feet from slipping
Ensures that I don't stumble

I don't have much to give
Though you don't need much to live
If I say no to what you want
I hope you will forgive

If someone steals my shoes or shirt
My heart will weep bitterly
For the people that I hurt
Not for the one who hurt me

I walk with God, when his light goes out I sit
And if I should die, so be it
For through my suffering I have made others strong
And so the Lord will put me in the right, not the wrong

What's it like to have lived 2000 years?
What's it like to hold the baby calf in your arms,
and drive off the mighty bear, leaving him
to war with himself?
The light of God shines at his back
but to us he appears as a human being
humble and serving till this day
Who can compare?
Even Apollo in all his beauty cannot compare
He taught me when the darkness
over came me and I was stuck
He gave me clarity and helped me in my
deep depression
I will give thanks to God for Jesus
The rock of the righteous,
the hope of the lost,
the conquerer of love and of this world!

No one can see it
But I feel it inside me
When I look at myself
Can't help but cringe
Placed on a pedestal
Where one shouldn't be
It was crooked and sloped
A balancing act
For all eyes to see
A throne of tears
I was placed up high
On a foundation of sand
And when I fell
The pain that I felt
Made everyone uneasy
I just hope in the future
You understand
And don't laugh
But understand
Please understand

A passing spirit
Might hear it
When I talk to myself
Inside my head
I don't fear it
I cheer for it
I hide nothing from it
I open my soul to it
It changes me
It clears up the misconceptions
I talk to it
Lay before it
What I can't express
How my soul is stressed
Can't show my face
My lungs are full of toxic waste
My heart is venomous
My head suppresses it
A filter silences me
Truth is repressed in me
Words form in my heart
But are too revolutionary
My friends are distasteful
Speaking to people
Is a leap of faith
Some are like sheep
Most are stubborn like goats
I don't want to be an influence
Don't want to be heard
Except by the passing spirit
The passing bird
In my head

Any day the sky may fall
with stars descending to the earth
The sun may lose its light
The moon may fly away
There's a knife hanging over my head
Any day the earth may swallow me
Death lurks in every corner
Anyone may **** me now
For I have lost my soul
The fight in me is gone
To get it all back
Will take a great deal of sacrifice

The filter that is installed
Between her head and heart
Stops her before she can start
To reveal her melancholy art

She fears the words will go round
Circle the earth at the speed of sound
Only for them to roll
Back into her lonely soul

Tears in her eyes it brings
With stones attached to her wings
Then she steps out of her cage
And onto the stage

And her words
Soar in the sky like birds
With a resting place to be found
In this heart of mine

The things she said I look back on in bed
A resting place they find in my head
Immortalized in the air
Forever there

In a world of half-truths
Where everyone likes to argue
And prove themselves right
To win every fight
Life is a game to some
But I feel too dumb
To play like the devil
I'm not on their level
I avoid the bread of evil
To feast on holy gravel
For I have rocks in my gut
Stomach pain keeps me in a rut
I recall things I said
When I'm lying in bed
They said I rock the boat
So they threw me overboard
To sever the cord
Between me and the LORD
Now I'm sinking like lead
Nearly dead
I can feel the compression
But here's my confession
Though I've been tossed out to sea
And they celebrate victory over me
I've become more intelligent
My desire for truth is pertinent
On the inside I'm full of glee
And my soul is happy

Truth likes to hide
Look for the clues
Good never mentioned
Death makes the news
Gossips and sadists
Whatever they choose
To feed a hungry race
Who can't refuse

The good things we do are overlooked
Counsellors and therapists, overbooked
We're all influenced by selected truths
It's what makes the news

Don't fall into the trap
Of being too negative
Evil isn't everywhere
You just care
Where is the good
From where does it flow
It's so simple
It's the status quo

I cast the distractions aside and begin a process
Of untwisting the ball of tangled thoughts
Can't sleep, it's gotten late
Just want to think straight

I'm so very mad at the world
I hurt myself today
I nearly coughed out a lung and hurled
From smoking and drinking to feel ok

How come the wrong people stick in the human mind?
How come bad events, most unkind circumstances float in the head, while the good is well hidden, difficult to find?
Why is it so hard to rest, sleep and properly unwind?

I'm in for it now, she's in my head
I can't make bread, thinking of lead
Through her brain, I wish she was dead
Things like this better left unsaid

There are many people who hurt me but I don't want revenge
I'm not deranged, I just want them to feel remorse
I'm venting, it'll come in due course
For now I must be patient

Masters of reality
Adding spark to the bland
You give them your money
They stimulate your pineal gland
They live out your fantasy
They did something grand
Live like a celebrity
Fame, status, and...?
Now you feel like a nobody
Time's slipping through your hand
Yet when the clock turns a degree
You will understand
That time comes like a sea
Sweeping the land
To shift honour and dignity
Destroying foundations of sand

A shallow existence is a price to pay
For inviting comfort every day
It tugs me in, the way it pulls
I eat my fill, yet I'm never full
I drink and smoke, and cannot stop
I pray for the day these habits I drop
Yet it's hard when you live on your back
Stuck in a corner like a cornered rat
Fools surround, I cannot teach
A waste of words, their brains don't reach
Speaking only from their point of view
It's an assault on them to speak what's true
Just try to reason or get through
Nothing will stop them looking down on you
Love is patient, love is kind
I hold fast when it's time to unwind
Yet the fear never leaves my mind
Rest is a task and hard to find
Unless I'm doped up
Unless I'm messed up
The dust sets, things start breaking
I can't move with the pills I'm taking
I swallow the pain, I feel so dumb
Despite the taste, it makes me numb
I was the one who couldn't conform
And most of what I say is against the norm

In this life
I can't refuse
whatever comes
I do not choose

I come upon
things every day
I simply use
and throw away

I am a guest
Life and death
I cannot hold
just like my breath

Once saw something
I wanted to keep
the harder I squeezed
the more it leaped

I am a prisoner
in this life
My life is full
of pain and strife

I am someone
with many needs
yet I must thank
the hand that feeds