I would love to have you
And for you to have me
It'd be nice to hold you
Your eyes pretty like the sea
But I'm afraid to pick you
Worried of getting pricked
Scared of hurting you
I'll leave you be

I can't see around the bend, but I can look around
Inside my mind no remembrance to be found
If I could look backwards, not in hindsight but in replay
Perhaps then I would remember and learn from each day

But I can't
Nothing's sorted
All my memories are distorted
I can't control them, especially the ones I'm trying to

Forget
Drown out
Sleep off
Part with

I dwell in the shadows, I refuse to see
Yet I'm frequently bothered by some memory
It's hard to know what's true and real
When in a moment you can feel

Pride and cheer
Then blinding fear
Sadness here
Anger there
Did it really happen, should I care?

The world's a stage, it's all a show
Memories come, and memories go
Nobody's perfect
I can't pretend
That what I know didn't happen
I must be stronger
I must get you off my shoulders
I want to grow
And be at peace with what I know

If my belly could speak, wonder what it would say
It grumbles and tumbles and hurts all day
Perhaps I should quit smoking, perhaps I should fast
I know deep down the problem is caused by curses cast

I fed on competition, I savoured violence
To outwit and outdo made sense
At last it's a dead end
It's not how it works, I haven't a friend

I've regurgitated my memories and vomited out poison
It took some years, hardest years I've ever seen
I want to turn back and repent against sin
I want to sober up, so I can be healthy again

I move through life uprightly
And judge my enemies lightly
Very few things spark my ire
I turn from base desire

I do not fuss or grumble
My spirit's low and humble
It keeps my feet from slipping
Ensures that I don't stumble

I don't have much to give
Though you don't need much to live
If I say no to what you want
I hope you will forgive

If someone steals my shoes or shirt
My heart will weep bitterly
For the people that I hurt
Not for the one who hurt me

I walk with God, when his light goes out I sit
And if I should die, so be it
For through my suffering I have made others strong
And so the Lord will put me in the right, not the wrong

They go where they want
They curse and they taunt
Yet words can't describe the way they haunt

Near and far
They look for a star
To put a lid on a heart like a bug in a jar

I think a lot
In haste
Trying to blot the thoughts that fill my heart full of hate

Life sometimes brings
Something that stings
I try to forget, remember only the good things

I hear the words of the wise
There is no disguise
And no one will share with us the desperate cries

Below or above
Raven or dove
Truth means war, yet only love...

I intentionally live a simple life so I can give it up with ease
I try to decrease the things I see and hope the fear will cease
I'm spending a lot of time wishing for a happy ending
I'm hoping for love in return for the love I'm sending

I threw all my love at you and hoped it would help us grow
Instead of nurturing the seed of love you simply let it go
I should have known your heart of stone was not a place to sow
It got swept away by a stream that day to where the rivers flow

Yet what may seem lost to me may be still be discovered
By another, who can use the seed as medicine to recover
For I can confess what I'm depressed over and uncover the truth
And we can learn to be better lovers than we were in our youth.

I tried to be stern in all that I did, I had to learn I cannot put a lid on you.
I tried to be meek and kind, but you only thought I was weak and losing my mind, how untrue!
Whether the **** or the softie, I just cant make it work.
Whatever happens, wherever you go, I hope you can forgive me, and we'll both live where the clear waters flow and the plants grow.
I never wanted you to suffer, not the way I suffer, it's a wonder I can't see past my blunders.
I am no less than you, nor do I deem myself better; if we could meet in the middle, I could fulfill what I said in the letter, that
I love you, and my love is to let you go.

I wanted to feel you
I wanted to be brave
I tried to stay true
All your faults I forgave
But now I know we
Can't be together as one
I'm setting you free
The action is done
We'll no longer dance
Under the sun
A failed romance
An hour of fun
A mild heart attack
I go all numb
Now my heart has a crack
About you I was wrong
And like a hard smack
Poetic, like a song
I learned I can't help you
For I need something better
I can't live through you
I don't care if you read this letter

I have a mental illness and I have no quirks I want to do something but nothing works I just sweat it hurts so bad I think of all the times I had. There's nothing keeping me here I have no drive I cannot steer I cannot lie I cannot cry may as well kiss it all goodbye. Depression hammers at my heart as loud as a hammer that pounds nails it tears me apart. There is no way out gotta keep moving forward and act like I'm free but all the things I've done and let others do to me is draining and suffocating me. Despite all the dread I had a dream I was in a bus and it crashed and I helped save people and this is the type of person I am in my head.

To receive you must lend
It's not good to forever ask why
We are free, we are free
To have fun
To forget the pain
If you find a friend
Don't tell them the end is nigh
The answers are in the sea
The weather and sun
Anyone who's sane
Knows these are not times of the end
When the smoke rises high
And we can't see, we only see
What we have done
Over and over again
This is the end

I cast the distractions aside and begin a process
Of untwisting the ball of tangled thoughts
Can't sleep, it's gotten late
Just want to think straight

I'm so very mad at the world
I hurt myself today
I nearly coughed out a lung and hurled
From smoking and drinking to feel ok

How come the wrong people stick in the human mind?
How come bad events, most unkind circumstances float in the head, while the good is well hidden, difficult to find?
Why is it so hard to rest, sleep and properly unwind?

I'm in for it now, she's in my head
I can't make bread, thinking of lead
Through her brain, I wish she was dead
Things like this better left unsaid

There are many people who hurt me but I don't want revenge
I'm not deranged, I just want them to feel remorse
I'm venting, it'll come in due course
For now I must be patient

Picture an abandoned well
Devoid of water, or an empty shell
After a long period of drought,
Only an echo can be heard about
The voice that made sense is no longer found
Chaotic and disorderly is the sound
An inner tempest is the norm,
Battered heavy by the storm
If you tear me apart, or break me open,
You will see, it's as I've spoken
And my looks, it's not pretty
I look like a sideshow character from the city
Wrinkles on my face cause a perma-frown,
All of love has let me down
Yet I don't want anyone else to feel pain
So from aggression I refrain
For as the sun dawns, and then must set,
To rise again, so it's not over yet
The cards will reset, the tables will turn
And all those that hurt me will have to learn
That I am loved, and the pain I feel is due to sin
I am careful, for the path to life is narrow and thin
I will regain all that was lost, and once again be sane;
I will be filled with life again.

You gave me gifts, you didn't spare
I don't deserve, your loving care
When I was blind, when I was slack,
These things remind me you had my back.
I believed in you, and you made sure
That all my trials, I could endure.
You knew I'd fall, for I was inclined
I knew in my heart, but not in my mind.
I thought I was going straight, but I was careening
For upon others I was leaning
I wanted others to love me, but then I learned
Through trial by fire and getting burned
That since people hated you, they hated me
When I talked about you, they were angry
Then they looked upon the gifts you gave me with envy
And they sabotaged my gifts by any means necessary
So I let go, and away they went
Now I feel broken and strained and bent
So I looked and prayed, then I saw
The one who created the world and gave it law
He said we're born into sin, we're sinners from birth
Yet we should store up treasures in heaven, not on earth.
For our deeds follow us, yet to love God is a start
And all these things I hold close to my heart.

Battles waged with words
What does it achieve
I've caused pain and hurt
For this I now grieve
I am stricken by what I said
Vowed to never use my voice for hurt again
I've tossed truth to the dirt
Now I'm sideways and bent
All my luck is spent
And the heartache
The words start in my heart
And shift between my stomach
And my mouth, tearing me apart
Tearing me in two
What did I achieve
I cannot speak
The words are stuck between my teeth
Trapped under my tongue
Lost within my heart
Drowned within my blood
What am I supposed to say

I see well up close, but I can't see far
Sometimes I think I'm acting like a star,
But really I'm just acting dumb
And sticking out like a sore thumb.

I'm food for the crow, next to the worm and the mole
I've sunk very low, dug myself in a hole
People look at me, they stare and they gawk
Don't like what they see, they glare and they mock
I'm so full of sin, and so I don't talk
Let you under my skin, my mind is a rock
I cry all the time, only one who listens is God
I sigh for my crime, truth strikes like a rod
Evil surrounds, it strikes from all sides
The devil confounds, he taunts and divides
My mind is a blank, never making a peep
Yet for this I thank, and this memory I keep
I looked up, and saw a light
Through which evil couldn't pass, with all it's might
And it surrounded me while I counted the sheep
And I felt at ease, and I fell asleep

Deep in the mindless void there is a light
Even there it shines so warm
No thoughts needed it's pleasant to the sight
But there's a force keeping me down

Where there's chaos a person cannot flourish
Yet even there is a light that can take form
For all the outcasts and loners to take hold
For the rebels to feel warm

What's normal and sane is majority ruled;
It's easy to get schooled by a bunch of fools.
I know you are keen, I know you are wise;
but don't make a scene, you'll get institutionalized.
See with your mind, not with your eyes;
what they try to hide, is bright as the skies.
Tell the truth, don't hide behind lies;
It's ok to get hurt; let them mock and advise.
Don't ask for help, they'll get you hooked;
The cure don't make rich, so it's overlooked.
It's good to cry, you even should;
Writhe and moan, it's for your own good.
They can't destroy you, but they can set up hooks;
They think they'll be counted in history's books.
In the end it will all be destroyed, with no remorse;
they cannot change the past or the future's course.
It will all be anew, like fresh dew;
make sure to endure, through and through.

It gave us tools, He gave us life
Science and religion need not strife.
He made us prosper, it was our output
Without science we'd be walking barefoot.
It gave us weapons, He taught us peace
One path makes life harder, one more at ease.
It's easy to know facts, but who can stand truth?
Facts do not know you, but God did from your youth.
One is eternal, the other changes over time;
both are a curious study and infinitely sublime.
Science is a mirror reflection of God,
for it is mans creation, which deserves applaud.
Yet through time, debates and experience I will say it:
Science has always, and will always give way to faith.

I don't have many friends
I don't want you to be another
means to an end

I don't have many friends
I don't want to feel void and empty
because friendship is something one lends

To be a friend
Is to help someone grow
Not let someone fall and descend

To be a friend
Is to make someone feel special
To take them out of the crowd in which they blend

I need a friend
To force me to see
And help me to comprehend

I need a friend
With whom into the abyss of my mind
I can descend

They say trials and tribulations make for virtuous men,
and whatever doesn't **** you makes you stronger.
The more damage the world dealt, the more pain I felt,
the less I said, the closer I am to dead.

I'm restrained in speech. I'm not one to teach.
The pain I bear is not something I wear.
I wish it would cease, wish my mind would ease.
Wish I could openly speak about this disease.

I try to look up, but have no one to love.
Poetry is hard for one who rarely sees the sun.
I have nothing to say except good day.
And goodbye. I lie about being ok. I actually cry.

Am I forever alone? Sure. I don't desire a partner.
All my friends are dead or inside my head.
This life and this world make me want to hurl.
All the while my enemies dance and twirl.

But there's a glimmer of hope that is not lost.
I bet on it long ago, and haven't yet lost.
My hope is with the father, son and holy spirit;
I pray they can exorcize me of all these foul demons.

For there's a war on, that very few can see.
It's a fight for the souls of people like you and me.
And I sense evil in all people, it just takes time.
I prefer to be alone, what's mine is mine.

Strong men and women circle around,
clever with words, nimble and sound.
They race to a goal, no one can stop,
obstacle or not, they jump and they hop.
I was once like this, but now I'm not.
By webs strings and chains, I am caught.
My legs are not nimble, my eyesight is poor;
I rely on the strength of others as I walk out the door.
Words flow through my mind, then out they go;
I cannot retain all that I know.
My filter is clogged, purification is slow.
I'm still stuck on you, so how can I grow?
Don't think too much of me, is all that I ask.
For I didn't do too much good in the past,
yet if you think wrongly of me, I will not relax.

Looking back at my childhood experiences I
realize it was far from rosy and
I'm too young to feel so worn out yet
I'm too old to be a rising star

Never free
I see my sanity slip before my eyes yet
The end is still so far off and
when I'm gone the world will continue to be

I try to hide
These four walls protect me from the spies
With their prying eyes
Yet they still find a way inside

In the confines of my mind I see all I've done
And everything else done under the sun
I'm just a floating man on a raft out at sea
Waiting to be saved, or for someone to devour me

I have seen the effects of my choices,
And it all just hurts my brain;
What once were friendly voices
Have grown silent in disdain.

For each flashback I must give an account
So I search for excuses in vain;
To what can this torture amount to
Besides an early grave?

I have seen the evil I have wrought,
So I took myself out of sight;
What once was, is now sought
But I'm too worn-out to fight.

My dreams are full of warnings,
And I shiver at the sight of visions;
I struggle every morning
To try to find a mission.

Yet I trust in God, though I cannot serve him
Because through all the pain I'm just a burden.
I can't rejoice, and though I feel I have no hope
I know it will get better as I learn to cope.

If the past is set in stone, then what of the future?
I don't know, but of a few things I can be sure
We grow old
We die
It's hard to decipher truth from lie
Enslaved by my own impulsive drive
To give up
To let go
The garbage I leave behind
Out of sight, out of mind
Out the door
Done my chore
What do I have to show for
Years of wandering to and fro
Just let go
To be alone
Now I'm starting to see the light
I can rest my thoughts tonight
Into sleep
Into dreams
For I found what I was looking for
Life eternal is in store

Something's off, I don't know what
No one to trust with deeper thought
A wind of pain has passed me by
Evil rises, soaring high
I clench my fists, I get nervous
I try to find the cause of this

There are those who delight in the bad
They want to fight, with all they have
Some like to dance to the ever black
I faint from terror, I want light back
We must let them have their fun
And endure all that is done under the sun

When I lie in fear and I'm low in strength
I hope I'll persevere, and go the length
I'll find you and draw you near, without angst
We will put in work, not be put to waste
Someday when we're a bit more strong
Then we'll find a place where we belong

Do you like my hot rod?
Came straight from the furnace
In fact, it was so hot that
Little tinman, with his rod,
Was jealous.

Little tinman, little tinman
Didn't like that my rod was hotter than his
Ohh little tinman, little tinman
Wasn't having any of this

So little tinman thought up a plan
He struck my rod, with his poking stick
Oh how it crumbled, straight from the furnace
Cause little tinman had enough of this

But as he struck my rod, his hand slipped
Little tinman lost his poking stick
And Little Kitty grabbed it in his mouth
Here kitty! Here kitty!

The cat brought the stick to me
As little tinman watched in horror
Good kitty! Good kitty!
And little tinman was struck with terror

I hate to see little tinman frettin'
So I gave him back his poking stick
It was at this moment he grew still
Oh no, I think he's broken!

A thousand thorns in my mind
I try to pick them one by one
As another thousand come
I try to think around them
But they always come back
They truly are a threat
I want to attack
I choose my target
Just wanna pluck it out
Just wanna forget it
But I can't
Give me new memories
Please
So the old ones cease
So I have a better perspective on this disease

In all the wretchedness and cruelty I've seen before me
I cannot think of anything more foul without measure
Than those shrimp boys who call themselves pimps
Who abuse women for entertainment and pleasure

These women were meant to be brides of the Most High
To be at our side, to make us laugh and dance and cry
Those stupid thugs give them drugs
I wish I could squash them like the bugs they are

I have nothing to live for
What should I believe
My heart always drops to the floor
Because I wear my heart on my sleeve

I tread gently near women like you would a dove
My heart races, I want to make a good impression for love
But no woman has been able to tame my racing heart
And so I keep my distance, I keep myself apart

Call me a white knight, it makes no difference
I have a sister and a mother, and some sense
If I see a fool who thinks he's cool abusing others, why,
I will lift a finger and not stand by.

I feel the disease and curse of hate creeping in
I need a release from the pain and hurt
Hatred is but an outlet for helplessness I know
But there must be a reason why I feel this way

When I'm myself
I shock and appal the general populace
With words I move people, they physically push back
I may be slow to anger, but I ain't slack

The current norm is to be a deviant
And I've seen their sick behaviour and mindset
One day they're ******* up to you, flaunting ***
They dry you up, then move onto the next

We don't want violence, so STOP MILITARIZING WORDS
Y'all are a bunch of confused birds, looking for prey
Acting oppressed...
The only one oppressing you is the truth, cause you ain't blessed

Acting oppressed... Try being persecuted
Cause the only thing you're fighting for is yourself
Try fighting for a cause that's greater than your own
That which will scold you when you're doing wrong

Or keep biting the hand that feeds
Since you reject authority, it will now be blind to your needs
And when you're left with only people like you,
Your concrete paradise will truly be a filthy zoo

I used to see you as a shining light
Dazzling at sight, notoriously glorious
I knew I wanted to get closer and closer
Until we stood victorious

Now I see the outline of your body
A silhouette with your back to me
Getting smaller and smaller
Until you fade away

Some call themselves lions
Some call themselves wolves
Some are like rhinos
With long sturdy horns
I am a sheep
I am a deer
When danger tries to creep
I steer clear
I will wait patiently
For the prophecy to come true
When all animals will lie comfortably
Amidst the morning dew
The wolf will eat plants
The lion will eat sod
And all will understand
The glory of God
Then I as the deer
And I as the sheep
With laughter and cheer
Will no longer weep
There will be no fear
Cause with my hooves in the soil
I will gallop above the heap
Of the dead evil souls

I feel so tired, I want to sleep so badly
Question is,
Will I be sleeping, or hiding?

Get away from me
Get out of my head
I'd rather the problem be before my eyes instead

I am sad and sick
Tears to my eyes it brings
No one will speak to me about important things

Surely somewhere out there
There are those who understand
How to live in peace and love, hand in hand

When I was young I used to see ghosts and take fright
I couldn't go into the basement by myself at night
They appeared as faces and bodies before my sight
But not like humans; some would fly at me and bite
Others, insane, would cry and lament their pain.
So I learned to fall asleep to music and TV to help my fear
To stop the voices and visions, to make them disappear.
This went on, year after year
But one day I grew up, and made it my mission
To face and defeat these apparitions.
Yet to my shock and surprise, they grew wise
Instead of frightening me with deformed grins,
They now accuse me of all my sins.

I lie in bed as the shadows creep
Across the wall, as I fall asleep
With closed eyes, I drift away
And let go of the memories of the day

Next thing I know, I'm in a new place
Where angels are happy to see my face
Where my wishes come true and I smile
If only for a little while.

"What have you done"
Is a question I run from
Ever since that fateful crime
I committed on a dime
Then my conscience turned on me
And the darkness covered me
So in shades is where I am
Blackened, *****, little man
What once was a lamp has been put out
Blank minded as I walk about
Protect yourself; look, and see;
Don't become a man like me.

When will compassion come to fashion?
When will life become valuable,
And death be unfashionable?
Images of death should make you short on breath.
But we don't feel their pain,
We look after our own gain.
When will humility excel stupidity?
If you're humble your feet won't stumble.
Certain things should give you the shakes
There is no shortage of mistakes.

My soul is fine, it's my flesh that hurts
Divided again, on the outskirts of pain
My poor flesh... Trying to save it in vain
The discomfort makes me insane
How long must I endure
This fear of dying, when death is the cure
People take advantage of my curse
They will transport me in a hearse,
Then lay out the urn, and set me aflame
But I want to let go of my body and name;
We all must let go; there's no one to blame.

While truth suffocates under a mass of lies,
I struggle to breathe an honest word.
I envision a look
A mad stare which drives me off.

When the voice of greed calls
I remember my liberal ways
To be like the people
To share in their struggle.

I can say and do what I want
So I keep the damage to a minimum.
Is it a phase,
Will I ever snap out?

Who is backwards?
Is it enough to say "I had a share in life"
To have a share in a better world?
Yet we've all sinned.

Through inaction I have sinned,
But I am licking my wounds
Hoping for a healthier mind
Waiting for when I'm better.

Pain caused by misunderstanding
It's what I gained from mishandling my life.
When fear turns my stomach and I feel hot,
I try to imagine I'm someone I'm not.

Pain makes me lose control and twitch.
Is there a soul who can get me out of this ditch?
I've tried fighting, I've bloodied my fists;
I tried biting my tongue, but the pain persists.

I look to God, asking for help with this,
Meanwhile he acts like he doesn't exist.
My world consists of an impassable wall,
When I sleep, I'm curled up into a ball.

I'm too insane to work or sing.
I want for nothing, cause I hate everything.
All I can do is patiently endure,
Like Jesus said, and resist the accuser.

I saw you going down the wide path,
The path that leads to destruction and hell.
I tried to stop you, I tried to save you
But good deeds and evil mix like
Water and oil.

I try to understand
I try to wrap my head around
What happened when I fell face down
Into the ground.
You're supposed to trust in something
Don't wanna lose more sleep
If only I could trust in something
But my scars are fresh and deep
I tried to trust in something
I am but a sheep
I brought all the trust I could bring
And got ****** over an edge so steep.
Yet as much as I try, as much as I creep around,
I still can't understand why my face hit the ground.

I found myself in an unfamiliar place
I was fiending for love, then I saw her face
She was pretty and fair, with blonde hair
Pretty to the sight, she was wearing white that day.

I saw another strange thing:
A human with armour, flying without wings.
I tried to chase after him  into the sky,
But I could not keep up, and before I could sigh
He transformed me into a statue, and I fell from up high.

I then saw the two anomalies conversing with each other;
The man came to me and said brother,
This girl wants a *******, what do you say?
I said, while there is still time, let sin have its day.

He said, do you want to lose your soul?
Do you want to go down to the hole?
As we were speaking, a third person appeared;
The man gave his attention to him,
And they neared to converse.
They spoke as if in verse, then one said to the other, enough;
They turned away from me and flew off.

So I went to the woman, and we found a bed;
As I was about to go into her, she turned red.
Her hair fell off, she grew horns and a tail;
At the sight of her I grew dizzy and pale.
i shrieked and my knees grew weak,
And I could smell her - she started to reek.

Then I woke up, and started to think
About the folly of lust, and what it brings;
The sin of fornication is one we should avoid,
It’s something I’m learning with my time in the void.

You gave me signs,
But my heart was busy tasting spirits and wines.
You gave me warning after warning,
But I was looking elsewhere each morning.
Then you took her from me,
Yet still I didn’t see
My anger, my apathy, the hypocrisy.
You’ve taken my wife
You took my other half
You’ll take my life
It’s all I have.
Take my soul,
Slaughter me like a calf,
And swallow me whole.
I tried my best,
Yet failed the test.
Purify my heart,
And grant me some rest.
For it will take time
To heal this injured heart of mine.

Don’t ask what to buy to brighten a room
Just change your mindset to lighten the gloom.
It’s a choice to trust and lust
After things that will turn to dust.

An object fought for will be forsaken,
A thing sought after will be taken away.
Look how it goes to waste,
Losing its smell, losing its taste.

Search your soul;
Have you noticed those pinned to the floor?
The things they bought have come to life,
Cutting and slashing their hope like a knife.

Walls can shrink,
And ghosts dwell in places you wouldn’t think.
Remember those ghosts, which things couldn't save;
For what they loved most, has become their grave.

Sick outside and in
I have red bumps on my skin
Off to loony bin

As the great light shines on,
I see my path, and glorify the sun.
And as I go about my own way,
I look up, and praise the day.
When its my turn to die,
I’ll give thanks for the sky.

As the great light shines on,
I can dance and laugh and have fun.
For a moment I forget my hearts decay,
And the fact that I can’t stay.
For there will come a time when I say goodbye,
Yet I’ll always be thankful for the sky.

Reflecting light, my body’s beaming
Too bad I talk with little meaning.
My testimony’s hard to bear
Say the truth I do not dare.
For inside my rotten core
Guilt and shame, forevermore.
I humble myself, get eaten up,
I pride myself, get beaten down.
I cannot smile, cannot frown,
Cannot swim, cannot drown.
Cannot live, cannot die
When I talk, I always sigh.
Luckily this world is temporary
I don’t belong, that’s plain to see
How I long to go home...

Take my strength, take my pride
Take my home when you need to hide
Take my heart, take my soul
You need to eat, swallow me whole

Now you’re gone, and left me bare
I lost my strength, and tore at my hair
Then I felt you did not care
But the truth is you were never there

The burden of love is this
It won’t fill your heart with bliss
Or am I loving wrong,
Because I love my enemies?
They drag my heart across the floor
As my feet run to and fro
While my bones shake to the core
Can’t save myself, what’s more
I ask myself what have I done
I am like a setting sun
I failed once, with everyone
Now I offer myself for free
I’ll listen kindly but they don’t see
My own power frightens me
I’m more enlightened than they’ll ever be