Life was easy
when you were
around,
but I was slowly 
sinking d                        
               o                      
               w                    
                n..                
         Now it's hard,  
         but I'm healing.

I have letters in my notebook
that I've never read for you,
I wanted you to read them,
but you had better things to do..
I wrote some of them in red ink,
some of them in black,
and some of them are bitter
'cause you'll never take me back
I've got letters in my notebook
that you'll never want to read
but bitter tears that stained them
are all the love I'll ever need..
There's more to life than loneliness,
more to love than who you've lost,
more to hope than disappointment
because a blurry line's been crossed.
I wrote you one more letter -
one you'll never have to read
It reads, "The purest kind of love
is the love you give and don't receive."

We put our problems in a bottle,
sank it, and said a prayer,
then hammered down the throttle
with our hands to the open air..
The evening sky especially beautiful -
Sun rays bursting through cotton skies
And still, it was barely suitable
to reflect from the bluest eyes..
Pontoon bouncing on choppy water
Blonde hair dancing in the wind -
just a worn out dad and daughter
who might not come this way again.
But today, the water welcomes us..
And we make for a crazy crew..
Captain Grateful at the wheel
with his first mate - Baby Blue

One thing that
I'll remember
And I trust that
you'll never lose:
Warmth that
late December
can't take from
those baby-blues

I think about you
from time to time,
admittedly more
often than not -
Making frail attempts
to sweep my thoughts
passed the place where
you carved a spot

I could describe
everything about you
having never met you -
recite your words
like a Silverstein poem,
sketch every
imperfection, and
feel every embrace.

So believe me
when I say you're
the one I've always
wanted and that
I loved you before
I knew you.

"Just keep your love about you."
said the kettle to the ***.
"What you have, you have to give
and charity is all you've got."
"And keep yourself together."
said the kettle to the cup.
"Some day soon you'll find a spoon
that stirs your spirit up."

Guess I'll settle
for the knock off,
tell everyone
I tried, and
throw my stones
into this ocean
till it decides to
change the tide.

Burning lights scattered
across a cold, clear night
A beautiful contrast
of black and white
Such a dazzling show
for those down below
who watch their phones
to rest their bones

The sky grey and gloomy
contrasted with subtle ease
the trembling damp branches
of fire-colored maple leaves
As if the mountain were ablaze -
contained by the gentle mist
It was all held securely
Still the stillness, I resist

What is it that
I'm afraid of?
And what reason
do I have to doubt?
As if the One who
tames the fires
would ever leave me
here without
Can't the fires of
of a failing mind
be tamed by
the Autumn mist?
So why do I burn with
such remorse
clinching worn
memories in my fist?

Go to sleep, dear child
It all fades away in the end
There's no way to tame the wild
or grasp for the Autumn wind
Find rest in what is true
when there's nowhere else to go
There's nothing for you to do
and nothing else for you to know

Let my mind
be small and sure
as opposed to
large and weak.
And my intentions
right and pure
before I ever
begin to speak..
Lust of power makes
for a busy head
and hunger that
is never fed.  
Be still and trust,
be small and pray
And put those
childish things away

Snow accumulates
on foggy fire-lit windows
just before midnight
---
A tired fire dances
across the old wooden walls
while the children sleep

This is what it looks like to
have entirely too much -
Shell-shocked from battle with
ghosts we can't see or touch
Bathing in lavish luxury
steeped to our necks in waste -
defending sinking sand castles and
casting stones through cyberspace

After all the things I've hoped for -
all the things I've heard and said,
I tried to fight the demons by
feeding proteins to my head
Inspiration is for a little child
Hardened maturity for the old
But I picked apart the good things
I've believed that I've been told
I guess I settled for a knock off
And told everyone I tried, and
threw some stones into the ocean
hoping it might change the tide..

Come home, sweet Surrender..
Hope you'll stay with all the mess
I wasn't expecting you to come
this late and find me in such distress
I'd like to say I've waited patiently,
but I'm scared of you instead..
after all the things I've hoped for
and everything I've heard and said..

Life's been hard,
to say the least.
Come and dine
on tears and wine.
I've seen hard times.
Let's have a feast!

Hopeless most the time
But now I'm dopeless
Doing fine
Thanks for asking
Excuse me as I
fix my mask..
Bogus cliche lines
But I've been told this
way of life
is worth grasping
So excuse me as I
shine the brass..
Open up my mind
to all the locusts
Come and dine
I'm only asking
you'll excuse me
from a crooked past..

Nobody grits their teeth in heaven
No sly looks or harsh words
No kids cover their ears
Till every harsh word is slurred
It's all friendly conversation
Every noun and every verb
No drinking, wrecking trucks
on slick roads with sharp curves
Nobody overdoses
Nobody gets bad dope
Nobody commits suicide
when memories steal their hope
There's no broken promises
No counterfeits or shady deals
No eviction notice because
you couldn't pay the bills
There's no dreaded phone calls
No **** or fake pills
Just a mansion with many rooms
And cattle on a thousand hills
The darkness never comes
Neither by sky nor in the eyes
of a childish heart turned sour
After one too many goodbyes
No souls that are crushed
beneath the weight of fear and shame
Just grateful bums and addicts
who found salvation in Jesus name.
Tell the dope man you can't make it
You have to attend a weddin'
Christ is coming for His bride and
Nobody grits their teeth in heaven.

"Just keep your love about you."
said the kettle to the ***.
"What you have, you have to give
because charity is all you've got."
"And keep yourself together."
said the kettle to the cup.
"Some day soon you'll find a spoon
that stirs your spirit up."

Horrible things have plagued me
Things I never wanted to know
So I stuffed 'em all in places
I thought I'd never have to go.  
No matter the distance traveled
Coffey Mountain or Carter's docks
Every goodbye was like a crank
on that old Jack In The Box.
One day the music slowed
just as it was bound to do
And Jack came jumping out
screaming all that I'd been through

Who would know the struggle?
Neck deep in all the rubble.  
So sick I'm seeing double
and I haven't had a drink.

Jarred by nightly terror.
Scarred by trial and error
Acting on impulse because
I'm too afraid to think.

That worn old house on Second Street
The whole world inside the fence -
He-man tapes and old towel capes
stood ready at my defense..
Where the rain would wash away
the dirt of places that I'd been
I was getting older, day by day,
but you couldn't have told me then..
Wars were fought and mountain dew
had gone up to 50 cents each..
But I had important things to do
fighting Bowser to save Ms. Peach.
Power Rangers and video games -
a plastic rim bent on the wall
Making friends and arrogant claims
of being the best ball player of all
Take me back to Second Street
Perhaps, there, I'd right my wrongs
Or dance to that old smoky beat
in all those Bob Seger songs..

If I could only
hold the wind,
perhaps I'd know
how freedom feels
And to find it
once again might
take the blisters
off my heels
For now, I'm lonely -
scratchin' skin
beneath the rags of
where I've been
Stumbling around
a broken mind -
afraid of falling in

If I could only
catch my breath,
perhaps I'd make
my way back home
The day I find
you waiting  
is the last day
I'd have to roam.
For now, I'll just keep
walking till I find
what I've left behind
hoping it didn't die
somewhere inside
this broken mind

After all the things I've hoped for -
all the things I've heard and said,
I tried to fight the demons by
feeding proteins to my head
Inspiration is for a little child
Hardened maturity for the old
But I picked apart the good things
I've believed that I've been told
I guess I settled for a knock off
And told everyone I tried, and
threw some stones into the ocean
hoping it might change the tide..

Come home, sweet Surrender..
Hope you'll stay with all the mess
I wasn't expecting you to come
this late and find me in such distress
I'd like to say I've waited patiently,
but I'm scared of you instead..
after all the things I've hoped for
and everything I've heard and said..

We put our problems in a bottle,
sank it, and said a prayer,
then hammered down the throttle
with our hands to the open air..
The evening sky especially beautiful -
Sun rays bursting through cotton skies
And still, it was barely suitable
to reflect from the bluest eyes..
Pontoon bouncing on choppy water
Blonde hair dancing in the wind -
just a worn out dad and daughter
who might not come this way again.
But today, the water welcomes us..
And we make for a crazy crew..
Captain Grateful at the wheel
with his first mate - Baby Blue

One thing that
I'll remember
And I trust that
you'll never lose:
Warmth that
late December
can't take from
those baby-blues

"You're a half step
behind", she said.
"You don't have to
chase the beat..
Just let the rhythm
oil those bones",
she laughed, "and flow
to your two left feet..
It's nothing you have
to try to do.
We're all born to dance.
But some are just
too self-aware and won't
give themselves a chance"

Then she smiled and put
her hand in mine and
it calmed my busy brain.
And the whole night
we spent cheek to cheek,
dancing in the pouring rain.

Outside my window,
I heard a lonely dog wail
his tired nightly woes
—
The echoed alarm
overcame the crickets cry
temporarily

.. likes tearing people down
with loose talk and harsh words -
Empathy tossed aside
by the misuse of nouns and verbs
with a twisted view of society
just bound to be seen and heard -
Everyone, sit tight
till every harsh word is slurred.
The Queen of the Night Life;
her brokenness - a crown.
Out-spokenness - a sword
that she just loves to swing around.
As for me, I'm just a jester;
my struggle - a comedic scene,
but she’s been justified by hatred
only entitled to the royal queen

Horrible things have plagued me
Things I never wanted to know
So I stuffed 'em all in places
I thought I'd never have to go.  
No matter the distance traveled
Coffey Mountain or Carter's docks
Every cold goodbye - a crank
on that old Jack In The Box.
One day the music slowed
just as it was bound to do
And Jack came jumping out
dressed in all that I'd been through

Who would know the struggle
being trapped in piles of rubble?
So sick I'm seeing double
and haven't had a drop to drink.

Jarred by nightly terror.
Scarred by trial and error
Acting on impulse because
I'm too afraid to think.