I knocked on numerous doors before
But never was let inside
Until I found you.
Now I discover pathways open
That were invisible to me before,
And thank you.

I turned away from so many things
That couldn’t be understood
Before I knew you.
Now suddenly a pattern forms
And life begins to make sense when
Shared with you.

I gave my memories away
To people who couldn’t use them
Previous to you.
Now each episode becomes a part
Of the growing treasure that is my
Life with you.

I was hungry and cold and sad and tired
Before you saved me.
Now I’m filled with warmth and joy and strength -
All the gifts you gave me.
Ls

I write by closing my eyes and scribbling on a napkin. Then I flip it upside down and whatever it initially looks like becomes the subject of my thoughts...

I dream in doodles
Now it all makes sense

Woke up and had Sounds
Of Silence for breakfast

Then first rays of Free Bird fled the Smoke On The Water

Lord I tried to change
Turning greatfully dead

But Ten Years after
it was Bachman Turner Overdrive

Through the Purple Haze
we all glazed Along The Watch Tower

From the ruins of Rhiannon down to Jungle Land

We stood our ground as we made our last stand

We stood at the Stairway To Heaven at the Hotel California

Imagine the Superstition
as Layla was Born to Run

After all Happiness Is A Warm Gun

We all have our Bridge Over Troubled Water
but we learned to Let It Be

It was More Than A Feeling
when he said you can
Lean On Me

It was a Bohemian Raphsody for the Sutians Of Swing

But the Riders On The Storm rode in asking Who'll Stop The Rain

It was a Black Magic Woman all Tangled Up In Blue

She had all the Night Moves saying You Can Go Your On Way

The Long And Winding Road now has lead us to Reeling In The Years

What's Going On I'm inclined to ask Maggie May

She said I'm
Just Staying Alive because you know I Will Survive

Feelings are funny things
I used think feelings were the sweet feelings you felt when you were very young
When you were little
(Before the emptiness came)
These were what feelings were... to me.

So it used to baffle me when I got older
After I'd gone through some traumas of my own in life
And suddenly I found much to my dismay
That I no longer felt anything inside myself anymore
Only an emptiness, a numbness, a nothingness... a void
Those lovely early feelings had now all gone
I knew...I knew there was something wrong

But then I'd hear some people say
"Oh, I feel this way or I feel that way... I feel happy, I feel sad, I feel...
And I'd think to myself What! you still feel something inside yourself
Y'know Me! I don't feel anything anymore
All my old feelings that made me who I was they've  all gone
And I have no idea how to get them back again.

But then I'd think
Y'know when you say you feel...say you feel lonely or depressed or calm and confident
Overwhelmed or in control... whatever!
all these different emotions/ so called feelings
But these aren't.... these aren't the real feelings are they
Not like the feelings you had when you were a little child
Their just... aren't they just words describing mental states where/how you find yourself during the day
You feel sad probably because you're thinking sad thoughts
Or you feel happy because you're thinking happy thoughts
But sure I could do that
Yea! I could say well I feel... I feel hungry
Or I feel a bit apprehensive about something that's coming up
Or maybe I feel excited because I'm going out to a show somewhere
But these... these aren't the real feelings are they though
Not the lovely sweet feelings you had as a little child
No! Their not the same.

Y'know when a child comes into the world they start as a clean slate
They have no words at all to begin with
Yet even then they have these incredible sweet feelings inside that make them feel so happy and so special
It makes them feel like they own the whole world
Maybe... maybe their a symptom of the Divine. I...I don't know.

And I'd say this to someone sometimes and it's like they'd look at me kind of strangely
As if to say "What do you mean... when you say... the real feelings!

Lawrence Hall
[email protected]
LogoSophia Magazine – A Pilgrim's Journal of Life, Literature and Love
Fellowship & Fairydust (fellowshipandfairydust.com)
https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

                                     Saint Joseph and Ice Cream

             “I thought I heard you saying it was a pity…I never had any
              children…But I have, you know…Thousands of ’em …
              thousands of ’em…”

                                      -Goodbye, Mr. Chips

                           In memory of a happy summer morning
                           with Abbie and Alexander in Ottawa

Every man is a father after the Order of Saint Joseph
Every child is his to nurture and protect
A man must practice wisdom and honor
In order to pass them on to a new generation

And there is something to be said for ice cream -
I was entrusted with two little children
For a walkabout around Parliament Hill
“And give them nutritious snacks,” their mother enjoined

Most strictly enjoined

I asked myself what good Saint Joseph would do -
Surely he would buy them an ice cream each

And it was so
And now you know