i think,
     i think that
i was
never meant
   for this earth.

born,
  i was blue
    in hue,
my parents thought
   i was going
to die.

perhaps,
     perhaps at birth,
        it was
my destiny to die
    before i
ever lived?

i guess God felt
   as if,
     this life was
in need of me,
    and what i
had to give?

i have served Him
  with the life
    that He felt
i needed to share.
  
from barely breathing
     and blue
   at birth,
Jesus knew that...

    what was in that
   baby's heart was rare.

as the man that....
    He has groomed me
      to become.

i still remain a
    tortured soul ...
  my heart always bleeding
with no chance of
    ever being numb.

there are days that...
   i privately wish
     that blue baby
would have never lived,

      just some....

just some days.

i can't save the world,
    i now know
but i
      really really
want too.

    next time that i am
       blue and
barely breathing....

   please......
    
        please let me

go.

looking for something in the sunday paper

i flipped by accident to local weddings

yet missed the photograph until i saw
your name among the headings

and there you were, looking almost unchanged

your hair still long, though now long out of style

and you still wore that stiff, ironic look...
the one that was your smile

i felt as though we sat there face to face

my stomach tightened

i read the item through

it said too much about both families...
too little about you

finished at last, i put the paper down

i remembered old feelings,
my mind aflame—
wondering -

who is this man ?
this stranger whom you loved...
this printed name

and yet i clipped it out to put away...
inside a book like something i might use

a scrap i knew i wouldn’t read again,
but couldn’t bear to lose

the left wing party
fights,

actually fights
for the right
to barbarically;

mutilate,
slaughter,
dismember and
******
innocent babies
by the thousands
every day in this country

only people led by satan ******
innocent babies

only cowards led by satan ******
innocent babies

a party led by satan will never get my vote

cowards led by satan will never get my vote

satan fills the air waves,
tries to invade your mind through those
left wing mainstream media propaganda machine stations like cnn and msnbc

turn them off

say no to satan

they only aspire to weaken the Christian community... ..

weaken faith.

we have Jesus,
we will always win!

never am i
one to dare and fill the air
with dead unnecessary words

uninteresting words that just fly by
the ears and the hearts of the undeserving -
stoically portrayed.

"i'm sorry" means i'm sorry when meant

don't fill the air with those words
just to say you said them

most often,
those 2 words together ( i'm sorry )
are never felt intensely enough anyway

why you ask?

because the "apologist" -
habitually utilizing them -
has dead eyes -
a generic tongue -
and coldest of hearts.

a feeling of numbness overwhelms the body,
the mind and soul upon entering those doors

these are doors that you know you will never
pass through alive again

a great sadness,

pity and self pity surround you as the doors close

memories of a healthy life flash before your eyes
that no one else can see but you

the very edge of your world is clearly visible

you have journied here prematurely,

unwantingly

your body has been under siege,

under attack by a foe they claim has no equal

a cowardly foe,
a foe that is rarely beaten

the mind is as sound as the day you turned sweet sixteen

but now,

it also slowly gives in unwillingly

the twinkle in those eyes slowly begin to fade as well

you know that the nights of enjoying your favorite meal...

your favorite television show...

the early morning walks in the unmistakable fragrant
air after an evening's gentle rain...

the smiles you shared with those closest to you
when no one knew that you were even very sick....

those smiles are vastly different than the smiles
that merely seem,

feel to be nothing more than pity smiles now

but,

these are all things you know that you will never do again
after passing through those doors

will my loved ones miss me?

this plays over and over in your mind

will they be okay without me here,

without me near?

who will care for my four legged friend?

will he have a loving home such as i provided?

i can't help but think...

i can't help but feel that i am letting so many down....

helplessly i am being erased from the everyday landscape of my loved ones lives by a coward

a coward that plays hide and seek

a coward that never wants to be found until it's too late,

until everyone has given up and gone home

my footprints may no longer be visible in a while,

but i hope that my life and the way in which i had lived it
has left or leaves a deep enough imprint for those closest to me

to remember me by,

to cherish me by...

even being prematurely removed from their lives as i was.

on my way into hospice i may have been numb, bewildered,

and filled with nostalgia of my life that once was....

i know on my out of hospice in spirit,

i will be free!

i will cry many tears for those that i have left behind without me

but........

on the other side of those doors i will finally be free!!!!

words,

    spoken or written,

parchment silent

      or

****** heard

       they are like confetti

at a year end celebration

         they are like rain

and thunderstorm saturation.

         words are...

food that feed my emotions,

         words are...

soothing like the silkiest
of lotions

        they are dreams that

come to life

         they are weapons that

cut deep like a knife

         select your words with

thoughtfulness and care,

        and spill them all out

like a poet whoms heart is always there...
             bare....
             and dares,

to be rare

trying to tie my shoes,
clumsily,
not able to work out the logic of it, fumbling,
as my father stands there

his anger growing over a son who can’t even do
this simplest thing for the first time

can’t even manage
the knot to keep his shoes on

you think someone’s
going to tie your shoes for you the rest of your life?

no, i answer, forty-five years later, tying my shoe,
hands trembling with this memory

my father and all those years of childhood
not being able to work out how he loved me....
a knot so tight it has taken all my life
to untie

the handle of the screen door

i grab hold as the sun set tries to hide

mischievously laughing ...almost infantile

the shadows join in
with peeks and the boos...

their darkness anything but frightening

as i enter my home
summer's reflection astonishes me


awe me..
reflections off of anything that shimmers

the sun plays for the last time this day

i draw my curtains on another day...

the only light allowed is light that i control

my feet now slide and slip on the showers suds

an owl now asks ,WHO is listening to its own idle chatter

by the wolf howling moonlight,

WHO is merely assumptions

crickets sing almost to fill the void of any silence

i awaken with a lullaby by birds...
birds that coo and ease my ill fading soul...

the song i yearn when i grab the handle of the screen door

the moon and...
   its
communion wafer hue,
          tranquilly
    reflect off of
a paradise's ocean
         of blue.
i've never seen
     an evening

         ever.....

look so beautiful
    on you.

who will sharpen me?

is it ye?

if i am iron,

remember... ..

only iron can sharpen me.

There are some that speak of ***
like they can not survive without it.

Well -
There are only four things in this life
that I can not live without - literally.

Jesus Christ
Water
Food
Family and true friends.
Without those I would certainly
wither away ....

*** can be had by any,
animal-
beast-
and pervert.

While love and the art of making it
is thoughtful, pleasant and soul erupting.

It's volcanic.

It's the biggest rogue wave
the world's oceans could ever offer.

It's the most delicate-
most tasteful-
most exquisite of paintings.

It's simply....

poetry
       in
              motion.

*** is a mere spasm.
While making love with another
like feeling soul....

It...
It shakes the ground under the entire
world's feet!

Trust me -
You can live without ***.

Why ?

It's something that means nothing!

Give your body away
when it means something -
if
     not ... ..
          everything.

Through my bedroom window,  

the web of barren tree limbs that yawn against the grey sky paint a portrait.

It paints a black and white portrait of strength and loneliness,

that only we poets can see.

i'm not a hot weather guy

i'm not that summer all year round kind of guy

i toil enough in direct sunlight and hot weather every day,

i have for a very long 36 years now

by early May i am no longer that white guy

i'm already that brown guy,

that savagely tanned guy.

i'm not a beach guy during the day

i don't need to kick sand up in the air with my feet

i don't need to build sand castles with the sun
declaring war upon my back,
my skin

to be fair i find "beaching it" a complete
waste of my time so i never even ponder it

i'm also not the guy that screams "Marco Polo"
in our swimming pool that i am never in

i'm not a boating,

water skiing
or jet skiing guy either,

i'm not missing anything

i don't need bonfires exclusively in summer like most do

i don't need more heat on top of heat,

i'm smarter than that!

i will take a bonfire in crisp autumn air with
the crackling sounds of fallen leaves under my feet

ill take a bonfire to warm my icy hands and toes
after i slide down a snowy country *****
on a rubber tube at lightning speed

i'm not a guy that lays in direct sunlight on purpose

oil lathered over my entire body and tortured skin

cooking my body,

sweating for no other reason
than for vanity and cancer later on in life,

i'm not that guy

i am a guy that likes to cozy and nestle up
in a fresh cool,

apple crisp midnights air

this guy lives for the first sight of a treed hillside blanketed in auburns,

golds,

spearamints,

pumpkins and cinnamons

the first snowflake to fall and dance upon my eyelashes

now that guy i am!

as a poet i also know that i can get just as breathtaking
a sunrise or sunset in the spring,

fall and winter as i can in the summer

so this guy doesn't need a summer time sunrise or sunset either

believe me when i tell ya...

this guy is just not a summer time guy!

(-all lyrical rights reserved and protected)

--------------

she's my
sunny day
alarm clock
as she's peaking
through
my curtains.
she's the
coffee
in my cup
she's the one
that gets
me moving.

she's the
one that brings
a smile
even when
i don't
feel much like
smiling.
she's
clearly my
best friend,
cause in,
bad times
it's her number
that
i'm dialing.

she's the
lover in my
bed on those
cold nights
in the winter.
she's the
one across
the table after
work and
eating dinner.

she's the
air i need
to breathe,
she's the
fine wine
that i drink.
she's my
favorite song
on the radio
she's the
slow song
that i sing.

she's the
one that
i kiss last
on a steamy
summer's night.
she's the
kiss that's
on my lips...
i'm not putting
up no fight.

..... she's my
blanket as
we sleep
but we're...
kissing through
the night.
the only
thing that
stops us
is that...
first mornin's
light.

she's
the one
that purrs
up against
my chest...
she's,
different from
the rest.

she's
the one
i want my
whole life
through....

she's
the one
i want to
say.....

    I do.

she's
everything
i need.

cause'....

she's
everything
to me.

let's talk, shall we?

look, i know that you think of me just as i,
think about you.

avoidance is a game of procrastination,
of the inevitable.

i get it, i get that people's feelings need to be spared or how ***** you think that you might feel, because of other's feelings.

but, think about you for a moment.

think about how a full moon meets a horizon of glass top water.

think, think about the lunar waves that occur during such an encounter?

think about fulfillment and becoming one at long last with what makes you a woman.

procrastination only leaves the hungry to starve.

you, your womanly needs
and both sets of lips,
would be better served to remember that.

i mean, let us be real, let's be real now!

tie
   your
      troubles
        to
          helium
            balloons
              and
                let
                  them
                     go

A strange blend of shyness, of pride and conceit,
and stubborn refusal to bow in defeat.
I'm spoiling and ready to argue and fight,
yet the smile of a child fills my soul with delight.
My eyes are the quickest to well up with tears,
yet my strength is the strongest to banish your fears.
My hate is as fierce as my devotion is grand,
there is no middle ground on which I will stand.
I'm wild, i'm gentle, i'm good and i'm bad,
I am proud, I am humble, I am happy, I am sad.
I'm in love with the ocean, the earth and the skies,
i'm enamored with beauty wherever it lies.
I'm the victor and the victim, the star and the clod,
but mostly i'm Irish and in love with our God.

conglomerate of nothingness

gutters filled with leaves hold more life

wet desolate glare filled onyx streets

homeless Vet still fights a fight

fatcat politicians
dining on lies and the steak dinner they keep from the soldier that fought for their very own freedom

conspiracy theories

senseless violence

crime scene yellow ribbon
outside it,
the people ogle its truly sad normality

flashing red and blue lights

the sirens are coldly - eerily redundant

screams and gunshots are common place

another coroners car is full

For years
    I have longed
       for you.
Your lips
     your touch
        your love.
Every passing day
      my wanting
         for you
           only grew.
As the sun sets
       on the stars
         tonight
            i wish,
for you to be
        delivered
           to me
            from above.
And at long last
          I can share
            my burning
       love
               for you.