Anger. Pain.
It's getting harder to hide
All the feelings I've built up inside.

It's hard to explain
Without being considered insane,
So I've kept to myself
Until I realized I need help.

Even the weekends seem to be a chore.
Putting a smile on my face as I walk out the door.

Wanting to run away,
But where can I go?
Around people or not, I still feel alone.

I cry all the time now.
I used to think I was strong.
Now it's a struggle just to hold on.

To make it through the day
Without an odd look my way
Or someone asking me if I'm okay.

But maybe it will do me good
To let someone help if they could.
Just one hug is all I need.
Just one person that cares is all I plead.

And then I might get through another day
Of waiting for my anger and pain to fade away.

Anxiety rips me out of my sleep, a shock to my system like a bucket of ice water.
I open my eyes to see a demon hovering near the ceiling; fighting it will lead to my slaughter.

These demons cover the Earth like the oxygen we can't see.
One look into their eyes assures you several hours of misery.

I pull off my covers and step to the warm floor.
My teeth begin to chatter, sensitive to an elusive vibration that I've felt before.

Every muscle contracts; I notice the blinds are closed, yet a small beam of light still gets in.
They spy on us through the sunlight; it's hard to fight a battle that you know you can't win.

I quickly stumble to the kitchen to take my medication, hoping today's the day it starts working.
Tunnel vision increases the terror, knowing that the beast is somewhere close lurking.

I eat the fastest meal that I am able to find,
Then brush my teeth twice, because I always throw up after the first time.

I quickly get dressed; with my head down I walk toward the car.
Hyper-vigilant to something you cannot see, aware of the fact that I must appear to act bizarre.

Each day is like reliving a bleak dream, every 24 hours repeating exactly the same.
When the tension becomes too great I'm forced to distract myself with a different form of pain.

I get into my vehicle, driving to my monthly psychiatric appointment as fast as I can go.
The night before was a bad one; I took a hammer to the side my face to make the pain show

I walked into the building, trying to cover the side of my face that was black and blue.
I quickly sat down, noticing some of other patients could see the demons too.

Some people think we are terrified of other people, but that simply isn't true.
I'm terrified of the demon that is standing between me and you.

It only took a few months before this doctor stopped pretending to care.
It's always the same questions, just wanting my new medication so I could get the hell out of there,

So I can race home, splash some water on my face and take a deep breath,
Because that was only two hours and there's still twenty two left.

How could I be so lost
In a place I know so well?
How could I be so broken
In a family so together?
How could I be so lonely
Surrounded by so many?
How could I be so unhappy
Surrounded by so much beauty?
How could I be me
When even I remain a mystery?

a dance is a poem
Gestured through
The body language
And its signs and symbols,
Expressed through
The dance,
The body movement
In the consonance
The rhythm of language

dance little baby, dance up high,
never mind baby, mother is by;
crow and caper, caper and crow,
there little baby, there you go;
up to the ceiling down to the ground,
backwards and fowards,round and round
dance little baby and mother shall sing
with the merry coral ding ding ding

Birds sing "I love you, love" the whole day through,
And not another song can they sing right;
But, singing done with, loving's done with quite,
The autumn sunders every twittering two.
And I'd not have love make too much ado
With sweet parades of fondness and delight,
Lest iterant wont should make caresses trite,
Love-names mere cuckoo ousters of the true.

Oh heart can hear heart's sense in senseless nought,
And heart that's sure of heart has little speech.
What shall it tell? The other knows its thought.
What shall one doubt or question or beseech
Who is assured and knows and, unbesought,
Possesses the dear trust that each gives each.