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Jul 2021 · 1.7k
Skin on skin
Spicy Digits Jul 2021
She speaks in cherry red
Prunus cerasifera
He whispers falling leaves
Amongst the diving wrens.
Happy tears shed every morning
Before the Lyrebird sire
Starts his lone choir

Ashen pine blue, flame trees
Quiet illumination
Sensual body of Autumn
Jul 2021 · 177
When I needed you
Spicy Digits Jul 2021
You're a soggy bit of toast
Deep hidden substance
Deep
Deep down
Alas! a morsel!
Deep down
Crumbs of empty words
Two dimensional and wooden

Incapable
or
Unwilling
Apr 2021 · 3.0k
A slow, languid smile
Spicy Digits Apr 2021
I've sang for you
Danced for you
Bled for you
Bowed and curtsied
Dogged and *****
I've fought for you
I've won countless times
Ribbons and plaques
Handshakes in the dark

The game continues to play now
in my head
for you
Feb 2021 · 3.0k
Wolf Woman
Spicy Digits Feb 2021
I berated her
But she was stronger than me

I put pressure on her
But she was always magnificent

I judged her harshly
But she was always right

I tried to control her
But we both wanted freedom

I made her weep
But she made me see

I kept her locked away
But she survives

I tried to quiet her
But she sang, she danced

I asked her to take the lead
She said there's none to take

I mistrusted her
She waited patiently

I wore my checkered suit
She wore nothing but jewels

I spoke to her timidly
And she answered eagerly

I invited her in
And we arrived.
Feb 2021 · 1.3k
When?
Spicy Digits Feb 2021
And it all came crumbling down
The job
The familial ties
The man
And it all fell through my fingers.

A naked shell disintegrating
Paying taxes
Flossing and waxing.
Spicy Digits Feb 2021
I made myself so.
So small
For so long
So talk over me,
I won't mind,
I made myself so.

So quieten me,
If it's what you need.
A speechless soul,
I silenced myself so.

Daddy didn't see you
So take your aim
Argue and I will cower.
I taught myself so.

Spread corrosive untruth,
Use me and chew me out,
I oppressed myself so.

I see the end light,
And imminent reprieve.
So do what you like,
I'll make myself so.

I unpeeled my skin
And started again
I lost you and them
And started again.

I made myself so.
Feb 2021 · 1.2k
Sunela and panna
Spicy Digits Feb 2021
Sunela and panna.
Indian chai with fresh milk,
Fresh feelings.

An Ode to Family
Lulls the cat to sleep,
The rain softly pelting.

Patient puzzles
Paired with white sage,
Kashmir and lemon oil.

Silken chocolate.
Melting into the fire,
A molten me.

Moonlight illuminating
Seedling germinating,
The rain softly pelting.
Jan 2021 · 1.4k
Tardigrade
Spicy Digits Jan 2021
Be nice
Live politely
Be small.
Be small.
Be small.

Be sweet
Live righteously
Be small.
Be small.
Be small.

I'm here but am I?
I love all the street cats.
I'm here but you won't see
All the ancient souls in me.
I'm here but am I?
Instead I listened quietly.
I'm here but oft forgot,
Drain my empathy.
I am right here, I am.
With borrowed sorrow,
I am here, right here,
Listening.
Listening.
Listening.
Jan 2021 · 553
Return to sender
Spicy Digits Jan 2021
I wear my sensible shoes
I wear my sensible shoes
Please and thank you's bow all day
I press the lift button to level five
I brought salad for lunch again today
Salad for lunch.

I wear nothing but my skin tonight
I wear nothing but my skin
I let my chest kiss the night air
Lyrical, stillness, chaos, staccato
My feet and my fingers twist and turn,
Twist and turn.
Dec 2020 · 183
Beyond the ballpit
Spicy Digits Dec 2020
Spiritualis void,
Damp and mouldy.
Every day.
Every night.
Level 1,
Till kingdom come.

Corn syrup comfort,
Damp and mouldy.
Every week.
Every month.
Beating, barely,
Lady in waiting.

Fractal faces,
Damp and mouldy.
Smile through glass,
Every year.
Every lifetime.
A standard sod,
New wheel.

Ripped soul,
Damp and mouldy.
Thirsty,
Every you.
Every them.
Dopamine slide.
Up the dose,
Up the dose,
Up the dose.
Dec 2020 · 1.1k
Kind regards
Spicy Digits Dec 2020
Harken unto thee all ye cubicled rats
Furrowed brows
And mortgage rows
A cocktail of sneezes, wheezes and white lights

Leave me the soil under my fingernails
The monsoon and the snakes,
Heavy lifting, creature coexisting

Just spare me from the circle-backs
And obituary emails.
The stale air, ergonomic chair.

Hallowed be the slow mornings
Birdsong breaking the dawn
A soul full of tea
Softly resting chin on knee

Save us from the flood of empty words
Of formality and forced smiles
The glorification of busy

Crumble the ancient hierarchy

Let us wander home.
Nov 2020 · 218
...can't say I tried
Spicy Digits Nov 2020
I don't want to write for you,

But for me.

I don't want to dance for them,

It's my body.

I'm always afraid of mediocrity,

but I lock myself away.

So here I am on the couch,

grade B Socrates.

I don't want to impress them

I just want to stay

In the formless world I curated,

existing my way.
#life #reflection #introvert #authenticity #innerworld #reading
Nov 2020 · 347
Arcadia
Spicy Digits Nov 2020
Fading apricot sky
Paints the wet sand
The sharpest silver
and romantic mauve.

Angry incoming waves
Turn to lace agate
For a perfect moment
Only to return again.

A sooty oystercatcher
Warbles
Always keeping
one eye on me.
It is, after all,
his littoral arcadia.

Sea mist coats my skin
Speckled sand whips at my skin
Claggy dread claws at my skin
While I write
And write
And write.
Oct 2020 · 298
Recycling
Spicy Digits Oct 2020
Mother gaia, recycling queen

Stitches old bodies and fashions trees

These souls that travel around blue earth

In fractal beauty birthed and rebirthed

My Spanish life was short but rich

They knew me as the bejeweled enchantress

An african lot was bestowed in time

I danced a primal dance and became the divine

A boy of sadness for this whole life

A muddy battlefield became my demise

Now cutting through island overgrowth

I forage for food for my pregnant wife.
Oct 2020 · 155
Poetry's ears
Spicy Digits Oct 2020
Poetry is the portal to the release of grief
But why?

I want to say the things I never could

The inner weird

The trauma

And concluding hopefulness

In the melody of a poem
In the sweetness of a song.

I want to express my early life
In it's rawness,

Ugliness

And pain

In the arms of soft decorative ribbons
And shiny metallic hearts.
Oct 2020 · 281
Quite frankly
Spicy Digits Oct 2020
You are,
You are,
Quite frankly
Subpar.

Your words meander and diverge
Till they mean nothing

You and your energy walk in the room
And the walls wilt somehow,
The air defies nature's laws and recoils.
Mould spores attempt escape.

Your lack of self awareness, your ego,
Is an oozing cancerous lump atop your nose
And not one of us can look away.

No volume of bile could digest
The orange fat of your arrogance

You are,
You are,
A killjoy,
A **** on the dancefloor.
Jul 2020 · 286
Chapter 3: The Present
Spicy Digits Jul 2020
Swollen eyes,
These headaches
Tell me to stay present
Do not fear
We're one and the same
The pulse of each vein.
This noise
These sounds
Are not like the others.
Sweet syrup,
And warm embrace
Drown out the buzzers.
This music,
The sky,
Breathe in the filtered light
Just breathe.
Jun 2020 · 325
Vesto Slipher
Spicy Digits Jun 2020
And so it rebelliously expands
Contrary to bespeckled pros
Redshifts and penumbrae smiles
Continue to baffle the old men.

Hellishly heated, the entirety
Combusts to life.
Dark energy and axion matter
Gently caress the growing universe
like a nursing mother.

And here I lay, wine in hand
Never feeling more small
But perfect in my insignificance.

Unseen protectors of cataclysm
Whip for us that blood orange
That purple flame
Spin for us
Pose for us
And show us your heavens of glass
Cerulean brother
Cinnamon sister
Jun 2020 · 112
Chapter 2: The Edit
Spicy Digits Jun 2020
I am exquisite
Even when I am so delicate.
I am magnificently sensitive
And intricate.
Oh yes I am wonderful
Intensely tired, still passionate.
I am lovely in my complexity,
And eternally affectionate.
See how dewy beautiful
I look in your straightjacket.

I am excellent, I am worthy
Even when I cannot move.

Am I deceitful like your book?
Far from it.
I am a piercing blue wildflower
Beaten upon by heavy rain.
I am the eponymous hero of this novel.
Jun 2020 · 309
Chapter 1: The Unlearning
Spicy Digits Jun 2020
I learned in those years
That intensity was a sin
And sensitivity was the mark
Of an emotional wreck.
A girl in touch with
Her wild wild feminity
Is to scorn, to control
And wrap in tissue paper
Gingerly placed in the corner
Of the top drawer.

I am day by day
Unwrapping slowly, thank God.
May 2020 · 141
Just
Spicy Digits May 2020
If I could soar at will,
Less escape, more exploration, until
I found an ocean too wide
Or a glacial peak about to cleave

If I could rise and trace the topography
Like fingertips over worn leather
Inhaling scents of all our lives
And ride in the slipstream of an eagles' feather

If I could,
If I could just

Be weightless within the heart of the stratus
Tip toe over the bristle of a giant spruce
High-five a handsome window washer
Or soak up the light of a meadow chartreuse
Apr 2020 · 159
A lullaby
Spicy Digits Apr 2020
Sleep so sweet
Feet warm
Breathe
Deep from need
So close to the Earth
The sea
Until tomorrow
Sleep so sweet
Feb 2020 · 155
Finest lines
Spicy Digits Feb 2020
She said I can't tell
If you're really clever
Or just clinically unwell
I touched her shoulder
With my sequined glove
And told her, ma'am
these are not
mutually exclusive
Feb 2020 · 146
C'est ici
Spicy Digits Feb 2020
Today is the time for me

This breath is alive

The air is mine

My lungs are the trees

This day is mine

They gave it to me.
Feb 2020 · 163
A sordid affair
Spicy Digits Feb 2020
Doona, oh doona
stop teasing me you meaty pillow
waiting impatiently in my room-a

I've had a long day
my feet have turned to clay
And I just want to climb inside
your soft womb-a

Whether at my feet on summer nights
Or mornings frosted, dark and wintery
All else is stale, mediocre cloth
You're always the doona for me.

Doona, oh sweet, sweet doona
Hug me under the light of the moon-a
Don't ****** me from afar
Spread-eagled in my room-a.
Feb 2020 · 177
A casual offering
Spicy Digits Feb 2020
Hello Universe
Dazzling, spinning being
Thank you for my moth-eaten meat suit
For the genes and the jeans and the eyes
..........
I have a favour to ask
-if you could kindly cease your heavenly drumming momentarily-
I hear you say 'love your enemies'
But I have this one that won't desist.
.........
Lend me a cup of self compassion
Oh neutrino dios mi amigo
Nay, a silo full of listening ears
For this my most beloved enemy.
Feb 2020 · 148
Any other soul
Spicy Digits Feb 2020
Any other soul
In their body so alone
Unafraid
In awe of the unknown
No age
No race
No gender
No home
Feb 2020 · 1.4k
Sweet delight
Spicy Digits Feb 2020
Itch those *****, player
Itch them red raw
Bleeding?, who cares!
Embrace your oozy pores
Itchy itchy morning rise
Scratchy scratchy nights
Give me a show I'd like to forget
Make me close up tight
Itch those *****, giant manchild
Itch them to completion
Whatever you got to do, do
During itchy and scratchy season
Spicy Digits Feb 2020
I must be a wombat
I must be a sloth
What if I'm a deformed toad?
What if I'm a lost moth?
Could be a panicked bunny
An uninitiated kangaroo
It's possible I'm a crustacean
Escaped from atop a barbeque
Whatever my face, whatever my fate
And whichever strengths bestowed
I wish it wasn't so **** hard
To cross the ******* road.
#world #animals #life #live #cross #fate #funny #frustration
Feb 2020 · 228
Son, well done.
Spicy Digits Feb 2020
Come one, come all,
With all your **** nonsense
Shed those serious souls
And serial brawls
Engage in gravelly goodness.

Touch hither soft lemony lightness
And ruminate on he said/she said
Like severed fingers in brine
Que appropriate melancholy rhyme

Like Lord Paragon of Virtue
With or withered will
Atop his freshly bejeweled spire
Delights to set the world on fire.
Feb 2020 · 292
Fire up
Spicy Digits Feb 2020
Get it, pull it, pull!
Till your arms are but sweat
Rip it from my ears, sir
Tear it from my skin
Better yet
**** like the ill-advised man
Saving kin from snake
Then lay me in a bath of it
And watch my body shake
Attach yourself, hurl son
Use all you can reach
To yank sinew from bone
And until all disarticulates
Make it happen
Do me that dreaded favour
Equip yourself with courage
And hard and fast throw pavers
Get it, pull it, pull!
Exorcise my non-weirdness
Punch and kick it out my friend
Squeeze the boredom from me
Fire up
Fire up
Fire up
Watch this witch awake
Jan 2020 · 228
How poems are birthed
Spicy Digits Jan 2020
When grief knocks sheepishly but persistently
When anger kicks at my ear drums
When fear hugs me closely, a little too tightly
When I talk to those who formed my inner voices
When thoughts crowd out my breathing
When souls weep over their losses
When sleep backs down after it's fight with stress

When delicate petals and sprouts brave the weather valiantly
When big blue eyes smile back up at me
When rains soak and nourish and my bed beckons
When innocent discussions bond hearts
When he holds my hand while half asleep
When the blissful aroma and taste of hot tea fills my senses
When the cleansing ocean spray makes my skin come alive
When soft music puts my tired mind to sleep like a baby
Dec 2019 · 312
Sweet monologue
Spicy Digits Dec 2019
Why hate these legs
When they get me places

The fat under my chin
Hugs my throat like a winter coat

The backs of these arms of mine
Are my groupies
As I reach those gilded milestones

Why lament the soulful sadness
Of such big eyes
When they gift me joy in sunsets

It's true stomach bulges lazily
But she has endured years of deep sadness and chaos

Why curse my stressed spine
The radar of fear and perfectionism

Hail the skin for being my mother and protector
You beautiful olive spread

Why hate me
When you're moving parts of an intricate story
Spicy Digits Dec 2019
I know you've done your best
So rest
But don't forget to grow
Season's bounty
On show, and yet here we are
And here I am for you
That's just what I do

In lieu of joyful progeny
The story unfolds at length
You gave birth to life
So that life could raise you
Nov 2019 · 247
The acquired savant
Spicy Digits Nov 2019
A rambling evening, Lord of the Flies
Blood-soaked loafers, muffled cries
Days in darkness, cradled cranium goodbyes

Enter the acquired savant

Water spiraled beautifully, air danced on air
The cosmos smiled in mathematical fanfare
The man dissolved, the man was everywhere

Questions persisted in dreams, on lips parched
How the man saw intricate maps of the colony's march
Deep in nature connected whilst society departs

Enter the illuminated soul

Every moribund notion birthed a golden tune
Heartbeats fast and swollen, eyes of Clair de Lune
Every hungry dust mite and early morning dew swooned

Exit the uninspired union

Truly, from pain comes color and sweetness divine
The man's tainted past and ancient whispers combined
And while still human, witness the dissipation of all lines

Exit the fruitless forlorn
Nov 2019 · 179
Yeehaww
Spicy Digits Nov 2019
Yay! I have time to myself
Colours ooze from every pore
Mind of a monochrome dictionary
Turning into a fire-red seesaw

Yesss! Can't hold me down world
Throwing gang signs for good measure
Singing songs like I'm in the shower
Dancing naked in this stormy weather

She assured me I'm allowed to fail
And I'll still be loved like hell
So I did a little ***** shake celebration
Shook so hard and fast I fell

Finally! She saved me from my childhood
This woman taught me how
To be intensely me and yet happy
And that's all that matters now

Im doing it! I'm doing it!
I'm becoming what I need.
The woman who listens so intently
It's me, it's me, it's me!
Spicy Digits Jul 2019
Let the rains come
Blue algae syrup flowing
Swallow me with the lounge
Wash away all my tax returns
Drown my fears and silence my eyes
A new flood has begun
Let the rains come
May 2019 · 259
A note to my brain
Spicy Digits May 2019
I look back on them at times
And grimace at almost all of the rhymes
How dark and sinister, how lonely
Depression makes them feel boney
Jutting out like broken ribs
Each one their own screaming little kid
More funny poems please.

I need ones that say "I'm alive!"
I thrive, I survived and now baby I jive!
Moustache ready, bowler hat steady
Dancing in the fire with only my oven mitt
Baby I'm here and I'm ready to do it.
Climb that wall with all your jiggly bits.

Put away all that dark matter mystique,
Replace with crowd flashers and photocopied cheeks.

I just want my brain to bleed comical
***** historical anecdotal gold
Wax lyrical till my eyeballs bulge.
Just more funny poems please.
May 2019 · 213
Today
Spicy Digits May 2019
Here we are again my pretties,
A chorus of confused thoughts lost at sea.

A broken record of questions,
Incessant curiosity for what's around the corner.

But this is a day
A day I'm in
A sky so quiet
It chose me to listen
I'm in this day
A day of blue.

I didn't feel joy in that place of paradise,
Is this me sunk in a vat of viscous apathy?

I admire the cat wandering aimlessly,
Basking in the sun.
The beautiful majestic feline I long to be, free.

Then a wind surrounded me
A hug so personal
I froze.
I'm in this day,
I belong to it
A day better than tomorrow.

Skeletal branches wait patiently,
Unfazed by frost, by Mondays.
I love them fiercely
Lightning-struck scars and all.

Today is the time for me
This breath is alive
The air is mine
My lungs are the trees
This day is mine
They gave it to me.
Apr 2019 · 629
Body double
Spicy Digits Apr 2019
They want to slice me neatly
and pack me into tupperware containers
They want to keep me locked in storage
till I expire

I want to angrily hip-****** to a love ballad
atop the communal lunch table
breaking into song whenever it moves me
till I perspire

They want to grind me down like cinnamon
maybe sweet or savoury but never both,
They want to snort me like a politician
till I disappear

I want to take a baseball bat to parked cars
and disappoint my 2nd grade teacher
I want to wear a sequined cape every day
of every year

They want to dress me in little triangles
and chain me to sullen girls in leather
They want to take lots of fleshy photos
till I matter

I want to paint cemeteries in yellow
and play thumb wars in the nursing home
I want to shave my hair and make it my wig
until I'm even madder
Self acceptance #liberation #freedom #weirdness #self #free
Apr 2019 · 180
Nobody
Spicy Digits Apr 2019
Nobody understands me
As much as nobody ever could
And when the sun and moon's dance was done
There nobody stood.

Bound by red hot bands of scorn
And passing glances at passing friends
Nobody rocked me to sleep till dawn
And lovingly stayed till day's end

And when my teeth kept falling out
Nobody just held my hand
Nobody cried hot tears with me
And became my medicine man

Nobody really loves me
As much as no one ever did
But nobody's been right beside me
Ever since I were a kid
Spicy Digits Feb 2019
A melting candle
Aflame inside
A stolen gloss.

Simmering
Slowly withering
Flickering
Up towards the violet heavens
And vacuous reaches.

Made of magic
And fiery breath.

A fallacy
And perhaps delusion
Or intrusion
Of black thoughts

Nocturnal bickerings
Whispered whimpering.

A question left unanswered
A burn so exquisite.
Spicy Digits Jan 2019
I climbed giant boulders
to gather wild berries for you
A heavenly golden lake stretched
across your vision.

Unfazed by my generous offering
Oblivious to the dragonfly hovering
You drowned yourself in screen-time, buffering
I waded out alone.

I picture wrapping my legs around you
the air full of scents of homely comfort
a long day lightened with sweet laughter
our minds rest, immersed in fictional realms

But online games take away our nights
Political trivialities and football highlights
I sit and dream of smoldering fires on campsites
While you fall asleep alone.

In darkness I wrestle with the devil
for my piece of present moment, untainted
I beg for black viscous sleep to drown me
to wake without feeling half of me is gone

And you wrap me in the soft fabric of your skin
And you chase away the sprites to let the light in
And you breathe for my lungs as the attack glows dim
And it's just you and me alone.
No relationship is perfect, but be with the one who will sit with you in your darkness.
Jan 2019 · 552
Whole
Spicy Digits Jan 2019
I've grown cold
a close call
from a stone's throw
thrown from black souls
acid seeps from necrotic holes
in my resolve
worlds unfold
as I lose control
to the arseholes
who police and patrol
break me like a criminal
without parole
they pigeonhole
and troll like Interpol
I duck and crawl,
drop and roll
then with gall
stand tall
10 feet tall and sure
face the ****** brawl
despite the toll
scream till I'm sore
an immovable flesh wall
of colour bold

full of holes

yet whole
Dec 2018 · 408
Keep me alive
Spicy Digits Dec 2018
Where oh where
could my little sense of humour
have gone?

Oh where oh where
could it beeee?

Last time I saw it wandering
trying to find a big enough bin
to put my emotional baggage in

Lost among traumatic memories
It didn't enjoy my therapies
Dampened by big pharma remedies

Sedated, it traveled slowly but far
and despite its growing number of scars
Still searched for truth in the bizarre

I've been finding pieces among the trash
Funnier jokes asking to be rehashed
Of times of freedom, a big ol' stash

Where oh where
could my little sense of humour
have gone?

Oh where oh where
could it beeee?

Finally, happy to see me, we embraced all night
I laughed till I cried at it's clever insight
And now humour and I write
Depression and the healing power of humour
Dec 2018 · 736
Compete never
Spicy Digits Dec 2018
Compete never

Never worth that fight

Fight only for innocence

Innocence runs through you

You are alive

Alive, but not awake

Awake the dormant innocence

Innocence that runs through you

You fight only to compete

Compete never
Dec 2018 · 296
Simple
Spicy Digits Dec 2018
And after all my vacant musings
And energy wasted in worry
I sit here, sorry.

For but a while I lay silent in my bath
Drowning in evaporating thoughts
Lamenting my stories.

He lets me ponder, flail, indulge my mind
And fill my soul with sand
On my self-made dry land.

Until a feather lays at my feet alone
And my little ones say my name
I suddenly understand.

The rays of sun wrap me in their love
And my stubborn perception is severed
Life opens, unfettered.

And after all my vacant musings
My weathered, jaded body
Returns again and remembers

Simple beauty,  
Simple acts,
Simple words,
Pure love is simple.
Dec 2018 · 1.3k
Inflatable universe
Spicy Digits Dec 2018
Put down the pizza
Put down your phone
You're now in Pisa
You're now in Rome

Blink once,  blink twice
Use your imagination
Secret agent in disguise
In Grand Central Station

You don't need to drink
To pretend you're free
Take your coat of mink
And ruminate with Dali

Put down your pen
Put down your fears
You are a hundred unique women
Separated only by years
Dec 2018 · 744
Obsidian
Spicy Digits Dec 2018
Wish I were sunny and magnetic,
Energetic
And darkness was only at night
Not in my soul,
Black hole

Wish I were an inspiration to you
To me, just naturally
I would have an armour of titanium love,
Undreamed of

A phoenix rising in red hot embodiment,
A testament
A barefooted rebel of society
And the prison of tradition

The visions clear to me,
Patience flows, unceasing
Releasing

Wish I could uncover and set free
That little girl inside of me
But my heart is the heart
Of a tragedian
Obsidian
On disappointing the psychologist
Dec 2018 · 235
Ignored
Spicy Digits Dec 2018
Wrapped in a pink cotton blanket,
Warmed and fed, alive
A storm rises in my mind,
a scene of deep forest, a child.

Hidden amongst shoes,
Marbles and a flashlight,
Dancing in space and in orbit,
A lone soul in its element.

Blank face and sullen eyes,  
A sponge to emotion and to fear
Every week another era,
Tempestuous ebb and flow, tears.

She rides her bike, dreaming away
Another rat in a rusty wheel
Looking for solace, peace and purpose,
Something solid and something real.

Undulating waves and frantic logic
Depths of darkness and wells of joy
Inability to fit the mold,
Painful transparency and unsatisfying toys.

Now she's melting into the song of the violin
The tiptoe of piano
The urgency of symphony
The strength of the drum solo.

The feminine, the masculine
The old and young, near and far
She is all in all,  
A cascading waterfall
A torrent
A body no more.
The yelling, the words, the fighting...they all become white noise as she lunges into the safety and sweetness of her imagination
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