I feel like I have just been  splashed with cold water.
Upon realization, all the pains-
flood into my mind like as if
life is great at giving things.


I can't gasp enough
in the silence of
assuming---
that they're my life.

It takes more than wisdom and courage--
to owe up who I am.

I may not be the person
whom you think I should be;
I rather want to live my life my best.


Gravity tests everyone's limit and patience.
Being able to be candid, vulnerable and humble,
Are my enemy of pride.

While I can change,
I want to make it right,
Before my soul is in peril.

The wooden planks we trod on
to reach my childhood friend's house
are now rusting from spewed blood
whose life was deemed less than a stray dog.

The rain that day was like a downpour of evil
unleashed from the pit of hell,
crushing my friend's mother strength to be alive
because she just received a dead body
of  
my childhood friend in her arms
whom she loved with her life
was taken by evils.

When I was by her
crimson-stained body,
She said in a very soft voice :
'Promise me,
take my mom away.
Please take care of her.'

The cool rain and
everything around us
don't mean anything anymore.
She is gone.

Heaven will receive you, my dear friend.
Your virtue shall be lived forever and ever.

Days and night pass by
Your smile couldnt switch on my bedroom light.
I gulp down my inner voices;
Burning my throat and body.
I can just say," i like you"
Needing not to beat around the bush.
But it's so hard,
To move my tongue and say it bravely.
My words are not smoke
Dont put out with your cold heart.
On my happy moments,
I wanna share my joy.
On my sad moments
I just want to lie on your chest.
It is just a sick fantasy!
I hurt myself
With these fantasy.
I neglect my family and friends.
I hurt them.

A life in Silica is promising
Bread and Wine is plenty.
Everyone lives in a square box with four windows.
Men work at mines and markets.
A life in Silica is truly blessing.
Those who know the blessed Silica,
Leave their nests and fly,
In hope to settle down on a new blessed land.
Silica is really new and interesting.
The country is always sparkling
The buildings are so tall that a man broke his neck when he looks up.
Lips pushed out when they speak.
Silica must be really interesting as it said.
I know the Silica
My friends know the Silica
Everyone knows the the Silica
But God sends only a few there.
Everynight we pray fervently
Everyday we listen in awe as we listen to their story.
Everyday we dream that we are also there.
I want my family to have a full meal.
I want my family to live peacefully.
I want my sick father to be recovered
So he can write poems with me.
Once we are in Silica
My family will be fine.
Their future
Will be really promising.

A dagger gashes a small flower
in a desert by a devil-follower
because he couldn't look into her eyes
and says,' he cares for her'

The bullies feel thrilled and sip on a whiskey,
sit in a circle and worship the small flower,
because time is running out
for the real game to start.

Just To see and to know,
and to know everything,
ignore everything else around me
and
I 'm off the track.

A spark of this curiosity
flames up after so many trials
and errors.

One moment, after one,
in a never-ending  cycle of hard,
I admit:
I ain't have reason.

I'm very distant from the City
There are no organs, just guts,
just ghastly, random blood
that mystify not me.
Trivial things, I mind
awakening to the trickle of the rain water
I, am not absorbed by the plague;
Just a little bit lost in the well-litted room.

I ......
just wanna continue.
I......
just want to be loved.
It seems it is too much to ask for anything;
please pardon me
because I just wanted to know.

The headache;
The memory;
The bitter medicines I desperately take; albeit I know is CONSEQUENCE;
Horror- banging against my moral.

Talented people out there
Make this world bright and colourful.
I see people every day
At the alleys,
At the market,
And in my home.
They have always been a part of life.
Their anger,
Agony,
Happiness,
Worry.
Express the world with sincerity.
To me,
People make the world very bright and happy,
To me,
Everyone is talented.

I'm going for the Death.
I've been begging it to take me
since our first encounter
through a mutual friend.
So I can be liberated from the worries,
insecurities, pains-
that didn't have enough time to be healed.

My head will soon hit the ground
it will gently welcome me with warmth,
for my indescribable anguish and trauma.
It understands me.

My mind is confused.
My heart is burning,
Cold tears are gushing forth like a spring water
I don't know when
I will stop breathing.
I want to lay down
on a soft time, if I may, dear Life.

The moonlight;
Waxing and waning at nights,
Comforting and alarming me in a quiet night.

Under the moonlight;
My stomach's churning and urging me to overanalyse
The security, the stability, the sustainability
I so desire agonizes my soul and  
On guard by my side on a lonely night.

Oh, moonlight:
You fascinate me and I idolize
Only you and night.

A clueless silent night.
The wind is blowing gently, calmly,
filling in the pits
and ringing the wind chimes
to wake up to see a beautiful night.

The sky is silently watching,
floating with the wind to
wherever it takes.

The wind and the sky nurture, nurse each other
like a true lover;
making the mortals below jealous.

Even a storm can't mess things up,
if they have each other in their hearts.

I scribble
thousands of words
in your diary.
You read them when you have no choice  to accept,
You read them when you're without them,
otherwise, I'm just a scar in your memory.

A mutual exchange of affection
is so hard for us
when we know we have a diary for fantasy.
A thousand of unspoken thoughts of yours,
change the way I see the light.

I look up the ceiling
My body wouldn't get up
I feel scared and mortified to the core
I feel so wrong.

What could I have been done
If I made another choice:
My, younger self would have been surprised
If I 'm unhappy .

Being an imperfect human,
It hurts when I fall
I am joyful when I experience sweet.

I cover these  unkindness words
That have been told to me
I pretend strong until I have been ripped in the inside, thoroughly and repeatedly.

I try to fall in love with myself
before I love another.
I want to know the feeling of love
so I know what I'm giving to you.
Love can turn inside out
because it's fake:
because I haven't take care of my heart for a long time.

The pleasure you get is unfathomable.
The look and the shame;
the rich and the lame;
will bend your morale until you burst into a flame.

Sometimes,
you have to get drowned in a well
so the other person can treat you well.

Oh, and
you have to be a stoic sculpture
so people can focus on the sun.

The midnight sobs and screams
so you hear their passionate deams!

Maybe you're the one who is drunk on the lies that you spin
I'm seen a big Hypocrite,
Your lies-
Sweeter than honey,
Slowly bashing my nerves.
Maybe you really have no idea when to stop the Oozing-
Your thick sticky needs,
manufacturing, selling, broadcasting.
A rainbow, starry, adjectives of my list
ticked, stamped and tricked.
Nights befall on me
I've been
"Baby'', you call me
I wring in your flattery.
Maybe you should see fewer peonies
and more grasses!

Hug me like a dog would to its puppy
Tear my heart so that my heart isn't snatched by the blood-thirsty demon

Hide me, please
The reality is in me.

I think I've gone really mad.

Everyone is busy knocking on  the door
That they know it will never open to them.

I don't play *****
Because I'm not the mad woman here.

It's better if my heart stays inside my body
It should know the truth.

It's better if you leave me alone
because I'm not the person who you think.

I would rather allow the pain to swallow me
so that I will still hope with trust

The memory-the pain-the suffering
If they were meant to happen
It's so painful to carry on...

I don't feel like I'm home
Every littles is a payback of the sins I committed
So I die guilty free.

When i look out the window
Hoping to see answers written on the road.
Hit by my own stupidity and naive mind
All the answers evaporated into the air along with my tears
I don't know if i am on right track
I feel stuck on one pole
Many poles to walk on
Many signposts in alien languages
Hope doesn't shine in my life.

I can feel my heart whimpering in pain;
yet, changing my mind every time that
I'm doing well.

Will you walk in the woods with me?
You said you ‘re leaving everything behind for me
You said I’m a beacon for you
In your darkness.

I see my soul dying
In the anguish, flaming , painful fire of death.
I’m triumphed over
But you should know
You can never, ever have me.

I WILL GO WITH THE FLOW
AND NOT BE ENSLAVED BY
THOUGHTS THAT DRAIN MY ENERGY

Maybe I spent my time so much looking for things on the other side of the room
that I actually forget everything-
almost everything.

A lot of things influence me.
and I know things would get better
if I believe good things would come
to the battered, shattered and desperate for
a broken person likes me.

Time flies by so fast
that It's so tiring to be fit in
a humanity that is so pressuring on
her children to be the same.

It's hard to feel beautiful inside and out,
feel positive,
And not worried about anything.

Our blood is close,
Yet mine is so cold
Against the warmth from the mother's *****.

A new-a phone call-
a message from My Protector,
everyone yearns to be protected
loved,
missed,and live.

Days flashed into an alloy of a hut,
skins getting drier,eyes getting sharper
the tiles of my floor replace into new shapes
to give in to my wild desire.
Maybe I'm still in the wrong time,
or maybe it's my Karma, to live, and wait.
I suppose-
I shall never hear the sharp metallic ring
attached on the back door.

Sometimes
I gasp for air so much even though I'm on a surface
I-
thirst for the water from where I came from
Yet-
it tastes like vomitted Water.
My lip salivates for I suppose Spring water,
Which nourishes your soul like Holy Water;
But, I think I will only know the Firey water

I-
Am scared
I-
Am scared I will be dehydated,
destroyed because I only know the vomitted Water

Will I ever-
have a sip of Love water?

What’s bad and good?  
I’m sure everything has limits.  
Who’s good and bad?  
I’m sure it doesn’t concern me as long-  
As the person admits and turns into a new leaf.  

In the end,  
What’s the matter?  
Am I happy?

I close my eyes
I wring my shirt
My head lowers down.
Evil, defeat again.