we asked
mother

for silence

the wind
to calm

the birds
and the bees

to sleep

we just
wanted

to see
to take in

each other

clearly and
completely

and maybe
believe in

a future

something is coming
cold and thick

like the arms of a viking

it is supposed to be
locked away
in the north
beyond the white walls

it didn’t escape
it was released

by another sinister being

a warm water being
thousands of miles
away from the wall

it isn’t supposed to be here
but it has been here before

it has a name
but it does not
respond when I

ask it to leave

it makes itself
at home

spreading itself
across our land

like distant relatives
in my living room
during the holidays

we promise to

always say less
to each other

leave space

in the air
between us

for meaning
to form

to view quiet
as a thing

of value
that we can

build together
and share

with others

I

when I was young
you cut me with

your words

I bled out slowly

when I was young
I was a tear

flash floods

salt and water
burning skin

when I was young
I was broken

not like a bone
that heals with

time

II

I share a lot
with my words

and
you think it is

everything

you think you
know me

from my words

you think I
am exposed

but I am never
completely naked

I wear masking tape
to hide my

deepest scars

big feet for my age

small stones and glass
stick in my skin

dirt dries
between my toes

the asphalt is hot
even after the rain

but I don’t really
feel any of it

I love walking barefoot

the sky is dark

I am high
above the world

lying alone
on the floor
almost asleep

purple wine
coloring
my lips

outside the lines

I am listening to
the wind whip
against glass

there was a
warning tonight

gusts reaching

the windows
shake but they
do not break

just strong enough
for now

I turn away
and pull the
blanket

over my head

I reach deep inside
and feel my soul

it has another
small crack

it is just strong enough

I found this band

from Germany
this electronic

sound

this beat
beating me

I would define
incessant

as their sound

they are hypnotic
they are religious

like old school
religious

like memorizing
verses

and not knowing
what they mean

and reciting these
verses in a group

feeling all
in a moment

releasing me
becoming one

a life lived
high

above
our
individual
pains

we were
together
forever
forgetting

days and
nights

months and
years

and when
we hit

the rock at
the bottom

we landed
in a desert

and you cried
for the

first time
creating

our oasis
or was it

a mirage

we laugh when
the dark clouds

form

we do not melt
in the rain

sometimes
we dance

naked like
the stars

water is magic
H 2 O

defines it but it
does not explain it

water seeds life
and heals bodies

this week
life was hard

I fell again

broke my happy bone
became an
emotional invalid

falling
into an
invisible
hole

I was here
close to you
near to you

but you did
not see me

the deer in
your headlights

I wanted
you to hit me
make me feel
something

but I avoided
you again

you missed me
but I was already
gone anyway

unaware of
what you felt
when you missed me

this week was hard

I fell into a shell
and pretended to
be a rock

maybe when you
are bored you will

kick me

the world is dying
the weight is heavy

we give our power
to stupid people

hungry thirsty
stupid people

who think not
of others

who care not
for others

they fight each
other through us

we are the dying

and as bob sang
so many years ago

we are the world
not them

the sun sets
goes to rest

somewhere
I cannot see

it is peaceful
knowing it

will rise again

and I am
left alone

in the dark
I cannot sleep

I am restless

not knowing
what comes next

a small white bird falls
from the trees
and lands
silently in the forest

sticks for legs
it looks lost

among these
thick, old stumps

there is a gentleness
in the way it moves

eyes weigh each step
scared of breaking

always on the verge of tears

the bird looks up
trying to find a way to escape

but the sky is closed
dark with green summer while

orange and black creatures
scurry under rocks

soft-bellied aliens

they must be able to
speak to each other
but not to the bird

so the skinny-legged bird
wanders alone
through the old woods

too big to fit under rocks
not big enough to fly

we dream
we are fallen
angels

falling through
the puffiest clouds

landing in
different parts
of the planet

destined to
learn faith

through the
faith of those
we meet

so we can
redeem ourselves

and find
each other

in our
final and
forever form

all the little ones
spread like love

across the planet
tickling bare toes

scratching an itch
we all have

clean people try
to destroy us

but we were here
before them

and will be here
after them

spreading

I listen for you to enter the gallery.  I watch you as you read my words plastered across the walls. You follow them until they begin pulling you from room to room.  They become a serpent winding around and around entering your interior organs. You struggle at first, and then succumb with my tongue in your ear.

Your brain is a sponge that I will saturate with my words; your spirit is a thirst that only I can satiate.  I did not ask for this moment but neither will I deny it.

You can leave this day behind you, and tell yourself it did not exist.  But do not kid yourself, the sins I create in you are real, even if they exist only in your mind. But you must believe me when I say I mean you no harm, not really. I don’t even know you, well not in the typical sense of knowing. I see beyond what is in front of me. I have the powers of vision and invisibility. Once you speak my words I seemingly disappear.

The truth is that when I breathe between your lips, deep into your mouth, well beyond your years I can use you as a mask. I know most people because I know the containers they have built around themselves. The wildest amongst you are tame. The tamest amongst you are prey.

It is when I hear you growl back at me that I know I am safe.
It is when I hear you go silent that I know you are mine.

When she finds herself sleeping too much
she thinks of me.

I only see her now and then. There are no
rings between us. There is only the sound
of her stocking-covered feet sliding across
the wooden floor;
then a knock on my door. I always let her in
and then I always let her leave.

She calls me her incendiary voice. I breathe
into her and she is grateful. I am her subtle
source of energy. She tells me I am too
much to take for too long.

I know this about myself.

When she leaves

I crawl onto my closet floor, close
the door and hide under a mountain of dark
clothing.

Sometimes I get lonely during the moments in between.

I imagine you
are love

a time before
the rotting

of the garden

a time before
knowing

a time before

need
want
hunger
desire
fire
pain
stain
passion
obsession­

and loss

when there
was life

but no
reason

to live

the shortest line
in the book is

jesus wept

I imagine it
not as a flood

but as

individual droplets
sliding slowly
down cheeks

past closed lips

eyes wide open
there is no sound

no snot or sniffling
no loud wails

the kind of tears
that come from

deeply knowing
the pain of loss

I know this pain
I have wept

he is not
a country

no one is

no matter
what they

tell you

we are
people

real people
mixing with

real people
with real

needs and
desires

that is a
country

we can
disagree

with each
other and

still live
together

as a country

no matter
what they

tell you

I spread
so quickly

creating a disease
in too many

of you

the cure
for me

is known

has been known
for years

slow down and
question me

before you share
me with someone

else

but you can’t
help yourself

I am so juicy

an egg
on the edge

cannot float
it falls

we fall
the abyss

is not as far
as we think

we think
we are high

but we are
rolling down

the hill
toward the

edge we
cannot float

like an egg

some words
don’t exist

they are phantoms

teasing our
tongues

invading our
souls

spreading through
our veins

making us believe
in them

so we will share
them with others

that is the only
way they

can live
because they

don’t exist as
anything else

someone laughed

my words were silly
like love songs

I was sweet once
and the sun baked

us until we were
just right

glowing skin
dark and sticky

and laughing
at my silly words

a sound wakes me

I don’t know if the
sound was real

or in a dream

I have no one to ask so
it will remain a mystery

in the land
of misfits

we speak
in code

travel on
waves in

the sky
asking

questions
that unsettle

the nature
of things

we close
our eyes

so they
can’t see us

but they
feel our

impact they
try to

understand us
define us

by the changes
we cause

the secret
life of bees

buzzing in
your ear

everything you
want to hear

sweet nectar
on my tongue

your favorite
love songs

I memorize
and spread

to everyone
I meet like

my sting

it is the pain
of pleasure

nothing lasts
forever

there are secrets

there are reasons
for secrets

but these aren’t
supposed to be

kept secret

this is our world
written down

a long time ago
and updated

over the years

rules that are
supposed to

make us all
more equal

of course it
doesn’t always

work

not like it’s
supposed to

that’s why
we have checks

all forms of checks
built into the system

when do we know
the system is broken

when the checks
don’t work

when the checkers
don’t check

when the whistles
remain silent

when the secrets
that aren’t supposed

to be secret
are kept

the thoughtful
the clever
the deep thinker
the simple not simplistic
the idealistic
the insightful
the naïve
the lonely
the quiet
the detached
the curious
the stranger
the playful
the funny
the analytic
the learned
the complex not complicated
the aware
the pop-cultured
the scared
the scarred
the damaged
and broken

…me and
people like me

if I was
not me

I might
be you

Each moment I awaken
there is darkness; neon lights
up the sky.

I walk between the drops of lead

into the grime.
It’s not my time.

Red faints in my lap.

There is certain violence
in her voice
when she whispers my name.

In stillness I pray.

The air longs for the coolness
of her breath.

Later that night,

I am alone in a cab
when it all backfires
and lightness ascends.

a girl with
deep thoughts

stared through me

seeing patterns
form

in the smallest
things

sitting still
on a sill

she opened
herself to

a thin pane
of glass

and what
lived on

the other side

she is rose
and white

moves like
liquid

rain and
river

dancing wild
in the wind

everything
is pure

and open

she does
not wait

or wonder

she cannot
be caught

time does
not exist

she laughs

a never
ending

echo
in me

she wanted
to believe

the universe
was

intentional
that each

step had
meaning

that someone
thought

long and hard
about her

life

that someone
looked

out for her

so she dropped
her pennies

and whispered
her wishes

every rainy day

wind is my energy
lifting spirits

through this forest

I dance with
the trees

my perfect partners

bending for me
becoming my strength

when I want to fall
I lose myself

in the moment

become a sprite
making a wish

about last night

she is the
sharpest tongue

you’ll ever taste

spitting words
cutting souls

leaving men
gasping for hope

go ahead
challenge her

test yourself

I think about her.  anticipate her.  expect her.  to be with me.  take her for granted.  not out of disrespect.  more.  like a breath.  or a heartbeat.  where my life depends.  on her.  am I asking too much.
to be with.

the same day
as yesterday

we ask no
questions
of each other

moments
do not exist

memories
are imagined

progress is
a circle

is all this
beginning

or am I
at my end

all the stars
we see
are dead

they just
don’t know it

yet

we were
together

but we were
not connected

loose particles
living in the

same space

passing by
each other

rotating around
each other

electricity did
not pass

through us
it died within

us

they call themselves.  witnesses.  or at least they did.  they may call themselves.  something else now.

they ring your bell.  and hand you a paper.  or a pamphlet.  and invite you somewhere.  you warn your neighbors.  about them.

as if they are threatening you.  and your neighbors.

but they are just sharing.  their truth.  it doesn’t have to be your truth.  if your truth is strong enough.  then them sharing their truth.  won’t hurt you.  or your neighbors.

you can converse.  and share.  and go about your life.  without them.  I have.  and they ask me.  if they can return.  and I let them.  

each month.  they hand me.  a paper.  or a pamphlet.  and we talk.  and then go about our lives.

you say.  they are why you hate.  answering your door.  but I don’t believe you.  if it wasn’t them.  it would be something else.

nature is so
easily buried

beneath the
artifacts of man

their rules are
my structure

and I walk in
straight lines

and I step on
no cracks

but I know
when I meet you

you will change me
you will set me free

we will have a
relationship

like the wolf
and the moon

I did not
it was not me
I never would
if I did
I would tell you
you can trust me
don’t listen to them
they don’t know you
like I do
they don’t love you
like I do
baby don’t worry
I’ll always be
here for you
we were meant
to be
you’re the only
one for me
you trust me
don’t you
baby

what I meant
was hidden

in between
the words I said

it was not
intentional

I don’t always
know what I mean

until I see
what I said

so please
don’t always

take me at
my word

sometimes

I need to
learn about

myself before
I can share

it with you

she is a
lonely bird
perched

releasing
her sounds
to the sky

with a spoken
wordsong

she speaks
about an
imaginary
girl

and cries

she teaches me
imaginations
are real

with a spoken
wordsong

she speaks
about an
extraordinary
girl

and cries

she teaches me
extraordinary
girls are real

she speaks
about this
deep hurt

she speaks
about this
deep hope

and as one word
follows another

one drop
follows another

so that she waters
the world

and as I watch
her speak her
wordsong

I think

if I could
capture one tear
that falls

if I could
capture that one tear
before it lands

would it tell me
all her secrets

would it tell me
truth

and if that one
tear spoke to me

could I
understand it?

do we speak
the same language?

the dance sends us spiraling.  

spinning.  energy.
funnels in the air.  
swans in the water.  
white necks intertwined.

the truth is a piece.  of a puzzle.
so many pieces. to lose.

love is never pending.
it is or isn’t.

we were in london.

in separate single.
beds.

naked beneath.
thin skin moving.
sheets of.

imagination.

I have to
believe

the work
is somehow

separate

from the
one who

created it
there are

so many
things in

art
science
politics
philosophy
psychology
etc.

that I love
and I don’t

love or
even really
know the

people who
created it

and I know
I am not

perfect I
would hate

if you had
to love me

to love
my work

You've ripped me to shreds
torn me asunder
made every misstep
seem like a blunder.

I dread every part
you make me play
I want to be a circle
with no edges to fray.

I think I am dying
you tell me it's true
why do you lie
what do I owe you

You say we are one
two of a kind
this can't be so
you are only in my mind

But my mind is me
so what does it mean
To think you are you
and I am me.

The torture is real
the struggle won't end
it's not always peace
to call an enemy a friend.

Everyone else leaves
but you always stay
to wake me in the morning
and take everything else away.

we hold hands
create a connection

function as one
large being

one heart
one soul
one mind

we feel the energy
an invigorating force

sharing one life
we reach up

through the layer
above us

gain the vision
of the eagle

see across time
and space

into the meaning
of everything

it leaves us
wordless

we take a
vow of silence

I am.  trying to decipher.  the source of everything.  around me.  but.

all I could think.  is.  I could not think.  all these pieces.  nothing fit.  every shape.  was misshapen.  or warped.  how could I come.  to know.  anything.  

so I hibernate.  my brain.  let it rest.  no input.  no output.  let everything.  settle.  into place.  

I hope.  this works.

who comes
first

the question
or the

answer

life is
never

as simple
as it seems

is the problem
looking

for a solution
or does

the solution
need to

find a problem

the answer is
yes