she didn’t tell secrets
but she liked to whisper

her words were never shallow
and she was never scared

no matter how far we sank

she sang songs I never heard
and taught them to me

we sang songs they never heard

she said
on that
day

you will
be numb

we will
inject you
with thick
liquid

deadening
the pain

no signals
will reach your
brain

on that
day

so you will
not feel
a thing

I said so
how will
that be
different
from
today

she laughed
uncomfortably

I have lived deep
inside the earth
I ache to the core
expose the heat
from my mind’s eye
to weaken each layer
and break through
one-by-one
searching for the surface
where I imagine
meaning lives
never considering
that the surface
may be imaginary
and there is no
final destination
and this is my
destiny to spend
forever burning
through all the truths

I want to be the echo

the powerful remains
of the last word

spoken

deeper than a memory
I want to be

that which becomes
a disturbing sensation

that stays in your brain
and cannot be named

and reminds you
that something was

lost in the chaos
you created

but you won’t know

what it was
you had your chance

you made your choice
you have to live

with me, the echo

the enchanted land
sweet fairy dreams

and soft ice cream
all sound is pleasant

and all people are
peasants

sharing the land
with each other

growth is measured
in understandings

and we listen
to each other as

if we have two ears
and one mouth

and all humans
live as if

they are humane

nothing carried
forward we

have no memory

at the beginning
we are beginners

everything is
strange and new

we have no names

for anything
or anyone

we can run
and hide and

wait for others
or we can

venture out
on our own

and be the
first to die

or to discover

the gentle man
has disappeared

there are no posters
looking for him

the neighborhood
is not holding

hands as they
comb through

the dark forest
there are no

flowers or signs
in his memory

he is not
remembered

or missed
by anyone

but he will be
when silence

and sanity return

I was nevermore
living in less than

I could not feel
in the dark

the walls were
made of smoke

you did not
build me up

the way others
did for their

sons

I never had
that secret image

of myself

that made me
believe I could

be better than
the cards I

was dealt the
sad secret is

I never learned
to count

I want to bellow
and growl

chew gravel

and sing the
last love song

so desperate and pure

that the earth can die
in its sleep

knowing there was
nothing left

to want

sharp
things
cut

sharp
words
****

when you
speak to me

speak to me

straight
honest

use the
simplest
words

make
them
penetrating
and insightful

deep inside
of me

make them so
true that

they spread
into my cells

and **** all
my

misunderstandings

I’m just trying
to see if it fits

the experience
the experiment
the expression

each day
trying to paint
with simple
words

there are only
a few colors

but infinite
combinations

to create

an experience
an experiment
an expression

an explanation
for what I do

the demon
is named

power
look at

the faces
as they

speak

eyes widen
lips snarl

voices expand

words lose
meaning

in emotion

the only
antidote

to power

is to listen
closely

study

and think
for yourself

power only
grows when

it is unchecked

what happened
last night

it was like
tomato soup
boiling and
spilling over
the edges

catching everything
on fire
growing in height
spreading in width

it was all the rage

a pressure
cooker
unhinged
coming to life

a room
ravaged and
torn to pieces

an electric
heart
broken
circuits
shattered
strands of
wire

shreds of
a broken soul
bleeding
onto paper

they say
satan was the
most beautiful angel

the favored one

broken when
rejected by his
truest love

what happened
last night

I saw the
shape of
god’s back

straight and
stiff

you see me
I can feel it

a disturbance
growing

like a ****

creating a
new form

you see me
I can feel it

a desire
growing

like a flower

wanting to
change me

making me
want to change

carve out
of me

everything
that does

not belong
you can see

what I can be
without all

this excess
I have allowed

to enter me
please

leave me
this skinny

starving
creature

praying for
forgiveness

for all that I
could have

done

I rode a
nightmare

into the
mountains

to meet my maker

a creature
calling my name

I followed
the deep bellow

an echo of
the ancient past

I knew I
would find

life or death

either way
our war will

finally be settled

at the edge of
the garden

we expelled
the first song

a secret

ssssin from
scowling
scarlet
lips

screaming
every word

discovering
our voice

in these
animal
sounds

straining
choking
chords

swallowing
a snake

until nothing
but a hoarse

and in this
emptiness

we learned
about silence

she said

I am
a loner

borrowed
and blue

and if she
was a loner

then I wanted
to be borrowed

too

it is the way you
…
…
…

makes me

I whisper to you
my beautiful and
desperate words

born of life’s tiny scars

I whisper to you
my beautiful and
desperate words

wanting to cover you
in the finest silk

I whisper to you
my beautiful and
desperate words

wanting you to feel loved

I am my beautiful
and desperate words

longing to be held
longing to be remembered

by you

I am alone
in this world
without depth

everything is a smooth rock
skidding along the surface

one, two, three times
creating small circles
that disappear quickly

having no sustained effect on anyone

I am alone
in this world
without connection

everything is a sudden pulse
spreading into the universe

one, two, three billion pulses
pinging against each other
then going off to another

having no sustained effect on anyone

shadow tells
the story

the past
haunting

each step
what I was

will never
disappear

what I wanted
will never be

I loved my father
from the first time
he touched me

he saw something
in me
a form
a being
that had
lost
its
meaning

so he
worked hard
on me

removing
everything
that
was not me

to reveal me
to the world

a human

a frail
skinny
skeleton

he made me a part
of his family
of trees

a part
of his
forest
without
leaves

we are all
naked, bronze
skin and
ragged bones

we are
beautiful
and free

revealing
the essence
his unfinished
humanity

rock covers paper
which is broken by the scissors
which is cut by the rock

she plays footsies
with her hands

she plays grab-***
with her teeth

she holds a knife
over me
as friendly as a bee

pollinating
there is no escaping

love

there are these people who see.  more than others.  they are blessed.  to know more.  they go.  deeper and wider.  in space and time.  to see.  and they feel.  every moment.   as if it is new.

there are these people who see.  more than others.  they are cursed.  to be alone.  not completely.  just partially.  so some part.  of themselves.  can never be shared.  

not that they won’t share it.  but it can’t be shared.  it can’t be expressed.  by them.  in a way.  that can be.  understood.  by others.

but they try.  they will spend. their lives trying.  to bridge the gap.  in whatever form.  they have.  to express themselves.

from the city of Mo…Town

he started young
with another

making more sounds
with less

than any other

red and white
were their only colors

their words were
sharp and entered quick

no blood was shed
with their *******

messaging
reverberation

they flowed through veins
giving life

to shriveling souls
and hardening minds

more connections
than nodes

elegant and
simple

emergent

still
quiet
and balanced

flexible
and open

patient
able to wait

for pleasure
and wade

through pain

in philosophy and
religion

pleasing
the gods

or

pleasuring
myself

every coin
has two sides

I toss one and
call it in the air

I watch it
flip and turn

waiting for
it to land

changing the
meaning of

each side to

suit my needs
I am only human

I hope you
are too

a dark forest spills
into my dreams

creatures with
sharp teeth

stalk me they

want me but
won’t take me

they speak
deep words

leading me
to believe

I am safe but

I don’t want
to be safe

you overlook me
I fade away

not into the memory
into the never noticed

I want to be hated
by someone

I want to matter that much

I am haunted
by shadows

the lost dreams
a little boy

held inside
no one heard

his soft voice
so he buried

them in his
deepest parts

where they lost
their connections

rotted and
turned dark

I am simple
an idiot

like Dostoyevsky
described

straightforward
you cannot

understand me
I am outside

your scope
and scale

I do not want
from you or

to be you

I do not absorb
your threats

or insults
I am immune

to your world
I know

you want me
you know

I can’t be

in Greenwood, Indiana
mid-winter

wind blowing
across the
flatlands

a car wash
across from
a giant mall

lines of cars
waiting

me with
white towels
in my hands

trying to dry

off the cars before
the towels freeze to
my hands

and remove skin

for sixty hours
a week

for $3.35
an hour

and maybe a tip
(not usually)

Our bodies are
commingled in gold.

We close our eyes
so that our bodies
are the only things that see

and now I see you
for the first time.

With only my fingertips
I learn the details
of your face,

the sudden warmth
of your cheeks,
the space of a
missing eyelash.

I touch your lips
with my lips
and pull you into me.

I feel you pull away
just enough
for me to follow.

teaching me…

Woman is a process,
and man is made of wood.

I wish
I could be
porcelain

delicate
protected

I wish
I could be
breakable
liquid

a snow globe
a tear frozen
in glass

I wish there
was a line
I should never
cross

and you showed
it to me
and it was
clear

and if I ever crossed it

I would
fall off
the edge

but you
would
catch me

and put
me back
in my

protected
place

my words spread
in my head

a sea of weeds
that never believe

swallowing gods
and demons

digesting nothing
I am alone

something inside
was eating her

it grew as she shrank

but I don’t think
it could reach her

soul

her eyes never
lied to me

and when her
body shook

like the earth was
quaking and my

eyes leaked like
my heart was

breaking

she laughed and
said relax little

one

angels
feel no pain

your secrets
are not buried

beneath rubble
they are right

there for anyone
to see

anyone with the
right eyes in

their mind

to see what is
right in front

of them

I walk amongst you
I want to say

I am you but you
never let me get

close to you

I want you to know
I am skittish

like you I am
afraid of being seen

I want to run to my hole
climb my tree
fly to another branch

when anyone gets
too close

but you never
let me get

close to you
to tell you

how I feel
close to you

we must pull it together

these disparate pieces
of human civilization
we are humans

a species

but mostly we are
left-overs – left-out
of the actual race

search the memory of an angel
or the memory of the earth

for what was
long before what is

search deep inside of what is
for the seeds of what was

those vast empires of human energy
the knowledge of human life
when it was still young but
advancing in rapids

oh, the humanity
the beginning of
humanity

what is history?
who defines history?

and what is definition anyway?
but creating...boundaries

the captured
the contained
the caged
the constrained

so who defines us?

and the big question
the only question that matters

when will [us] ever be a big
enough word to contain everyone?

he had words
he wanted to share

but I would not listen
to him

I was caught up
in a net of expectations

pulling me in different
directions

not wanting to disappoint
anyone

I had words
he wanted to hear

but I would not
share them

with him

the power of
bleeding knuckles

love/hate

a wail
a scream

almost
silence

a heart
beating

syncopation
restoration
revenge

a piece of the
beast lived in me

he didn’t know
if he defeated me

he became vulnerable
and I would live

a little longer
than him

I am not always
an animal

the moon eats
and eats

until it is full
pulling something

out of me
I can’t control

I tried to fight it
but it forces its

way out

it needs on
this night

to live
to ****
to feed

on fresh meat

until it is full
and the moon

is fasting

it descends
inside of me

as the moon
begins its feast

until it is full

it was the moon
who taught me

I can’t love myself

I would watch
it shed itself

each night

until it was
so skinny

it would near
invisibility

I could feel
the pieces fall

but I could
never find them

I wanted to be
the one who

saved the moon
from itself

but I never could

he likes

the lights
at night

heat rubs
against his

brown wings

the danger
of sparks

excites him

he is not
a butterfly

blue beauty

flitting about
in the sun

he is not
that simple

I can move the universe,
when it wishes to remain still.
Homeostasis.
Anesthesia.
Amnesia;
the tendency to forget
or forgo,
what came before.
I can twist
the “truth”
and make it new.
Can you forgive me?
No grief,
your descendants
will.

we see through
eternity

we hold angels
in our hands

like butterflies

we whisper and
create winds

hear our words
calling to you

to that place
in you

that knows more

that you always
follow

and call it you
and yours

because it makes
you feel powerful

the geese are
returning

early this year

it was not that
cold this winter

the vortex did
not descend

upon us

and hover
over us

endlessly

everything was
not frozen

in place

and even with
all this relative

warmth around me
it does not

enter me

I am not
so happy

this year

I am living alone
in the outpost
standing watch

hearing the hungry
creatures plotting

over who
gets the taste
of flesh
and who gets
the bones

the distance
from all sides
is white

infinity takes
no sides

I feel this pressing down on me
the expanding weight of
ghosts and shadows

write me a letter maybe two

o  k

tell me
a story about
the other side

tell me there is always
another side

I think I still need
your permission
to be happy

shallow water
drains so quickly

and my mind
is almost empty

holding only those
last little drips

that never seem
to completely drain

the official record
is scratched

the needle always
finds the place

that skips and
repeats

finding nothing
new and
calling it news

most opinions
aren’t new

and they certainly
aren’t news

I am alone
and hungry
I do not howl
or bay
I am bigger
than that
I stretch my
hairy neck
and bite the moon
squeeze it between
my sharpest teeth
until it bursts
and I feel the
heat exploding
against the
back of my
throat
I grow warm
all over
as I feel the
excess
drip down
my neck
I feel full
but I am not
satiated
not tonight

before you slept

I heard you
pray for peace

it was

a lifetime of
little pains

that led to this

the night god
whispered

your name