I see in me

what you said
is in me

I am his
I am he

the one
who painted

the hatred in
your heart

I cannot help it

I cannot drain
him from me

sometimes blood
is poison

that does not ****

and

sometimes cells
are cells

it hurts

the pressure
of conforming
my body

trying not to
be revealing

arms cross
my chest
hiding my
heart

fingers
fight
furiously

trying to plug
the leaks

of honesty
seeping

but I can’t
keep up with

the flowing
through
my mind

my thoughts
leaping ahead

over all the same
old constraints

to what
could be

she said it
wasn’t her

looking back
she went outside

to find herself

she loved her
shadow more

she said

it was always
honest with her

shallow water
drains so quickly

and my mind
is almost empty

holding only those
last little drips

that never seem
to completely drain

the official record
is scratched

the needle always
finds the place

that skips and
repeats

finding nothing
new and
calling it news

most opinions
aren’t new

and they certainly
aren’t news

smaller than
an orange

I lifted her
and saw her

bruises and scars

she was not
perfect

but I took her
home anyway

she was
so sweet

she could
fold herself

become a box
with a lock

and swallow
the key

so no one
could access

her secrets
she was scared

what would
happen if

they got out
I wasn’t afraid

but the risk
was too great

for her to trust me

I ask the river
to swallow me

but with this drought
it is in more pain

than me
it asks me for my help

asks me what have I done
to this world

says everything was fine
before me

I tear off my clothes
exposing myself to nature

I jump in and

sink a few feet
to the bottom

I start to cry
hoping every little bit

helps

skin melts
into cream

I dream
of a world

without me

where cameras
are too big

to hold
or hide

and I can
walk my

dog “diggity”
on the street

and clean up
behind him

and it is
a chore

not a story

I knew the sounds
had meaning

but I did not know
what they meant

their beauty was
evident

in their sounds
and their spaces

but is it the beauty
of pleasure or pain

is it the beauty of love
or loneliness

I could not tell

I just knew I felt
something pure

and I had to
find a way

to say thank you

she woke me
too soon

I am not ready
I do not

understand
what is

happening

the world
is different

and I don’t
fit into

my roles

the structure
is changing

and I don’t
know if I

belong or
if I have

a choice

swallow all
my words

whole

like pills
release their

magic

into you
let them

flow

through all
your deep

parts

let them
break your

resistance

and turn
you into a

feeling

he likes

the lights
at night

heat rubs
against his

brown wings

the danger
of sparks

excites him

he is not
a butterfly

blue beauty

flitting about
in the sun

he is not
that simple

In the tightness
of her womb
I could feel
my future.

Her breaking heart
bleeding into me;

weighing me down.

not the devil
he is

wicked in a way
I want to be

with a wink
and a grin

always forgiven
for his sin

before he commits it

understanding
the equation

of pain and
pleasure

desire and
obsession

he stays one
step ahead

always changing
the rules

of the game

I was the sun god
the radiance
the dance of dust
they said don’t look
directly at me
I will burn your eyes
they said don’t name me
I will burn your soul
you were the brave one
never one to believe
the words of the ancients
you entered my realm naked
green eyes wide open
ready for whatever came
you looked right at me
called me love
and now you stand
next to me
and they tell the next
generation to never
look directly at them

I think we
speak too much

or maybe just
too fast

there is no space
for listening

we hear our
own thoughts

a billion bees
buzzing in

our ears

I think we
speak too much

there is no space
for understanding

to form

the possession of time

my time
is dwindling

but I still find
myself giving

more of it to you

you have mastered
the waves in the air

creating a magic spell

putting me in
a trance

I am swallowing
all the
sounds you emit

and they are snaking
through my soul

spreading you
through me

until my time is you

there was
no time

on this day
I disappeared

and existed
all at once

merged into
an idea

that would
impact the

world

dancing with
two godheads

the destroyer
of form

the creator
of change

she said hold
my hand and jump
it only stings a little
fall with me
into another land
where everyone floats
and changes shapes
we can see whatever we want
trust me
there is no bottom
there is only forever and
we can discover it together
she always knew more than me
so I followed

the purple
pope

beyond
royalty

beyond
religion

he created
the

consummation

of sound
and ***

the guitar
screams

its devotion
to his hands

and we are
all raised

to another
plane of

existence

he cannot
be replaced

I

she is no one
she is someone

all of she is one

one of she is
everyone

II

I try to understand her
through her words

I try to understand
through her words

she is not just her to me
she is me to me

something about me to me

I try to understand me
through her words

III

she speaks but
she does not speak to me

she speaks into a circle
where everything

eventually comes
back to her

IV

she has a mind that
overworks

she has a heart that
overfeels

she has a soul
that overdies

she has nine lives
that never change

V

I want to be a word
something that can be defined

something that has a meaning

she still lives
in me
she is impossible
to eradicate or
                       ****
she is a brain
   tattoo
she is inter
  twined
     a ****
         a vine
her traces
are such
she cannot
be traced
a slight
  sight
     sound
        feeling
            touch
gives her life
    in me
       an ember
           a spark
I cannot
live without

and I drove by
the place that
scared me

the house was gone
but the space
was still there

I can see in the dark
I can see without light

an old gray shadow
shaped like me
follows me
as I walk
through the night

he dances around me
teasing me like a
cool breeze against my skin

he whispers in my ears
almost singing to me

something about a
black cat and a crossed path

I was a boy once
with a future

but the shadow was
born before me

given to me as
my birthright

so there was always this great
distance in me

a vacancy

I stop walking for a moment
look up into an empty sky

and I think the other side
of the earth moon is vacant

and I think
I could live there

I still have that dream where

one morning I will wake
the shadow will have died
sometime during the night

there will be a sun in the sky
and I will think a happy thought

I watch her dance

her movement
is singular
she trained
every cell to be
in synch
it is communication
in its purest form
internally and
externally

I understand
something about

eternity when

I watch her dance

they say tomorrow
a giant swarm of
birds will cover
the night sky
as many as
50,000
on their way to
somewhere else
oh god it is my dream
to join them
it must be like
living inside a
young human brain all those
neurons swarming
from place to place
connecting and
disconnecting
the controlled chaos
of the moment
to some destination
in the distance
I can’t wait to see it
and dream I am
one of them

I blow the
lights out but

I do not make
a wish

I want to
envelope

myself
in darkness

I want to
feel the

emptiness
of hollow

the moment
before hope

when the string
is pulled

and the chute
doesn’t open

and I don’t
say a prayer

we were outside children
playing in the rain

leaving the house early
returning late

no one was watching us
no one checked on us

friends were people
you touched (and punched)

we learned from each other
making our own mistakes

some of us survived
and some of us didn’t

but that was life

I like to think
even if we had

personal phones and
personal computers

we still would have been
outside children

playing in the rain

but I may be naïve
to think so

I am living alone
in the outpost
standing watch

hearing the hungry
creatures plotting

over who
gets the taste
of flesh
and who gets
the bones

the distance
from all sides
is white

infinity takes
no sides

I feel this pressing down on me
the expanding weight of
ghosts and shadows

write me a letter maybe two

o  k

tell me
a story about
the other side

tell me there is always
another side

I think I still need
your permission
to be happy

I have seen
your garden

delicately
maintained

I have walked
through your garden

carefully

admiring the
colors

absorbing the
fragrances

I lean down
toward your

prized flowers

and kiss a rose
to show you

I am not
afraid to

bleed a little
for love

the in between

past and future
are gods

behemoths
trying to squeeze

everything
into themselves

making the
in between

so small
as to seem

insignificant

is cannot
forget or

be remembered

is

is not a god

is

is what
gods fear

every day and night
I try to **** my shadows

my mind is
the constant beat

of midnight rain
and vampire bats

they want to tell
all my secrets
to everyone

I am so rich
I am on all the lists

so numbers have
more power than

words

but I will use
my words to

hide my numbers
in the shadows

and then I will
continue to try to

**** my shadows
so they can never speak

She listens to
the chit-chattering

little voices
vibrating inside
her small spaces

speaking at
60-70- then 80 beats
per second

the voices
become noises then sounds
and the sounds morph into
a song only she can sing.

I can hear her
in the next room
singing to someone.

- A hymn.

I lift her in my arms
and I can feel her tremble
inside me
like a tambourine
like the birth of a religion.

we have stopped
our motion

only doing those
few little things

the absolutely
necessaries

leaving all the
things we used

to do undone

and when we no
longer isolate

how many things
will linger

how many problems
will not get solved

in time

how many things
that would have been

small will now
grow larger

dreams breathe
without air

focus is low
energy flows
there is no
stopping now

I paint her naked nails
with red flowers

tulips

climb the wild
don’t hold on

to shadows
they will fall

if you let them go

they can’t
follow you here

reach up
punch with
your mighty fists

break the glass
the past is sand

that dissolves
in water and

can’t keep time

don’t worry
about the blood

or scars you
are stronger

than you know
trust me no

trust yourself

we take a walk
in the woods

stepping on
our shadows

breaking sticks
and throwing
stones

whispering words
that never hurt us

we hold hands
and wait long enough

for a black turtle
to cross our path

pale blue eyes
I can see

through you

to the bottom
where you

really live

your white skin
is paper thin

appearing
fragile

but I know
you are

stronger than
that

you have been
broken beyond

any bones
and survived

you have
dandelion’s

breath

spreading life
wherever

you land

there is a rhythm
to my blues

I pace myself

it takes energy
to smile

and speak

and the light
can get too bright

to see
darkness can be

revealing and
hibernation

is a thing
not just for bears

some of us are
earthlings

we need to
spend some time

underground

the body is
a blooming

flower

the color
of the sun

the fragrance
is a message

floating in
crisp air

the morning is
a moment

we first meet
and face the

day together

we sit.  on a branch.  of knowledge.  investigating truth.  we hold hands.  we kiss.  we laugh.  we create.  a philosophy.  a shared way.  of being.  a religion.  with one doctrine.  everything we believe.  
is open.  and free.

my words spread
in my head

a sea of weeds
that never believe

swallowing gods
and demons

digesting nothing
I am alone

he is not
a country

no one is

no matter
what they

tell you

we are
people

real people
mixing with

real people
with real

needs and
desires

that is a
country

we can
disagree

with each
other and

still live
together

as a country

no matter
what they

tell you

volcano breath
burst of energy

human bodies
crash

feel the force

explode
my ears

then my
soul

make me feel
everything

then make me
think

then make me
question

everything
and know that

nothing is
settled

I did not speak today
I did not make a point
I did not ask for help
I did not answer a question
I did not interrupt
I walked in the rain
I listened to the earth
water wind & fire
I watched a squirrel work
I watched the clouds move
I felt my breath
I slept

in this country
there has always been

a force that does not
believe in democracy

like a virus
it is carried by people

from one generation
to the next

it lives
it hides itself
in many forms

but all it wants
is power

not freedom
it does not live

specifically on the
left or the right

but it can bury itself in either

it does not care about you

only one thing scares it
the human mind that questions it

that asks for definitions
that asks for facts

it cannot stand to be checked

if you let it define words
for you
it will control you

freedom is being
able to define for yourself

with my finger
I make small circles
in the air
I am conducting
something
before there was
something
the sound of cells
separating
it is the first music
instrumental
instruments
beginning the
formation
of space and time
the dividing lines
making anything
possible
but I do not decide
I am not right
or wrong
good or evil
I only create context
you fill in all
the blanks

I cannot
shed my
skin

the ***** cells
are clinging
to me

they are
supposed
to become
dust

but they
have decided
to remain

and build up
and weigh
me down

so I don’t
feel like
doing

anything

they are
supposed
to leave me

at least
daily

so I can
feel clean

and be
renewed

instead of
lost in this

old mattress rut

it has a pattern
it repeats behaviors

everything does

it is their weakness
it is our weakness

that’s why it can
attack us

it learns our
weakness

by replicating
itself rapidly

we can’t do
that physically

that’s why we
invented science

we can experiment
and share knowledge

in essence we can
replicate and share

our minds and
together as

humans attack
our common

enemy

silly boy
silly girl

those borders
are artificial

designed for
someone else

for some long
ago purpose

they don’t
belong to us

we are natural
our mother

made us free

we can walk
together

where ever
we want

look at the
land

do you see
any lines