I want me.

everything I say.
gratifies me.
I grade myself.
superior.
I please myself.
in every way.
I tell stories.
about myself.
as the hero.
I tell the world.
how much.
they need me.
I am the beginning.
of everything.
good.
before me.
there was nothing.
good.

love me.
trust me.
tell me.

at the beginning.
of everything.
you say.

how great
I am. and.

blame me.
for nothing.

what do you want to be?

I had a dream once.
when I was young.
to be a hobo.
I did not know.
hobo as a negative.
I only thought of.
a wanderer.
like Socrates.
or Jesus.
wandering through.
a land.
talking to strangers.
sharing wisdom.
I loved walking.
along the empty.
train tracks.
in my hometown.
travelling from.
town to town.
imagining I was a hobo.
sharing wisdom.
with strangers.

small sweaty room
tightly packed

with gyrating hips

loud sounds
penetrate our souls

his voice was
speaking tongues

make us scream
like hungry babies

we move as one
we feel as one

overcome by the
thinking machines

you told him a secret

a magical cure
a protection

from evil

and he believed you
after all you are you

so why shouldn’t he
so he took it

the end

you will regret it

I do not look
like much

cheap haircut
and sneakers

thick glasses

skinny legs
kind of awkward

almost clumsy

but I am hungry
I will outwork

anyone that plays
against me

I don’t tire and
I don’t care if
I bleed

or you bleed

and honestly
I’m faster than I look

believe me

my team will be the best
because I was picked last

I was young and jumped
with both feet

into new ideas

into forms
I didn’t understand

someone wanted me
someone promised me

something big

and I don’t know
that I really believed them

but I was young and
while not dumb

I thought
why the hell not

anything is better
than this

I was there for

the birth of
the universe

the passionate
kiss of chemicals

the chaos becoming

the morphing into each other
then into something else

still existing as themselves

at the same time being
part of something bigger

than themselves

purpose exists
inside and outside

of everything
and everyone

in this country
there has always been

a force that does not
believe in democracy

like a virus
it is carried by people

from one generation
to the next

it lives
it hides itself
in many forms

but all it wants
is power

not freedom
it does not live

specifically on the
left or the right

but it can bury itself in either

it does not care about you

only one thing scares it
the human mind that questions it

that asks for definitions
that asks for facts

it cannot stand to be checked

if you let it define words
for you
it will control you

freedom is being
able to define for yourself

the orange man
had a wish

he spoke words
he wanted others

to wish with him
if we all just believe

it will come true

we will wake up
in 15 days

and everything will
be great again

fragrant
flowers
wither
into
pixie
dust
blow
breath
be
wind
sprea­d
seeds
grow
minds
into
fragrant
flowers

the day after spring.  
I walk outside.
into empty streets.
my steps still carry the cold.  

the sky is black.
the voices from the deep.
seem near.
you can’t be alone.  
we won’t let you be.
without us. ever.

I swallow.
small holes of intensity.
multiple colors.
I feel the slow burn.
descend.
as I am entered by.
a hazy band of light.

it is expanding.
and I am rising.
into the dark.
seeing exploding stars.
sparkle.

I cannot stop.
I have to let it.
burn itself out.

from the city of Mo…Town

he started young
with another

making more sounds
with less

than any other

red and white
were their only colors

their words were
sharp and entered quick

no blood was shed
with their *******

messaging
reverberation

they flowed through veins
giving life

to shriveling souls
and hardening minds

I am not an atheist
but it is not god that

interests me

what interests me most
is the humanity we all share

the pain we hold
the way we heal

the love we break
and mend to each other

the lies we tell to
protect each other

the truth we tell
to protect each other

what we remember
what we choose not

to forget

or what we do not forget
whether we choose it or not

and the ways we
express it all

as humans

I live in a high rise

looking down from my perch
as I have done so many days

I see

green mountains still surround me
the river flows the same direction
the bridges hold their weight
the buildings stand still
the birds fly and gather together

but something is different
all the ants have disappeared

oh! such a mystery
we want follow

but it disappears
inside of us

away from us
it is a carrier

of so much
if only we

could disappear
with smoke

the door was locked
the sounds behind the door

were loud

voices of people in the room
and on the records

wicked words mingling with the

sweet fragrant smoke escaping
like a genie from

a magic lamp

my pre-teen mind
listening at the door

for my name or
any other reason to enter

I can’t swim

but even I
wouldn’t drown

in most of the
statements made by
the talking heads

the politicians and
those who talk

to them and
about them

we are all puzzles
wanting to be solved

but we are always
missing pieces

that can’t be found

frustrating each other
because we can never

actually be completed

only 26
(and usually less)

that’s all it
takes to make
all these words

to make all
these words

that help me
make all this

meaning from
all this feeling

of the things
I love in this world

the alphabet

is right at
the top

it has helped me
more than

most people

she did not lie.
she spoke the truth.
to him.
and then.
about him.
about their moment.
together.
he didn’t.
but truth is always.
stronger than power.
it just takes more.
time to reveal itself.

the pill is plastic.  or I am plastic.  or the pill makes me plastic.  or the pill makes me.  see everything as plastic.  

a smooth light breaks through.  the edges of my soul.   softening the darkness.  and I see all the changes.  in the world.  the subtle movements.  too small for others.  to notice.  too subtle for the world.  to see as change.  

but it is there.  happening all the time.  the world is never.  the same.  we are never.  the same.  in it.  everything sheds.  everything transforms.  we are all replicants.  in some form.  everything feeds off.  of something else.  we are all parasites.  in some form.

the pill is plastic.  or I am plastic.  or the pill makes me plastic.  or the pill makes me.  see everything as plastic.  or everything is plastic.  including the pill.

I memorize the 15 day steps.   but I don’t believe.  in the timeline.  

the trap is set.  a month or more.  in isolation.  my mind is laughing.  it is not alone.  it is a pack.  of scavengers.  waiting.  my mind is cackling.  it is not alone.  

my lips are sealed.  my voice is silent.  my hands are drunk.  on alcohol.  they are clean.  and cracked.  nothing can live.  on them.

I do not touch.  my face.  (I am lying).  I have too many.  nervous ticks.  to stop.  they are habits.  decades in the making.

even the prospect.  of death.  can’t change me.  that much.  I am normal.  in that way.  my mind is laughing.  it is not alone.

If I was a dog
I could shed

leaving behind
the heaviest parts

to be swept up
and tossed away

I would be light
and fresh

I would dance
like a puppy

ready to take
on anything

If I was a dog

his soul breaks.
each night he sings.
we **** and slurp.
his soul like soup.
thick and salty.
we live for days.
off his life.

another creature.  with her tongue.  in my ear.
whispering words.  implanting seeds.
I think.  I think.  these thoughts.
but maybe.  I don’t think.
maybe.  they aren’t thoughts.
maybe.  they are lines.
I don’t remember.
memorizing.

I see you pray.  
your legs are bent.
your head is bowed.  
your eyes are closed.  
your hands are clasped.
your words are invisible.  
your faith is real.

we wear our masks.  hide our shame.  we don’t lie.  we just don’t tell.  the truth.  our smile is radiant.  like the sun.  we never look.  directly.  at each other.

minds are fragile.  we aren’t marked.  handle with care.  but we should be.

they say.  the earth quakes.  I say.  our soul shakes.  when we approach.  the truth.  in these days.  of isolation.  do we feel safer.  at least.  safe enough.

to remove.  our masks.  and see the truth.  even if.  we can’t share it.  with others.

they call it news
but it isn’t

no matter where
you turn

left or right
you hear talking heads

bouncing opinions
off each other

absorbing nothing
from each other

there is nothing new
in what they say

so many words
working so hard

to mean so little

that one reason
humanity survived
so long is that
through being
close to each
other needing
each other
it was able to
work together
and build
civilizations
of millions

and now
it has met a
rival that
forces it to equate
“working together”
with staying away
from each other

what does that mean
for the future?

little one felt
like less

a dash
a subtraction

felt like the
value of the earth

would increase
without her

but she was
using the wrong

formula and
never showed

her work
to others

so they could
help her

the mistake is
always smaller

than we think

lost in the midst
of what might happen

or what is happening

hard to tell the
difference now

so many words
in mind and mouth

it’s all so confusing

I think maybe
we all need to pause

feel a deep breath
and forget

find a safe way to
release a little

piece of our anxiety

I didn’t
say a word

all day

I didn’t
speak

to anyone

the TV was on

must have said
something

in a certain way

cause siri asked
if she could help me

she couldn’t

big feet for my age

small stones and glass
stick in my skin

dirt dries
between my toes

the asphalt is hot
even after the rain

but I don’t really
feel any of it

I love walking barefoot

he sings
to a heavy
beat

digging
deep into
the strings

letting out
a howl

like he
needs

everything
at once

like he’ll
give you

everything
you need

once

and I felt like
an empty shelf

people staring
at me

and then walking
by me

shaking their heads
wishing I was

someone else

nature’s dream
who she wanted

to be

a safe place
for life to

grow and
nourish itself

cycles of life
and death

where everything
gave itself to

everyone else
and everything

was alive as
long as there

was life

have you met

the confident
creature

walks in the rain
and never gets wet

steps on holes
and never falls

stares at the sun
and doesn’t burn

smiles at strangers
like they are family

or candy

beware the
confident creature

picking souls from

between his large
white teeth

if

“you don’t want
to get into a

political discussion”

don’t make a political
statement

your preface meant
you don’t want to

be opposed

it’s true you didn’t
want to discuss

but you did want
to state

your point of view

everything isn’t
a war

and every opposition
isn’t an enemy

someone I trust

started his book
with the line

“life is difficult”

we all have problems
that’s life

and the more we
accept this truth

the easier life becomes
we stop expecting

the impossible and
go about living

and living means
learning to solve problems

so we work together
to solve our problems

and see that

everything isn’t a war
and everyone isn’t

our enemy

our go to
position

the place
we start

everyday

or the place
we go

to start over

so long ago
I was simple

I trusted

when I had
no reason

I knew darkness
almost from

the beginning

but I didn’t
begin there

everyday

I was soft
and open

I had scars
but they were

beautiful like
tattoos

not painful
to every touch

I need to reset
my default position

we are guarded
this time

danger is invisible
free riding human skin

any human skin

no color
no age
no ***
no origin

predicts

we don’t even
know ourselves

will I hurt you
will you hurt me

so we are instructed
to remain at a

safe distance

but even at this
distance

we can exchange
smiles of light

saying it isn’t
really that I

don’t trust you
I am just staying safe

another night.  another dream.  of being lost.  in a building.  some building.  in some land.  a building.  that seems.  to contain the world.  we are (whoever we are) moving.  from one place.  to another.  in the building.  people are living.  working.  and playing.  in this building.

we are lost.  in that.  we don’t know. where we are.  or where we are going.  but we don’t feel.  lost.  in the sense.  of not belonging.  to this place.  and want to leave.  

we are lost.  in a way.  that we enjoy.  the random search.  the atomistic movement.  the momentary discovery.  of something.  we can’t name.  and then quickly.  moving to something else.

remember when
there was not

as much

maybe you don’t
but there was

a time

when there was
not as much

and much didn’t
mean as much

as it does today

haves and have nots
were steps away

from each other
and played

together and
didn’t care

maybe you don’t
but I remember

wild rays heat

the children
of the poor

we were
the same

so we did not
know poor

we played
in the rain

jumping in
puddles

not knowing
dirt

was the devil
and cleanliness

was god

we all enjoyed
the same sun

and felt the
same warmth

on our skin

untamed and
wild

each strand
a story

of the night
before

lost in a
secret garden

a cut rose
in your hair

a fragrance
that lingers

for years

we walk at night.  street lights.  and knuckle fights.  blood splatters.  and nothing matters.  we keep our distance.  from the educated.  from the edified.  we are calcified.  parts.  of other civilizations.  the leftovers.  the artifacts.  addicts of the past.  not memories.  you want to forget us.  you want us to forget.  we are bugs.  that itch.  you don’t scratch.  for fear.  of what it is.  of what it says.  about you.

we disappear.  and you think.  we are gone.  but you know.  better.  so enjoy these.  few moments.  of calm.  

the night is long.

she is rose
and white

moves like
liquid

rain and
river

dancing wild
in the wind

everything
is pure

and open

she does
not wait

or wonder

she cannot
be caught

time does
not exist

she laughs

a never
ending

echo
in me

cover me

in the sharp shards
of your ambience

I bleed

in your
presence

your words
were not meant

like stories
and morals

they live

like spiders
and snakes

and passion
and pain

and hey

I la la
love you

shut me in
I am contagious

I do not scream
my words

they are loud
without sound

they reach the heart
of the mind

in no time

they are the
center of the

earth

power compressed
into a small space

a black hole
a dark star

a force
controlling

shut me in
I am dangerous

the light at the end
flames at the beginning

banging stars together
creating chaos

the fire starter owned
the first world

containing chemicals
controlling reactions

weaving a tapestry
that became life

and then releasing
the creation

to bang against itself
creating chaos

waiting for the owner
of the second world