She has never cried wolf
But she cries so much
The sheep are starting to scare

Even the wolves
Pull back a touch
Her howls are much deeper than theirs

This visceral scream
No one knows what it means
But it shakes and haunts the town

The people don’t seem
To need to know what it means
They just know they let her down

~kb

***** fingers
hold dirtier habits.
Back track, of course it would
be the same outcome.
Deaf ears, the usual.
Butterfly ***** its wings in some
time, space, symmetrical shift,
and my life’s still ****.
Give me truth like a belly laugh:
undeniable, and exactly what I needed. Fixing broken parts with forgotten arts. Always forget how it starts and fear
the way it may end.
What if the work I put in isn’t enough?
Where will I be then?

~kb

This path in front of me
may not always be what it seems
or what I dream
or what I want
or what I think I can handle
or what I think I can’t
it doesn’t even care what I
think at all
or if I’m scared I’ll fall
or afraid to get up
or stuck in a rut
or down on my knees
All it shows me
is exactly what I need
I get to choose how I proceed

~kb

My never has come
The day I succumb
That thing that I’d never do
Just became a deceitful truth
Here I am talking to my mom
Telling her nothing's really wrong
Just some nights without sleep
The stars have been holding me
A hammock of lights in the night sky
But the atmosphere inside my mind
Makes me unable to meet eyes
You’d see through hazel iris lies
You know how to read me
You'll predict all I’ll do
But because I’ve failed you
I failed me too
But only I can live with it
Keep it down deep
Trying hard to pretend
I won’t fall to my knees
God wasn’t there when it happened
Because it was in my head in my voice
And my own voice scares me more than God
When I make a shameful choice
As much as I want to I don’t let God in
And he shakes his head as I bathe in sin

~kb

Seek your approval but
looking at it all wrong traveling
to the wrong places
end up in tight spaces
claustrophobic and regretting
once again the choice I made to
let you invade
any part of me
because now I see that what I seek
was never in you and was always in me.

~kb

Vague, this peace is temporary anyway
Search for logical sense,
so much hay for such a small needle
There’s nothing logical here
Tread through straw
find cold ground the sound
of loneliness has filled this home
No fairy dropping in to leave a dollar
and take the pain
Groundhog Day
Drop sustenance into sputtering machines
Triple layers, unable to get warm
Take in sugar and light and nicotine
and, I can never make sense
of this brick pattern
Sit hours with sun and pen
Occasional interruption
Waiting for the night to turn
animal instincts into visual resistance
and drunken written phrases
that are surprisingly good

~kb

There’s far too much left to discover
Stop playing undercover
Let’s be real
Let’s be lovers

~kb

I wanna
cry, cut, smoke, sleep,
drink, run, ****, breathe,
live, love, kiss, scream.
Anything but this.

~kb

And I saw the moon
as the sun still glowed.
I traced clouds with my fingers
until images showed.
Saw the veins of each tree
As they ran up its’ branches
Sprouting green feathered leaves
Taking their chances
Against the harsh summer sun
And the bitter winter air.
Longing furiously just to
Stay there.
What seems a frightful experience
For that tiny leaf
Shows the change we endure
As we build our beliefs.
We sprout from the ground
And grow reaching for the sun.
Show our best spectrum of colors
Until we start to come undone.
We can’t hang on any longer,
And like the leaves, we fall.
Thinking failure has hit us,
Think we’re losing it all.
But the tree doesn’t die
It keeps growing through cold.
And we fight til the sun
Gives us something to hold.
Life gives you growth,
Life gives you change.
If you can fight just a little
The new is less strange
And you’ve added a branch
To your tall shady tree
You’ve taken that chance
To grow beyond heartache,
pain, and change.
And become every color
Just newly arranged.

~kb

I lie awake again in bed
The same worries fill my head
That kept me up the night before
Any problem I’ll look for
They’ll pop in my head drives me insane
Keep pressing the light switch
To try to shut off my brain
The strobe light attempt
Tells my brain it’s exempt
From having to overthink or worry
Just let my head go blank and blurry
Let me sleep just one night
Let me gain some strength to fight

~kb

My soul was so bright
now my face is pastel
Everything turns fuzzy
and I’m unwell

Hard teeth crack
on harder truth

Lungs’ branches
grow flowers of cancer
just hit with the answer
to how I’m gonna die

Run outside
Start to drive
Try not to cry
Reach for my smokes

And stop

Been busy filling lungs with tar
to match my heart
slow down this beat a bit
until I’ve beaten it
Now I’m beating fists
against my head as I
hold the dread
in my very hand
contraband
and I’m sick

I’ve never really looked
the same at flowers
I count their falling petals
like I count the hours


~kb

My soul is a cannibal.
Eats my words,
spits them out on a page
in such a delicate way
that I don’t even
know
the words aren’t mine.
They belong to the cannibal,
not my intelligent mind.
I regurgitate its’ feast
in slowly played rhymes.
And every shot at my soul
creates a hole
in my brain.
I’ve tried
to become
linguistically anorexic
to starve the monster
and no longer write
so it has nothing to
bite.
But the clamoring thoughts,
like a symphony of bells,
calls my soul to dinner,
and keeps my words
spilling
out of it’s ugly mouth.
I just hope someone hears
me in the writings
before hell drives me south
and the soul’s mouth
reaches up
for my heart.
The end will
be my start.

~kb

There was a light in her
like I’ve never seen before.
That purity in a person,
the kind you can’t ignore.
She’d call me from
her bedroom floor
to talk about life,
what we're here for.
But I knew all along
a monster played in her head.
We tried to keep it tamed,
but she was hanging by a thread.
You seemed so content
when you called me those days.
I felt ok for you,
you’d find your way through the haze.
But the next call from you
wasn’t your voice.
It was someone else’s
telling me of your choice.
I cried and fell weak
to the unforgiving floor.
I wouldn’t be hearing
your voice anymore.
I know that you suffered
so greatly, my love.
Just know that I know
you’re smiling down from above.

~kb

I wanted to bash my phone against my
skull until the right words could
fall out and you’d finally understand
because obviously what came out
of my mouth wasn’t clear enough for you. Sigh.
And all I ended up saying was sorry.
I took what should’ve been
your guilt and shame
and I owned it, along with my own.
And now you’re right, once again,
and the cycle continues
of this back and forth chess match of opposing opinions, except,
no matter the moves,
you get checkmate every time,
even if your King’s not even
on the board.
I’m bored of feeling disrespected
and called stupid.
I am lost in this relationship and
at a loss for words.
This present circumstance
is not what I wanted,
but thank you for the gift,
of knowing that I’m strong enough
to walk away,
despite your vile strategies
that keep me close to a monster.

~kb

Resentments can ****,
renting their space
in a head full of anger,
a desperate place.
They attack all cognition
and leave you left with impulse
at those who leave you
disgusted and repulsed.
But the only beat down
to your death is done by you.
Only you hold fatal anger,
they haven’t got a clue.

~kb

When I said I hate you,
I meant I love you and please
tell me you do, too.

When I said I was fine,
I meant I’m breaking down
a bit. Just hold me close.

When I didn’t speak to you,
I meant I’m so sorry, I was wrong
I just, don’t know how to
tell you.

When I looked you in the eyes,
I meant tell me what to do
because you’re pushing away.

When I said we can’t communicate,
I meant, you don’t seem to know
what love is, you don’t know
how I need to be loved.

When I said goodbye,
I meant goodbye.

~kb

Hidden inside me something
hides me from you.
And it’s about to come unglued,
like a poorly but proudly
school made piece of art.
My macaroni intestines start to
come apart and
split at the seams.
And I anxiously await my anxiety state.
Await the insomnia and formula
my body follows so closely to begin
and weigh in on my
current life sins.
Business as usual for the
sensitive ones. Life relayed by
internal dictators through the
broken neurotransmitters and
weak gut.
But,
though the cycle continues,
interrupts the cycle that’s happening,
the cycles combine,
and I’m no longer trapped in me.
The cycles have finally
allowed me to move.
And I may not ride
life’s bike like you do,
but at this present moment
it’s enough to stay glued.
And like the curious kitten,
I peep my head out,
to show you what’s been hidden.
Show you my bicycle’s route.

~kb

Everything at my disposal
And that’s exactly what I do
Throw away your help and advice
And then blame my garbage life on you
You don’t know that I can’t see
Any lines on this Snellen chart
So when I squint to hear you speak
I end up in the dark
It’s not that I don’t want your help
I just don’t comprehend what you say
I follow the mental recipes
But it bakes up different every day
My white flag’s been up a while
But I get mad when it’s flown half staff
When you tell me just to smile
And show the world that I can’t
You expect me to fail but hope for the best
You’ve exhausted energy and time
But those are things I don’t have at all
I’ve hit the end just before my prime
I’ve wanted guidance for so many years
How to navigate these paths
Of the black labyrinth inside my head
Leaving bread crumbs to get back
But it’s already been said
I’ve heard the truth:
‘There’s just nothing more
we can do for you.’
So I’ll eat my bread in fear
Instead of dropping it as I travel
I’m forever sentenced to this labyrinth
Mind’s already slammed down the gavel

~kb

Everyone in town
wants to cast you down
to the Bible’s hell
to your own ghost town
because you cast around
spells and demonic tongue
on your own home ground
and they want you strung
you and your young
on oaks and sway above
all the damage you’ve done
we don’t need any witches
and you are one

~kb

Past becomes sole happy moments
As future possibilities entice my
Present circumstance
And I’m sure this dance
Is forbidden
Smitten with attention
Darkness acquires my arm
Impulse shows no objection
Intellect is blurry
And I seem to be in this
Unsure hurry to sabotage it all
Mind goes blank and strings
Attached to me
Pull it all down
Yet I’m fully unaware of everything going on
Around me
This sound please
Just make it stop
It’s drowning me

~kb

One of the most intricate organs
in the body, we give so much credit to,
but can’t use it to acknowledge
it can be sick, too.

~kb

I’ve tried every box,
every brand, every store.
It’s 2018;
We make technological advances galore.
We make phones that recognize
people's faces.
There’s cars that drive
On their own to places.
We have implants for hearing
to give those in silence some sound.
And I bet we hold some of the best work
in a secret lab somewhere underground.
With all of that said,
there’s something way out of order
if I can still never rip the cellophane
without destroying the cardboard corner.

~kb

When do I know it’s a choice?
There’s so much darkness inside
Yet I still have a voice.
But, when is the voice mine?
Is it really me,
Or the evil’s disguise?
When is the choice
Between strength and that voice?
The illness says I’m weak
The choices I make will always be bleak.
So even if I had a choice
It can never beat that evil voice.


~kb

wingspan wide flies over
soft forest cries from
fires that turn family to embers
this cold december
branches cut off leaves no
hiding a polyfil frost over
ponds in dead woods
branches wet crack slow under
footsteps
each snowflake holding its own
clumped with cousins but
unique as me
and I cling tightly to
your exposed tree
cover your bark
hang tightly to your trunk
wait until I dissipate
from your sap wounds healed to
spring’s tune wanting nothing to do
with a lonely melted crystal
I need it to be winter a while
so I have your smile
and I walk the miles
trudging through snow
to find what I know
that tempered tall tree is
waiting for me
to remind me
winter ended
and as one single flake I could’ve never
defended my tree territory
to the urging of the sun
it’s number one
tree takes care of self pushes me to a
puddle
and grows in good health
and now the trees look the same
and I play a frustrating game of
finding my tree they all look alike
with friends and flowers
you purposefully hide yourself
and I’m left wandering
a drop of water alone just
waiting for the cold.

~kb

Someone once told me
Just because I have an opinion
Doesn’t mean anyone needs to hear it

If people didn’t share opinions with me
I couldn’t be free to speak eloquently
And maybe disagree but get back on
Track and shake hands at the end
And feel my mind bend at new information
It’s the best way to learn and a
Human connection
As long as my input is true and kind
I often feel it necessary to speak my mind.

~kb

Sullen face
Faded eyes
Pointed up
Midnight skies

Light stars
Heavy heart
True love
Lies apart

Shattered glass
Broken dreams
Tattered souls
Ripped seams

Moon glows
Sun’s mirror
Thoughts slow
Mind clearer

Now living
With stars
Moon love
No scars

No darkness
Just light
No you
In sight

~kb

What I wish was a beige ocean
is a darkened tan lint filled
swamp
of mismatched socks and
yoga pants in every color
White hairs tether themselves to
black clothes
making the world look pretty grey
A guest to the canine
Empty orange glazed bottles
with white caps fill gaps
between clothes
Orange cones that hold chemicals
diverting traffic in my brain
A working pattern fails to come through
And workers turn their fingers blue
day and night trying to
form an intelligent route
Cars just keep
colliding in the meantime
A sanctuary of sorts
At least the walls aren’t padded
though a missing feature on drunken nights
And I’m afraid
if I leave this safe dark place
I’ll never come back the same,
or worse, I will.

~kb

I can’t stand

I fall every time

The clock ticks your heartbeat

Sinus rhythm with mine

Blows up to my brain

Releasing strange chemicals

A reaction so soothing

Rub my back pet my hair

Lengthen every second you are here

There’s no question the connection

Four seconds and I knew

Love was meant for this

The intertwining of two.

~kb

Where’s the research
on this physiological attack
that sends me back
Proof our brain changes in these moments
but no one
can wrap a ******* shred
of their head around it
yet it’s the very thing
that gives them
intellect to begin with
I’m sick of it
Don’t lower me to not meet your
unattainable standards
you haven’t met them either
Work on you
This work on me though
Suicide’s taboo
I’m suicidal too but
pretend I was quiet and gentle as
snow hitting rooftops when I spoke that
White face and blue lips you
had to see in the reflection of the
frost glow window
just to believe
there was a part of me
all along that I told you about
causes me to shout
Life isn’t fair
don’t want to see breath
in cold air means
I’m still alive
driving toward hope that
keeps speeding too far past
for me to catch up
and I stop the chase because
I can’t afford the ticket
Can’t stand living
in this body with a brain
that doesn’t work
it keeps turning on and off
And if this is all a dream
I wish I never fell asleep

~kb