I can do this on my own
Do I really think
God is worth following
When life gets hard
I have to fight for myself
But without God
I feel freedom
Following Him
Is a downfall
Protecting myself
Is my only desire
Living a life of obedience
Is ridiculous to think about
Without Jesus
Everything will be fine

The truth can be so straight forward
But our minds don’t only go towards it
Forage in your storage and you can form it
I’m hoping to pour it, the things I conform to
Bend it and will it, preferably to **** it
But they readapt and draft us back
To break the pact our pack stacked
With an attack that retracts
Are they just toying with us?
See our enjoyment then deploy our lament
They morph to storm every door we’re in

I know, I keep using the same old rhymes
But I'd say they get a bit more joyful every time
Some day I'll have my final draft
The true purpose of my craft
Just give me time, and you'll see
The poet I was made to be

No, you don't have to keep me down from ledges
Or steal from me razor blades and shoe laces
But prop your door open with wooden wedges
For when I enter into these dark places

I’m even doubting my salvation
If I’ve become a new creation
He said there’s no condensation
So why am I condemned, to bend
Why am I not ridden of this sin
Is it so that I’m so concerned
About the burns and what’s learned
In order for you to be able to form
Am I working towards the kingdom
By debating about my freedom
Or is it doubt in the One that’s freed us
Is it good I worry about bleeding
Is this God’s way of freeing, me
Is it so you can see

I started the car
But I didn't get that far
I sat until the air drew thin
Still I stayed, even then
I waited for my death
Stripping myself of breath
My Savior opened the garage
And saved me from my *******
So I will drive out
And let the Lord direct my route

I wonder if I can change my addict, if I’m at it
Another character I need to give attention
And I wonder if he’s been the one preventing
He’s been so focused on who I need to please
That I’ve forgotten to plant the seeds
And water my own flowers, through His power
And I’ve allowed myself to be so bothered
That I denied either of us any water
So I just might, make him an addict to light
Addicted to the Bible as the scribe of
God, the message man to the One above
I wonder if I can take joy in the things I deploy
And if it turns this addict into the scribe

I’ve doubted if it has to do with seasons
I’ve just made it past the spring leap
It’s getting warmer, and I’m doing better
Is it correlating, with those past reverberations

I can't see where I'm going,
but like a blind man's hearing is heightened,
I will listen for the Lord's direction.

i’m being sentimental...
                                            ...but i still
                                               miss you

Is it that I’m, denying the truth?
Is it that I, have something to prove?
I want to prove that I’m not a loser
But I lose the truth I’m a snoozer
But I lose that fluke when I don’t rebuke
His useful tool and proof-full shoes

The truth is: I can't cut ties with the silence.
It will always be there.
My mind will always be tied
to the side that's easier.
But I've found a way to fight it.

Behind each skull
there is a section of silence
Our mind will linger
to this abstruse realm
A poet's words
are derived from such a void
An addict's thoughts
will loose themselves in this vacuity
A corner constantly in the back of our head,
a room for our subconscious to dwell
But when it's blatantly before me,
I find myself blurryfaced by the obstructed view
The silence can become violent
because when I think is when the voices come out
I let myself ponder for too long
until I can no longer tell what's inside of me
But maybe during this time where I can think,
I can use the silence to my advantage
Perhaps it's possible to take captive these thoughts,
to un-slash my O's and dash my E's
Could it be possible to cut ties with the quiet
if I make it through?

You, at some point, my dear friend, gave your sight to the bottom of the ocean
As you let the winds and the waves take you under
But still, even in your darkest night, the sea bed will not let you in
So you close your eyes, praying that you may still drift asunder
And embrace the darkness in which you swim

My friend,
I have not gone through the valleys of which you speak, and have not known the depths you are meaning,
But still I feel for you,
Because each of us is a human being,
And the pain you feel is nothing new.

So, friend, take you hands from over your eyes
for me. You may not want to hear my voice,
so I will pray for you silently, and offer
my presence. So will you take my
hand? Even if you choose to
leave instead, still: one
day you will stand,
and I will pray
until you
see the
light.

I see You simplizing things
I see Your simple eyes gleam
I see You beneath the trees
I see You don’t hold a string

Out To Sea - Track 4

((These are songs about growing up))

I cannot see, I cannot breathe
I cannot write, what I can’t perceive
It’s like life is an illusion and we’re all living in it
Just sit down and write and put a pin in it
Maybe it will help the confusion, to put a pen to it
Time is gaining momentum
Each moment that we’re living it
Momentarily living it

Remember the moment
You have a thought inside your head
A thought so clear you can hardly control it
You get up and hold it but write it down instead
But you can hardly find the paper and pen
So the moment you go to use it
Is the moment you lose it
The thought is lost so you try to find it again
Maybe you shoulda held it in your head
And now I’m trying to find it in something I’ve read

This is it, bringing us all to the edge of our seats
It gives the hero and the enemy meaning
Held from a string, I’m singing
The screen warps our thought
Growing and molding in plot
But I’m still not, I’m caught
In-between the conflict and the driving plot
Caught between playing the hero and the enemy
I don’t know which is me, or who I’d rather be
Because what I choose to do is not what I desire to
Caught in the brain game, it’s just a daydream
No one thinks to think about the endgame
Beg the question, who will loose, I know but who will I choose
Do you ever ask these questions? Have you ever been sincere?
Do you ever look into your reflection? Do you know why you’re here?

Jesus, I want the skin on Your bones
How am I Your kin if I’m the only one alone?
Did you mean it, did You feed it?
Was all lost, up on that cross?
Jesus, I want the skin on Your bones
To show me You win when You roll back that stone
How’d You stay awake those three days You were dead?
Because it’s the weekend again and I’m so lonely, unfed

I don’t like saying slaying
To me it seems profane
But I’m speaking the language of my friends
Ones with cool words
Who’ve been around that bend
And know of those burns
They don’t cover up, blubbering on
But it’s a phenomenon, a loving song
So I speak their language
The language of knowing the pages

Wouldn't it be great
If we could sleep away
The hours that abate
And wake up the next day?
But still I fear
When the day is done.
As night draws near
I pray I can overcome.

You let your demons win quietly
You talk assured as if I don't see
You raise up white flags most of these days
I was born with you so won't you stay
The voices come to you in the dark
I feel them stay as your mind departs
Here to take all that you thought you knew
They blow smoke as if I'm not with you
I hope they choke cause we'll smoke them out
They will not cast you out or take you down
Because in Christ your meaning is found

Soul murderers, what do you think occurs?
Is it because of your hurts, do you not care what is learned?
I’m trying not to get angry but this topic makes me shaky
For the lives you’ve been taking, the life that’s been shaken
And if she likes this bit, you messed up her head to enjoy that pit
And if it was up to me, I’d use profanity
But as you’ll see, God’s forgiven me
And His grace calls for a different pace
And to deny His face would be to claim another throne

We’ve made *** our throne
The thing we turn to when we feel alone
But loneliness comes from trying to fill that hole
With things we should know don’t made us whole
God is the only one that completes us
It offers us nothing to seek lust
So will we force our chasm for a quick ******?
Will we deny the peace at Jesus’ feet for who we weren’t mad to be?
Or trade in *** with our hand for the God who has a much greater plan?
This obsession isn’t a question, rather it’s a name we excuse to be lame
We’re prostitutes if we constitute to enjoy out of how we ought to
But at least a ***** gets paid to save their poor
We look like God requires of us to give up everything
Take a look at Christ and how much to took to bearing
Your sinful ways are dead and buried
I’d say it’s a pretty good trade
To hand your life over to the God who will have it made
You look to these things to feel worth
But wouldn’t you agree this endless cycle is a curse?
Turn to the only name that follows through
Is our Lord and Savior who makes brand new
And my anger is overtaken because He’s the God of savin’
And He will bring justice, but before then He offers us a way out of corruption
There is a God who can revive souls
When you surrender for Him to mold

Here lately,
I've envisioned myself
standing on a stage.
I don't like the thought
of lights, or fog,
or anything like that;
those things have never really
appealed to me.
I picture myself
creating a diversion,
something we can point
the bullets at.
"Send them my way."
Is this just coffee high hypothetical?
I don't know.
We'll see.

do you ever stop in your tracks,
sit,
look at the unusual,
stay there,
wait a while
for
your brain
to
finally
rest

I have stepped out onto the railroad station
I had found my train, after contemplation
Inside my heart, a feeling for two is stored
My only question: will you take me aboard?

I can tell that you wanna **** me
When I’m thinking it’ll be easy-er
Well, yer gonna need something stronger
Because you got the same ol’ routine
You aint got no new schemes
You’re the one that’s bleeding
‘Cause you know you don’t hold my meaning

I will stay awake this night
For the dark will not take me captive
I will not be a prisoner to the setting sun
I will be no part in the daylight's declination
For my demons have no plans for me
I will set my soul on fire
And they may come all they want
Again, I will take a stand to split up my mind
And decide what must die and where to fight

Tower of Silence - Track 9

Hook
Hey
Wouldn’t it be great
If we could sleep away
The hours that abate
And wake up the next day

Hey!
Wouldn’t it be great!
If we could sleep away!
The hours that abate
And wake up the next day

Verse 1
But still I fear
When the day is done
And the night draws near
I pray I can overcome the setting sun

Pre-Chorus
I will stay awake tonight
Keep me alive until morning light! God

The night, has just, begun

Chorus
For the dark will not take me captive
I will not be a prisoner to the setting sun
I will play no part in the daylight’s declination
For my demons have no hold on me
I will set my heart ablaze
And you may come all you want
You have no plans, I’m free

Verse 2
I know 2am far too well
I recognize the darkness in which I dwell
I know it front, back, and inside out
I’m familiar with the crazed words my demons shout
But still clouded with all the doubt they bring
This is why I really hate the weekends
Because I’m face-to-face with all my demons
I know that even under my sheets, I fear
I’ll loose myself in night’s deep, still here
I believe there’s a reason why I won’t sleep
I can dream of the morning though now I weep

Pre-Chorus
I will stay awake tonight
Keep me alive until morning light! God

The night, will come, again
The night, will come, again
The night, will come, again

Chorus
For the dark will not take me captive
I will not be a prisoner to the setting sun
I will play no part in the daylight’s declination
For my demons have no hold on me
I will set my heart ablaze
And you may come all you want
You have no plans, I’m free

Hook
Hey, hey
Wouldn’t it be great
If we could sleep away
The hours that abate
And wake up the next day-ay-hey hey hey hey!

Verse 3
For a second, I thought I was moving past the feeling
But I reckon, every room I step in there’s only darkness beneath the ceiling
I’m better today than I have been
But I can’t expect it again to happen
Lately it’s been worse than it has in a while
But I know it’s just my faith under trial
I’ve been tested like a ship at sea
The winds and the waves have come to suit me
I fancy the darkness’ mutters
I doubt the nihility shutter
But in time I know I will recover
For peace and strength comes from no other
Recently I’ve been worse than I usually am
I wonder if I’ve chosen it, how to undo it if I can
I know the night will come again
But to play a part in the dark will not happen
I can’t choose every moment to live in the day
Even if I tell myself to think that way, the feeling won’t stay
One day I will get over this wall of stone
Though now I know I’m so far from home
For now I am fighting to reach the morning light
Deciding what must die and where I need to fight
I’m taking a stand to split up my mind
And one day I know I will leave behind the night
I’ll rely on the peace granted through the pain
Like a drought awaits Your replenishing rain

Pre-Chorus
I will stay awake tonight
Keep me alive until morning light! God

Refrain
The night, will come, again
Moving past the feeling
Slowly I’m letting go
Moving past the feeling
Slowly I’m letting go, again

Bridge
All these buzzards won’t stop
Make them quit
All these buzzards won’t stop
Make them quit
tHEY’re talking too quick, quick, save me
tHEY’re talking too quick, quick, save me
tHEY’re talking too quick, quick, save me!
(Hey!)
Quick, quick, save me!
(Hey!!)
Quick, quick, save me, please!!
(Make them quit)
(Make them quit)

Verse 4
The devil can’t even see
What’s right in front of me
So why would he do these things
If he already knows who reigns
(I don’t know!—he’s dumb)
Why does he think he can change the outcome?
So let’s fight in the fact that God has already won

Outro
Let our faith be sung, for they only come
When the day is over, in fear of what is done
They fight in fear of what we’ll do
The greatness of our God lives through
Can’t you see that they are scared?
Let them taunt you in prepared
The night has lost, so come if you dare

Give me a new perspective, a new elective
A dialect I can elect to project
Something so I can feel protected
But is this Your elective I’m rejecting?
Is the addict for good or for evil?
Is the steeple for preaching or people?
I should have spoken and offered the key
But still I left us both diseased
So will I speak or will I please?
Is this for You or is it for me?

Out To Sea - Track 1

Verse 1
I was up all night
I can’t explain why
Just sitting here thinking
Gazing at the sky
...But you know that’s a lie
What I’m really trying to say is I was staring at the ceiling
Pondering the word “why”
Am I sitting here or am I just dreaming

I guess I’m just a little stir crazy tonight

Chorus
Why’m I still scared in the morning?
I feel my steps have been stalling
Oh I’m falling, oh I’m falling, down
Why’m I so lost in the evening?
I’m afraid to slow my heart’s beating
Still You’re calling, still you’re calling
Telling me to slow, down
Down, down, down, down

Verse 2
The stars they pass by
In the darkness of the night
I walk outside, down the street, until I stop my feet
With steps piled up, crying, miles behind me
I begin my decent
Down a spiral decline
And find myself somewhere
Where I cannot define

I guess I’m just a little stir crazy tonight!

Chorus
Why’m I still scared in the morning?
I feel my steps have been stalling
Oh I’m falling, oh I’m falling, down
Why’m I so lost in the evening?
I’m afraid to slow my heart’s beating
Still You’re calling, still you’re calling
Telling me to slow, down
Down, down, down, down

Verse 3
Every day I overdo it
Just yesterday I was through it
Focused on the windowsill
My life at ease and chill
But with the thump of roadkill
I look back through the rierview mirror
And see the things I feared

I guess I’m just a little stir crazy tonight!

I’m scared when I finally have to drive
I fear that my mind will take a ride
I can feel that I’ve been too thoughtful
In a way that’s bad an harmful
My parents want me to have a car
But I know my mind will stray too far
It’s just another room for my mind
Trapped in a moving vessel I’ll get lost inside
Claustrophobic yet my mind won’t abide
I’m scared that I’ll lose control
My demons take the wheel and overthrow

I use to feed on emotion
as if there was a stomach inside my brain.
I would chew on dark thoughts,
feasting on the thought that I'm insane.

But now I find on source of energy elsewhere,
on something that is set apart.
I feed on the joy in community and discipleship,
as if there is a stomach in my heart.

I'm tearing through
Into your space
Mend heart clear stain
I find my place

Stay alive for me
Stay alive for me             friend
Stay alive for me  love

Move light through dark
I'm breaking apart
Nothing to say, just fide my place
I'll not give way
I know it's pouring - rain it out
Please stay awake
It's breaking my heart

I wish I wrote a different song no one’s ever heard
I wish my mom would just admit she’s sick of every word
Overplayed, overstayed, it was a smash hit
Funny how overplayed songs sound like crap
I was told my true fans don’t like this song
But I hope they sing along,
I hope they sing along

I have the drive of a servant
So I need to strive to learn it
It’s not enough to want it
That doesn’t reach the sum of it

For a while I've known of Your native tongue
But now, a new level in my faith has begun
For a while I've only been known as stuttering
But now, trials produce faith like an evergreen

There’s still silence amidst the sound
Determined to wear me down
All around, I’m hounded
And pounded into the ground
Found, now I’m grounded
And surrounded
By something far more profound

I always look forward
to the luminous poems
you poets display.
But when I checked
my home page,
all I saw were thoughts
of suicide and deep
emotions of hopelessness
today. It churns my
stomach and burdens
my heart to see you
this way. There's a
place in my soul for
you, but that place
for yourself in your
own is filled with
decay.  You wish to
place a bullet in your
brain, but you're afraid
it will just ricochet around
in your head. You'r diseased
with what's behind your skull--
a dark black stain,
and it's true, we will
never know what you
fear for, laying in bed.
Nobody thinks what you
think--no one. And I'm
afraid empathy is on the
verge of extinction. I
know it's hard to say, I
understand it's not easy
to unbottle what's inside,
I get that it's even a
burden to let go of
what is safer to hide.
Stay alive for me, that's
all I want you to do,
stay with me, and I'll
try to save you. But
the truth is, I can't,
I can only be here
by your side as you
face down the hell
you're going through.
So I will stand here
at the edge of your
trench. I will do all
I can. But you must
fight. You must not
let these demons
take you down. It's
not easy. But I'll be
up here. I'll send
down my poems,
hoping to help
cast them out.
And when morning
comes, I'll be offering
my hand. We will stand
again, sharpening our
weapons for when the
sun reaches its grave.
But friend, you must first
live through this night.
Stay alive for me, please.

When I show you my art,
I'm not looking for attention
When I share these poems,
it's not to seek your praise
When I let you see these things,
I don't want you to tell me it looks good
No, I don't care about that
Rather, it honestly makes me a little uncomfortable
Because of the emotion you miss,
the meaning within my 'talent'
And you don't get it
But especially if you do,
the last thing I want is for you to call me "gifted"
Am I 'gifted', to have such thoughts?
So whether you can feel for me or not,
all I'm asking you to so is get a glimpse
of what's inside my head
Don't be distracted by if it's 'good' or not
Please, make the effort to look a little deeper

Tame my tongue, for the lessons you want
So they will be sung, so I’ll put down my gun

She wished

                                                  to speak

but



                                          "Sometime­s
                                                    it's hard to find the words.
                             words don't really describe how you feel,






     She tried              but couldn't.

     "I'm fine. Really, I am."

Look at those little birds,
talking about their day,
in a language a lot can't understand,
words between the lines,
but they can't really listen,
because they're all talking at once.
And the telephone line that they sat upon
made me think about us,
suspended by a man-made media,
all talking at once, all trying to say something,
but no one hears, because we all talk at once,
and don't tend to listen.

So I meditate on your temple
Of days back then, way back when
And I seek hope in the simple
I’m using the lead to discover the gold
Prophets of old, inside I hold
My stories of long ago, the beauty in now
As my story unfolds, I’m seeing how

We're broken people, forged with beautiful minds
But be wary of the things your heart goes to find
Because we tend to linger toward things undefined
Then we begin to doubt and leave our faith behind

Remember the moment
You get a thought inside your head
A thought so clear you can hardly control it
So you go to write it down, but instead
No matter how tightly you try to hold it
You lose it, so you search in something you read

A droplet of sorrow,
with the pitter-patter song of tomorrow.

The blind live by faith, not by sight
They live in the dark, but step in the light
The blind are guided by the noise
They follow the words of His voice
The blind dance in step of what they hear
They walk in the fog, but their path is clear