I once knew this boy
who would walk miles and miles
just to understand
the reason she'd smile.

She thought long and hard
about being his girl,
but decided that he
just wasn't made for her world.

I have been stabbed a thousand times in my back,
I am beginning to look like a porcupine.

Like an old friend inviting you to come inside.
Familiar. Comforting.
It will grasp you in its arms and hold you close;
And when you're ready to leave, it wont let you go.
You will beg and plead to be happy,
and it will put up a fight.
It will make you think that the only way to escape it is to take your own life.
If you are lucky, you can break free;
and it will sit and watch you from afar.
Calling your name.
Welcoming you back into it's arms.
It will intrude your thoughts.
Make you think you are worthless.
That you're better off dead.
Just keep telling yourself that it's all in your head.
Keep moving. You will get far.
Depression is not who you are.

Lately I've been driving in my car by myself
The night sky reflecting off the empty streets
That I convince myself belong to me
Until the lights of another car remind me that everything is shared
And I'm moving in montages, in sequences as the lazy strums of a guitar match my existing beat
And I know where I'm going, the path opens up to me each turn I take
But I have no idea what I'll do when I reach my dark, quiet home
Full of people, yet I'm the only one awake, in this reality that feels just as far away as their dreams
I'm alone in my shower when it warms my skin and melts the ways I tried to distract myself today
A heavy comfort I cannot fully accept within my melancholy
I walk into my hollow room, becoming the only life inside
I begin to search for the meaning of Narcissism
But stop myself because I know a picture of you would appear
Like the one in my journal with your eyes crossed out
And they say eyes are the window to the soul
But those are not windows
Those are prison cells

This is what love does....
It makes you see
the resolve behind the result
the drudge behind the demeanor
the struggle behind the strength
and to what all the ache amounts.
This is what love does
It makes you aware
right there
where it counts.
A.
9.9.18

Natures soundtrack
is beautifully humble
and waits for your silence.