No matter how many times I tell you
You will never know
All of your blinders up
Walls built
Soundproof
So you can’t hear my heart stop
The second I see your face
And you give me advice
The kind a best friend shares
When trying to break your slump
But it’s you
Who causes my slump every time
Ignoring the signs
Running in circles for years
But meeting in the middle
When the timing somehow suits you
And I live along those moments
Walking the tightrope
Between wanting to love you
And telling you to simply *******

Always remember
When the loneliness breaks through
That to peer into the darkness
Is a gift from me to you

The dread is overwhelming
It eats into your soul
Infecting that tiny part of you
That is positive and whole

Don't be afraid of who you are
Your special cant you see
Complexity is your power
It connects you to me

The way her face crumples together,
and her eyes turn red,
as if her entire world is falling apart
makes me feel sorry for her.
I reach out to comfort her,
but my hand touches the mirror
and won't pass through.

My time here is coming to an end.
I see the drop into nothingness.
I'm at the edge looking down.
A noose tied around my neck.
One foot off the ledge.
My final thoughts.
Am I finally going to be free?
Am I going to be happy finally?
As I step off the ledge,
Something stops me before the noose tightens around my neck.
He stands behind me.
Wrapping his arms tightly around me.
I'm here for you.
I say I just want to die.
He says your better than this. Your a fighter.
I'm worthless, a burden, and exhausting person to be with.
He says, I love you and all of your mess.
I simply don't understand.
I push and push for him to leave.
He stays.
I want him to be free from my disease.
My disease has it's grip and won't let go.
He stays and stays.
He fights and fights.
He hugs and hugs.
He loves and loves.
He is the one who saves me over and over.
Yet I stand at the edge always looking over, Waiting to leap.
He won't let me cause I matter to someone.
I matter.

You are not beautiful, it seems
the world has lied to you.

"And you think the mirror will present beauty to you?"

I know very well it shall not,

for the world has shown me its true cruelty long ago,
I am no longer angry for what I've seen,

it will only haunt me so long as I breath.

"And you breath no longer?"

It is not possible to breath without a face you have removed in
distaste.

I went from a lover to a liar in a heartbeat;
the flip of a switch as soon as I heard I could get what I'd been craving.

The jolt of electricity through your bloodstream, the feeling of being alive with your senses on fire, the ability to seem untouchable: superhero like even...

Almost nothing compares in that moment, but in the afterglow, when your cape begins to lose its wind and your heart starts to slow, nothing feels worse than pondering it's destined finale.

Discovering your conscience, all the while knowing that no matter how much you love someone, the poison always comes first.

It's a terrible reality, the ability to choose.

And I always choose wrong, down the path of the chemical adventure, knowing that at the end, I always inevitably fall off the cliff.

But it's an obsession: being on top of the world, and no matter how much time passes, or how far I think I've come, she always wins.

It's the slow onset, the clarity, the peaks where everything seems far better than it actually is, but now the dream is over.

I need to let it go or it will consume me; living in a false reality, locked in to my need for perfection.

She used to calm me and make me godlike, but now I've fallen from my pedestal and upon looking up, I see she turns me into the monster I've never wanted to be...

Hiding, in shame, from the soul I love the most. I wish I could tell her, divulge all of my secrets, but the fear of the disappointment on her face is too much for me to bare.

Because I know she could help me,
if I would just tell her the truth.

It's funny how you dont care about things that are important
Or things that don't matter.
Like life
Or this poem rhyming
Or spelling
Or people understanding it
I just feel like staring at a ceiling
Or hanging from it
I don't even care if a murderer would come and **** me now
It's just an overwelming feeling pushing at my skin
And I don't even care
My best friends seem like nothing
And my enemy knife and rope are what I imagine
Blood running down the drain
I paused the movie and don't care to Un pause it
I don't even want to walk up the stairsbut
I will
And I will stare at the ceiling until the harsh morning light comes
And I will not pay attention to anything
People will call me lazy.
And I will not care
I don't even care to give this a title
So use your imagination
Cause I'm all dried up.

My only regret
I didn’t stick it out with you
Promised I’d fight
But when things got congested and tight
I walked out
Wish I never did
Wish we didn’t live on two different soils but we did

My only regret
I didn’t leave you when I had the chance
I couldn’t eat
Nights without sleep
Never thought something like this would happen to me
I was faithful since day one
But that still didn’t stop you from cheating  

My only regret
Falling in love
Again
Despite the thoughts in my head
Warning me
Don’t do it
Falling in love is stupid
And when it’s over your going to feel useless
Realizing love is a combination best served without you