it breaks my heart to read
your broken poetry
the words you write they bleed
with sentimentality

sometimes you confuse me
with your duality
because you sing with glee
but write with agony

i know you cannot forget
for you love with intensity
yet remember i'll be here
to peruse your heart's ambiguity

Wake up
Sit down
Breakfast
Teeth.
What face do you want me to put on for you today?

They wanted her to be normal.
Ordinary,
Kind.
They wanted to shape her future.
Thought that they could make her.
Their precious little princess
Well your wrong.

They wanted her to be like everyone else.
They thought they could see the way she feels inside.
But they're blind cause she's blind.

Not Blind in meaning
But blind in heart.
Blinded by darkness

“BLINDED BY DARK”
She screams as her sanity tears,
Away from the only one who could  care.
She smashes the mirror,
She smashes the frame
But can't break through the barrier of mind-infused pain.
“Things have no meaning.
At least not anymore,
I’m not who I was, who I was once before.

I’m not who you want to see,
Why won’t you let me be me,
Is it worth all the pain all the needless pleas?”
“I WON’T change who I am as hard as anyone trys I
Will NEVER give even if I will die
If I can never be me
If I can't make you see
Then this is me giving up.
This is my last goodbye.

Do not let the Sun Rise
Trust me and no one otherwise.
Let there be darkness.
So that I cant see your True Face.

There's an "i" in isolation
In fact there are two
But to tell you the truth
One "i" will do

A vulnerable "i"
An "i" in seclusion
Since feeling together
Might all be illusion

There is only "i"
Only one altogether
Because in the end
There's no "i" in forever

maybe we should keep our distance

hearing your laugh was hypnotic
and i forgot how it made me feel
i forgot how your voice sounded
how it eased my heart beat
but also got it racing
i forgot what you looked like when you laughed
how just seeing that made me happy
i forgot what is was like to hear about your problems
how just hearing you talk would rid me of some worried thoughts
i suppose i made myself forget about you
but hearing you say "i miss you"
brought tears to my eyes
because frankly
i miss you too
and i forgot how much i did
how much i still want to be with you
how much i still love you

but what i didn't forget
is i can't have you
you are far gone
unattainable
and of course
those were just your drunk thoughts
you are in love with her
i am just your friend
and we are over
i did not forget that
it just doesn't change how i miss you

s.s

Another passing thought, and another, another, another, another... I like being solitary, all to myself, but being alone is my biggest enemy. I used to love it, I could sit, alone, and be content forever, but now I find myself constantly seeking out someone, anyone to rip me from my own warped reality. Could I take my thoughts and my brain and re roll them, I wouldn't be me but I wouldn't be tortured...Would that make me selfish or selfless... They listen to me bring up the same subject several times whereas most people bring it up once or twice, I'll be stuck on it for days, weeks, months... When I shut my door it's an all out brawl between me, myself, and I and the only person who can stop it is...me(?), but how? When you're your own worst enemy; how do you win? I continue to sit, and brood trying to come up with a solution for this vicious cycle of bad energy. However as soon as I start I'm right back where I started, I don't feel stressed but I know I always am, when there is a leech attached to the back of my head but everytime I reach for it my hands go through nothing, my fingers full of hair, loose, falling out... I grasp for straws everyday at the bottom of a pill bottle holding a small capsule of hope, but artificial faith can only get you so far. Just like music, my headphones plug my ears, and the sound floods my head, but the enigma that is me forces it all out like a violent shockwave that keeps my attention at all times. If we could find that imaginary switch we joke about to turn ourselves off, use it on me, at'least for a couple of years, so I can take a break from arguing with myself, there may be no vocal words but that thousand mile stare consists of a thousand conversations.