There's a man.
He left his home.
For a better life.
More opportunities.
He left for Johannesburg.
The city of gold.
Girls are beautiful and bold.
He misses home.
His mother.
His father.
He has to stay here.
Stay here and hope,
For a brighter future.
A record deal.
The next meal,
Is a mystery.
He lives in a squabble.
He wears the same jeans.
He hopes.
He prays,
For a better life.
Make his parents proud.
Is he good enough?
There's a million out there like him.
What makes him special?
Better than the others.
Is it luck it depends on?
Is it honest hard work?
He works hard.
He tries hard.
Nothing happens.
He yearns for it.
He needs it.
A glamorous life.
He fakes it.
They say fake it until you make it.
He fakes it alright.
But never makes it.
He is a mockery.
They stopped believing in him.
Will he ever make it?
Less talented people have signed deals.
What is wrong with him?
He struggles with mental health.
He doesn't know how to love.
He doesn't know how to live.
Why doesn't he reach his high heights?
Why does he not make it?
Help him.
Somebody help him.
He's becoming bitter.
He's starting to hate everyone who makes it.
Thinking, where did he wrong?
Sleeping on his friend's couch.
Maybe he should have studied law.
He's special.
But he's no Eminem.
He's no Jay Z.
He's no J Cole.
He's no Drake.
Who is he really?
Nobody knows.

My hatred for you consumes me.
I hate you for what you did to me.
It is not just what you did,
It is how you did what you did.
As much as I can try to understand why you had to.
The way that it broke me is the reason I can't forgive you.
But me not being able to forgive me feeds on my soul.
The way that you ended things was foul.
You said that your love for me had diminished.
Those words had my heart and my whole being finished.
It was as if you ripped me apart.
I am still picking up the pieces of my heart.
The ones that you left behind.
I still can't fathom this in my mind.
You left me. Broken pieces and all.
Tears falling down my face and all.
You broke me. All the love and loyalty I gave.
I had no choice left but to cave,
To this sudden decision you had made.
How did your love for me just fade?
Was it ever there to begin with?
Or was your love for me just a myth?
You ended me. As much as I hate to admit it,
You took everything from me and left me in a dark pit,
A dark pit of despair and guilt.
Everything we had built,
Had crashed in front of my eyes.
All this because of your lies,
Your lies about loving me forever.
I watched that get washed in the river.
It is like you were even there.
I regret the day I met you with every shed tear.

A life growing inside me
I don't want it
I don't need it
Not yet Lord
Forgive me for I'm about to sin
Thank you for your gift
But sadly, I'd like to return it please
Not because I'm ungrateful
Not because I don't respect life
But not now
Please not now
Age says i'm ready
My body says i'm ready
But I am not
I can't do it
Bring a human to life?
Nurture and care for her?
Not now
Love her and provide for her needs?
Console her when she cries?
Tell her it will be alright?
Hold her till she falls asleep?
Not now
Forgive me Lord
For I am about to sin
I am about to send this life
You have gracefully placed in my womb
Back to the heavens to be with You
I think You will take better care of her
Than I ever will

you said you loved me,
i heard you say it.
you said you cared for me,
i heard you say it.

where are you going?
why are you leaving?
have you had enough of my loving?
come back here, don't you hear me screaming?

you see me crying,
yet you still choose to walk away from me.
don't you see me trying?
is this what it's come to be?

not going to ask you again,
where do you think you're going?
i can't describe this pain.
i can't comprehend this feeling.

this feeling, it is foreign.
i thought we were meant to be.
i missed everything, any sign.
tell me that this isn't us, it isn't me!

tell me that i'm dreaming.
this can't be happening.
you are not leaving.
tell me i'm imagining.

it's in my head, it's all in my head.
you are here to stay,
unless i am dead,
we are forever and a day.

you said you loved me,
i heard you say it.
you said you cared for me,
i heard you say it.

look me in the eye.
and tell me that we are going to be alright.
tell me, that this is all a lie.
please, hold me tight.

you can't leave.
not this way,
i find this hard to believe.
please stay.

i need you.
only you.
it's always been you.
i've always been true.

don't you care for me anymore?
i'll change, i'll be better.
let's go back to how it was before.
only you and i matter.

she will never love you like i can.
i'd swallow the river for you.
you are my man.
i'd write a million songs for you.

you need me.
i know that you do.
you care for me.
i can see that you really do.

you said you loved me,
i heard you say it.
you said you cared for me,
i heard you say it.

Hope?
Oh, he left me.
I wasn't good enough for him.
Left, said he was coming back.
Never saw him again.
I tried to keep Hope by my side.
Nothing I didn't do for Hope.
I told Hope that I loved him.
That I needed him.
But he vanished.
Couldn't bear the mere sight of me.
Couldn't bear to hear me say his name over and over.
"I have Hope!"
"Hope is all I need"
I kept on proclaiming.
Looked back, and he was gone.
Didn't text me back.
Didn't bother to phone me back.
Left me there all alone.
Hanging by a thread. Me!
Asking, "has anyone seen Hope?"
"Where is Hope?"
Never laid my eyes upon him again.
Never felt close to him again.
I cried so many tears.
After so many years,
I still miss Hope.
Hope was my friend.
I wish he was still my friend.
After I showed him that I believed in him,
He left.
Now I'm left with despair.
He never leaves.
He's always here.
I need my Hope back.
Does he know I still think of him?
If you happen to cross paths with him,
Please tell him that I miss him.
I miss when we were younger.
We shared so much.
I remember his soft touch.
His kiss.
His embrace.
We would talk dreams all day long.
He made them feel real.
Possible.
Nothing I couldn't do.
Long as I had him.
I'll never know why he left.
I don't know where to find him.
He's a sweet memory now.
I'm with Despair now.
He's not any fun.

For a split second, I forgot
I forgot that there was a me before you
I forgot my own strength
I doubted my own resilience
And so I told you that I needed you
Can't do this all by myself
Can't live without you
But I remembered, I remembered
That there was a me before you
I remembered my own strength
Though you left
You didn't take my strength with you
Though you left
You didn't take me with you
I am still here

Black lives matter
My life matters

You can't **** me because of my color
My life is valuable like any other
I don't deserve to be punished or to suffer
For being a person of color
Your actions are viscous, your words are ******
You dishonor my origin and my culture
I was made in God's image
Don't be fooled by your privilege
I bleed the same way that you do
I am as human as you
Why do you hate me?
What makes you want to hate me?
You don't even know me
Yet you find me appalling
Your hatred towards me is alarming
I am not a criminal
Your issues with me are purely political

Black lives matter
My life matters

This is a sensitive issue to many like you
Controversial yet the question is long overdue
Why do you hate me?
What have I done to make you hate me?
I've done you no wrong, sir
I don't even know you, sir
I can't breathe, sir
Please get your knee off of my neck, sir
Is it me you fear or my greatness
How I thrive regardless
Of your contempt towards me
Your resentment towards me
Is it really me you hate?
Or is it yourself you loathe the most?
Is it my soft melanin skin
That offends you and pushes you to sin?
You'd rather **** me
Than admire me
You'd rather step on me
Than accept me
How dare you despise God's own creation?
Do you not pray to the same God for salvation?
Do you not praise His name and call Him the creator of all life?
Yet you see no substance to my life
Is it God you hate then?
For creating me, because I'm certainly not to blame
My life is not yours for the taking
I am God's very own making

My life matters
I matter

Black lives matter

As I wipe, all I hope to see is blood
Lord knows I ain't ready for no child
God, I'm sorry I chose to be blind
I knew it was wrong
But it had been so long
Since someone was inside me
So I let him ****** inside me
Been so lonely
I don't have any money
To care of an offspring
It was only a fling
I am praying
For a miracle
Wishing to be infertile
Just this once
A kid without any vows
Would be a sin
And I'd much rather drink gin
Than be pregnant

Love, 'tis not real!
For I love someone,
Who shares no love for me.
Does not envision me in that fashion.
How then, can love exist?
How, do I mourn a love never encountered nor experienced?
Forget a kiss never felt upon my lips?
Long for an embrace never lived?
Yet it dwells in my conscience,
Probably permanently.
Close upon constantly.
For I keep pondering,
Where lies my fault?
I am ever grasping for air to breathe.
Love, has never been real, a mere ruse!
For, I love someone.
Yet, they will never love me.
Perhaps, I am deranged.
'Tis my own negligence.
For loving someone,
Who will never see me.
Perhaps, love does exist.
For, I love someone.
I, truly love someone.
I wish someone loved me too.
Love, cannot possibly be real.
For, how can true love be unrequited?
How can real love be loss?
How can love be so lonely?

Spiritual awakening.
Is this the end or the beginning?

I'm confused.
Deepest parts of me bruised.

I've lost all that used to matter.
My mind is in clutter.

What is the meaning of this?
What kind of sick game is this?

I'm being torn from the inside out.
Chills from sincere drought.

I long for clarity.
For prosperity.

I don't seek popularity.
I don't need charity.

I'm stuck in solidarity.
Stripped off my identity.

Who am I ?
How do I get by?

I'm all alone.
Every one has come and gone.

Spiritual awakening.
Rude awakening.

I'm barely breathing.
Like a baby teething.

I'm in so much pain.
I'm going insane.

I'm losing my mind.
I can see but I'm blind.

Open my third eye already.
I am more than ready.

This face, it hides hides a lot
But this face, is all I've got
I may smile, does not mean I'm not wounded
I may laugh, does not mean I don't feel bounded
I may joke, doesn't mean I'm free
Just because I don't let you see
My tears
My fears
My sorrow
My doubt for tomorrow
Doesn't mean I'm fine
Just because I don't whine
I don't cry or breakdown
I don't fall of or frown
Doesn't mean I don't hurt
Doesn't mean I'm not covered in dirt
I choose to wear my crown
Wear my crystal gown
And hide these tears
Hide these fears
But deep down I am suffering
Its not flattering
To accept my flaws
I'd rather cling finger nails and claws
To my pride glory
Than feel helpless and sorry
So please, if you do see my weakness
If you come across my meekness
Do not mock me
Do not crack me
Turn a blind eye
Pretend you don't see the spark in my eye
From pain and strain
Pretend the water on my face is but rain
Do not expose my torment and misery
For I swear to turn to turn it into my golden victory
Some day
Some day when the skies allow me to have my way
When the sun smiles down at me
And allows me to be who I want to be
When true love finds me
And turns me to the best version of me
When happiness stays with me
And really wants to be with me
When I find the pieces of me missing
When I finally receive my blessing
Although some words are left unspoken
Please don't ever remind me of this moment

"How to tell if he likes you"
"How to make him like you"
"How to avoid falling in love"
"How to impress a Capricorn"
"How to get over him"
"How to let go"
"What to do when you love someone who doesn't love you"
"What is limerance"
"How to heal limerance"
"Limerance vs true love"
"How to know he's the one"
"How to move on"
"How to get over someone you've never dated"
"How to tell if you're ugly and no one likes you"
"How to get him to notice you"
"How to forget him"
"How to stop thinking about him"
"How long does it take to get over someone"
"Pills to help you forget"
"Therapist near me"
"Books about self healing"
"Movies to watch when you are feeling sad"
"How to win the lottery and disappear to a foreign country"
"Teaching jobs in China"
"How far is China"
"Tattoo artist near me"
"How to stop feeling lonely"
"Church near me now"
"What does she have that I don't have"
"Liquor store near me"

I feel lonely.
But not only that,
I also feel sad.

I feel anxious.
But not only that,
I also feel extremely overwhelmed.

I feel exhausted.
But not only that,
I also feel very hopeless.

I feel like dying.
But not only that,
I really want to **** myself.

My brother, a slave to drug addiction.
I wish I could save you.
From the plague of perdition,
That you drag yourself through.

I pray for your salvation.
I hope to see your resurrection so long overdue.
I wish you freedom from substance suppression.
Liberation from the demons that torture you.

May you break free from the dark cloud of self-destruction.
I long to see the real you again.
Free from your tribulation, your affliction.
I wish you never again feel unbearable pain.

You put your body through endless torment.
You try to numb the agony you feel in your heart.
I wish you would choose to live each and every moment.
Whether ease or discomfort.

I find myself at a loss for words,
As I witness the hopelessness in our mother’s eyes.
It is as if we dwell in different worlds.
The sorrows you pile upon us tell no lies.

I wish I could save you.
I wish I could save our family from the shame.
I hope one day you will see what we see in you.
A cold-blooded monster. Surely, you are not to blame.

It is the reality we were forced to embrace, a misty dew of throes.
It could have been me,
Who surrendered to wreck and woes.
Without doubt, it could have been me.

I too, know the pain of feeling unworthy and unloved.
Surely, there is still hope in a mother's unconditional love.

How do I beat loneliness?
It follows me around like a dark cloud.
It's dark and filled with sadness.
It makes no sound but it's really loud.

It brings me so many tears.
It leaves me feeling so worthless.
It's been so many years,
Filled with emptiness

No one sees me.
I seem to be invisible.
No one here, just me.
Loneliness seems to be invincible.

It's like I'm hardly living.
I'd choose death over this any day.
How can God be so unforgiving?
How can I live this way?

Please, how do I beat loneliness?
I'm slowly fading away into nothingness.
I am one with the emptiness.
"Hi, nice to meet you. I'm lonely"

His love
His love
It is magnificent

It is made of pure gold
A  beautiful story untold
We let it unfold
Let it overflow

He is the closest thing to perfection
He fulfills my every satisfaction
Exceeds my every expectation
He sees beyond my every imperfection

This is real love filled with doses of passion
Love that never grows out of fashion
Love filled with dashes of compassion
Love that never demands any kind of compensation

He loves me
He adores me

When we make love, the earth quivers
My body trembles, it shivers
While he is rock hard and climbs me like a mountain
As I erupt like a bottomless fountain

Yes, he makes me ******
Winds my body like a sax
Love racing through my core
As I beg him for more and more
Of his love

I've never truly felt anything like it
Never really seen anything like it
It feels unreal
Like a delightful dream

I pray this never ever ends
Not just lovers, but two best friends
I love everything about him
Nothing I'd ever change about him

His smile is majestic
His laugh is poetic
His emotions are authentic
His body is magnetic

It draws me in
It locks me in
His touch, so smooth
His ambition filled youth

Everything about him shouts love
His love
Is magnificent

Being with him feels so natural
Being around him feels so magical
It's like I'm in a film sequel
And he is my equal

He's become apart of me from limb to limb
A soft kiss from me to him
Stolen glances
My soul dances
To the rhythm of his heart beat
He's my favorite song on repeat
Never misses a beat

Never fails to excite me
Happiness is him beside me
Peace is his arms around me
Love is him inside me

I love him
I adore him

His love
His love is different
It is magnificent

wallowing in self hate
swallowing mine own tears
sadness over mine own fate
madness from mine own fears

chained by mine own anxiety
claimed by the arms of melancholy
tossing and turning to grasp mine own identity
crossing and burning bridges cowardly

this life shows no bearing
this strife feels like God's mistake
surely, suffering should see ending
purely, i wish to be unawake

i would run up to the depths of the earth
i should then be alas free
maybe, a gun to mine own head shall reverse the date of mine own birth
lately, when i call upon the Lord, He does not hear me

I know that I have lost you, forever.
Although, I never truly had you.
I can feel that you're really gone.
You don't appear in my dreams anymore.
We don't talk like we used to.
It's silly.
I feel stupid for loving you unintentionally.
I lost myself in your gaze.
In your eyes.
God, your eyes.
What kills me is the false hope I still have and still hold on to.
That I can't seem to let go of.
I know that you will never love me,
Or see me the way I that I do.
I feel stuck between wanting you to be happy,
And wanting to be your happiness.
I can't have both.
You don't see happiness with me.
You never will.
It kills me.
I don't know how to set you free.
I am struggling.
Thoughts of you ******* me at night,
In the morning when I wake up.
I am addicted to imagining a perfect future with you.
One where we are so happy.
And you have chosen me.
My mind spirals and I lose myself in this illusion of you and I.
I snap out of it when I remember, that you love someone else.
I picture you and her together instead,
And somehow, you seem happier.
And I break down.
"Why does he not love me?"
"What is wrong with me?"
"Why am I not enough?"
"I wish I was her."
I slide back into the illusion hours later, and repeat the cycle over, and over,
And over again.
I don't know what to do anymore.
How to make it stop.
I feel sick.
I need medication to get you out of my system.
I am battling to set you free.
I pray to God,  to give me back my strength so that I can set you free.
These emotions worsen.
I don't know how to let you go.
I have spent so many months admiring you.
I can't figure out, what I am lacking so badly within myself, to feel this way about you.
Something must be wrong with me.
Maybe lack of self love.
I don't know.
I just know that it hurts.
And I would do anything for it to stop hurting.
It was never my intention to obsess over you.
I saw a potential life partner, and I wanted to love you.
For a while, I thought you felt the same way too.
I don't know if it was all in my head.
I don't know if it's possible to be so delusional.
I struggle to believe that.
I know what I saw, and what I felt every time we locked eyes.
All the moments we shared.
The way that you looked at me,
talked to me.
I may never know.
I just want us to both be free.
I want you to be happy.
I want to find happiness too.
Even if it means letting you go.

Things I can never tell you in person:
1. I love you. I always have.
2. I find you goldly gorgeous.
3. I am awfully attracted to you.
4. I miss you all the time.
5. I think of you all the time.
6. I dream of you every single night.
7. I fantasize of your smile every time I feel anxious, lonely , sad or happy.
8. I wish you loved me.
9. I would do anything for you.
10. I want to have your children.
11. I manifest you every time I see 11:11 the clock.
12. I wish you were mine and I was yours.
13. I whisper your name in my sleep.

I love you.
I will always love you.
I hope that one day, I can tell you.
If I was on my way to be with death, you would be my last stop.
I would finally tell you, with nothing to lose.
No fear of the aftermath of being rejected by you.
But for now, this will do.
I will continue to love you from a distance.
Until my heart can't bear to love you any longer.
And all the butterflies you give me have evacuated my stomach.
And I am dead.
Or, until I meet someone who will love me the same.
And even then, I am not certain I would let you go.
I love you.

I can't wait to die
No one will care
Neither will I
Greetings, death, my dear

I yearn for your cold embrace
I wish to quietly disappear
And gaze upon your void face
Pull me in, draw me near

For I have no one
Free me from forsakeness and fear
I am all alone
Release me, death, my dear

Everyday, I mourn.
The birds still sing and yet, I don't hear them.
Lost inside my head with thoughts of you from dusk until dawn.
My heart bleeding from its stem.

Everyday, I weep.
Tormented by the memories of your fine face.
My love for you runs deep.
Thoughts of you are like a warm embrace.

Lifts my spirits when I am sad and alone.
Makes my heart sing and dance.
Until I am reminded, you don't love me and your heart is stone.
This is just another unrequited romance.

I go back to mourning for you and me.
I mourn a love that never was.
A love that will never be.
I mourn the girl I was, before we ever laid eyes.

Make two fists.
Slit my wrists.
Feeling lost in a wreck.
Slash my neck.
Free me from suffering.
My life, I give as offering.
End me.
Free me.
For life has no meaning.
Light has ceased beaming.
Where is God?
I am null and void.
I don't belong.
I sing this sad song.
So I make two fists,
Slit my wrists.
Into the darkness I drift.
With my heart at a rift.
Should I live?
Or should I die?
So, I make two fists.
Imagine I've slit my wrists.
Nothing makes any sense.
The world is dense.
I wish someone would slit my wrists.
While I make two fists.
It's not death I fear.
It's living, constantly in fear.

Did God really bring us all here to suffer and endure?
What on earth was He thinking?

Good day, Rock bottom.
Not very pleased to meet you.
It seems,
I've hit you.
My apologies.
It was not intentional.
Please excuse me,
Kind sir.
Would you be so kind as to,
Show me the way out of here?

My tears have grown tired.
My spirit has grown weary.
Lord, if you're there,
Please hear me.
Why have you brought me here ?
I suffer endlessly and tiredlessly.
If you've no further purpose for me and my life,
Please set me free.
You've left me here all by myself.
No one to love me,
Nor care for me.
I don't feel your presence.
I don't experience your love.
You don't hear my prayers.
You have forsaken me.
In this cold world.
Are you so cruel?
I've neither learnt nor gained anything,
From my suffering.
It's only made me doubt your existence more and more each day.
Release me.
I beg you.
For I don't know peace.
I don't know ease.
Save me, please.
Your mysterious ways,
Seem to lead only to misery.
Where is my savior?
Why does he not favor me,
And my family?
We are all doomed.
Sworn into poverty.
It breaks my heart to see my mother suffering.
Yet she continues to believe in you.
She thinks you're coming to save her.
But to me it seems like she will die poor.
Just as her mother did.
Who also believed,
And waited upon you faithfully.
Same as her mother before her.
Where are you really?
Tell me truthfully.
Why you leave us wandering in this ruse?
Your light shines upon the wicked.
You show them mercy.
You allow them to feast upon the weak and needy.
Exploit the vulnerable and profit.
And praise you, just as we do.
Does it amuse you?
Is this all a trick?
You bless the evil,
And curse the righteous.
All for a promise of a kingdom,
No one living has seen.
Why have you brought us here?
Was it to brush your holy ego?
Many will say this is blasphemy.
Blasphemy is the injustice of this world we were brought into.
With no consent.
I envy the atheist.
For no one created him,
Only to torment him.
I envy the dead.
For they have seen the truth of our fate.
I envy God.
For he cares for no one.