it's okay to feel.

you  are breaking
generational curses
generational traumas

some of those emotions
are not even your own

Everything is okay.
If it's not,
It's going to be okay.

Everything is working in my favor.
I am not cursed.
I am blessed.
My ancestors are working behind the scenes.
God has released all my blessings.
Everything is working out for my greater good.
I may not see it.
But it's true.
My suffering will end.
I will live the life I dream of.
I am becoming the best version of myself.
My angels are working hard,
To get me to where I need to be.
Everything is working in my favor.
I am not cursed.
I am blessed beyond measure.
I thank God.
I thank my angels.
In advance,
For what I'm about to witness.
I am becoming.
I am greatness defined.

Lol you hate me.
You must really hate me.
What does Grey tick even mean?
I'm not thinking of you?
I don't care for you?
You mean nothing to me?
What does it really mean?
Blue tick means, I read your message.
I read your message and couldn't care less.
I cared just enough to open the message,
And read it.
Without responding.
I mean I get it.
It's no obligation.
But Grey tick?
Not only was your message delivered,
I did not care enough to open it.
Do you find me that revolting?
Was it something I said?
Is it the way I look?
Is it the way I talk?
The manner in which I carry myself?
Which one is it?
Honestly, I'd rather you read my message and make the obvious choice to ignore me.
I took my time to think, type and send.
The least you can do is read.
Grey tick?
It's beneath me!
I deserve better.
I might be a nuisance,
But I deserve the truth.
Rather block me,
Stick a knife in my heart,
Smash my head in with a brick,
Poison my food,
Slit my throat,
Shoot me in the head,
Scratch my eyes out,
Smother me to death.
Than Grey tick me!
I'm offended.
I'm human.
How am I not worth a simple Blue tick?
Lol you hate me.
You must really hate me.

I'm going insane.
I'm searching his name,
Surname,
Nickname,
On every platform.
Whatsapp.
LinkedIn.
Facebook.
Twitter.
Instagram.
Tiktok.
YouTube.
Who is he?
What does he like?
All I have is his name.
I want to know him.
I have to know him.
I want to marry him.
What is his handle?
Why is his account private?
What did he repost?
Where did he check in?
What did he retweet?
What did he like?
What did he react to?
Is he on Tinder?
Is he even on social media?
Just want to find out if him and I,
Are meant to be?
This might be love.
I have to find him.
It's not stalking.
It's online research.

Maybe it will always be just me.
Maybe that's how it's meant to be.

I miss you.
But my pride,
Will never let me reach out.
My ego,
Will never let me tell you.
My feelings are strong,
But my dignity is stronger.
I hope you are well.
I know pride has got you by the neck as well.
Maybe we are meant to be.
We will never know,
Will we?
Because we are so alike.
I am proud.
And so are you.
I chose pride over my feelings.
So do you.
I don't know where I stand with you,
So I assume.
So do you.
Me and you are perfect together.
But only without our egos.
I'm not willing to let go of my vanity.
Neither are you.
So where does that leave us?
Nowhere.