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Nikki Tshawe Mar 2020
I don't care how we met
Don't care how far we may get

You make me feel things I've never felt before
Makes me want you more and more
Your smile, your face, your soft beard
This is exactly what I've always feared
A man who makes me loose control
Touches every single slither of my soul

I don't care how we met
For I know it's not over just yet

The mere sight of your body pleases me
The mere taste of your lips hypnotizes me
It is like I am floating on warm ice
This is real love and I am paying the price
This is what an ****** feels like
This is what loving a real man feels like

I don't care where we met
This is as good as it may get
Nikki Tshawe Feb 2020
Fear of failing
Fear of falling
Fear

Fear of giving up
Fear of letting go
Fear

Fear that I may not have the strength
Fear that I may not have enough faith
Fear

Consumed by fear
Imprisoned by fear
Weary of fear

Fear of dying
Before I make it through
I am trying

To stay faithful and true
Keep my head above the misty dew
But I fear

I fear
I fear for tomorrow
I fear endless sorrow

Fear that I may die alone
Fear that I  may never see these tears gone
Fear

Fear of becoming nothing
Fear that I may never achieve something
Fear

Fear of being no one
Fear of being loved by no one
Fear

Fear that I may never see the light
Fear that I may never win this fight
Fear

I fear for my life
I am scared to give
Anymore of me to fear

Fear
Fear I may never overcome my fears
Never see my happy years

Fear
I am my deepest fear
Fear of losing everything I hold dear
Nikki Tshawe Jan 2020
Let me sing you my favorite song
Let me recite you my favorite poem
You can have the best part of me
Let me give you my all

Let me paint you in my favorite colors
Let me cook you my favorite dish
You're my favorite person
You're my favorite feeling

Let me tell you my favorite story
Let me fix you my favorite drink
Let me read you my favorite book
You're my favorite boy

You're my favorite feeling
Let me wear my favorite clothes
Let's drive to my favorite place
Let me sing you my favorite melody

Let me write you my favorite poem
Let me be your favorite girl
You're my favorite face
You're my favorite kiss

I miss you when you're out of town
You're my favorite to be around
Your voice is my favorite
You are my favorite dream
Nikki Tshawe Jan 2020
Let me bleed
I would rather bleed
Than miss my monthly ****** cycle
Because of a life growing inside me like a little tickle
Let me bleed
I would much rather bleed
Than go nine months
Thinking how am I gonna feed these mouths?
It could be twins I'm bearing
This is regret I'm wearing
No, let me bleed
I would much rather bleed
I will bear the pain
As I bleed out like heavy rain
Let me bleed
I am more than happy to bleed
Blood, I've never been so happy to see you
Why'd you come later than you're due?
I thought I'd made a new being
'Twas the worst feeling
No, let me bleed
I choose to bleed
Stuck, thinking why'd I let him do it?
Let him flow inside my walls, why'd he do it?
Holding on to me for dear life as he did it
As if he was trying to create a new life with no guilt
I am not even his wife
My honour is my pride
No ******* children
That's strictly forbidden
I say no, let me bleed
I would much rather bleed
Nikki Tshawe Dec 2019
Let me in,
I want to touch the deep depths of your soul.
These are but words on paper, like broken glass in a bowl.
Yet I desire to graze upon your mortal essence,
Show me the path to your very substance.
Let me wine and dine in your consciousness.
Let me in,
I want to feel you, not physically.
Spiritually.
Emotionally.
Let me in.
I want to see the magnitude of your core.
Caress your heart like never before.
Let me into your personal atmosphere.
Show me who you hold dear.
Show me what you fear.
Show me the burden you bear.
Let me in,
Let me hold you in my arms with nothing but my words.
Let us adjoin from our different worlds.
Let down your guards.
Let me in.
What moves you?
What behooves you?
Let me see it in your eyes as I speak.
Show me what it is you truly seek.
What really gets you to break?
Let me in.
Nikki Tshawe Dec 2019
I refuse to die.
Life's not perfect, yet 'tis mine.
Mine for the taking.
Mine to find awakening.
No, I am not leaving.
Yes, my heart's bleeding.
I refuse to die.
Life's not perfect, yet' tis mine.
I refuse to let go.
Even if I am poor.
I refuse to go.
I will ne'er let go.
I wake with swollen eyes.
Weary from worldly ties.
Depression will not take me.
Death shall not have me.
Nikki Tshawe Nov 2019
Depression took her
No one could save her.
She had been miserable for a while.
The world was vicious, and vile.
But when depression forced her hand,
She followed her darkest demon's demand.
She could not take it any longer.
What didn't **** her, didn't make her any stronger.
No one noticed her silent cry for help.
No one saw her in the night when she wept and wept.
And now everyone is astonished.
"How can she leave everything she's accomplished? "
But her beasts overpowered her will to live.
She had nothing, nothing left to give.
So, she gave in, and depression took her.
Yet, no one seemed to care.
She had no one to lend a caring heart, nor an ear.
So she ended it all without doubt, nor fear.
She reached her very lowest peak.
Felt ever so weary, and ever so weak.
No one was there to pull her out of her misery.
No one to say: "hold on, in the end there is victory."
No one to break her out of the darkness, into the light.
No one to convince her that life was worth the fight.
But what does one do, when everything around you is destroyed?
When your prayers seem to be nothing, but null and void?
Do you hold on to the darkness, and pray to make it through the night?
Who do you pray to, for salvation and light?
Depression took her.
No one could save her.
Some called her a brave coward.
But all she was really, was tired.
From all the endless hurt and the pain.
So she slit through her own vein.
And watched it bleed, and bleed.
As she fell into an eternal sleep.
She was exhausted from life.
So she took a sharp knife,
And she let depression take ker.
No one could saver her.
From feeling like she didn't belong.
Like everything was all wrong.
She had no place here.
She didn't fit in here.
When she tried to voice out how she wasn't coping.
All everyone said was: "toughen up and stop moping,
This is life. Just pray about it and talk to God"
But a million prayers later, she was left alone in the world.
So, depression took her.
No one could save her.
She imagined that death would be peaceful and painless.
Cause lately, all she had been feeling was worthless and faithless.
So she looked death in the eyes, and said:
"Death you're my only way out. I'm too sad. I'm just too sad"
So she wrote a long letter to her mother saying: "I'm sorry, I hope all is forgiven."
"Maybe I'm better off as an angel, looking down upon you in heaven."
"All that I tried to be happy, I have failed."
"I'm sorry I couldn't make you proud. Sorry if you feel betrayed. *
Even the strongest of people feel fragile sometimes.
Life can be overwhelming at times.
They say: "check on your stong friends, cause depression is real."
Everyone needs someone to be there when you standing on the edge of a hill.
All it took really, was just one bad day.
One bad day, that led her astray.
Not knowing where her soul would land.
She didn't care as long as her bones remained six feet under the sand.
She would be free.
Free to be who she had always wanted to be.
Nobody.
It's funny how people start caring after you die.
"We had no idea! Why did she do it. Why?"
"We thought she was just fine"
"She always laughed and smiled"
Smiles and all, depression still took her.
Still, no one could save her.
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