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 Apr 2018 Sajini Israel
matthew
i'm too tired to live,
but too stressed out to die.
Caring for you
my love
a harrowing experience
it has been
A life I had not expected
A life unforeseen
When things change in life
When things are taking away
I can't just except and for it be ok
I need time
I need space
In order to get my head
into the right place
To have support workers
come in and care of you
For them to take over
and do what I normally do
When my head
is feeling right
I'm able
To release
To let go
without a fight
So inadequate at times I do feel
When not giving time to release and then heal
My emotions end up in turmoil you see
Hurtling all around
inside of me
Having time
Having space
helps to mend
And makes things much easier
for me to transcend
Healthy coping skills
 Apr 2018 Sajini Israel
Mary-Eliz
You, my sister,
are the one friend
who has known me
all my life
and
I've known you most of yours
less
three years before I came to be
and
a few for which
I have no memory

I wish
I could recall

when I was new
did you lift me?
or stroke
my forehead?
did you sing
to me?

did you gaze
at tiny feet
and
hands
in wonder
and
amazement?

were we pals
even then?
even before my eyes
could focus
on your face
to see you
to know you?

did our spirits
know each other
and
bond in some mysterious way?
planning even then
their escapades
of
running
bare-chested, barefooted
in blazing summer sun
circling our tree
so "far" from home?
our adventures

did they see
the time ahead
when the fog would come
and
confuse?
when we'd each
be alone to struggle
with who we are?

did they know
we'd find our way
back again
never completely losing sight
of our special bond?
a bond temporarily
blurred by life
by grown up sorrows
deaths
separations

grim details
of life

like a broken branch
on a tree that hangs
by not more
than a thread
hangs on through
all the storms
clinging with all
its energy

finally
growing anew
connecting fully

better
than before
I long for the seasons to relieve my pain
Every spoken word a shadow to your name
On my clumsy tounge they burn like acid rain
Why is my mouth so difficult to tame?
I am getting my wisdom teeth taken out next month and i am scared. Would anyone like to offer some encouraging words?
You're a solar flare
Without a care
The sun is your lair
So we can't be a pair
Which I felt was unfair
So I starred down the barrel of a gun
Into the shining sun
To have my tears evaporate
But all that did was exacerbate
The eventual solar eclipse
From the sound of your lips
Telling me it's over
But it didn't start
I get in my lunar rover
And sadly depart

Your supernova
Put me in a loser's coma
From a subtle sun kiss
With a trillion ton fist
That left me loveless
Seeing the sun less

Stuck inside my tower
My eyes are a shower
I'm holding a sun powered
Drug flower
While I cower
In the midnight hour
During the solar absence
I await a sunrise advent
Like a cosmic abscess
After being denied access
Added to your black list
I become dark matter
When my dreams shatter
I am indeed sadder
Wishing my world was flatter

Yet the sun still shines
Even when I'm blind
Rays of light still come out
Causing a seed to sprout
Like a heroic water spout
After a hundred year drought
But I can only see the sunset
As the future I've met
And I begin to fret
Over my daytime debt
When I spend time but never give it
I make a mistake and then I relive it
The sun is scorching hot I can't grip it
So when I get the upper hand I flip it
And live under the sun
This life is a lonely one
Can be found in my self published poetry book “Icy”
https://www.amazon.com/Icy-Andrew-Rueter-ebook/dp/B07VDLZT9Y/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Icy+Andrew+Rueter&qid=1572980151&sr=8-1
 Apr 2018 Sajini Israel
Cné

Through the withered branches
where the verdant leaves once grew,
I stared up at the old oak tree
against a sky of blue.

The branches stretched to heaven
as a supplicant might do.
It seemed to pray, as if to say,
"My time at last is through."

I wondered at the gnarly trunk
and limbs of twisted wood
And for a moment thought of life
and almost understood.

Life and death go hand in hand.  
Our time is our's to spend.
But like the tree against the gale,
‘tis better if we bend.

I'll pay it forward when I can.  
Thy brothers' keeper be.
I'll keep the roots well watered
and learn the lessons of the tree.

It shares the world with nestlings
and it's acorns oft abound,
To feed the hungry denizens
that glean them from the ground.

It's leaves give shade to those below.  
It's branches form a gym.
Children climb to see the world
and love this gift to them.

And as I watched, the farmer
came and laid the old husk low.
Firewood now, would be it's fate
and make the chimney glow.

Ashes unto ashes and to dust
we must return.
All of life in cycle goes
and from this I hope to learn:

This gift of life to all below,
all creatures great and small,
Is just a stop upon the trip
we travel, one and all.

Inspired by a photo shared by Melissa. Happy Earth Day!
She cries every night
tears streaming down her face;
She needs to be loved again
she's forgotten the taste.

The taste of the sweet kiss
that once made her smile;
She needs to be held again
if only for a little while.

She needs someone to talk to
when she needs a friend;
She has a broken heart
that she feels cannot mend.

She needs to be loved
forget the tears;
She needs someone who'll be there
forever throughout the years.

All she thinks about
are the times you had together;
You both said
you would be forever.

She needs someone there for her
she knows she can trust;
This isn't just a want
this is a must.

With all the signs of "true love"
she has been shown
She still cries at night
'cause she's still alone.

She needs to be loved again
someone's baby girl;
Someone who will tell her
she is his world.
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