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How many times can you break someones heart?
When is too many?
Who decided that people should fall for each other
only to later fall from each other?

The soft breezes of summer blow through my open window,
scattering my thoughts just like it always does,
just like you always do.

The only thing I have of you anymore is memories,
more painful than I would ever admit
having not a thing of yours to remind myself

Of that girl I met, so long ago
who showed me not only the world we lived in,
but one we called home

In my dreams, sometimes were still together
In my moments of weakness I remember her strength
and when I was passionately cupping deaths cold body in my hands
her voice told me that I was worth more than anything death had offered

And yet.

And yet I know that theres nothing that I can do,
to bring that woman's smile back to her face,
because I was the one who stole it from her.

I am in love, but sometimes only to torture myself
because I found the one, and I was so afraid of losing her
so scared of messing up
so childish in my actions

that the only thing she could do was let me go.


I was a fool. I assumed she was fine.
I hated the only person who I loved.
I hated her because she had loved me.
I hated myself because I had loved her.

But I have taken a comfort... In knowing that
In knowing that even though she's moved on
and even though shes happy...

That I am not.
and that makes me happy.

While a chance to change
can bring about a new fantasy,
it may awaken you to a new nightmare.

Once I was happy.
I had everything I thought I needed,
but it grew into a weapon hurting me,
this;
I know.

The life I led wasn't worth my time
I hid behind the lies everyone believed
and rolled my sleeves down to hide the lines
running down my arms, making little streets
I would walk in my spare time.

...
One street, I think it's more of a road
leading past a house, never really a home
sitting pretty in a field of regrets and memories
knowing that however many times I pass my past
nothing will change and there will always be
knots I can't untie anymore

Another street, houses more of my heart than my own chest
A simple room decorated with meaningless sketches
that meant worlds to just two people
but they're gone now
faded into nothing
discarded

A boulevard of regrets snakes up my arm
branching into other avenues, each with a little more decoration
but beyond that
lays something you can't quite see
...

I've walked these roads for hours at a time, simply waiting
hoping that I could be looking at more than a memory.
The past can't be changed
The knots won't' disappear
The pages won't re-appear
My regrets won't leave me

But even if all of this is true (and I know that it is)
I couldn't believe my eyes
when I looked into yours
and saw a second chance.