Wasting away, like the dead leaves of fall.
Embracing change, transforming.
Supplementing the earth that they hail from.
Giving nutrients to all.
The grass and the flowers growing so tall.
As the sun shines down, warming.
The buzzing of bees, such a plesent hum.
Summers near, answer the call

How to become a poet:
Let someone rip your soul apart.
And in the need of mending ,
You will replace it with words.

The sun was the first to fall
The winds still wafted gently
So no one noticed

When the brightest star in the sky
Furrowed it's brow in the mirror
Noting

The light tinted hue of gray
Proposing to its circumference
"Only for a day"

But

The days grew longer
Tinted grey
Dug in its heels

Turning itself to inked infinity
Lined tattoos
Arcing across the surface

A vortex
Around faint pulsating inferno

Just one more day

Your eyes tell a story of innocence
Yet your mind is poisoned with deception
You lure me with your inviting looks
Your Laughter a growing infection
You are a gracious orchid laced with thorns
Consumed by dark intentions
To do all the wrongs

You make it hard to remember what song I was listening to
when my world was ending;
pale skin tangled up in dark carpets,
shallowed breathing,
the room reveling in my emptiness.

But now,
I think our melody might be even more memorable.

So
I'm tugging at your arms
as if they were the rope around my neck;
please don't let me fall.

What happened?
Why did you leave me?
Why did you go back to your old ways?
You used to make an attempt
You used to try to relate to me
Not as an mere acquaintance, but as a friend
I wanted to like you
I wanted to be friends with you
I wanted to give you a semblance of my care
I wanted to be proud to call you my brother

But you left
You left without a note
Without a word
Without a single whisper into the wind as to why
You left me alone again to question my worth
You left me as if I was just an old teddy bear
It was like you grew out of me
Like a pair of old hole ridden shoes
You tossed me aside

But then you came back
Not as you were to me
Not as someone I could say was my brother
Not as someone
I could say was my friend
Not even as someone I could look in the eye without feeling let down
Now came back as who you were before
As if the fun times we had didn't matter in the slightest
As if you wiped them from your memory
As if they never happened at all
They might as well never had happened
Because all they did was let me down more

And it hurts
Like a ball of led trapped in your throat
It’s painful
And it weighs you down
And it stays
I wanted it to work so badly
I wanted to love you
But whenever I look at you now,
I only think of the inner anguish you caused me
I know it’s not much to you
It’s probably not anything to you
But it was so much more to me

And what am I then?
Nothing to you, apparently
Now i'm just another impromptu babysitter
Now i’m just a wallflower
Now i’m just someone you thought you could pretend to care about
But I don't think you ever even cared to keep the facade
Not once
I’m sorry I was just another expense to factor in for those few months
I’m sorry I just became another hindrance for you to work around
I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough

I can’t look at you without realizing what I truly was to you
I can’t think about you without thinking about that
And it hurts
It hurts so much
And in all that hurt and pain and longing for something I know never will happen
And in that, anger, pure and unadulterated
A flaming ball of anger and fury and hatred that combines into a beast of your creation
And when ever I feel the anguish you caused me,
The beast rears its head and guards it
And it makes sure that I know it’s still there
It makes sure that I feel it and remember it
It wants me to
But it’s not doing it to torture me
It’s doing it to protect me
To protect me from you and your ways
The ways that hurt me so
And it will never be able to be reversed
And the beast is making sure of it
Because even if the beast is made of rage and despair
It’s far more gentle to me than you were with my emotions
The beast is my friend
The beast reminds me to stay strong
It reminds my to push through
It reminds it to survive you
And it reminds me to not let my guard down to you again

Now to me, you are nothing
You’re a roadblock to happiness
You’re a stone wall blocking hopes
You’re just an annoying little gnat that doesn't know any better

So, you have heard me through
And you know my piece
And you know that you will never get the privilege to be called my brother
Whenever you look at me
Whenever you hear my voice
Whenever you think of me
I want you to think of these very words I wrote with tear blurred eyes
The words I wrote powered with emotion
The words I wrote it intent
The words I wrote to make you feel for a faction of a second what I feel
Now i’ll cut the pleasantries and give you my final verdict
*******, Derek Nebergall, *******

She's trapped there and she'll never be free
but all of a sudden, she clung on to me
She watched me, as if a hawk preparing for its dinner of pike
and then she decided to strike
She attacked me with an onslaught of words
and then she targeted my body, like a hunter with birds

No space is safe, shes always there
and when she attacks, I have to time to prepare
Then she laughs, she giggles, and lingerers around
and I cant call out to anyone, never making a sound
Silenced and alone, my own body rejects me
for I am as useful as a legless pony
She's still here, even when I write this now
for she resides in my mind, for a victim she has found

I am but
one star
in the
universe
that you
deserve.
I am but
a rain's
puddle
when
it is
the ocean
that you
need to
swim in.
Wish
upon me.
Dance
and jump
within me.
I long
to be
enough
for thee.



written by me... ..