Yet more conflict with my wife
Yet more trouble, yet more strife
I can't really argue, I know she's right
But I need another drink tonight
The doctors are right, my liver is scarred
But sometimes life is just too hard
No, really that is just *******
I don't need it, I just want it
But I know that sometimes greed
Can be easily mistaken for need

The swings and slides are empty
As the rain it falls
The children are watching T.V.
As the night begins to call

To the older, teenage kids
With bottles in their hands
To the park, the slides on which they slid
Holding on to their parent's hands

Obnoxious, arrogant and loud
With a drink or two inside
Stood next to where their parents proud
Watched them down the slide

How long has this park been here?
I used to come with my mum and dad
Filled with excitement and fear
At all of the fun to be had

I wonder how many generations
It will be that this park will​ last
And in silent contemplation
Will see present turn once more to past

I am a nothing; a zero, a cipher
Neither a plus or minus sign
The Doctors can't tell, the scientists can't decipher
What is going on in my mind

I haven't​ even a clue myself
Who I am or what I want to be
I'm worried about my mental health
And my future terrifies me

What can I do? What can I say?
Just what am I supposed to do?
I don't know what I'm going to do today
And for tomorrow, I don't have a clue

So, I'm a nothing, a zero, a cipher
Neither a plus or minus sign
What do I have to expect from life, a
Slow,  tragic, endless decline?

Something must happen soon
Some kind of explosion
To break this stasis, this glacier, this ice
Or am I to spend my whole life stuck frozen
Trying to break my way through to my life

Yes I love haikus
A way of expressing your
Feelings in seconds

Five syllables, then
Seven syllables,then five
Syllables again

You can fit so much
Into a few simple lines
Anything you want

Five syllables then
Seven syllables then five
Syllables again

No need to rhyme or
Anything like that, no rules
At all, except for

Five syllables then
Seven syllables then five
Syllables again

I know that's not you
A marble headstone
On a scrubby patch of grass
Trite rhyme chiselled into
Cold, black stone
Always feeling grey and cold
Even the summer sun
Cannot permeate
The ghost of grief
That hangs around
But, I know that's not you
A bag of bones in your sister's dress
Six feet under cold, damp mud
Where's the warmth? the ***
The vitality, the laughter
The love, the insane jealousy
That's what's left of you
That's what lives on, always remains​
Not remains
A piece of meat on a coroner's slab
Or the blue faced ghoul
That I tried to breathe life
Back into
No, I know that's not you
But
Your spirit, the brightest I've known
Burning with a sweet intensity
All of those beautiful times in bed
Yes, great ***
But not necessarily
Laughter, easy, nothing between us
No need for clothes or self-consciousness​ now
The most relaxed I've ever been
Life had a sheen
A confident glow
So, yes
I cried, almost died
At your funeral
The thought of you rotting
Under *****, black earth
I've almost died a few times since
Struggling to go on
When life's light has gone out
So yes
I'll come to your grave
And leave flowers
A holly wreath at Xmas too
Walking back to the car
I'll stifle a sniffle
Try to stop a sob
The tremors in my chest
But also I know that
None of it matters
Because there in that graveyard
I know that's not you

I've got to get up
So early in the morning
But I cannot sleep

On a night like this it feels good to be out
Watching my dog as she scampers about
It's the type of night you need to remember
To help you through the cold December​s
Gulls swooping through the clear blue sky
Sunlight glinting off windows as you pass by
The air is warm and to feast your eyes on
Green melts into blue on the horizon
There's not a cloud to marr the sky
I swear I feel a natural high
The world reveals such beauty before your eyes
I start to wonder : was this devised ?
I don't believe in a creator
But can I really relate to
The theory it's all an accident
Never planned and never meant
I don't know, but I am filled with happiness
And to be alive is to be blessed

When times are hard
When you're almost starved
Your £70 a week dole has gone nowhere
And all of the cupboards​ are bare
And you've only​ got £1 for your electric
You have to go
Into the mystic
Into the mythic
It's time to get
A little bit cosmic
If you only thought about
The here and now
You could easily
Lose your mind somehow
If you only thought about this one plane
You'd be sure to go insane
So you widen your brain
Ignore all the *******
World of authority
The bills, the debts
The license for the T.V.
Send your brain into the stars
Out past Saturn, after flying past Mars
Out into a different reality
Where none of Earth's problems worry me

Tomorrow, my​ missus goes away
Leaves me on my own for twelve days
I don't mind the odd weekend alone
But for this long, I know boredom will gnaw on my bones
Oh well, I'll have more time to write
More to write about as long grow the nights
I'll play my music so loudly
Have my choice of what's on T.V.
But I have to admit I'll miss her so much
No human contact, no human touch
I'll take the dog for lots of walks
And hope that the dog can learn to talk

Gold that glitters under toughened glass
Once gifts of love and all that entails
The love disappeared now, gone with the past
Now just rings awaiting a sale.

' MUM ' lettered in gold, to whom was this given
What  trauma has brought this thing forth
Drugs to get high or food needed to live on
I can't help but wonder what that money was for

Staring all of the small velvet boxes unnerves me
A sadness inside me it twists and it churns
I hear a ' next please ' so I take off my jewelry
Step to the counter and then​ it's my turn.

A tired, street-walker beaten down
From working her beat in this ***** town
It's thirty quid to you or me​
A cheap enough price for dignity
Yours and hers both are lost
Too high a price for me at half the cost
Her back is aching, her feet are sore
As she goes through the motions just once more
Just one more time, for one more score
Then she'll quit, this time for sure
Worriedly waking in the early afternoon
The shivers will be starting soon
Phoning around begging for tick
Cold sweating now and feeling sick
She's got to go and turn one more trick
She's got to go and **** one more ****
Just one more time for one more score
And then she'll give it up for sure

I'm glad that I am an older man
Being young was rough
Between the ages of twelve and twenty one
I suffered more than enough

The usual​ petty stuff, like spots and bad hair
With it being ginger as well
To the depths of existential despair
Feeling that I was living in hell

If I could go back to myself during those times
I'd say " In time it passes, really just look "
Young me would say " F#*k you and your trite rhymes
Stuff your platitudes, you make me puke "

The me of back then would hate the me of today
And I'm sure it would be reciprocated
Both of us right and wrong in our own ways
But, to be honest I'm glad I'm antiquated

As you get older you get more mellow
I'm sure some could see it as ''selling out '
But with me now you can always say ' hello '
And know that in return you won't get a shout

As I grow older, I keep feeling better
More and more comfortable in my own skin
I'd love to write the younger me a letter
Saying " You'll get there kid, just keep hanging on in.