When you stare at me
love poems seem to flow
effortlessly
and
unapologetically
from your eyes
into my heart
making it skip a beat

May you please lay my weary head to rest
as the blade erupts with rubies in Spring.
I sit in my ivory tower's nest,
pulling puppets by their shadow-spun string.

I ponder and play, squeezing idle joy.
Wondering, perhaps I shall see you soon.
If not, I return to my tepid ploy.
A sallow moth, rotted in his cocoon.

A clock strikes and the siren's song erupts.
Yellow wallpaper reveals my sin's seams.
I close my eyes and this fear I shall disrupt.
I must embrace the love within my dreams.

I flew in that jet,
that crossed our path twice,
on the way to cornwall.
You brought me to the stratosphere,
a love that has no compare,
I didn't believe you,
when you said, your wife
left you for another man,
no way, could that be true,
therewas no better you,
had searched high, and low,
over and out,
there was no better other,
know for certain,
not a doubt.
You played angry with that,
your strong arm tactic,
always worked this cat,
your friend's wry expression,
give mirth to our session,
to souls entwined,
eternally thine,
I had to go,
you are my man,
God had another plan,
he wills, therefore I am

"I followed Him.
I heard His voice,
So quiet, and kind,
My fate is bound, to seek and find,
the Love, I sought, comes from above,
he filled my cup, to brim with love.
The truth that day, I lost the earth,
flesh decays to dust, for spirits'birth.
Lines grimly etched, in horror stay,
the final act about to play.
That crystal light, not visible to worldly men,
they reel in fright, aghast at skin,
like the portrait of Dorian Gray,
their luciferic light, shines bold as day,
starlight descending to infra red decay.
I pick up my cross with heaviest heart,
can't find forgiveness, though that's my part.
Knowing this truth, I soldier on,
karmic bound, to forgive their wrongs.
His message, I repeat, is love turned tough,
change your ways, enough is enough.
My star I found, is freedoms dove,
not our words, our actions, reveal true love."

In between ubiquitous pain
and shallow laughter---
---through my meandering rivers
I think of you

My proclivity for sadness
is my signature
And I’m sitting here
still staring at your pictures

When I said “it’s okay”
you knew it wasn’t fine
and losing a friend is losing a sacred poem
that once was lovingly mine


-c.s.