Life moves on
and things become too real.
A wife. Kids. Career.
It’s too much, I want to run away.

Everything has changed with
my position in the world.
I’ve never fit in
Always the freak who knows no limits,
the one who sits alone and minds his own.

Never understood, never accepted.
Now a husband, a dad, still the same.
Always covering up myself; hiding
behind wit and cruelty.

A shield to disappear into,
Afraid to be me; to send up alone.
I used to know who I was but
now I’m not so sure.

It seems I have my life sorted out,
but am I really happy?

A question I always find myself asking
but can never answer.
I don’t think anyone knows the meaning of happiness,
or if it really exists.

Tonight I found myself holding her close,
and as I rested my head on her chest,
I quietly try not to cry.

It’s hard sometimes to keep it all in,
to hold strong so as not to lose myself,
it’s why I write as I do.

An outlet through a pen is all I have,
only the page wont judge,
won’t declare me a freak,
won’t know that something is wrong with me.

The thoughts I have,
my inability to empathize with other’s pain and loss.
It makes me wonder if I’m right for this world.

I’ve been to two funerals,
one I barely knew, the other I held dear.
And lost a grandfather who meant everything,
yet I never shed a tear.

I used to think that it was because I am strong,
but now maybe that isn’t so.

Who am I really?
I think I need to know.

I forgot why I wanted to write about you
But then again
I forget a lot of things nowadays
And the things that I want
Never make sense anymore
At least you made me want something

And so
When I saw a star
Dashing across the horizon
I wished I would see you again
Then for a second
A single second
I closed my eyes
And I could feel your hands in my hair
But it wasn't your hands
It was just the shallow wind
Shallow
Hollow
Empty
Like your desires
So when I kissed you
You left your eyes open
And when I asked you if I looked beautiful
Your answer was inaudible
Always too silent to hear
So you broke me
Or maybe I broke myself trying to fix you
And the sparks we created
Started a wildfire
One that I couldn't put out
Even after you left
So it burned the last broken pieces of me
The ashes swept away
In that shallow wind that feels like your hands.

You remind me of
the most dangerous love
a poisonous kiss
that makes me
pleasurably
delirious
like a drunken peasant
who dreams of
making sweet love
to nature's
perfect painting.

You remind me of
Van Gogh's
swirling lights
within his starry starry night
a piece of art
with the heart
of such sweet melancholy.

You remind me
of someone
I still love
with a passing
friendly passion
like two boats
in a foggy bay
that almost crash
while they are
one their separate ways.

Don't ever build home in people
They all come and go
And when they leave you
Again and again
Homeless you'll be