i need to stop
setting myself on fire
to keep you warm.

When I say
that you are my Sun,
I don’t mean that you are
Luminous,
Brilliant,
Gilded,
Beautiful,
Bold,
Warm,
Or even the center of my universe.
I simply mean that
I cannot look at you
Without hurting

Of you
Of your voice
Of your lies
Of your fake smile
Of your fake love
And when I see you with her
After you called to say your flight was late
I know I’m tired
Of my love for you

I will never apologize for who I am
the words I write
or the things I feel.

They ask me to speak from the heart
but even the heart cannot explain
the mixture of enjoyment and sorrow that it feels
all in the same moment

You held the paper
between you lips
and inhaled

I've never
Been so jealous
Of a cigarette