why
can I not
follow through
on things
she asks

I remain
silent
hoping
somebody else
will know
the answer

she listens
to the bell
striking twelve times
after the last stroke
she writes down
her resolution
for the new year:
to be true to herself

she sits
in her comfy chair
looking back
at the year
and sighs
what holds me back
to do the things
I yearn to do
what paralyses me
when I decide to change
well worn habits
what sabotages
all my plans
carefully designed
to improve my life
she takes a deep breath
hoping to find the answer
to all her questions

will she
ever
be able
to write again
or have
his words
finally
destroyed her

I am changing
my life
she said
with a smile
and left
the house

she watched
the people in the room
clapping when a winner
was announced

what a grey
and well connected
group they are
she thought
and left the room

she can hear the bell
striking twelve times
another day has passed
with another opportunity missed
she cannot sleep
and wonders
if the same
will happen today
or will she have the strength to do
what she should have done
a long time ago