I was placed in a grave,
but I crawled out for you.

It wasn’t because you were
charming or handsome,
but how I felt as you spoke.

The flutter of my heart,
the laughter escaping me,
and I how I desperately wanted
to kiss you.

I reached out,
you were all I ever wanted,
but I reached too soon.

The ground crumbled around my feet,
and I was 6 feet under
my heart filled with despair.

∙∙∙◦◦•◎•◦◦∙∙∙
Sitting at the balcony, a sunset to her face
a scent of chamomile, an elated memory rephrases
frolicking aster's in autumn color graced
the imbue of old feelings, her craft of curtain lace

Spinning a rustic harmony, the rustle of leaves
dips a chocolate pudding, her smile swept by me
a dessert like sky, the billow swirls in place
our grandkids tag-along to the hounds that chase

An old love song, a diary of stories we made
halcyon, even her face freckles and her hair is gray
she gave me fields that kisses spring and fall
our magic remains forever, even our time is called

I'm lost on a gravel road
In the middle of nowhere.
But it's okay.
In fact, I couldn't be
Happier about it.

Because sometimes
I get lost in my head
And I can't escape
No matter how much
I scream and cry for help.
The left and right sides of
My brain collide
And blood sprays everywhere
And my thoughts are all mixed up
andijustcantthinkandpleasemakeitstop
PLEASEIMBEGGINGYOUTOSAVEM­E
CANTYOUSEEME?

Nobody knows.
They don't hear me laughing at myself
Every time I look in a mirror.
They don't see me fall apart
And cower
Every time I see him
Because I think I'm in love,
But too much of a coward
To actually find out
Or even to just talk to him as a friend.

I used to be brave.
I used to be fearless
And not give two *****
About what anyone thought of me.

But everything is different now.
Only getting to relax when
I'm laying under a
Blanket of stars.
Only getting to
Really breathe when
I'm sitting next to one of
My best friends while she
Hits the gas and
We cruise down a dark, gravel road.
She takes a wrong turn.

I'm lost on a gravel road
In the middle of nowhere.
But it's okay.
---
JMB

I know my poems aren't perfect, but
Writing helps me
So I will write
Everyday.
Because I'm not perfect either.
---
JMB

In youth group, we're reading a book called
Do Hard Things.
And I try.
Kind of.

We all had to sign up to do a "hard thing"
From the back of the book until Christmas.
I signed up for what
I thought would be the easiest:
Wake up early every morning to
Read my bible.
Easy?
Yeah right.

Honestly, I don't even know why
It's so hard.
I set my alarm for only half an hour earlier than usual
Almost every night.
But then when it goes off,
I reach down and turn it off.
I even moved my alarm clock
To the other side of my room so
I would stop doing that.
But I still do.
Why?

I honestly can't even
Give a good reason why
I don't just do it.
Maybe I'm just too lazy?
Maybe I go to bed too late at night?
Or maybe...

Maybe
I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of what
I'll see when I
Finally open the Holy Book.
I'm afraid I'll see myself in all the
Stories of the sinners.
The sinners who were driven out
Of their homes and cities.
The sinners who were killed
For just being human and
Nothing more.

Yeah, maybe that's it.
Just maybe.
---
JMB

I think I saw my
Soulmate on the street
The other night.

I was walking along the sidewalk
That was dripping with rainwater.
The night was humming with
Its dark secrets.

And then suddenly I saw him.
I felt all the heavy
Decay and dead matter
Fall off my shoulders
And when I looked down,
I saw that it all had
Turned into feathers.

Millions of pictures flooded
My mind of what we could be
If only we knew each other's names.

I felt a joy deep inside places
I'm usually too afraid to even acknowledge.
Like my heart.
And my soul.

My stomach was full of butterflies.
My heart was full of sparks that
I need you to make into a
Passionate fire.

You passed with a warm smile
And suddenly I melted.
I should've melted into your arms, but
They weren't open, waiting to
Catch me.

But it's okay.
I don't blame you.
I know it's my fault.
I know I should open up more.
But I'm afraid.

When I saw you,
I wasn't afraid, not even for
One second.

I smiled back.
And said one word that made
Your smile open wider than
I ever thought possible.
"Hi."

I'd like to thank you, Soulmate.
I don't know your name,
Your age,
Your favorite song.
But you still somehow made me feel a way
I've never felt before.
I've never felt such joy.
I've never felt so brave.
I've never felt like
I could touch the stars
Before I saw you on that
Rainy street.

---
JMB

What other kind              of creature could divide        
        Each different thing             into its different sides                
  With chaos versus             order, dark and light
The stark duality of         wrong and right
We even split the very        world in two
With human versus human,       we and you
But still no matter how much      we divide
Each thing has infinitely many      sides