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 Apr 2016 Тадеус
Leia R
2 am
 Apr 2016 Тадеус
Leia R
Undefeated and never ending
I just don't know what I'll do
So i go
To my room

There the silence is
So unbending and so unbreakable too
So I sing
In my room

Words of passion and words of hatred
Words of love so true
Echo loud
In my room

War is raging and footsteps pacing
in the morning at two
So I stay
In my room
 Apr 2016 Тадеус
Aeerdna
there are so many words i could write you
but my mouth is locked again
my heart can't read anymore
wish i could tell you how i'd rebuild
the aurelian walls around you,
the king,
but i know my hands are useless now
and my mind has been washed away
by the same sea
you were trying to teach me
how to swim in.

and the beggars on the streets
they ask me for pennies
"from your kindness"
they say
but my cold eyes can't have it anymore.

my decisions are dark
i make mistakes
when i decide to whom i should give my soul,
when i decide what i should ****
when i forget everything i've learnt.

the music i used to love
the metaphors
they don't make sense to me anymore
not because i don't hear them
but because today
i've chosen to see and hear the reality.

sad-eyed lady i will be for some more
but i'll set you free from seeing the sadness
the pain
i wish i could love you
the way seagulls love to rest on the sand
the way children love their paper planes
i wish i could be
the angel you see
but i know
i am just a human being
stepping on souls.
 Apr 2016 Тадеус
Leia R
Dreams
 Apr 2016 Тадеус
Leia R
In the pale moonlight
In the whispers of night
Are the dreams I hold in my hand

And I await the day
In the heavens array
That I may release them at God's command
 Apr 2016 Тадеус
Aeerdna
i will start a bonfire
and throw in all that i've been
all that i've ever touched
with my fingertips
or with my heart,
all my clothes
and nights with no dreams
all the stars i've watched thinking of you
the moon and the rainbows too
all the beds i've made love in
all the songs i find you in
the poems i  wrote
my tears and smiles
all my soul
my eyes,
this skin you'll never touch
the way i want you to,
all my seasons
and all the years i'll have to live without you.
i'll make a bonfire
and i will throw in all i've got
all the trees
and everything surrounding me
a great bonfire, indeed
designed to put me on desolation row
for eternity.
i'll throw in all that hurts the most
except for my love for you
and a picture with your name on it
that i keep
for rainy days like these.
I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.

‘Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request;
And by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
“‘Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith.

These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st find thy all in Me.”

         ~ John Newton (1725-1807)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cnEDUMfPXs&nohtml5;=False
From depths of woe I raise to Thee
The voice of lamentation;
Lord, turn a gracious ear to me
And hear my supplication;
If Thou iniquities dost mark,
Our secret sins and misdeeds dark,
O who shall stand before Thee?

To wash away the crimson stain,
Grace, grace alone availeth;
Our works, alas! are all in vain;
In much the best life faileth:
No man can glory in Thy sight,
All must alike confess Thy might,
And live alone by mercy.

Therefore my trust is in the Lord,
And not in mine own merit;
On Him my soul shall rest, His Word
Upholds my fainting spirit:
His promised mercy is my fort,
My comfort, and my sweet support;
I wait for it with patience.

What though I wait the livelong night,
And till the dawn appeareth,
My heart still trusteth in His might;
It doubteth not nor feareth:
Do thus, O ye of Israel’s seed,
Ye of the Spirit born indeed;
And wait till God appeareth.

Though great our sins and sore our woes,
His grace much more aboundeth;
His helping love no limit knows,
Our utmost need it soundeth.
Our Shepherd good and true is He,
Who will at last His Israel free.
From all their sin and sorrow.

                           ~ Martin Luther (1483-1546)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aVWBSmghAs
 Apr 2016 Тадеус
Aeerdna
trapped between reality and nightmare
between truth and lies
a constant war in my mind
I cannot fight it with my dusty hands

trying to save myself seems useless
I am but a hollow soul
a darkness in those around me
a crying of despair
a lost cause
no need to be
no need to breath
my legacy is just a wall
with no entering doors
I feel
I dream
I hope sometimes
but i know
I matter not.

in this world
there's only place for light
darkness shall be left
behind.
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