I want to hold your stupid hand ✔
I want to lay in bed and listen to you talk about space ✔
I want to watch you make all the beautiful things you do ✔
I want to lay in the grass and watch the stars with you ✔
I want to kiss you somewhere with a view ✔
I want to play with your hair whenever I can because it's perfect ✔
I want to wake up next to you ✔
I want to discover new music with you ✔
I want us to do every dumb, cheesy, cliche thing I can think of ✔
I want to fall in love with you one day ✔

Inhale
It can't be real, can it?
It's not meant for me.
Tired eyes dart back and forth, nothing makes sense.
The room spins, not from any over used, over priced medication,
Confused, in a love-induced haze,
I remember.
Exhale.
Has it been days? Weeks?
No, mere minutes since I saw you.
Mere moments since the conversations
We cherish so much,
Before the complications.
Uncertain, questioning,
One more time,
Inhale.
It's meant for me.
Exhale.

we distance ourselves
not because we want to
but because we know
what comes next.
and what comes next
we want far more
than either of us
will ever be desperate enough
to admit.

She keeps asking to read my journal.
I keep saying no.
Because what would happen if she knew
That all I ever ******* write about is you?

Shaky hands, bleeding nail beds
Walls begin to close
Heavy breathing, erratic pulse
Hide behind a hood so they won't know.
A name is called, one I know all too well
One I hate as much as I hate its owner.
They don't understand.
My voice cracks,
The words don't look like they should,
Unfamiliar, robotic as they leave
My cracked lips, that I want nothing more
Than to shut, silent, unmoving.
"Don't be nervous"
My heart rate increases,
And the only thing I can think about
Is disappearing within the pages
Of these stupid ******* textbooks
That no one ******* opens.

Stoner eyes scan the highway
Blurry, chaotic
Nothing looks like it used to.
The music is loud, but it isn't your style.
Smoke escapes the window, but it isn't from your lips.
I have to remind myself
That it isn't you.
It never is these days.
You don't drive that car anymore.
Memories gone, faded
But I can't forget,
No matter how hard I try.
Things are different now.
Uncertain, cautious, confusing
Far more confusing
Far more enticing
Than I could ever hope to be on my own.

It’s 2:12am
My red eyes scan every detail of my ceiling,
Trying to find any sense of consistency in the bland drywall.
Rain gently taps against my open window.
The smell of cedar fills the empty space.
A space she hasn’t occupied in nearly six months.
The lights are too bright,
Magnified by my misty eyes.
Wisps of smoke curl around my chapped lips,
Filling in the bleeding cracks.
Our album plays on a loop
Until the storm takes out the power.
I read the scribbled words that she so obviously left for me.
A best friend, an ex lover, an enemy, she calls me.
And I don’t know which of these ideas I hate the most.