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Some things
are only true
when falling—
slide and snag
bang and brag
a snarl
gone viral.

The trick
is not to fear
the bruise—
but love
how the bruise
proves
the skin.
Suicide is hard work—
it’s building a house
out of invisible bricks
then blaming yourself
for the wind.

The leaving is easy—
you leave behind
an empty bag
made out of all the things
they should have said
should have helped with
should have known better
and do something about.

Someone finds the bag—
hangs on to it
thinks it’s their fault
the bag is so empty—
thinks if they had been better
louder or quieter
tried to be more open
not hold back
been more like a door
than a thick wall.

They carry it anyway—
this sad sack of maybes
and might-have-beens—
like it’s a map to a place
they can never find—
but it’s not
it’s just a bag—
a miserable empty bag.
If you're in need of a thorn
I'm looking for a side
Like a Tic in days forlorn
Always trying to hitch a ride

The noisy Rat that's in your attic
I just won't go away
Deaf a dumb from day one
There's not much more that you can say

Dug in deep this blood ******* leach
Clinging to your hide
Feel free to call me your ***** laundry
With the world to see, hanging out to dry

Ring worm on a mission
I burrow underneath your skin
Fingernails on a blackboard, listen
Here to make you cringe

I stick to you like poo on a shoe
As you hobble along your way
There's not a lot that you can do
To tell the truth I'm here to stay

Living life like a parasite
Looking for that slight opening
This disturbing sight may not feel quite right
But I count it all as a win

...with you as my new girlfriend ❤️‍🩹
He's always available ladies 🤪
A vessel
of transference
my doors
never close
All windows
stay open
where light
can impose
A constant
refilling
with verse
to the brim
Whose message
of hope
forever
— within

(Dreamsleep: April, 2025)
jagged little tooth
protruding from the roof

of my mouth, unseen
by all but me

inside it hangs
a secret fang

hidden by my smiles
my feminine wiles

reminding me
unbeknownst to you
that I can bite
draw blood
if I need to

Do I need to?

© 2025 Joan Zaruba. All rights reserved.
Inspired by reality, improved by metaphor.
Believe me, I was once vibrant and young,
Strong but lithe and slight of frame, and pretty.
Filled with love of life and with hope,
I felt nothing could match my strength,
And throughout much of my life, few things did.
There was this whole world that was for the taking!

I strove with gusto to grasp much knowledge.
And flitted like a butterfly amongst it at my will.
Trees and fields were my currency, and
I felt rich in nature, which surrounded me.
It was what I valued, wealth spent judiciously.

I renewed and burned through storehouses of energy.
I wrapped myself in cloaks of green, wore flowers
Like talismans, encircled charms about the head and neck.
And I walked carpets of wildflowers as my path.
Nature, treasured, is imprinted on my soul to this day.
It is where I long to be, here and now, aging.

To my beloved family, I ask, only this request:
When life is done, sprinkle me among the pecan orchards,
Which was my first school, filled with many teachers, where
I, in studious quietude, spent my formative years. Remember
What shapes a person carries a person forward in life, yet,
Time, which we cannot alter, has its way with us, after all.
the favorite dish
of dictators
to devour
until no peace is left
It's 3am

I'm on the phone
No one's awake and I'm alone

It's 3am

The radio's on
Songs are played on lonely station

It's 3am

I'm in my bed
My eyes are open and sleep has fled

It's 3am

I'm on the balcony
The sky is dark and just quite scary

It's 3am

Some windows have lights
Could they also not sleep tonight

It's 3am

I'm still awake
When will life ever give me a break
Insomniac nights are the worst. And it's been going on like this for quite awhile.
I long for a heart,
but not my own blackened stone.

I long for one that beats,
and pumps blood through a tender body.
One that can sync in time with mine,
and with the rhythm of the music in our ears.

One that can pound alongside mine,
and choose not to leave.
A heart that knows patience
and kindness.

I long for a heart that aches like mine,
in all of the right ways.
A heart that is full of love.

I long for a heart.
Your heart.
But not just your heart,
after all.

I long for you.
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