have grown into someone
im not proud of

hands on blood
my own,
spread with no use.

laugh, laugh all you want
murderous drops running in your veins
selfish,
don’t you wanna get your hands red too?

sitting over a tree
rambling about all you’ve gone through
as if pain needs reminding!!
selfish.
you’ve done all of that to yourself.
ACT LIKE IT WAS MY FAULT!

‘they gave me a gun, to stop being foolish’
‘foolish?’
serves you right

HATE, oh hate!
if you knew,
how you’ve made my head melt
in boredom
OH, I’ve been bored!


grab that gun of yours,
and crack my skull open,
i would like to feel the air inside me.

they will see this
and they will go on forever
forever
forever
whatever!

i had a friend
unmistakable gaze
blurry thoughts
your throat lingering with knots

oh, it all seemed like a dream
your kiss
how you told me it would all be
just,
just fine

i had a friend,
it’s 12:43
under a bridge
you weep

12:44
hold you,
gripping your wrists
‘i need to get out,’
‘get out of this prolonged dream,’
‘dream that if continues,’
‘it will take all away from us’

i have a friend
i am loved!
i am loved!

not like anyone,
not on the news
you’re special

shrunk in a corner
trembling hands
crying eyes
my whole life, shoved

i am loved
i am loved
i am loved
i am loved
i am loved
i am loved
i am loved
i am loved
i am loved
i am loved
i am loved
i am loved
i am loved
i am loved
i am loved
i am loved
i am loved
i am loved
i am loved
i am loved

how can i describe
the feeling of shame?
here, as someone
someone who feels

shame, hate
a chair far ahead

eyes locked on mine,
deep as the brine

disappointment
that’s what they feel.

you should do it again, though
its always good to feel the thrill
maybe someday
it might make you find the peace you wanted

between those pines..
these aren’t real!
but..
if you keep alive

you’ll make things worse

how can I describe
SHAME?

bathing in your own blood
skin peeling off your own hands

my love takes them
my love heals them
my love presses the wounds
my love
my love is the one who holds the knife

help me die,
sake of my LOVE!!!

CARVE THIS CIRCLE
CARVE THIS CIRCLE IN MY WRIST

CALL YOUR SPIRIT TO MINE
FLOW IN MY VEINS

TO BE YOURS,
YOURS TRULY!

…

carvings in skin last forever
carrying your affection
in my arms
my thighs
my wrists

jellyfishes wander through waves
oblivious to origin
or destination

their breath suffocating
as they meet death,

turn to the silent echoes
drifting through unknown tides
to a place
that doesn’t even welcome them

they linger,
mumbling silent promises
promises to watch sundown
where vision returns
where lungs remember air

jellyfishes,
drowned constellations
lost in the brine
encountered in the shore
unconscious,
always unconscious.

to touch one is to burn
their bodies blaze
too fiercely for flesh

death mistaken by silence.

god.
an only god
that’s has an only follower

the follower gives it everything
jewels, gold
too much,
to relieve them from the cold

moons rise,
suns fall.
the follower comes by noon
bringing company

‘my love, do not worry,’
the worshiper whispered;
‘for i know what god wants’

their partner smiled,
their hands holding gold

jewels,
all to relieve them
from this world

the god arrived
‘my disciple, to continue, you must to something for me,’
higher being, ethereal entity

‘wash your hands with the blood of my enemy‘

lover, dear lover
bathing my hands in your sweet blood
remorseful?

no.
for I know what god wants.