We have so much
We have eyes to see
The beauty of the world surrounds us
We have pain
We can't explain
The emptiness of being connected

And throw away worlds
Age
Or any reason
Anything at all
Is never enough

We have forgotten
We have hands to hold
And fingers to rip apart most everything
We have our hopes
And fears
We have no reason to be this way

Its a world
To throw away
Disposal of the highest order
No more changes
Only endings
No more
Only

And we may sleep
Without dreams
Tonight

Knowing all that is
Is all
That is
Never much worth having anyways

Just a throw away life
Tried to live
On a throw away world

When reason becomes unreasonable
I tear at the edge of the sky
And **** myself
To cancel my scars

Its so much bigger
So much
It is a massacre of the mind
And the way to reach the stars

My middling heart

I call your name

Knowing you could never save me

She is beautiful to me
There is an edge
Far above
The water
There is the water
Far below
An edge

Jump if no ones looking
No one knows
I give it my all
Give it my body

She is beautiful to me
The water is pure
Is innocent
The water
And my sinning self
May die happy
Drowning in her loving arms

There is an edge
There is an end
There is a truth
There is a peace

I jump when no ones looking
Still she cares
I give it my all
Give it my soul

She is beautiful to me

I spend as I can
While nothing in my hand
                Give me an out
It wasn't meant to be this way
It's cold most every day
                Give me an out
I starve if I must
In a life where not is just
                Give me an out
           Give me an out
      Give me relief
Give me some peace

I stand when I can
I fall on demand
              Give me an out
                         Save me from myself
              Give me an out
              Give me an out
              Give me an up
              Give me an out
I know what is right
I fail to keep the fight
              Give me an out
A reason
Anything

Lay down
With the summer slowly rising
And the sun finding horizon
It is only
That the seasons change too quickly

Rest your weary head
My love
Rest
And be assured
That I will love you
With veins that cause the rivers
When the drownings all in vain

Lay down
It was only the longest night
It was only the hardest fight
It is only
That these fleeting dreams escape you

Rest your weary head
My sweet
Rest
And know it true
That I will love you

Tooth of a dog
Sign of the ram
Forced to walk as I am
Broken
History

Cobblestone

No longer bleeding into gardens
Overflowing Rhododendron
I wish I were
Where the flowers bloom

Eye of the goat
Horn of the bull
Made to walk as I've become
Damaged
Future

Concrete

Finding parking lots and empty streets
Where I can bleed
I wish I were
Where the flowers bloom

Bitter imagination
I know the wheels on Mendicino avenue
The saint of the rose
Where she goes alone
Only hours behind where the sun goes to set
Grown so tired
And each irrelevant question
Interminable problem
Becomes a fear hard-cast in stone
And even the weightless
Is too heavy to bear
Life is a battle
The world spins rounds of ammunition
The man pains to bring peace
To that city far west of the place I stand

There are no flowers in the desert
Only fruitless land
Barren, dry
And beautiful

With my destruction
Once the boral terracotta
Sinks below the the rising sea

My roots have known
Long before the leaves
There is no sun left for me

And blonde is the only color I see
Not these black and starving nights
Not these screaming banshees white

Halfway inbetween
Cantilever bridge
When I want to turn back

My eyes have known
Only a little of the light
The morning brings

When I'm cured of my disease
I no longer need to fight
And blonde is the only color

Deny my blood
And I was only bleeding for you
Maybe in time
My heart not anachronistic

These seeds
Don't ever sew
Won't ever grow
Won't ever know
Be fine

Too locked in my own mind
To deal

...

And what of the past
A rich tapestry of multicolored denial
I don't know if I bled
But I feel like I did

These roots
That don't unfold
That don't take hold
Story untold
Be fine

Too trapped in my own design
To live

We wake up every morning and look to the west
Our ritual
Would that maybe the future be much brighter
Than the past
I don't know much more than supposed to be
I wouldn't
Dare to guess

I know the ocean is much deeper
I've seen beneath the surface
And drowning sailors
And ocean floors

We wake up in the morning and search for what's right
Nothing is
We only ever wait for the day the sun doesn't rise
May tomorrow
Fare the well

I know the seas that stand between us grow
And inbetween us only storms
And brutal squalls all raging
And ocean floors

I know I

I'm sure the stars creation
Held only a little of the feeling
We have
The stars no longer fleeting
We gave the stars their meaning
Here and now
Is everytime
And anytime is only what we make

And should those stars not shine tonight
Should they ever collide
Would they fall into black holes
Or simply collapse
We are
And all time is now

I'll be waiting for you
At the ends of time
And the edges of the universe

It once was darkness
Once was light
Its all your thoughts
Its always right
Its all gone wrong
In all ways right

And would those stars all shine tonight
Should they bring us light
Would a galaxy surround them
The stars that gave life
Give us music
And the song that plays forever

All time is now

I'll be waiting for you

The moon will be gone tomorrow
Will fold me over like the pleats on her dress
I could ask one million times to each star in her eyes
And never find an answer
The stars of the night lose their meaning

And the leaves in the forest know it too
Holding onto branches and changing color
They only rustle in the breeze of coldest night
But they don't feel
And the beams cannot help them see

Each ray of light
Is complete dissaray
I only know I felt you near me
In some distant song of memory
About how I lived my dream

And how nothing is as it seems

I want to come heavy
I want the weight of my world to land blissful
I want the dreams that I hold dear
To be caught between her brow
Her forehead

And age
We leave the age of reason
This world we know is growing old
I wasn't young

I wasn't perfect

I want to come perfect
I want the ending to be the beginning
I want the feeling that I give
To be stuck upon her brow
Her face

Her mind
Where its never the age of reason
And everything has its excuses
I wasn't young

I wasn't young

I hope she's happy
That she's hopeful
I've seen the way these demons play with her mind
With her weakness

I was once a pillar
In the desert
I can stand so strong forever
Alone
I could stand
And not the sands of time
Not the cruelty of the wind so hateful
Berating my own bare back
Not the sun
Not the hopelessness

I hope she knows
My hands grow weaker through the holding
My feet grow blistered from the journey
My mind grows weary
My legs may as well give out with my next step
I gave up long ago
But from the time I fought

I hope she's happy
And she's hopeful
That that sun that wants to shine
Will bring light into her life

I hope that she lets the next sun to rise
Be the one to mean her life

I have my own journey

And ill be a pillar
In a city
Forgotten about by time
The only solid truth amongst the ruins

Fingers dripping feeling from the ceiling
Hands from above rip me open
Sentry men all directions
And how I know it's no war to be won

Only hope may keep me alive

I only live in the spaces
Echoes deep resounding empty chambers
And I have found the loss of light
Been victim of ceaseless night

I would pray
But you don't hear me
I would stay as strong I can to keep you near me
I might fumble through the darkness
With broken branches all directions
Somehow I know

Only hope may keep me alive

And now the world is finding new seams which to tear from
It's cold as it is dark inside abandon
And faithless find the bottom is unending
And what is there to fill this empty chasm?

Only hope
Only hope may keep me alive

Cold is not
I find
The reason why
Its only poison
Always poison
Cold outside
Poison inside
And what would take my life?

A heartbeat in darkness
I know the way the rain can fall
And empty spaces
I know empty spaces

I know nothing at all
Go leap your bar
Go fill your jar
I know the silence

I could never steal the heat of the sun
To give you warmth
I could never cut the night apart
And bring you light

My feet are only carriage
And destinations never reached
And there is beauty in a soul
I never show you

Hasn't heaven crushed us under
Such joyful sounds can't get me high
Can't give me life
I know not anymore

I know you now
I know you know

There is not enough beauty in the world

And adding to it
Only takes it away
Dont take it away

I live on shorelines
You live in horizons
There is not enough beauty in the world

Tonight might last forever if we let it

Or tomorrow sun may rise

I would never
Say directly
A word
B word
F word
I just go off into the sunset
I know the sunset
Know it well
Know it isn't well
Know
The sun will set
And there is nothing we can do to stop it
F word

The sun is feeling lonely im sure
But im stuck on the dark side of the world

Poetry being
Being dead
It is not art that imitates life
It is life
That imitates the brain dead words
No wonder no ones heart can beat
The same way as before
No mind
The mainstream
Found its way to drown us all

You know who you are
But
I don't
Think that you know
Who you are
Its only what you're told
And feeling good feels good
So **** the cost
And **** the art

This life
Illusion
We wonder
We ponder
We chase the light that blinds us
We learn that everything is empty spaces
And nothing real
Is tangible
This life
Illusion
I search
I find
I was ordained in violent misunderstanding
I found that the only thing that could fill the empty spaces
Was nothing real
Nothing tangible
Nothing at all but god
For god is only just a concept
For what man should be
And if we lose it
We are lost

Everything I love
Becomes the roots underground
Become the leaves falling off of the limb
I watch a nightfall with no stars
And the face in the moon
Only frowns
Everything I love
Goes away

It isn't cold enough
But I am dead yet?
I find fire
My anger burns this forest to total ash
Because you couldn't see the forest for the trees
And you could never see outside yourself
Until I destroyed you

Everything I love
Goes away

It was only water
Its the river
The giver of life
Fast or slow
And anyways the waters going to flow
We can only float
But we will hopefully float
Fast or slow
As though we'll reach our destination
Or we can sink
Find our waterfalls
Be on the brink
We can drown
Never stop to think
Never until forever is the last blink
Of our eyes
Our water sees the skies
And time we only meet the ocean
We never reach the stars

My campaign
I am smart enough
To recognize
When a rose is not a rose
A rose is not a rose

The world is busy being in the night
Now
The pain
The disorder
I want to talk about light
My voice may waver
My words as fragile
As something that one shouldn't speak about
I think about hope
I speak about love
I should have never committed such thought to words

The grass and the root
End the teardrops
Dewdrops
I find simplicity
Poison came
And poison went
Poison never ended my life
It only hurt me
Found its way
Into my arteries
Found my willing all in vein
And tore me apart
I find simplicity
In my inability
To deal
With complexity

Madly beautiful
I should never have a thought
A stray cat in a parking lot
And this is the real world
While I live in dreams
That cannot be

I thought of you
When the fires of hell
Came blaring through my radio
As I drove to another place
I could never call home
You cannot be

Only your name
A song of blissful spring
I want to be an instrument
In an orchestra
I want to play a part
I cannot be

I haven't been
In a long time
I have a dream
That now escapes me
Nothing
New
Nothing as all it ever was

Happy
I haven't been
In a long time
I had a dream
And everything I do
Is meant to take that dream
From memory

I've grown
By dying
I've grown to like the taste of poison
On my lips

I haven't been
Happy
In a long time
To the point
I start to doubt
That I ever really was

I've died
As a consequence of finding
That that's the only thing
Life really has to offer

I'm still alive

Only barely

But tomorrow does bring a new day

No wing is not broken
For the bird who most needs to fly

It was
Never
About filling empty spaces
It was
Only
About finding places to belong

Let the dark day come
When he finds his wings
Can't deliver him

No river meets the ocean
For the big fish in the little pond

It was
Never
About leaving the comfort of home
It was
Only
About finding a place he could belong

Let the dark day come
When he finds the current
Can't deliver him

No poet is not troubled
No poet is not troubled
Let the dark day come
When he finds that art
Can't deliver him

No freeing me when im caught up
Not broken bones nor gelded wings
We've forgotten about a thing
And once flying high
We fall so far

Would you be there in the slaughter?
Could you be there when the demons raze?
And all I say is emptiness
And my mind turns low
Don't cry for me
As its time
And the only thing that shows
Are the lights won't glow
And no one knows

No saving me when im martyred
An unexpected consequence
Of living life and seeing light
what you believe in
And dying in ways unnoticed

Would you be there in the slaughter?
Could you be there when the sword cuts deep?
When all my blood is memory
As my heart turns stone
A complete unknown
Under skies
And the only thing that's real
Are these crumbling walls
And the pain we feel

I'll know your face
A life
away

I first would have to say
That im sure no one will listen
So im sure the first thing that I say
Won't matter
I first would have to say
That you are right
And have always been right
And this reality is a testament
To this

Be so stubborn

Because nothing can be perfect
But the antipode is life that we all know
And we all love it
Our comfort with it

Be so stubborn

Because all we know is all we're told
You know it all
You can't be wrong
You can't

Be so stubborn

Nothing
The way we see it
Particles
And tractor beams
In between the light years
I'm sure you'll find me there

When you cannot know my face
When the boundaries are broken
And we cut a little chase
Unlock your doors
There is no ending

Something
That we don't know yet
These words are song
These words are all right always wrong
And the only thing existing
Is the space we don't belong

When you find and always waiting
When the stars aren't going to show
And we shine a little light
To teach the darkness
There is no ending

I'll tell you this...
No eternal reward will forgive us now
For wasting the dawn.

Back in those days everything was simpler and more confused
One summer night, going to the pier
I ran into two young girls
The blonde one was called Freedom
The dark one, Enterprise
We talked and they told me this story
Now listen to this...
I'll tell you about Texas radio and the big beat
Soft driven, slow and mad
Like some new language
Reaching your head with the cold, sudden fury of a divine messenger
Let me tell you about heartache and the loss of god
Wandering, wandering in hopless night
Out here in the perimeter there are no stars

Out here we are ******
Immaculate.

The stars not in my sight
                Concrete
Doors are swung wide open but we may never swim
Hotel rooms
Never finding home
A tired job
And useless profession

The tides and misery currents
                 Concrete
The river of awareness that we may never seek
An ocean
That we may never swim
A diving board
And chlorenated water

Painting all the walls
In my
Room of every color
Hoping something sticks
But I
Stuck on what I hope for

Maybe another day
Maybe but I can't see
Maybe another way
Maybe that cannot be
When there's something in the way
And the spirits and the speakers
Something all in vein
And the spirit starts to leave me

I can't change the station
When the
Music becomes somber
Waiting on a song
But I
Cannot wait much longer

So destroy my yesterday
Affect all my tomorrow
A river only flows downhill
They say
And the sky is only filled with stars that don't have any answers

Vanilla icing
On the cake
I know you ate
On your birthday
When I found vacuums that obliterate
Me whole

My soul

I want you to be happy
And you don't care

Haven't these streets been flooded with blood for far too long?
That they can't predict my future
Haven't these parking lots been empty?
My dreams die in the worst way

I am not worried
What is there to worry?
My greatest fears are recent memory
And im still alive
Only barely
Still alive

My heart is beating

And as my heart is beating
It reminds me how you beat me
Its reminding me of you
Today's your birthday

Happy birthday

I still love you

I know you hurt me

I know you killed me

I didn't know of blood
Until you cut me
Crimson staining everything around me
And all my faith is gone
My hope is gone
And dreams that say tomorrow brings a dawn

Hell is a place
I know

I only learned of fire
Once you burnt me
My skin the embodiment of agony
As all my truths are gone
My love so wasted
And clouds are made to cover up the sun

Hell is a place
I've been there

I only feel the emptiness
Completely
Darkness finding every space around me
And all my light is drawn
To the abysmal void
I don't know how I'm meant to make it through the night

Hell is a place
That lasts forever

Entertain the masses
The *****
The coliseum of the gladiators
I only want to make you laugh
I only want to cry
This face to the world
This face too

Nothing
I'll have nothing and I'll smile
And dance and joke
And act a fool
A jester in the court of kings

Out on stage I make the day
In my dressing room
I cry

I would know
When her voice comes wailing through these bitter broken streets
The street lights are bleeding
Pleading forgiveness
May I never have another fear of the banshee
I may never
I only
When my lonely heart finds salvation in some bitter broken blue
Beating all the broken dreams to bed
I only go as far as my heart allows
And I dream it
When all questions go answered
Still I do
Even so much long and longer than my hopes gave up on you
Give no reservations
Give everything
And watch my fingers break
In some perilous forsaken dawn
The sun may always rise

Last Christmas
45 mph
Straight into a tree
A stabwound on my palm
Meant for my heart
And a miles long sojourn
Through the darkest of night
Last Christmas
The last thought on my mind
Was this
Christmas

Die
Into my
             Arms again
And be never the same
Im sorry
I am
Sorry
I am
Not

You are not before
I am not the same

I am nothing
That you decided I would be
Because
Be
Cause

Days can only end
And night
Weeks
So many gone
But time can never take away
How much I love you

I never quit loving you
I quit the fight
I am sorry
That you decided I should be
Be
Cause
Because

Die
Into my
        Dreams again
Be perfect
That never could be real

In loving tribute
My hands don't move as deftly through the mire
Through the flesh
The spirit
Eva
I hope the angels find a beautiful way to hold you

It must've been a dark day
Even the light we saw
Was somber hue
All the days are dark
But the soil and the leaves know love
That I have lost
Eva


It was only a memory
Of the hope of love inspired
It is all I can't forget
It is a song
A memorial
My lonesome tribute
To the way my hands have failed to hold you
To hold on

I hope the angels find a beautiful way to hold you

How deep is your world?
Mazes etched into hopeless surface
When we can never get up
Lakes of fire
Souls ensnared still screaming
We can never give up
The sound of the end is beautiful
But its only the end
Its only a sound

I do have hope
I just don't know for what

Only the end
Makes us look at the beginning
As the subtle yellow light
That kills the shadow
When we never could believe
The way the promises were broken
Because everything will grow
And nothing really dies

The sound of the end is music
The most glorious symphony
The most heartbreaking tones
Tragic and beautiful
And when the song ends
Its only the end

I do have hope
I'll never know why

Run
With the fullness of your dreams
Or
Live empty life
Die
With those dreams in your arms
And
      Live
              Forever
Live outside your head

Your head is shrinking
As the universe expands
And how could that be?

Imagination change
It can never be as strange as this
Lockdown in the attic
The basement
Even the echoes of the shadows
Show face

I've given up on you
I've forgotten how to italicize
I hope I got it right
I hope

I hope

(By the way, not a part of the poem,
Unless it is,
You decide,
You make bad decisions)

Now these ghost
Are living
Creature of doubt
In my living room
Show teeth

Eat
Eat
Eat
Eat
Eat
Eat
Eat
And never be satisfied

This backlit screen
Becomes host to my worst fear
I've given up on you
When you, gave up on me

There are deeper darks in the night
Most never see

Life: too much
I can only wonder
If I am drowning
Because the mainstream
Is too shallow

There are oceans
At least I'm sure
If I have never seen
There are oceans

Let my smile be a rifle
Let my hands become the sun
Let my feet become a carriage
Let my name become a song

Let my fame show now is gone
And is forever

Let my words

There are oceans

The night is frozen
ice beams shot at array
in all directions
from an unidentifiable
source, she is hunting
She is always hunting
She is always hungry

Me, in my own deprived
state have heard her call,
so heedless as I venture
to the field as willing
prey, She is hungry
She is always hungry
She is always hunting

I only wish
I knew what to say
In response
To the howl
Of the wolf

The hunger sated stomach
full as darkness fills
our uncompleted days
from an unidentifiable
source, she is hunting
She is always hunting
I bleed

I only wish
I can be so unforgiven
As my offer
From the gods
Unto the wolf

Someday my hands will hold different blue
I was already lost
I was always untrue
The sky painted eyes and the temporal fugue
The things that they saw
The way that they knew

Don't be a star away from my sight
Once no direction
No reason to fight
The scars that she wore and feathers she bore
The things that were real
The things I could feel

And the sky above me can change
Will this remain?
And the sky
The stars guide me home
And the sky above me can change
And the sky
The stars guide me home
Will this remain?

I only ever fear the morning never comes
I was always in darkness

I must feel
Must'nt we
Who have felt how numb
We can be
At such insistence of a world
Gone wrong

I know saint's
And sinners
Who act as though they're winner's
When they lose
At anytime and not know why
If it's real

Then here is forever
We never learned
We never tried
And the saddest part
The brightest
Have never seen why

Aren't we commited
To a path
When we see we can never get back
Such a sight
That can **** eternal soul

Such a life
Such a life.......

I watched

What is night
                                                       Form
I felt I only have two hands

A million questions

Borders
And no clear border

Is it my territory?

To always know what is right

I felt I only have two hands
And that it was not enough
To make the sun
Shine forever

This winter's cold
A knife in a hand
A sinister face
Crooked and strange
I see no stars within her eyes
No love from on her tongue
I watch the sunrise turn away
She's growing colder everyday

I witness

This winter's cold
Is battle pain
A war without meaning
An unwelcomed fate
Its been so long since I heard the song
Now the voice is gone forever
December silent dread
And the last words that she said
We're cruel and unforgiving