i had a friend once,
and she taught me
not to say "i love you too,"
because it sounds false and inauthentic,
and little white lies are worse than the cold, hard
truth.

i had a friend once,
and she taught me
that you don't have to do anything;
it's simply a matter of whether you should
or shouldn't.

i had a friend once,
and she lived in a small, boring town
with small boring people.

i had a friend once,
and she was not a small, boring person.

i had a friend once,
and she hated herself,
every last inch of her,
but she still always knew
how to make me smile.

i had a friend once,
and she would always reference books
or music
or movies,
because to her,
the real world just wasn't as appealing.

i had a friend once,
and i left her.

she stayed.

she waited.

i'm sure her hope wavered at times,
but she waited still.

and i came back,
only to leave again.

she didn't stick around this time, though.

so, you see,
i had a friend once,
and she taught me
to think deeply,
to live freely,
and to love truly.

i had a friend once.

she's gone now.

(a.m.)

Kissing you was like breathing air
Simple and natural
Easy and sweet

But I didn't want air
I craved a forest fire
I needed a tornado to rip through me

I wanted bruises and cuts
But I craved you
For you to be the eye of the storm

To be there as air
So when the winds died
I could still breathe

Because though I wanted heat
Fire dies without air
Just like me, without you.

Once, there was a boy, who played the guitar so well,
              he played love songs
And all of his friends would sing along,
              just because… he played so well
And he drew people alone and showed them to his friends,
And they would tell him how good he was,
               but needed improvements
And he’d nod with approval
And he stared at a girl at school from a distance
               but the girl wouldn’t look back
And he told his friends he had asthma,
               so all of them knew
               and everyone was there for him

One day, in an open field, he played the guitar again,
               he played songs about friendship
And almost all of his friends sang along,
               and he played really well
The next day, he drew alone again and showed it to his friends,
And his friends would say how he did improve,
               but needed more of it
And he’d nod with a smile
And he’d look at the girl at school from a distance
               but the girl was already looking at him
Occasionally, his breathing got harder,
               his friends would worry
               so he would be sent home earlier

In school, his friends sang on stage while he played the guitar,
               they sang a song about misery
And the audience would sing along,
               even though, they didn’t sing so well
And he drew other things and showed them to his friends,
And his friends would tell him he drew things better than people,
               and told him to draw more things
And he’d nod satisfied
And the girl he gazed from a distance fall in love with him
               so he asked her to be his girlfriend
He knew how to deal with his asthma
               so it’s not much of a problem
               even though they’re not always there

After graduation, he’d play the guitar alone sometimes,
               he played songs for his friends
And he’d imagine them sing along,
               and loved it even they didn’t sing so well
And he stopped drawing because there was no one to show them,
And no one would tell him what he should do next
               and he missed them
He was alone all the time
And his girl, like his friends, was also busy and they were rarely together
               he was more alone than ever
At seven o’clock in the morning, his asthma attacked,
               the worse kind, so he didn’t knew how to deal with it
               nobody was there to help him
And on his last breath,
               he was more alone than ever…

Do you hear me?
Come closer
Let the wind whisper something,
Something mournful
I'm paralyzed,
But I can still breathe and blink
"What do you see?"
Gleam, just light
The heat of the bullet,
The warmth in my head
The pain in my heart

Why it feels like frigid?
Am I holding something?
I can't remember anything

Few minutes left

Do you hear me?
Come closer
I have something to say
It's a part of my bucket list,
Yet I'm afraid anyway
More than death or quietus
Let the wind whisper something,
Something ballistic
I'm tired,
But still I want to fight
"What do you want?"
Calmness, Love and Silence
I want to sleep

Let my blood be the design,
To my unpainted affection
Before I accept my incautious decision

Few seconds left

Do you still hear me?
Come closer please
If the wind blows harder,
I want you to know that I'm shouting something
Something surreptitious
Get my gun out off my hand
Then get me a good pillow and a neat blanket
"What do you want to say?"
Goodnight my lo...

The moon shines a cool blue tonight
as we entwine our fingers, laying on the baseball field
beneath diamond heavens. We lie
in silence, in the moments when the Universe reveals
itself, and contemplate the distances between one celestial body to
another, the space between
us growing as I turn south
to find Orion while you seek Cassiopeia in the north.

Shooting stars cross the sky, and we wish separately on dead
stars and dead dreams, lights already grown red and extinguished
as we whisper in the dark, passing
between phases.

And in the end we're all left searching.

I'm not saying that I want to die.
Not right now, anyway.
But lately, I just want to sleep.
To sleep and never wake.
I'm so tired.
Tired of everything.

It was raining really hard,
I’m standing under an empty shed
And the sky wasn’t starred,
Seemed like all the lights were dead

You came under the umbrella,
With your face neither happy nor sad
I looked up hoping to see the Capella,
But still the sky seemed mad

Slowly, I glanced at you,
I caught you staring at me
Then the wind hardly blew,
The freezing rain fell free

Suddenly, the shower stopped
You smiled, I blushed
Overwhelmed, my gaze dropped,
And everything around hushed

Then lights started flickering,
I thought they were the stars
But no, they weren’t shimmering,
The fireflies were ours